by Kacey Shea
“Okay, enough pity party for this girl. Welcome to my home, aka affordable apartment for rent. It’s nice and homey inside. Come on.” I started walking toward the door and pulled out my keys to unlock it. “Let’s celebrate the return of the prodigal son with take-out and tequila!”
Jonathan followed me through the door and scrunched up his nose in disapproval. “Tequila? That’s all yours, QT. You got any beer in this fancy place of yours?”
I nodded as I led him through the apartment to my small kitchen. “Beer I can do.”
Thirty minutes later we were sitting on my couch with a huge spread of Chinese food and cold beer in hand. “So, last time we talked you weren’t sure what your plans were. Do you have work lined up or are you taking some time off?” I asked.
Jon took a pause from shoveling fried rice in his mouth to answer me. “Well, I have a few prospects for part time work, but nothing I’m really excited about. Do you remember Matt Greenhall from high school?”
“Was he the kid who used to suck his thumb when no one was looking?” I giggled.
“No, that was his little brother, Phillip. Matt was older than us by a few years. Anyway, he owns a bar downtown and said he would bring me in to work security on weekends. It’s nothing fancy, but it will give me some income while I figure my shit out, and will keep my weekdays free while I look for something better.” Jon paused and turned to me with a serious expression. “There is one thing I’d like to ask you, but before I do, promise me you’ll think it over before answering.” He took a deep breath before fixing me with an anxious expression, letting the silence stretch between us.
“What is it, Jon? You can ask me anything, you know that.” He was starting to worry me. I had no clue what he would say next.
“I want to get a place of my own eventually, but I still don’t know what my future holds. At least for the immediate future. And the thought of moving in with either of my parents is enough to make me re-enlist. So, I guess what I’m trying to ask is if I can move in with you.” At my smile and nod of agreement he quickly added, “It would only be for a few weeks, a month tops, and I would pay my fair share of rent. It would just be until I get my own place. I don’t want any charity, so please don’t agree if you are doing so because you feel sorry for me.”
“Don’t be ridiculous, Jon. You are one of my best friends. I consider you family, and family helps family out; it’s just what we do. Don’t for one moment think you are a charity case. I know you would do the same for me. You can stay here as long as you need. I have the spare room for you to use. It’s not super big and the futon isn’t very comfortable, but it’s yours for as long as you want.”
Jon stood from the couch and pulled me up from where I was sitting. He wrapped his strong and very muscular arms around me for a hug. I heard him mumble an emotional, “Thank you, QT. You’re the best,” as my front door swung open and Kate came barreling through, shouting.
“I just got your text and came as—”
I pulled away from Jon and Kate stopped, bug eyed and mouth wide open, as a shocked expression flashed across her face. She quickly schooled her features back to her happy, carefree self. I noticed she carried her bag in one arm and a giant, and I mean giant, bottle of tequila in her other hand.
“Hey Kate, it’s been a while . . .” Jon walked around the couch and offered her a slight wave. I walked over and gave my bestie a big hug and took the bottle from her hand. “Thank you for coming as soon as you could, Kate. It’s been a shitty day, but it’s ending much better than I thought it would.” I grinned at Jon. “Meet my new roomie!” Another shocked expression flashed across her face and then Kate scowled at me. “Oh my God, Evie. You could have just texted me that. I mean, seriously, I thought our 911 code was reserved for broken hearts and bad news!”
She followed me into my kitchen as I pulled out three shot glasses. “Oh, this guy’s visit was not why I texted.” I paused to pour and slide each of my friends their glass. “I was fired from my dumbass job today and have absolutely no fucking clue what I’m going to do with my life next.” She gasped, probably in shock at both my news and my uncharacteristic foul language.
I held up my glass and offered up my most positive thoughts. “So, let’s toast! To new beginnings and friends reunited!” The burn of the liquor faded down my throat as I tilted the small glass back. I smiled, a feeling of short lived contentment passing through me as I considered my two best friends, in the same room, together and sharing drinks again.
“Oh, God,” I moaned, and let my head fall into my hands. “I can’t believe I don’t have a job.” I heard the shot glasses being refilled and one being pushed to where I stood at the counter.
“Don’t worry, Evie. We’ve got you.” Kate smiled at me as I peeked through my hands. “Come on, chica. Let’s have fun tonight and celebrate your freedom from what really was a crappy job considering your level of intelligence, beauty, and potential. And let’s celebrate this sexy new roommate you acquired.” I opened my mouth in shock at her boldness. Kate winked at Jon, making him blush and I giggled a little. We tipped our glasses once again.
A grimace replaced Jonathan’s smile. “Why do I feel like I’m going to regret this?” He filled the glasses a third time. “I’m doing this against my better judgement.”
My life had taken an unexpected and unwelcome turn today but I felt surprisingly at peace, surrounded by two of my favorite people on this entire planet. I was sure the tequila had nothing to do with that feeling. Correction. The beautiful faces looking back at me started to blur in and out of focus. God, I was such a lightweight.
Kate tossed back her third drink. “Bottoms up, big boy. This isn’t high school anymore. Your girls are all grown up.” I just giggled.
“Yes, you certainly have,” Jon muttered as he gave us each a hard look before smiling and finishing his drink.
Jonathan pulled me into a side hug. “I’m out ladies. As much as I’d love to see what happens next, I’m entirely too tired to deal with this much estrogen right now.” He leaned down to whisper, “Thanks again, QT. You really are the best.” Then, he gave Kate what could only be described as a panty melting grin. “It’s really good to see you again, Kate. ‘Night.” He turned to walk down the hall and I caught Kate watching him leave the room.
“Hot damn, that’s a nice ass,” she whispered a little too loudly.
“I’ll take that as a compliment!” Jon yelled as the spare room door shut. Kate and I faced each other and burst into laughter. Kate proclaimed that we could not be sad about my job loss for the rest of the evening so we decided to spend the rest of the night watching re-runs of Grey’s Anatomy curled up on my couch until we both passed out.
“I’VE GOT YOUR FIRST CLIENT!” Kate announced, waving a sticky note as she waltzed up to the cozy booth where I sat nursing my coffee. I looked at her perfectly constructed outfit, the pink from her skirt perfectly matching her manicured nails and painted, smiling lips. I smiled as she took the seat across from me.
“What do you mean client? Do you have a job lead for me?” It had been just over two weeks since I’d been laid off, and I was starting to panic over the whole job hunt outlook. I had a decent severance, but my savings account was lower than I was comfortable with. I didn’t have too much in the way of expenses besides rent and student loans, but I had never been unemployed. Like, I’d always had a job from the time I was sixteen until now; earlier if you counted babysitting gigs. This idle time didn’t do anything for my nerves. While some people would probably relish the free time, I just spent that time worrying.
Kate sat across from me in the booth and leaned forward with a giant grin on her face. “No, silly, I have your first client. You know when we were talking at our last girls’ night about your super sleuthing skills and ability to weed out bad seeds from the dating mix? Well, it got me thinking . . . There are a lot of women, and men even, who would pay good money for that kind of investigative service. So . . .” She paused as our wa
iter stopped by the table and she ordered herself a tea. “Anyway, I started talking your new business up to my friends and people around the studio, and voilà! Your first client!” Kate handed me the contact info with a smug, accomplished look and clapped her hands.
My face must have looked every bit as confused as my head felt. “Kate! You can’t just advertise a business that doesn’t exist because you think it’s a good idea! I mean, what am I supposed to do now? This person expects me to contact her and I have no clue what I’m even doing!” Kate’s smile had quickly turned to a scowl that probably matched my own.
“Hold up, Evie. A nice ‘thank you best friend of mine’ for finding me a job would have been great. I guess I missed that.” I tried to reply but she continued on. “And you may not have paid experience, but your attention to detail and gut instinct about people are better than any private investigator I’ve ever met. I know you can do this, Evie. You’re too fucking talented to sit behind a desk as someone’s assistant!” Her enthusiasm and belief in me, however misguided, turned my anger to appreciation.
I shook my head with a laugh. “Kate, how many PIs do you even know?”
Her eyes lit up. “Oh, I know more than you think. Remember the photographer from our studio who was arrested for dealing coke a few years ago?” I nodded.
“Didn’t you date him a few times?”
“Date? Ah, no. We had some unbelievable sexy time, but we never dated. Anyway, the private investigator following him around—Rick, Randy, Robbie . . . I should remember his name. Anyway, we dated a few times. He had that angsty, troubled bad boy turned good vibe going on. Oh, and he was unbelievably talented with that tongue of his.” She looked away with a dreamy sigh and I had to laugh out loud.
“Oh my Lord, you are such a whore! If you weren’t my best friend I would have to hate you.” We both laughed as our server set down Kate’s drink with a shocked expression and scurried away.
“So promise me you’ll at least call this client back and hear her out. I kinda fibbed my way through a few of the details, but I mentioned you bill by the hour and require a five hundred dollar retainer. I told her you specialize in screening potential love interests, but also have experience catching men cheating on their wives and all that.” She grinned at me.
“Oh, that’s great. Thanks so much for starting off my budding career as an investigator with lying.” I shook my head at her ridiculous antics. “Okay, I will call her, but for God’s sakes, please stop lying and spreading my name around. I’m serious, Kate. What if it screws up a real job search I have going? Please just promise me you’ll stop?”
“Okay, okay! I get it, and I’m sorry. I never really thought about it that way.” She looked a little remorseful. That was good. I loved her, but Kate was spontaneous with everything she did. While that made her a blast, it was often exhausting to keep up. I swear, she lived in another world. One in which butterflies and unicorns danced the nights away. Somehow it really worked for her though. She was fun and loving, and once you knew her intentions were always in the right place, it was hard to dislike her.
“So, tell me, how are things with the roomie? Have you banged him yet?” Kate wiggled her eyebrows.
“What? No!” I choked and sputtered as I tried to swallow my last sip of coffee. “Jeez, Kate, you are so crass sometimes. You know it’s not like that with us.”
“Hmmm . . . Seemed to me you two were on your way to getting nice and cozy when I walked in your apartment the night of the infamous 911. I wouldn’t even blame you. I mean, you have kept in touch all these years and that man is smoking hot. H-O-T, holy hell fucking hot.” She giggled as I rolled my eyes.
“Yeah, he is attractive, but I don’t see him that way. I mean, he feels like the brother I never had, you know? But things are going really well; he is the perfect roommate. He’s been picking up shifts at that bar over on Seventh Street as a bouncer some evenings, and goes to the gym a lot. He cleans up after himself and even cooks, so really it’s nice to have the company, especially while I’m looking for work.”
Kate huffed. “Evie, gimme something more than that. Seriously. Hot guy roommate and my imagination is going wild. I’m picturing y’all going to the pool and he needs sunscreen, which you so graciously agree to rub him down with, or it’s bedtime and you can’t sleep so he tucks you in and reads you a bedtime story, preferable of the naughty variety. You see where I’m going with this?”
“Oh, okay, yeah I’ve got a story for you.” I start with a sly grin, “Last week after he was settled and all of his boxes finally came in, he asked me if I wanted to help him unpack. It happened to be really hot that day so we were both completely gross and sweaty from emptying boxes and moving furniture around. So, Jon asks me since we’re already gross if I want to join him for a quick run. I really haven’t done anything active since getting laid off, so I figured sure, why not. Well, we go running.”
I leaned forward conspiratorially and lowered my voice; Kate matched my posture with rapt attention. “We get back home, both dripping with sweat, and Jonathan says, ‘Do you want to use the shower first?’ I say ‘No, go ahead.’ I head into the kitchen and he heads into the bathroom. I hear the water turn on while I’m getting a glass of water. But I hear some strange noises coming out of the bathroom.”
I’m almost whispering now and Kate’s eyes are lit with excitement. “All of a sudden Jon yells at me from the shower, ‘Hey, Evie?’ so I walk closer to the bathroom door and answer him, ‘Yeah what’s up?’ and you’ll not believe what he asks me!” I pause to take a long drink from my mug and Kate is clearly frustrated at the timing of my break. She loudly hisses to me, “Oh my God, did he ask you to wash his back? Please tell me he volunteered to conserve water? Frickin’ A, tell me you saw his ass. I’m sure he has a spectacular ass!” I finish my coffee and set it to the side.
“Then he asks me, direct quote, ‘I’m out of soap. Can I borrow your body wash?’” I deadpan and then burst out laughing.
“Really, Evie!” Kate was sputtering. “Seriously, I can’t believe you did that to me. Do you even realize how excited you just made me? See, this is what I’m talking about. Enough with the practical. Evie, you need a little spice in your life. I’m serious about this private investigator gig, and I think you’d do a remarkable job. Please promise me you’ll at least call Stacey.”
“I promise, I promise!” I raised my hands in defeat and then crossed them in front of me. “Who is this person, anyway?”
Kate regained her excitement, “Okay, so here’s the dish. Stacey is a model who we work with from time to time. She’s loaded, like her parents own half of the commercial property in Old Town, and she was telling me how sick and tired she is of finding guys who only want to date her for her bank roll. Then she told me about this hot trainer at her gym who’s bringing the ladies, and men, into the gym in droves because he’s so gorgeous. So, that’s when I happily offered your services.” She grinned proudly.
Whether Kate knew it or not, she was already winning me over with this Stacey dilemma. How horrible would it be to date someone and wonder if they just wanted your money or access to your family? It was bad enough that as a woman you had to wonder if the guy was dating you just to get in your pants.
Yeah, I would help Stacey. I hated being dishonest with my experience, but really I had done quite a bit of pro bono work in this area. Maybe I was more qualified than I thought. Besides, if I got myself in a pickle, I always had Jon to help me out. After spending all that time with the Army, he had to have some top secret knowledge up his sleeve. This might be fun. Yeah, I could do this. What could possibly go wrong?
I came home that afternoon to find Jonathan sitting on the couch in the living room, staring intently at his laptop screen with his feet propped up on the small coffee table. He looked up as I plopped on the chair next to him. “Whatcha doing?”
“Nothing much. Just checking the classifieds and realizing how unqualified I am for any of these jobs. Totally depress
ing, I know. What’s up with you, QT?” He set down the laptop and stretched his arms over his head with a big yawn.
“Well, apparently Kate told some lady that I’m a personal investigator and now this person is expecting me to call her back.”
“What?” He looked utterly confused. “Why would she do that?”
“Well, this one night a few weeks ago Melissa was going on about how thorough a job I do cyber stalking potential suitors, and Kate took that idea and ran with it. Apparently, there are people out there who will pay good money for someone else to scope out their future love interests.” I shook my head in annoyance. “The bad thing is that I’m actually thinking about calling her. I mean, I have no job leads, and the least I can do is see if I can help her. I don’t know. That’s crazy right?”
Jon seemed to consider what I was asking before he picked up his laptop and started furiously typing away. Okay. I guess we were done talking. I went to stand when he barked a quick, “Wait.” I dropped back down and he finished typing, setting his computer to the side before answering.
“No, it’s not crazy. Let’s do it. You and me, Evie. Let’s be business partners as well as roommates.” I gawked at him. “What? I was expecting you to be the voice of reason here. We can’t just up and be PIs just because we say so. We can’t do that, can we?”
Jon laughed at me and smiled. “I actually have a contact over in Washington, DC who does PI work now, and his brother is a lawyer, so I just sent him an email. I’m sure they’ll have us legitimized and up and running by the end of the week. So, what do you say? Partners?” He held out his hand to shake mine. I had to laugh at this bizarre turn of events.