by T. Styles
He released her, and she dropped to the floor, knees slamming into the brown carpet. While she hacked for breath he walked up to me, kissed me on the cheek and walked into their marital bedroom.
I didn’t see him for the rest of the night.
****
I ate potatoes and onions all day while Jackie was in the bedroom getting dick.
There in the living room, sitting on the sofa, I stuffed my face and watched the door of their marital bedroom while I listened to her soft moans. My blood felt as if it were bubbling over and my temples throbbed. He was fucking her, and they were loud, and he could care less how I felt.
This was the first time he stayed in her room while I was awake. Normally he’d wait her out until she fell asleep, visit me in my room, fuck my brains out and then go back to her room after I was sound asleep. I guess this was his way of apologizing for choking her so hard she wore a red bruise around her throat like a necklace.
I was about to leave to go anywhere when there was a soft knock at the front door. Taking a deep breath I went to answer it, only to see Otis, Rufus’ best friend on the other side.
Otis was about Rufus’ age and so handsome it was hard to look at him. His father was Mexican and his mother was black, which made him look Indian. We didn’t talk much but when he did I couldn’t help smiling. I liked him most of the time but he only visited when he had an idea for trouble and needed Rufus’ help.
Working as a groundskeeper, and always coming over straight from work, he brought with him the musk of a man who’d been in the field all day, which I also loved. “Hey, beautiful, where Rufus?”
I pouted and walked toward the couch and flopped down, my arms crossed over my breasts. “In there… with his wife.”
“You act like you mad,” he said closing the door.
He stood in front of me and I could now smell him better. “Don’t play with me, Otis. I know that you are fully aware who I am.” I leaned back, trying my best to disappear within the cushions of the sofa.
“Cheer up, I got something for you.” He reached into his pocket. “I came to give it to Rufus but since he’s tied up he can catch me next go ‘round.” He removed a bag of light brown heroin and it dangled in front of me. “Want to get right?”
I frowned and pushed his hand away. “You know I don’t fuck around with that shit.”
His head dropped and he shook it softly. “How you with Rufus and don’t get high?”
I lowered my voice, remembering we were louder than we should be. What if Jackie heard us? “You got to ask him that.”
He reached into his other pocket and removed a small paper bag. “What about this?” When he pulled a bottle out I saw it was E&J brandy. “Better?”
I smiled. “Yeah, we can start there.”
For the next hour Otis and me got pissy drunk. I was doing my best to pretend like I was having the time of my life, hoping that Rufus would come out and get insanely jealous, but he never did. After awhile I could no longer hear Rufus and Jackie, even though I’m sure he was still fucking her. He could go all night and often I had to tap out because I couldn’t hang.
Anyway I don’t know why it happened, maybe it was the Temptations and Marvin Gaye albums we kept playing, but before I knew it I was sitting on the kitchen sink, legs open as Otis sucked my pussy.
He was good at it too.
So good that I planted one foot on his right shoulder blade and the other on his left. I was in awe as his pink tongue nestled in my asshole; slowly crawling it’s way toward the opening of my pussy. Twirling around for a moment he seemed to trip on my clit and that’s when he applied pressure. He was sucking, flipping and kissing it so good, I grabbed the back of his head and mashed his face into my sweetness.
And then I said it.
“I want some dick,” I whispered.
He jumped up before I had a moment to change my mind and before I knew it I was stuffed, as he gripped the back of my head, nestling my face in the pit of his shoulder blade. He was warm and big and at first I didn’t think I could take him but he juiced me up moments earlier. Allowing him to slide inside without a problem. Anyway it was too late because suddenly there was a stream of warm liquid oozing from between my legs.
He had cum inside of me.
That quick.
I didn’t even get mine off!
He slipped out of me and looked toward Rufus and Jackie’s door and it was still closed. His teeth were clenched as he said, “Why you make me do this to my friend, woman?”
Wait, was he blaming me? “You playing right? I didn’t make you do anything.”
“This not a joke.” He was serious and I wanted to laugh in his face. “You ain’t nothing but a jezebel trying to come in between two friends.” He zipped up his pants and walked toward the living room.
Embarrassed I hopped off the sink and followed just so I could lock the door, go to my room and cry my eyes out. Before leaving he turned around and looked me in the eyes. “If you tell him about this I’ma kill you,” he whispered. “That nigga is crazy and if I have to I’ll take the life out of your body myself.” He clenched his fists and shook them in my face. “With my bare hands.”
CHAPTER FIVE
BERNICE
A few days later we were walking down the street and I still felt guilty for doing Otis in the kitchen. I’d been living with Rufus for two months, while he kept me in a bedroom no bigger than a walk in closet. He fucked his old lady and me as much as he desired and I never said a thing. So why did I feel like the whore? And why was I still dreaming of Otis?
“Rufus, I’m not sure if I can do this anymore.” I looked over at him as we passed a cute black couple. She was wearing a yellow mod skirt and white go-go boots and her man was dressed in blue bell-bottom jeans.
They looked happy while we were miserable.
“You must’ve talked to your mother.”
I frowned, not understanding what she had to do with anything. “I talked to her yesterday, on my birthday. But it has nothing to do with us.”
He stopped walking and looked surprised. “You turned 18 already?”
I frowned. “You don’t remember me reminding you? And you telling me it was just another day when I cried because my mother told me to fuck off. Because she’s still mad I left my father alone when I came back to you.”
He waved me off. “Later for all that. I wanted to talk to you about something else. He grabbed my hand and pulled me toward him, like I was a kid who didn’t know how to walk down the street alone. “She's getting suspicious.” He dropped is arm around my neck like a weight as we moved down the block, toward a park. It felt heavy, like he was bearing all of his weight on purpose.
“Don’t know how she could, you do what you want when you want. I hardly see you.” My heart felt like it was shrinking as I realized if I stayed with him my life would get worse. I had to find a way out.
“Listen at you,” he laughed.
“I’m serious, Rufus. What am I doing in her house if you not making future plans with me? Seems like you having everything you want at once.”
“That’s how it should be. I’m a man and you don’t get to say how things go down in this relationship. And the moment you think you do I will be forced to straighten you out. And trust me.” He grinned widely. “You don’t want that.”
I stepped away and he yanked me back, throwing his arm around my shoulder again as we moved toward a trail within the park. Rufus’s moods shifted so much that it was hard to know when to avoid him. But I also realized I was tired of trying to figure him. So my only plan was to get a job, move and go my own way.
The bouts of him sitting in the corner staring at the wall had also increased and he grew creepier. Over time Jackie and me learned to just leave him alone, knowing he’d be back to himself in a few hours. When I asked her was he like this always she said, “You his cousin, shouldn’t you already know?”
I never asked her again.
One of the reasons
I called home on my birthday was one, so that I could see if my mother was still mad at me, which she was, and two, to see if I had a chance of coming home, which I didn’t. So for now, even though he scared me I was stuck.
“All I know is we got to be careful, Bernice. Do a little more to get to know her.”
My neck started to throb and I wiggled a little so he could get off of me but he didn’t budge. “You know, maybe we shouldn’t fuck no more. It’s her pad and since I’m causing strife I’m good with falling back a little.”
“You mean as in if I break your jaw fall back?” He seemed alert as he waited for my response, but I didn’t give him one.
Instead I swallowed the lump in my throat.
“Falling back ain’t no option, Berny. I’m fucking you when and how I want. I’m just suggesting that you play nicer with her, that’s all.” Suddenly he pushed me in the grass and threw his body on top of me. “Let me feel that pussy right quick.”
I tried to wiggle from up under him and at the same time understand what was going on. He was worse than moody, he was insane. “Rufus, I’m not going to do this out here! Get off of me, please!”
“Shut up, you like it like this.” I heard the zipper of his pants go down as he pushed my thighs apart. His eyes were wild and he looked like the same man on the bus when I first met him. My mother always said I saw what I wanted when I met a man, and now I understood she was right.
He ripped my panties and spread my vagina lips apart, scratching at my inner walls. “Rufus, please stop! I’m begging you.” I didn’t want to face it but things were clear, he was about to rape me. He plunged his penis inside of me and his wet lips sat against my earlobe. I thought he was going to bite me. His heavy breaths sounded repulsive and he said a few words that I couldn’t make out.
“Damn…this pussy is just right,” He moaned.
The more weight he bared down on me the harder it was to breathe. “Rufus, you’re hurting—”
In mid conversation a bee floated in my face, flew into my mouth and stung me on the inside of my left cheek. “It stung me! It fucking stung me! Help!” Since I’m allergic to bees, I must’ve gotten super human strength because I finally managed to push him off.
I got a few steps away when I felt my throat closing.
And then I couldn’t breathe, falling face first to the ground.
****
When I woke up I was lying in the hospital bed and the first nigga I saw was the rapist. He was leaning against the wall, arms crossed tightly over his chest like he was wearing a straight jacket. “You know you pregnant right?” He scratched his chocolate baldhead.
Since I knew I just fucked Otis I was relieved that it couldn’t be his. “I don’t feel pregnant.” I placed my hand on my belly and closed my eyes, trying to sense the life inside of me. When I reopened them he was in my face, hot breath slapping me against the forehead.
“Bitch, I’m telling you what the honkey doctor just told me!” He pointed toward the door. “I’m too young to be having a kid.”
“Well I don’t believe them, I think it’s a mistake.” My voice was low.
“Don’t be jiving me, Bernice!” He held his elbows wide from his body and his chest thrust outward. “I don’t like being fucked with.”
I sat up in the bed, trying to think of what to say that wouldn’t piss him off. I heard about people being pregnant before and all of them had morning sickness. A few girls on my block had to be hospitalized because they were so bad. It didn’t make much sense to me because I couldn’t feel no baby in my belly. “Rufus, if I’m pregnant, if it’s true, it ain’t just my fault. I didn’t fuck myself.”
“Don’t matter if you did or didn’t. Why you don’t know how to drop the nut out? Bitches who don’t want kids drop the nut, so they can’t get pregnant. You should’ve done the same thing.”
Drop the nut? What was he talking about?
His chin rose high and I could see clear into his nostrils. “I can’t have no children, Bernice. It’s important for you to understand this.”
I scratched my scalp, still confused by the rape in the park and now this. It was too much. “At the diner, weren’t you the one who said I would have your child?”
“I don’t know what you talking about, all I know is you can’t have no kids by me. My wife would kill me.”
Now she’s your wife.
The more I looked at him the more I agreed. Any children born of this fool was bound to be psycho. “You’re right, we can’t have a baby, now what? Because the last thing I remember was almost dying from a bee sting while you tried to rape me. This is the last thing I need right now.”
He rolled up the sleeves to his shirt. “You can’t rape what belongs to you.” I’m convinced this man is bananas. “Don’t worry about nothing.” He smiled awkwardly. “I know a woman who can get it out for $250.00. I’m gonna get the money, you just get ready, ‘cause I hear it’s the most painful thing you’ll ever experience.”
****
Later that day, after being discharged from the hospital, I was sitting in the waiting room waiting on Rufus to pick me up. I guess he would use his feet since he didn’t have a car and Jackie was at work. All I know was he told me to stay put or we would fight.
I thought about the baby in my stomach, and although I never considered having a kid of my own, I was feeling resentment that he wanted me to throw it away like trash. But I didn’t have a place to go and I was slowed up enough as is having to take care of myself. A baby wouldn’t fit into my plans.
Holding the purse Rufus lifted off some woman the day the dogs got after him, I patiently waited for him to arrive. One hour turned into two, and after awhile I’d been there so long people were starting to look at me strangely.
I drifted off into a soft sleep when Jackie popped up, face tight with attitude as usual. One side of her hair was braided and the other wasn’t, which meant there was trouble in the Miller family again. “I heard you needed a ride.”
I was confused. How did she know I was here? Did she know about my baby too? I stood up. “Yeah…I was waiting on Rufus.”
“Well you gonna be waiting a long time for that nigga,” she said with an attitude and a long eye roll. “They nabbed him for stealing that white woman’s purse you holding.”
I felt flushed.
I looked at the floor, trying to stop the dizziness. “So…what’s gonna happen?”
“What’s gonna happen is that his ass is gonna do five years, if not more.” She paused. “These whities not playing with niggas out here. Even one that’s bipolar like my husband.” She shook her head and it was news to me that he had a mental illness even though it explained everything.
“This is so…so crazy.” I scratched my bushy hair.
With lowered brows she said, “Rufus told me you were here from an allergic reaction to a bee sting.” She paused and looked dead into my eyes. “Ain’t nothing else going on is it? Because you can be homeless now, and if I even think something else is up I’m throwing you out on the street! You got that, cousin?”
CHAPTER SIX
BERNICE
I’m in the bed; a month after Rufus was locked up for robbery, wondering why I’m still living in this woman’s house. She hasn’t said anything foul, but her silence makes me just as uncomfortable. Each day, the baby inside of me grows and I know soon I’ll have to explain.
And when I do where will I go?
I didn’t go to the hearing but Jackie said Rufus was given a harsh sentence. The judge who presided over his case said he was tired of seeing his name on his dockets and it was time to make him pay. That if Rufus wanted to be in jail he would finally fulfill his wishes and give him ten, with the possibility of parole.
When I turned over in bed, I glanced at the clock. It’s 1:00 am and I hear soft sniffling outside of my bedroom. In the past Jackie cried herself to sleep but it was once a week. Now it seemed like every night.
Bored with myself I sat on t
he side of the bed, planted my toes in the shag carpet and stood up. With a hand on my small belly I exhaled deeply and walked out of the room.
At first I was going to the kitchen, maybe to get a drink but for some reason I felt magnetized to her room, surprising myself when I knocked on the door. “Jackie,” I said softly, my forehead against the cool wooden door like a lover who had been thrown out. “Are you okay?”
Silence.
“Please…come…come inside.”
I opened the door, preparing to walk back out when I saw that she was lying in a t-shirt on her side, no panties. Her gaze was in the opposite direction. Her hair, which is normally kept in long cornrows running down her back, are still unraveled on one side, falling into crinkly cascades.
“Are you okay?” I rubbed my belly again and stopped when I realized I wasn’t supposed to be pregnant, and definitely not by her husband. “Can I get you anything? Something to eat or drink?”
“This is going to sound weird,” she said softly, rolling over, her sad eyes looking my way for help. “But can you hold me?”
Before I know it I’m in the bed, my body behind hers with my hand on her warm thigh. I think I needed this more than she did, which is why I moved so quickly. Sometimes the touch of another is better than medicine. Here we were, two women whose lives were torn apart by the same man. “I’m sorry, Jackie, about all of this.”
“It’s not your fault,” she sighed. “I’ve known him all of my life. Got with him after high school and we’ve been together ever since. And I know he’s selfish, and leaves me for months at a time, but I was always comforted knowing that if I just held on he would return.” Her body trembled as she cried a little harder. “I’ve never been with another man in my life.”
I didn’t believe her.
But before Otis I could say the same, and now I feel worse about being here. Maybe Jackie was cool and didn’t deserve to get hurt, definitely not by the other woman. “Do you think he gonna do the whole ten?”