* Well, OF COURSE they do.
† 'Plausible' is a good word and I'm going to write it into my Great Words That Should Be Used More often notebook.
‡ There are MANY mentalists involved.
б A most strange incident and a v v weird sound.
§ When he’s finished wiping the tears of laughter from his eyes, that is.
THE GODS ARE TOYING WITH US
* Well, my mother.
GYPSY
* Gran has competition when they are in the same room.
† That's not as bad as when they try to play electric guitar, which is TRAGIC - though Dermot is quite handy strumming on a normal guitar.
‡ Miss Holding lives for sarcasm, as do quite a few of the teachers at our school, though Holding is the queen bee of all the sarcastics there.
LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION!
* Gypsy may yet experience this.
† That thought is now making me feel a bit odd, a bit dizzy, given the latest Quinn clan revelations.
AN UNFORGIVABLE CRIME
* And not looking like the back of a bus as scientists often do.
† Or perhaps trying to pull my pants off me again - she likes to gloat over past victories.
‡ Well, ME, as I am the one in crisis.
QUINN FAMILY QUIRKS
* Folks?! I didn't comment on that after the points issue raised by Dermot but I was well within my rights to.
† Chillax, no less; I nearly exploded.
‡ Yes, OK, apart from the obvious people, but let’s not get into that.
PHOTO EVIDENCE
* Such as PARENTS.
† Yup, that's pretty darned smart wordplay from Jenny Q, even if I do say so myself.
‡ Along with custard creams, but that problem biscuit is WAY too big a subject to go into here.
б In those, I get to wander about in long, gossamer frocks looking gaunt but impossibly beautiful and dying of love, but rallying somehow and being utterly brave and the stuff of heartbreaking novels.
KNIT ’N’ KNATTER
* And it IS.
† This one is a bit rude but it works for me.
NOTEWORTHY
* Upsettingly, Gran likes to give her rendition of some deranged song to go with this theory.
† Uggs hasn't a note at all, so he didn't even try to join up.
‡ Mr Bell likes rules.
ZITS
* By about a million miles.
† Which I think is the Latin for really real and genuine.
‡ This is Irish or Gaelic for Oh My God, which is basically the best thing to say right now.
б The pants match the bra, I mean, not each other. That would be too weird, even for the Slinkies.
BOOBS
* I'm v v uncomfortable with fancy dress.
SINGLE LADIES
* With zits.
† This is both v convenient and rules out any possibility of naked sunbathing. Thankfully, in the case of my mother, because who knows what she might do next?
‡ That's parents for you: sometimes they just know.
GROWING PAINS
* Apparently it’s not enough just to watch TV or paint your nails when you’re old.
† SEE how well I know him? YES! Destiny, I know it. Well, hope it anyhow …
‡ Like the pants, not a clothing item that I expect to be seen by anyone other than me and Mum.
LOVE HURTS
* I'm not sure if he does play poker, like my gran does with her cronies, but I needed the rhyme …
† That memory will scorch me for ever, I am certain of it.
CONFESSION
* WILLING me to, in fact.
STATIONERY
* Which means Mum or Dad will give me money to buy them without the usual arguing over what I need versus what I want.
† These are the most regular.
MONDAY, MONDAY
* Is that strange? Probably, as I think mushrooms taste nice. Is it a sign that this kid will have Major Attitude?
† No prizes for guessing what we are all getting for Christmas.
‡ Unlikely; in the Quinn household, it’s everybody for themselves.
GRANDAD JACK
* Although it should be Constant, as in nuisance.
† Like stock-piling dirty dishes in my bedroom or overdoing things in the deodorant department.
SKWL
* And all other combos of the above.
† What they call ‘mitigating circumstances’ on all the television courtroom dramas.
‡ I am thankful for small mercies.
DAY ONE
* Such is the way of things, a natural law and all that.
† The final insult, according to Dix.
‡ Ref: Stevie Lee stuck in a Slinky Sandwich.
б He probably has even more badness in him as a result of there being more room to store it in.
§ Which is nearly never.
HOLDING ON … AND ON …
* The Gang's verdict on Holding: DON'T hold on to Holding!
† I think that she'd like to live in another, earlier century.
‡ I really like Irish but because I HAVE to do it, it doesn't rank as my most favemost subject.
WOW
* OK, mainly maroon armour, but a gal can't quibble with this level of service!
HOLS … PAST TENSE
* We learned that faux is the French for false or fake, so I will be writing a faux essay!
† Gran is good for hard cash!
‡ Mr Ford pronounces this 'skedjooled' and he also thinks lots of stuff is 'tremenjus', so we all say that to him in his classes. He hasn't a clue that we're pulling his leg.
PAINT ’N’ PATTER
* Or anyone, for that matter.
† I usually don't hate any of her stuff, I just don't know what to say about it.
‡ Fatal if you're trying to avoid doing something for another Quinn.
б This means my services can be bought.
CRAFTY
* MAYBE!
† What a horrid word! And why does it have MEN in there and not WOMEN???
LISTS
* I'm absolutely not advanced enough in knitting technique yet to tackle fingers.
GRUBBY
* Tick, done that, should've bought the T-shirt.
† A room full of bendy, bumpy women = shiversome sight.
‡ She could probably have got a job with the caterers in our school last year, the Professional Poisoners.
б Full of roughage, though: the Quinns were ‘regular’ for a week after that one.
§ Gran tries not to swear around us younger folk.
** Without them knowing, obvs.
KISSING
* For ages!
† I’m not sure I’ve ever actually noticed what he smells like, but surely it’s as good as he looks?
LOL
* I am hoping desperately for another canteen ‘moment’.
BULLY 4 YOU
* Brothers and sisters maybe not so much.
† This does not include homework, obvs!
‡ I use bamboo knitting needles, by the way, because they feel lovely and don’t make v loud and annoying clickety-clackety noises.
б The mutt is sabotage on four legs and mega-unmusical and v loud, the opposite of harmony.
THE BUS OF EMBARRASSMENT
* Its current location.
† Erm, STEALING.
‡ I bet some more will sprout by the time we get to the city centre because of my anxiety.
б I.e. ME and my amazing clumsiness!
§ = the opposite of what she is saying.
** A Solero for its refreshing, fruity taste.
DOWN TOWN
* It’s a far cry from the string socks I had vaguely thought I’d make her.
† Also on sale = hurrah!
HELL ON WHEELS
* Sometimes words sound exactly how they feel and that’s one of them = ACUTELY. It sounds like what it means. It hurt
s.
† Or several people, actually, now that I’m up close.
THE HEEL OF HUMANITY
* Thank you, Nature!
† Her/Slinky = tinkly, him/Hunk = throaty.
‡ Although I hear that babies are good at this kind of thing.
EUGENE’S BATH BOMBS
* Do not allow the saliva of Gyp-like creatures to make contact.
FAIR TRADE
* V good fragrance, fizz and lingering afterwhiff.
† V high praise from him.
CRIMESTOPPERS
* On top of the bath bomb, my hands now smell very strange.
† OK, I’ll admit I am DEEPLY paranoid at the moment.
THE MORNING AFTER THE NIGHT BEFORE
* I happen to know when Guitar Club is because SLB takes it too and if that makes me a stalker, so be it.
† Gran did tell me a secret once, but it primarily involved her dentures, and so I have not ventured into ‘secrets’ territory with her again.
MR BOMBTASTIC
* Our product has passed yet another test.
† Where did THAT come from? She’s not usually into that kind of lingo and v quick to mock those who are.
‡ Or rather approach Her Royal Slinkiness.
б I know, could that sound any better? It means criminal, more or less. Actually, they should use it on Crimestoppers because they overuse heinous and grievous, and nefarious would make a nice change.
KNIT WITS
* Or maybe she agrees with him. Hard to tell.
† Dix says that, technically, it’s called an eyelash yarn. Gross.
THE ADMISSION
* Also laughter-related if you ask me.
CHARM SCHOOL
* I seem to be getting good at it, or natural-sounding, anyhow, and that’s BAD, i.e. the rocky road to ruin.
† Gypsy still SO does not count in my eyes.
‡ I try to picture her with a furry little face but it’s not working.
б Or slinks.
THE BIG BANG
* I miss most of the French Revolution in History class as a result, and there was I thinking we didn’t do enough about other countries.
† Yet: the Bump could be a girl, Mum’s not saying.
‡ When she arrives, Teddy’s mum is like a tiny owl, and very angry that someone tried to harm her chick. I wouldn’t like to cross her when she’s like this. And I really wouldn’t want to be Mike Hussy when she gets her hands/claws on him.
OUT OUT OUT
* Bumpy Quinn is getting big and pressing on all sorts of inside bits now, Including Mum’s bladder - eeeuw!
† She has a way with words.
QUEUE FOR Q
* I seem to be shouting.
† Or even some who are younger, for that matter.
‡ It’s like some weird, sonic radar I have developed over the years.
THE FEAR
* Hiding behind a brass instrument on the street.
† Although perhaps Stevie Lee would have given me the Kiss of Life …
THE SHAME
* Aside from the torture promised at Dixie’s hand when I have recovered enough to feel it more/most.
† Well, OK, clearly I wasn’t.
‡ Fuming, honking, stinky breaths!
FRIENDS VS FIENDS
* I am a coward and I want to hide from excruciating stuff.
HEROES
* Or even ‘OK’.
† Just as well, considering what happened when I did actually try to take part!
‡ I’m on the home sofa, obvs.
б That could have been me!!!
§ I swear he could make a stone go weak.
** Again with the ‘little’!
EMERGENCY
* She can sure move at speed when she wants to!
† Blushmost!
‡ It makes me laugh, though I’ll never admit that to the Gang.
YULE DO
* And she’s done with pickles, which is a relief – I so don’t get vinegar.
† Dad calls it ‘on draught’, which makes me, like, TOTALLY squirm.
‡ I wonder if I am a prude?
CHRISTMAS DAY
* I hope I haven’t gone all blotchy and stupid-looking.
† Admittedly big pinky knickers will probably never look good … on anyone.
IF YOU WANT TO LEARN TO KNIT LIKE ME,
* As taught by the master teacher Dixie, of course!
I’M LUCKY TO HAVE …
* Never tell Dixie I called her something good, she’d never let me forget it!
Jenny Q, Stitched Up Page 14