by J. Sterling
Walking into the kitchen, I reached for a vase and shoved the roses into it. I figured I’d deal with them later—cut the stems at an angle and trim the extra foliage, like my mom had taught me once before she died. When I turned around, Jared was right behind me, his body hovering as his arms wrapped around my middle and pulled me tight.
They were the wrong arms, and even though I knew them by heart, I struggled to get out of his grip.
“Hey, what’s the matter?” he said as he set me free.
“Nothing. I just …” I hesitated, and it was in that second of silence that he continued.
“Danika, I really am sorry for how I’ve been lately. I’ve been a jerk, and you deserve better.” He leaned his weight against the counter, watching me.
I stood there, staring back, wondering what the hell the right thing to do was. Before he had walked through the door, I had worked up the courage to tell him that I thought we needed a break. But now, with all of his self-awareness and declarations, I wasn’t sure that I could.
“Why’d you call me over here tonight? What did you want to talk about?” He actually sounded nervous, and I knew in that instant that he knew what I had planned on doing. “Danika?”
I swallowed hard before letting the words spill out, “I was going to tell you that we needed some time apart.”
He instantly pushed away from the counter and reached for me. “No. Don’t do this. We’ve been through too much together to just throw it away because we hit a rough patch.”
“I know we have, but—”
He cut me off, “No buts. I’ve been a shit boyfriend, okay? It’s all on me. I’ll fix it. I’ll fix us. Don’t give up on us yet.”
My eyes burned as I held back the tears. I felt like I was being torn in two. I wanted the break, but I owed Jared a chance to make things right, didn’t I?
“We can be great again, Danika. I promise,” he said as he stroked his fingers through my hair.
Jared said all the right things, but my stomach twisted in response. I knew in my gut that staying together wasn’t what I really wanted, but I couldn’t force my mouth to open and say the words.
“The jealousy has to stop. You were crazy with Chance the other day, and I was so embarrassed.” I pulled away to look at him.
His jaw clenched. “I know.” He breathed in and out three times before admitting, “I just love you so much that I get scared sometimes.”
Jared wasn’t the type of guy to open up emotionally and be vulnerable, no matter how hard I pushed, so hearing him talk like this was a little disarming.
“Scared of what?”
“Scared of losing you. I can’t imagine life without you. We have so many plans,” he said, zeroing in on the one thing that I wished we’d never talked about.
“I know we do,” I said as my guilt soared. I wanted to say the words Chance had said to me out loud, but I lacked the strength.
“Just not yet, okay? Give me one more chance to make things right. I still want to be with you. I want the future we’ve always dreamed of having,” he pleaded.
Even though I wanted to, I couldn’t tell him no. He deserved more than that, and I found myself agreeing to his request, more out of obligation and guilt than anything else.
I wondered for a brief moment how disappointed my mom would be before I let Jared lead me into the bedroom.
Tried to Break Up
Chance
Things with Danika had gone from whatever the hell we had been to practically nonexistent. I’d done my best to put her out of my mind, but that never fucking worked. It hadn’t worked since the first day I saw her, dressed in all black, full of attitude and that New York fire. I was a lost cause when it came to her. Especially after she told me that the spark between us wasn’t just in my head. Her confirmation had damn near killed me, but I would take that torment any day of the week over the pain of not knowing.
She’d taken our tutoring meetings down to once a week, and it was absolute torture, going six days without seeing her face. Then again, it was absolute torture on the day I had to see her as well. I was a walking contradiction.
Why did no one warn me that having feelings for someone was such a fucking nightmare? Life had been so much easier before I fell for the one girl I couldn’t have.
Feeling sorry for myself, I strolled through campus toward my upcoming class when I heard my name being called from somewhere behind me. I turned around to see a bouncy blonde speed-walking in my direction.
“Hi,” she said once she reached me, sounding a little out of breath.
“Hiii,” I drew out the word, a little unsure of who I was looking at before it all clicked. “You’re Danika’s friend right?”
How I’d pulled that information out of my memory bank, I’d never know, but her smile told me I was correct.
“Her roommate actually. And how’d you know that?”
“Would you be pissed if I said I remember you making out with Mac at our party?” I asked with a slight wince, and she laughed.
“Not even a little bit.” She acted more proud than anything else about her make-out session with Mac, and that alone relaxed me.
“Cool. So, what’s up?”
“I’m Sunny by the way,” she reached out her hand and I shook it.
“Nice to meet you officially. I’m Chance,” I said and she cracked up like I was the funniest person on the planet.
“Listen. Danika would kill me if she knew I was telling you this,” she started to say, and I leaned in closer, my entire body begging to hear whatever was about to come out of her mouth next. “But I just …” She stalled before adding, “I just thought you should know.”
“Sunny, you’re killing me here. Know what?”
“She tried to break up with Jared last night.”
I stumbled back a few steps, as if her words had physically forced me to. “What? She did? Wait, what happened?”
“Like I said, she tried, but he talked her out of it,” Sunny snarled.
And the small sliver of hope that had popped up out of nowhere inside of me exploded into a million pieces before I could even think about latching on to it.
“You don’t like him.” It was more of an observation than a question, and I wasn’t sure which surprised me more—Danika trying to dump the guy or the fact that her roommate didn’t like him.
“I hate him,” she said emphatically and with a frown that didn’t match her otherwise cheerful demeanor.
“So, why are you telling me this? If she didn’t actually break up with him, then nothing’s changed.” I found myself getting agitated and annoyed at the information. It wasn’t really helpful.
She shifted her weight from side to side. “I know, technically, nothing’s changed. But this is the first time she’s ever tried to break up with him. It’s the first time she’s ever wanted to, Chance.”
“I think he’s using her.” The statement stumbled from my brain and out of my mouth before I could stop it.
“Using her? For what?” Sunny asked, but the way she said it made me question myself and my read on the conversation I’d had with Jared in the commissary.
“Her dad’s money?” I fumbled over my accusation.
“Why would you think that?”
“It was just something he said to me.” I blew out a breath. “I can tell by the look on your face that I’m obviously wrong.”
“It’s just that Jared’s family has their own money. I mean, it’s not Marchetti kind of money, but still. Did you tell Danika?” She looked up at me, her blue eyes narrowing.
“No.”
“Why not?” Her expression twisted and I suddenly felt like everything I was saying was the wrong thing.
“What am I supposed to say? I’m not trying to be the reason she leaves the guy. If they break up, I don’t want it to be about me or because of something I said to her.”
Sunny nodded her head before looking down at the watch on her wrist. “I get that. But just so you know, she lik
es you. She just doesn’t think she’s allowed to. Everything with Jared is…complicated. Look, I’m sorry, but I gotta go.”
“Thanks for the info. I appreciate it.”
She sped away as quickly as she’d arrived, leaving me alone without even glancing back.
I felt like I was walking on air as I headed toward my building, convinced that nothing could get me down until my eyes scanned the campus and landed right on her. Danika was up ahead in the distance, near my building. But she wasn’t alone. Jared was at her side, his arm wrapped around her as they laughed at something.
She didn’t look at all like someone who wanted out of her relationship. As a matter of fact, she looked like the exact opposite. I had to stop myself from throwing my fist through a wall as I kicked at the ground and sent bits of dirt and rocks flying everywhere.
Danika turned her head toward where I currently stood, sulking, and even though we were still far enough away from one another, I knew the second her eyes landed on mine. Her body language shifted in that instant, and she actually seemed uncomfortable. I took it as a sign and sucked in my pride and walked straight at them. She saw me coming and locked her hazel eyes on to mine until I was mere feet away.
“Oh, hey, Chance,” Danika said, her voice soft and surprised at my arrival.
“Hey.” I tried to sound like seeing her with him didn’t rip my guts out.
Jared gave me a head nod. “Bro,” he started.
My entire body cringed. I wasn’t this dude’s fucking bro.
“Sorry about the other day. I was out of line. It won’t happen again.” His tone was convincing enough even though I could tell that he was full of shit and only saying it for Danika’s benefit. He didn’t mean a damn word.
When he extended his hand toward me, I stared at it a beat, wanting to break it instead of shake it. I stared at Danika, who clearly appreciated her boyfriend’s bullshit gesture, and then I took his hand in mine and gripped it hard.
“It’s all good,” I lied and watched as he pulled her closer to him, kissing her cheek and then her mouth for my benefit.
His eyes stayed open and on me while he played the doting boyfriend. He knew exactly what he was doing, putting on a show for her, tormenting me.
“We were just about to grab some coffee. Do you want to come?” Jared asked.
Danika looked at him, then at me, and back again, her eyes wild.
“I gotta get to class,” I said, and she grew visibly relieved.
Even though she was buying into the act her boyfriend dished out, being around both of us at the same time was making her uncomfortable, and I didn’t like the way that made me feel.
“See you around,” he said before pulling her away with little effort.
Danika gave me one last glance before leaving with him. I stood there for a minute, lost in my own head and all twisted up with the knowledge that Sunny had just dropped on me earlier. Danika had wanted out. Jared had convinced her to stay. He had her so well played, and she couldn’t even see it. And I refused to be the one to tell her.
It went against everything I believed in to stay quiet and to play backup. As unnatural as it felt for me to sit back and wait, I knew it was the right thing to do. Being passive when it came to something I wanted had never been my strong suit, but fuck, I had no real experience when it came to long-term relationships. And like I’d said before, I’d learned my lesson about getting involved in other people’s business the hard way. No matter how I felt about Danika or how badly I wanted to be with her, I couldn’t do shit about it. If she was going to end things, she needed to do it on her own terms.
The second her relationship status changed, I would make that girl mine. But for now, I knew that I had to let her go and hope she’d eventually find her way to me. No matter how much it hurt to watch her walk away with him, I had to let her do it.
Grade Check
Danika
Aside from the one day a week I had scheduled with Chance, I never saw him. That day on campus when I was with Jared had been a fluke or something because I hadn’t seen Chance walking around or in the commissary since. I’d been tempted on more than one occasion to text him, but I stopped myself every time, determined not to send him mixed signals, no matter how mixed up my own heart felt.
Jared had been the model boyfriend, doing and saying all the right things. I could tell that he was trying so hard to make things right between us, but it all felt like too little, too late from my perspective. No matter what he did, I found myself wishing he wasn’t doing it. The more he pushed, the more I felt pushed away. It was totally messed up, but it was the truth. We were still together, but I sensed that it wouldn’t be long before that changed. I couldn’t keep doing this to him, pretending like we were okay when we were anything but.
I got to our tutoring session first, making my way into the office and attempting to get comfortable before Chance arrived. I scanned the area like a hawk, spotting him before he saw me. I noticed the way other girls reacted to him, their heads craning in his direction, phones up to sneak pics as they whispered to their friends. Chance gave it zero attention as he walked through the library, his eyes on the phone in his hand.
I looked forward to this singular day all week. And then dreaded the second it ended. God, I was so messed up.
“Hey,” I said as the door pushed open, and he sauntered inside. It took everything in me to stay seated instead of standing up to greet him with a hug.
“Hey yourself.”
I knew that he missed seeing me as much as I missed seeing him, and I should have hated myself for how good that made me feel.
“Has the professor updated your grade yet?”
“Not yet, but I keep hitting refresh,” he said as he moved to sit down in the chair next to mine instead of our usual as far apart as possible routine.
We were waiting on his math grade to reflect his latest test results. Once we had that information, we could formulate a plan of attack for his final.
“How do you think you did?”
“Passed, but not sure by how much,” he said, sounding a little less than confident.
“You’ve passed every other test this semester so far, so I’m sure you did better than you think,” I attempted to reassure him.
“This one was harder though,” he added, his green eyes sparkling under the fluorescent lights.
“I know, but hey, you’re almost done.” I smiled because this semester would be over in a few weeks. I’d go home to New York for break, and Chance would stay here.
He pressed a few buttons on his phone, and his face lit up. “It refreshed.”
“And? What does it say?”
“C-plus.” He grinned like he’d never been prouder, and it amazed me how excited he was for such an average grade. “Why are you looking at me like that?” he asked, his dimple in full effect. “I am totally passing this class!”
“Don’t you want to get an A? Or at least a B?” I teased, and his smile turned into a full-fledged smirk.
“No. I just wanted to pass. And now, no matter what, I will. I’m eligible to play this year, and it’s all because of you.” He threw a fist in the air in triumph, his happiness infectious.
At this point, even if Chance failed his final, he’d still get a C in the class overall, which qualified as a passing grade.
“You did all the work.”
“Yeah, but you made it easy to understand.”
“I’m just glad I could help.” I sucked in a breath and put my thoughts in order. “You don’t need me anymore. Class is almost done, and like you said, you’ll pass, no matter what now.”
“What are you saying?” His smile dropped instantly.
“That we should probably stop the sessions altogether,” I suggested, swallowing around the lump in my throat.
“If that’s what you want,” he said before adding, “But it’s not what I want. Just so we’re clear.”
“I know. That’s why we need to.”
&nbs
p; He seemed conflicted, like he was stopping himself from saying whatever it was that he was thinking. Chance closed the space between us as he stood up, reached for my hand, and pulled me to my feet. He wrapped me in his arms and spun me around. I got dizzy from the contact, not from the spinning.
Just as quickly as it had begun, the spinning ceased. He put me down, but we were still standing close, our toes touching, and his eyes focused on my lips. I watched them intensely, wondering if he would dare cross that line in public, knowing instinctively that he wouldn’t. Chance Carter was too composed, too in control.
“Let’s go celebrate at The Bar,” he suggested, and his breath fanned over me.
I felt myself stumble over my emotions. “Chance.”
“I know, but listen, we’re done tutoring for the semester. I’m passing the class, no matter what. That’s a win in my book. We deserve to celebrate, don’t you think?”
I hesitated for only a second, my better judgment creeping in before I slapped her back. “Let’s go.”
“Really?”
“Leave with me before I change my mind, Carter,” I played and watched as he grinned.
“Carter, huh?”
“I could have called you Hotshot.”
“Haven’t heard that one in a while, Little Spitfire,” he flirted.
And I knew that being alone with him and drinking would be a potentially explosive combination, but for whatever reason, I felt like playing with fire.
Chance pulled into the parking lot of The Bar, the local hangout for most of the students at Fullton State. I got momentarily nervous and questioned my decision before Chance called me out on it.
“Nervous?” he asked, and I let out a shaky breath before unbuckling my seat belt.
“A little bit,” I admitted.
“About what? Seeing someone you know? Running into your boyfriend?”