by Nicety
“She’s your sister too, Diamond.”
“Yeah, but only by blood. Fuck that ho. The sooner you start thinking like that, the better off you’ll be, be, be.”
**
I drifted out of my daze, wishing I could erase everything bad that happened to me in the past. All I could think about was my sisters and their rivalry, coupled with the morning sickness that plagued me ever since I found out I was pregnant. My body trembled heavily as I lay there staring up into the bright light.
I could feel my pupils dilate as the faint feeling of nausea overcame me. I thought I was dying. I should have been dead. What I was feeling, felt like death. I could hear voices, hazily telling me to calm down and relax my muscles. They told me that it would be alright and that it would be all over very soon. But that was a lie.
It would never be alright. Nothing would ever be the same again. My sisters were dead. Kojack was dead, and I had no one.
“Wait.” I jumped up closing my legs. “I can’t do this.”
“Huh? Alexis, you knew the repercussions when you were sitting out in the lobby. Once you put the pill on the side of your cheeks, and it dissolves; there’s no turning back. You will have a painful and horrible time in the bathroom doing it alone.” The white-coated Caucasian physician looked confused about my outburst. “Now, is that something you’re prepared to go through?”
“Yes, I’m sure. I can’t do this,” I huffed heavily. “At least, right now I can’t. I need more time to think this through. Can I get my money back?” I panicked.
She stared at me with a discerned look on her face. I couldn’t give up like this. It seemed like I was making a sudden decision just because I chose not to get on the plane. I decided to stay in Chicago rather than catch that flight last week. It didn't make sense for me to leave if everyone was dead.
All I needed to do was not let anyone of importance know my role in the events of my past and I was straight. At least, that is the plan that I rationalized in my head.
"Are you listening to anything that I'm saying to you? The process has already been started. That was explained to you in the beginning," the physician said standing up from her chair.
"So, figure out a way to stop it." I was adamant.
"I don't think you understand, Alexis. The process is irreversible. No one can stop it." She sighed.
“Oh, my fucking gosh. What have I done?”
My heart seemed to nearly plummet and splatter as if it were hitting the ground. Initially, when I made the decision, I did so hastily feeling as though the abomination growing inside of my womb should not be born into my world of chaos. I was never prepared to bring another life into this world and care for it. Especially by myself and definitely not while my life was in shambles.
I stayed in Chicago to get the procedure done because I knew exactly where and how to get it done here. I didn’t know the stipulations in another city and didn’t want to risk not being able to get it done because of my age. But, now that I was lying on the operating table, going through the motions, I felt like I had made a great mistake.
“Alexis, just lay down so we can continue. There’s nothing more that we can do at this point but finish the deed at hand,” she huffed as I plopped back down on the table. “I’m sorry, hun.”
“You’re sorry? I’m the dumb ass who thought about saving this baby’s life at the last minute.” A single tear fell from my left eye as I stared back up into the large oval light.
“Okay, now you will feel my hand and then the speculum, followed by some mild tugging and pulling. Now you may experience some cramping with this, as well. Let me know if it becomes unbearable.”
“Yep.”
I lay there trying to keep my composure as she stuck her instrument inside of my twat and twisted it open to get a good look at my cervix. The Asian ultrasound lady came around on the other side of me, prepping my stomach for an ultrasound. The physician then stuck some other kind of instrument in me, checking the ultrasound screen for movement inside.
I could see the heartbeat on the screen. The baby was still alive. The human growing inside of my body was about to die in a matter of seconds by the hands of everyone in the room, but its blood would only be on my hands. I looked aimlessly into the light, wondering if it could feel any pain. I wondered if it knew something was terribly wrong and that it’s delicate life was about to end in a heartbeat.
“Now, you will feel some tugging. Let me know if the pain becomes intense, okay?”
I couldn’t respond. The instrument she used sounded like the sucking of a handheld vacuum cleaner. The tugging inside of me sucked in and out simultaneously. I felt like lighting bolts were shooting through my body and surging out as she continued to pump her instrument to suck the fetus out of my uterus. I closed my eyes; biting my bottom lip so hard, I could have drawn blood. There was a pulling in my stomach as tears flowed like a faucet from my eyes.
"Almost got it," the Asian lady said as I looked over at the screen.
My eyes watered as I watched the amniotic sac detach from my uterine wall. A large bubble passed through my opening feeling as though I had just passed a large blood clot. The voices all around me sounded muffled even though I heard them plain as day.
The Asian lady confirmed that the physician had successfully snatched every fragment of pregnancy right out of me. I could hear her seal up the bag she had slipped the birth in. Inside, I was mortified. Outside, I was nothing but a stone cold shell, unable to move or comprehend the aftercare instructions that were rapidly given to me.
“Do you understand what you need to do?” the thin dark skinned nurse asked as she helped me to a seated position.
“Huh? I’m sorry. I couldn’t hear you,” the words stumbled out of my lips as I eased off the table.
She repeated them as she escorted me back into the waiting room of twenty-four other women waiting their turn for the same procedure. I had the unwanted pleasure of being the first one in the queue. As I turned the corner, I looked up into their inquisitive faces, wondering how the experience was and whether or not it hurt, as well.
Before I went in, there was nothing but ratchet ass talk about being able to go home and pretend like nothing had ever happened. One girl had even said she was there just two months ago and was back again for the same shit. I couldn’t believe someone would be so careless and stupid to have to go through the process back to back like that.
“On a scale from one to ten, what level of pain are you in right now?” the nurse asked, handing me a small cup of antibiotics.
“How the hell should I know?” I grunted at the cramping that formed in my lower abdomen. “I guess a four.”
“Good. Now, take those pills and be still so I can take your blood pressure.” She was agitated with me; I could tell.
I rolled my eyes in disgust at her ass. She wasn’t the one who had just had a living, breathing fetus sucked from her uterus. She spoke as if she didn’t even care about the fact that I may have been emotionally unstable. Just as I swallowed the last of the four pills she handed me, gut-wrenching screams rang out in the distance.
I could only assume that the next patient lying on the table of the operating room, didn’t take the experience as well as I had. It only lasted about five minutes, but it could have easily felt like ages.
“Why is she screaming like that?” I asked as the nurse removed the blood pressure belt from my arm.
“Some people feel like it’s the worst experience of their lives. Then again, others can’t deal with the pain, and you have those that are horrified when they feel the baby coming out. Those are the people who might need psychiatric help after this experience,” she huffed as she checked my mouth to make sure I had swallowed the pills. “Frankly, I can’t see why any woman would want to get an abortion anyway. If you laid down with a dog, you’d better be prepared to take care of that flea.”
“Hmm. You can say that again.” I rolled my eyes.
“If I do, will you act
like you heard me this time?”
I rolled my eyes again in disgust. “Listen, if I get pregnant again, it’s gonna be by my husband, not some random dude who gave me five minutes on my back.”
“Yeah well, here’s to praying for you, hun.” She shook her head in disbelief. “Alright, you’re all set. Good Luck.”
I got up holding my hospital gown closed and sliding across the floor in the tan footie socks they had given me. My eyes swept the room for my big clear belongings bag, sitting on top of the dozen others. I sifted through the pile and collected my things, before heading to the bathroom to change.
As the women filed one-by-one to the back operating room of the Stroger Hospital basement, only screaming could be heard minutes later. I cringed every time I heard it, affixing my pad in my panties to catch the bleeding. I couldn’t put my clothes on quick enough as I exited the bathroom only to be met with the attitude having nurse again.
“Here you go hun.”
“What’s this?” I asked, looking down at the multiple papers she handed me.
“This is your prescription for Ibuprofen, in case of pain along with your discharge papers. I just need you to sign one copy and give it back to me.” She handed me a pen as I turned, pressing the paper against the wall to sign.
“Here.” I didn’t even wait for her to explain shit else.
I couldn’t take the screaming anymore. Those were the same bitches laughing and giggling as I sat in the cut observing their ratchetness. They looked at me as if I was the outcast of the group. None of that shit bothered me. The only thing that did was the fact that they were making it seem like it was all one big joke to them.
It was like watching an episode of Jerry Springer listening to their asses. The sad part was that all of them were fucking with men that were dogging them out and having sex with other women. Even the set of cousins that were in there together had slept with the same man. They were pathetic, and their screaming only further proved that.
The front sliding hospital doors opened as I skated right through them. It was dark outside, which was a complete change from the bright sunlight beaming down at 8am when I had arrived. I had been sitting in the county hospital for twelve hours just to get a cheap abortion done. Infuriated, in pain, and hungry, I headed down the street towards the rental car that I so desperately needed to return.
After leaving Kojack’s car at the airport, I needed to get into something else fast. Good thing I still had a rapport with Superior, an ex-dip I had gotten back with to help me out. She was a twenty-one-year-old goddess, tall, with thick thighs, and a honey complexion.
Her skin was like butter; her pussy dripped like spilled warm milk, and her eyes reminded me of a seductive vampiress. She was everything that I lusted after, but nothing that I wanted to keep simply because there was something about her that I just never trusted.
Regardless of that fact, she rented me a car in her name after I tossed a few grand her way to put me up until I found better. I couldn't tell her why I needed to go to the hospital, feeling too ashamed of the reason myself. But, she was more than willing to help me out, especially since she was used to me licking her mind right and was hella mad when I stopped.
Just thinking about her thick waist and juicy full ass cheeks made me salivate all over myself. She was a video vixen if I had ever seen one, pretending to enjoy the wifey life. But, I knew better than to try to turn a hoe into a housewife. And, as I headed towards the parking lot through the brisk wind and varying amount of slushy snow, I figured what she didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her.
Two
October 21st, 2011, One year later
Superior
“Lex. Lex, get the fuck up. You’ve been sleeping all day, and you said we were going to IHop together today. I knew yo’ ass was lying,” I huffed, kicking the side of my king-sized canopy bed. “Get the fuck up.”
“Mmm, hmm. We still gonna do that girl. Just calm down, damn,” she grumbled, stewing under the three hundred thread count sheets.
“No, I ain’t calming down for shit. I’m still mad at your ass for what you did last night. Now you owe me, bitch. Get up.”
"Huh? Girl, I ain't did nothing."
"Of course you haven't. You never do, right?" My stomach churned from disgust.
"Man, why you trippin'?" Lex spat groggily, rising from the sheets and peeling back the pink duvet cover.
She was clearly still fucked up from last night. I could have killed her. I could have punched her dead in her temple, knocking her out cold, allowing her to fall as her skull knocked oddly against the pavement, sending her to an untimely death. She hurt me, and she knew it, but she was trying to pretend like it didn’t exist.
I loved Lex. I’ve always loved her, no matter how old she was. And, even though I’ve only known her for two years, she was everything to me. But, enough was enough. She had played me for the last time.
“Naw bitch, you trippin’. Get the fuck up and outta my house. I’m not dealing with you or your lazy shit no more.” Before I could think, I was reaching in the closet, tossing her clothes onto the floor.
“What? Wait, wait, wait. Let’s not do anything we both might regret here. Baby, you know I love you, girl,” Lex spat, and hopped up from the bed hastily, untangling her feet from underneath the sheets.
“No, Lex. No. I’m sick of this shit.” My eyes focused on the gray carpet as she seductively wrapped her arms around my apple shaped waist. “You think I’m supposed to keep taking this shit? It’s been a year we’ve been together for real, and ain’t shit changed with you.”
“Com’ on now, baby. I just turned eighteen last night. All I was doing was having a little fun. That’s all.”
“A little fun blowing through the rest of your fucking money on some skank you stuck your tongue up in? Oh what, you didn’t think I saw you in the VIP room with that bitch? You left me, Lex, and you didn’t even give a fuck.” I forced her grip off of me and continued discarding her belongings to the floor.
“Now, Jazzy you know me better than that.” She took her red tank top off, tossing it to the floor and allowing her supple brown breasts to flop out pertly.
She knew how much I loved to see her perfect B cupped nipples point out at me. I salivated for them as they stared out, begging for my lips to envelope them. I yearned to taste them, as my pussy grew moister by the minute. I could almost feel the juice exit my opening, coating the hugging layer of my thin cotton panties.
Her seduction was eminent, but it wasn’t going to work this time. I needed to be strong. She was now broke, and the bills weren’t going to pay themselves. I refused to be a doormat for her while she cheated on me with ever skank she came across.
“You don’t get to call me Jazzy. You call me Superior. Only people who truly love me get to call me by my government name.”
“But, I do lo—“
“No, you don’t. Don’t even fix your lips to say that shit to me. You don’t know what the fuck love is, Alexis.” I slammed a sweater to the pile of clothes on the floor. “Love is not having to worry about your bitch slurping another bitch’s pussy. Love is never having to feel like you are being used. And, love is most definitely not having to pay the bills by your damn self.”
“Superior, I still got like $1500 left though. Com’ on. At least I can pay the rent this month. Hell, you ain’t payin’ shit for this motherfucking whole in the wall, anyway. I mean; this ain’t exactly the Waldorf Astoria.” She giggled, reminding me of how young minded she still was.
“After how much you told me you had, you shouldn’t be proud to say that measly number. I make more than that in one night shaking my ass at The Lab. Shit, maybe you need to take your ass down there and get a fucking job.”
“Superior, what do I look like going to shake my ass for a dollar at that damn club?”
“You look like a bitch who’s broke and needs a damn job and who needs the fucking money. Beggars can’t be choosy. All I know is that if you stay here, you need
to pay your way. But as far as you and I…” It pained me to even adjust my lips to spew the words. “…we’re through. I’m done giving you a free ride.”
“A free ride? Girl, I ain’t spend all that money by myself. You wanted to go on lavish trips to Barbados and shit too. So, don’t sit there and make me seem like the freeloading roommate.”
“Okay, you were good up until four months ago. Then you just stopped, and I’ve been doing this shit on my own. You take your money and go fucking off all day while I’m pulling double shifts, bartending during the day at the club. I shouldn’t have to do that.”
“Superior—“
“Naw. You can stay in the other bedroom. I’ll move my sewing equipment out of there. These condos by Midway aren’t cheap; so make sure you’ve got the rent on time. You will pay half the bills, and I’ll post them on the refrigerator so you can see them when they come.”
“Superior, just wait a minute. I’m sorry. I get it. You’re mad.”
“I’m not mad. I’m livid.”
“Okay, college graduate and soon to be doctor girl. I know that you’re saving so you can pay for medical school with no problem. You don’t have to spit that knowledge to me.”
“I didn’t, Lex. I just use words like that when I get really, really angry. Besides you know I read a lot.” I smiled.
“Oh, now I’m back to Lex, now?”
“Don’t push your luck. I’m just trying to be cordial since we do have to live together…for as long as you can pay your way that is.”
I gazed deep into her eyes forcing them to the floor again. She stood there in silence, probably wondering if she should try to touch me again. The breeze outside blew like it was about to beat the window down to get in. It whistled like an old man in the field trying to find his dog.
It pierced my hearing, irritating me just as much as the dumb ass look on her face. She blinked almost out of control before pouting her lips, sticking the bottom one out for dramatic affect. Lex held her arms out away from her body, beckoning for me to come closer to her and bask in her warm embrace. Lord knows I wanted to.