Only Her Heart

by Lyn Cote

Jack wanted to say something soothing to his mom but all he could do was shrug and offer to go out and bring in food or anything else she needed. He ignored or tried to ignore the worry in her expression. Did his dad even want his forgiveness? Why give what wasn’t wanted?

  Later that day, long after lunch and the second coat of paint, the scent of latex hung in the stuffy air that wrapped around Annie. She shuffled down the back steps to the cooler, shadowy basement laundry room and plopped the paint trays, brushes and rollers into the oversized laundry sink.

  She swiped the perspiration off her face with the hem of her damp T-shirt and then started running cool water over the first brush, riffling the bristles with her fingers, working out the paint. Where are you, Melissa? Why aren’t you home yet?

  As if in reply, she heard the back door open and footsteps running up the rear staircase to the apartment upstairs. They sounded too heavy to be Melissa’s, but why would Troy be home this early in the afternoon? Usually when he had to work Saturdays, he worked late.

  She concentrated on cleaning the brushes under the faucet. I should call Sandy and see how she’s doing today. But Jack’s probably there.

  Thoughts from yesterday bombarded Annie. Jack’s image wouldn’t give in and vanish. She worked harder on the brushes, trying to blot Jack from her mind and idly listening to the squeals of the twins from outside as their granddad sprayed them with cold water in the backyard. It was cooler in the basement, but Annie thought she just might go outside herself and get a refreshing spray.

  Footsteps stormed down the back steps. “Annie!” Troy, her brother-in-law, roared. “Annie!”

  The outrage in his voice jolted her. She dropped the roller and raced up the basement stairs. She met Troy at the top on the landing. “What is it?”

  “I found this.” Troy’s voice shook as he pushed a sheet of Melissa’s stationery at her.

  Annie took the page and looked down. She read the brief note once, twice, and gaped with shock. “I can’t believe it.” The stark accusing words shocked and hit Annie right in the heart. What had caused Melissa to do this?

  On Monday morning, at his desk, Jack tried Annie’s number one more time. Busy. Still busy. He’d come in to work, intending to find Tom’s itinerary with Annie’s help. Instead, he’d found an empty office and only a brief message from Annie on his answering machine: “Jack, I’m sorry I won’t be in today. Family emergency.”

  What did that mean? Annie never took personal days. She lived with her dad, a widower, and her sister and her family lived upstairs, he recalled vaguely.

  “Annie, I need you today,” Jack complained to the empty office.

  The office phone rang. Jack let the answering machine pick up. He waited.

  “Hi, this is Cliff Lasater again. I need to set up a lunch appointment for this week. This situation can’t be put on hold. Jack, please call me back ASAP.” His dad’s tone had sharpened several notches since Saturday.

  Ignoring the unwelcome message, Jack glanced around the office that he’d already sorted through twice looking for Tom’s vacation itinerary. If he didn’t get busy with another project, his mother would “guilt” him into doing this job for his dad.

  He didn’t trust his dad’s motives. He couldn’t. But his mom had already mentioned her hope that he would help out his father. “Jack, why don’t you show your father what you can do?” she’d asked. “Be big about it.”

  “I’m not interested in impressing my father,” Jack said now, under his breath.

  In a burst of frustration, he headed out, snapping the lock on the LIT door behind him. In his pocket, he had Annie’s home address. He’d find out what was keeping her away from the office and tying up her phone all morning. Is everything going haywire?

  After an aggravatingly slow traffic-filled drive from downtown to a north-side neighborhood, he pulled over and parked in front of the white vinyl-sided two-flat. After checking Annie’s address again, he climbed out. He locked the car, opened the chain-link gate and walked up to the glossy Kelly green front door. He pressed the doorbell, heard it trilling inside and waited. Now that he’d arrived, uncertainty gripped him. What had kept Annie home? Maybe he should mind his own business.

  To get his bearings, he glanced around at the older neighborhood of neat two-flats and a few single family Victorian houses. At the corner sat a block-long commercial area with a local grocer, a drugstore, a laundry and dry cleaner, an obviously ethnic Polska Cafe, and across the street from the stores, a large redbrick church, St Wenceslas.

  Through the windowed door, he eyed the roomy foyer that had three doors—one directly opposite him to the flight of stairs to the second story, one to his right to an enclosed porch, and just behind that one, a door that led traditionally to the first-floor apartment.

  That door opened. Annie looked out at him. “Jack?”

  Her shocked tone made him feel awkward. He’d never before invaded Annie’s private life. “I’m sorry, but I need some information…” He stopped.

  Annie didn’t look like herself at all. Her short dark wavy hair was uncombed and she had dark circles under her eyes. And her blouse was wrinkled as though she’d slept in it.

  “What’s wrong?”

  Annie gaped at him. “What are you doing here?”

  “Aunt Annie, Aunt Annie!” Children’s voices came from inside. “Who’s here?”

  Sighing, Annie turned and motioned Jack to follow her into the first-floor flat “This is my boss, Mr. Lasater. Jack, these are my nephews, Austin and Andy.”

  After nodding at the boys, he scanned the room, which looked comfortable rather than designer-magazine fashionable. He liked the bright colors: yellow, blue and white.

  “Boys,” Annie said, “you can go back outside—”

  “No, we don’t wanna,” Andy whined. Both boys latched on to her arms.

  “Okay, then,” Annie soothed. “How about I put on a video?”

  The two little boys stared up at her.

  “Come on, guys,” Annie coaxed them. “I’ll put it in for you and then Jack and I will just be in the kitchen. He probably wants me to help him with something about work.”

  “You’re not goin’ to work today, are ya?” Andy asked, sounding worried.

  “No, I told you I’m staying here with you. I won’t leave. Don’t worry.” Annie looked to Jack and indicated a doorway at the far end of the large living-dining room. “Go through there and have a seat at the kitchen table, Jack. I’ll be right with you.”

  Jack did what he was told. But he didn’t like the feeling of “bad news coming” that he was getting.

  Chapter 3

  Exhausted from a very restless sleep, Annie plopped down in the chair across from Jack in the red and white kitchen. Her shoulders ached from lifting the twins, rolling on paint. From tension. She had plenty of that. “What’s wrong?” she asked with as much oomph as she could muster. “Is it about business, or your mother?”

  “What’s wrong here?” Jack countered. “You look awful.”

  Annie’s eyes widened. “I must look awful if you noticed it.” The words flowed out before she could stop them. She saw him begin to form words and hurried to say, “I asked you first.”

  He propped one elbow on the table. He covered the lower half of his handsome face with his hand, a gesture she’d come to know, one she would miss when she left. Still hiding, Jack?

  Happy recorded cartoon voices floated in from the living room. Leaning back, she waited. Why did I try to hurry him? Jack thinks only in numbers, integers, logarithms, and about “kludges” and “crackers.” If this has anything to do with something else, he’ll struggle. She shut her scratchy, warm eyes.

  She knew she should go ahead and just quit. She didn’t have time to deal with business now. She couldn’t believe what was happening with her family. What had gotten into Melissa? Dear God, please, what are we going to do?

  “What’s got you all upset?” Jack asked finally.

  Annie stared dow
n at her hands and saw that her knuckles were white. “My kid sister, Melissa, has left her husband.” As she voiced these words, anger sizzled through her. How could you, Melissa?

  “Your sister left her kids?” His tone condemned Melissa.

  Annie felt family loyalty and her temper flare. “This isn’t all Melissa’s fault. She’s just so young.”

  Even though the cheery music from the video played on, without warning, the twins appeared in the doorway. Annie looked into their down-turned faces. “What is it guys?”

  “When’s Mommy coming home?” Austin whined.

  “Don’t worry. Your mommy will be back before you know it.”

  Her nephews stared at her, looking unconvinced, and then wandered back to the video. Two little lost souls. Dear Lord, put Your arms around them. I don’t know how to keep this from wounding them deeply. And then she wondered again angrily, Melissa, what are you thinking?

  “What happened—”

  “Please, we have to be careful what we say in front of the twins,” she said in a quiet voice. “I want to minimize the effect of this on them.”

  “Sorry.” He’d lowered his voice, too. “How long have your sister and her husband been having problems?”

  “They weren’t having problems,” Annie snapped.

  “Then, why did she leave?” Jack looked puzzled.

  Annie frowned and stared at the tabletop.

  Annie’s expression and her hesitance told Jack that she didn’t like talking about her sister in this way. “Better just tell me, Annie,” Jack said.

  She looked at him then, a tear in one eye.

  Oh, Annie. Concern for her welled up inside him, surprising him with its force.

  “My sister is really smart. She won all kinds of scholarships. We were so proud,” Annie admitted, then paused. “But she decided to marry right after high school.”

  Jack nodded, encouraging her to go on.

  “She’d planned to go to college anyway. But she had the twins right away and then decided to postpone getting a degree until they were old enough for preschool—”

  “You mean, about now?”

  She pursed her lips. “Yes, but now, her husband, Troy, wants her to have another baby, finish their family, and then go to college when all three are in school.”

  “Sounds like he reneged on their deal.” The same thing had happened to his mom. His dad had reneged on their deal. Why was that so common?

  “Yes, but Melissa shouldn’t just leave,” Annie insisted. “She should stay and work it out with her husband.”

  Jack nodded. “Yes, but—”

  The twins appeared beside them. “Video’s over,” one announced, and climbed into Annie’s lap.

  When the other little guy climbed up on Jack’s lap uninvited, he was surprised. Jack couldn’t remember ever having a small child in his lap. It was a strange feeling. Jack clamped an arm around the kid’s middle, securing him in place.

  The kid put small hands on Jack’s arm, and across from Jack, his brother’s expression was pinched. The urge to protect these little ones claimed Jack. Poor kids. Jack suddenly recalled Mr. Pulaski calling him over to rake leaves the day his dad had packed up and left home. He had never forgotten how that simple act of kindness had helped him get through that awful day. He had to do something for these two little guys.

  Jack shoved his chair back, nearly upsetting it. But he set the boy on his feet with care. “How about we walk Andy and Austin to that grocery store down the block? You guys can each pick out a candy bar.” Jack stood there, surprised at himself.

  Obviously tempted by this bribe, the twins wavered. “Can we get one for our mommy?” one bargained.

  “And Aunt Annie?” the other added.

  “Sure—” Jack heard himself say. “A king-size one for Aunt...Annie, one for each of you, and one for everyone else in your family.”

  Annie flashed him a startled look. Then she smiled, too.

  He felt blessed by it. With a nod to her, Jack moved forward and shepherded the boys ahead of him.

  The kitchen phone rang and Annie stopped to get it.

  Jack waited in the living room with the boys, who held on to his hands and twisted them back and forth. Evidently his offer of candy had cemented him in their minds as a “good guy.”

  Standing in the doorway, Annie made a face and covered the receiver with her hand. “It’s Melissa’s mother-in-law. Can you go ahead and I’ll catch up with you?”

  “Sure,” Jack said with bravado, “I think I can handle buying candy bars.”

  “Boys, be sure to hold Jack’s hands when you cross the street!” Annie called after them.

  Jack let the boys lead him down the front steps. The sensation of such small hands in his again reinforced the desire to protect these little ones.

  “Do we really get king-size ones?” one of the twins asked, giving him a questioning look.

  “Which one are you?” Jack asked, trying to get his bearings.

  “I’m Austin. I got a mole on my ear.” The kid pointed to a small brown spot on his earlobe.

  “And I don’t got one. So you know I’m Andy.” The other twin pointed to his naked earlobe.

  “Okay. I got it Austin has the mole. Andy is mole-less. And yes, you can get king-size ones.”

  Grinning, they bobbed their heads up and down like puppets.

  Realizing he was nearly dragging the boys along, Jack shortened his stride and then stopped at the corner.

  Austin hung on Jack’s hand, tugging and stretching as far as he could away from Jack. “Aunt Annie works for you?”

  “That’s right.” Jack watched at the corner for a break in traffic.

  “You are real smart. Grampa says so.” Andy imitated his brother, pulling on Jack’s other arm.

  Feeling like a tent with the twins as the pegs, Jack ignored this comment. “Come on. It’s clear.” Clear, Lord, that I thought I had a problem. But these little guys are the ones who need Your help. They shouldn’t suffer because their mom has left them. It’s not right.

  Later, after the king-size candy bar run and an hour after a grilled-cheese sandwich lunch, Annie brought the twins out into the backyard to the old swing set. Still at her heels, Jack hadn’t mentioned leaving, and, weakened by Melissa’s desertion, she’d let him stay. I should have told him to go. I should’ve just turned in my resignation. But she couldn’t. This is just all too much, Lord.

  Jack made a whoosh sound as he thrust each twin’s swing forward in turn. The boys squealed and kicked their feet. “Higher! Higher!”

  Annie realized that Jack—who usually didn’t appear aware of humans around him—had helped her today in distracting the twins from the disappearance of their mother. His unforeseen thoughtfulness choked her up and lowered her mood even more. Why does Jack have to be so sweet when I’m going to quit?

  “I should go now.” Jack turned to her as if he’d overheard her thoughts. “I need to check the answering machine at the office in case some client has called with a problem.”

  “It’s time for these guys to take a nap anyway,” she said, ignoring the droop in her spirits. With Jack here, she hadn’t felt so turned upside-down. I’m all mixed up today, Lord. I want him gone, I want him here.

  “I don’t wanna nap,” Austin complained.

  “Me neither,” Andy agreed. “We’re not babies.”

  “I’ll put on your favorite video and you can just lie on our couch,” Annie said. “After you rest for an hour, I’ll take you to the park. Okay?”

  “Yay!” the twins yelled in unison, and practically jumped from the flying swings.

  Soon the boys were lying on the couch, breathing evenly. Annie insisted Jack finish his iced tea from lunch before he left. Another delay tactic that confused her. If she want him to leave why did she keep stalling?

  From the refrigerator, she handed him the chilled half-filled glass. In the distance, a church carillon marked time with a melody and chimed the hour, three p.m. A car
toon voice sang softly in the living room again. The seat of the kitchen chair felt hard under her. Every sensation swelled, seeming magnified. With her forefinger, she traced a bead of moisture on the outside of her frosty glass of tea.

  Jack felt like he’d been trapped in a time warp. Today hadn’t gone anything like he’d expected.

  “I’m sorry to have taken up your time,” Annie said.

  “That doesn’t matter,” he muttered. My mom matters. What’s happening here matters.

  Annie looked into his eyes. “I’ve never heard you say that before.” She paused. “You never told me why you came.”

  Annie leaned toward him—or had he leaned toward her? What could he say? I wanted to be too busy to do that job for my dad sounded too weird. He drained his glass and stood up. “It was nothing. I’d better go.”

  “I’ll walk you to your car,” Annie said, standing also.

  He followed her through the living room, where the twins already slumbered. Their faces had relaxed in sleep, looking trouble-free, yet more vulnerable. Jack took a deep breath as he slowed and glanced at Annie.

  She gave her nephews a loving glance filled with concern.

  A sudden and unreasoning twinge of jealousy pinched Jack. Maybe being with Annie’s family had just highlighted that he had only his mom. Outside, Jack paused beside Annie. They stood near his car, stiff and unspeaking. Traffic rushed up and down the street. He knew he should get in his sedan and leave, but Annie needed him. Annie, who was always so organized and prepared for anything. He shoved his hands into his pockets so he wouldn’t give in and reach out to touch her. A startling idea. “You take off the next few days, whatever you need.”

  She hesitated, visibly considering his offer. “Thanks.” She took a deep breath. “You should talk to your dad,” she urged. “His job might be something ridiculously easy for you to do while Tom’s gone. And money’s money, Jack.”

  That’s what his mom had said. He leaned against a tree and looked into her eyes. Annie has gray eyes, nice ones. Had he noticed that before?