by Joanna Neil
‘Are you looking for coffee?’ he asked. ‘Sit down and let me get one for you. You look as though you need it.’
She darted him a quick glance from under her lashes, then moistened her lips with the tip of her tongue. ‘About last night…’ she began. ‘I don’t know exactly what happened, but if I was out of order in any way, I’m really sorry about that.’
‘I don’t recall anything happening last night,’ he said, adding cream to her coffee. ‘What sort of thing did you have in mind?’ He handed her the mug.
She accepted it gratefully and sipped slowly, keeping her eyes downcast. ‘Um…er…perhaps it was nothing after all. I was probably dreaming. Forget I mentioned it, will you?’
‘OK. If that’s what you want.’ Sam turned away before she could tell whether his expression was merely wry or whether his mouth held the beginnings of a smile.
The phone began to ring and he reached for the receiver and spoke into it briefly. Megan drank her coffee and tried to get rid of the hammers in her head by sitting very still.
He handed the receiver to her a moment later. ‘It’s Tom,’ he said briskly, then went to retrieve the toast as the machine pinged.
She put down her cup.
‘Hello, Tom.’
‘Hi, Megan. Jenny told me I could reach you there,’ he explained. ‘She’s been telling me about Ben and the autism, and this new therapy that he’s having. I can’t say that I really understand what’s going on, and I wondered if there’s any chance we could get together some time so that you could explain it to me. I’ve always wondered what was wrong with him, why he always seemed so different to other children. To be honest, I just thought I had lost the plot with him somewhere along the way.’
Megan tried to collect her thoughts. ‘Yes, I can do that. At least, I can try. Did you have a particular day in mind?’
‘Is this morning too soon? I know it’s short notice, but I’m at the office until twelve today, and I wanted to see you before I go and pick the children up. They’re coming to me for the afternoon, and then I have to drop them off at Jenny’s and go to London for a meeting with some executives tomorrow.’
‘You have to go on a Sunday? That’s what I call working overtime.’
‘I know, but these people are taking me and some of my colleagues for lunch to discuss some of the new cost-cutting measures we’ve put in place. If things turn out well, it will mean extra bonuses for us.’
‘That sounds good.’ She thought quickly. ‘I can come over to your place if you like. I’ll see you in about an hour, shall I?’
‘That’ll be great.’
Megan put down the receiver and sipped thoughtfully at her coffee. Sam pushed a plate of toast towards her. ‘You’d better try to eat something.’
‘Thanks.’ She nibbled a corner of the toast, then said, ‘I have to go out in a while.’
‘So I heard. Anyway, I’m busy myself. I have plans for the weekend so you’ll have the house to yourself for a while,’ he said curtly. ‘I shall be away until late tomorrow evening.’
‘OK.’ Megan tried to absorb that without letting her disappointment show. He had his own life to lead. She couldn’t expect him to be around all the time, and she would be going back to her own flat soon enough, so it was something she was going to have to get used to.
Sam didn’t tell her where he was going, or what he would be doing, and she wondered if he was seeing Julie. They got on well together. They were both from similar backgrounds of wealth and family businesses, and it wasn’t surprising that they should hit it off.
She tried not to think about it, and went to meet Tom, as they had arranged, an hour later.
‘I don’t understand about autism,’ Tom said, shaking his head. ‘What causes it? How does it happen, and why has it happened to Ben?’
‘I can’t answer that, Tom,’ she said quietly. ‘We don’t know yet why some children become autistic. There are theories about what might bring it about, but nothing is certain.’
He wanted to know about the work that Chloe Montgomery was doing, and she did her best to explain it to him. ‘Autistic children don’t communicate with others in the way that ordinary children do, and they don’t understand things like other children…like imaginative play, for instance. Some autistic children would find that impossible. Things that other children seem to learn almost instinctively are difficult for autistic children to grasp, and they have to be taught specifically. That’s what Chloe is trying to do. She’s trying to open up the world for Ben so that he’s able to share it and understand it with us.’
‘It’s not going to be easy, is it?’
‘No, Tom. I think it’s going to take a long while to get anywhere, but Chloe knows what she’s doing. I’m sure she’ll do her best to help him all she can. At least Ben has been diagnosed early, and his treatment has started. It should be possible to teach him how to behave, how to play and how to communicate with others.’
Megan went with him when it was time for him to go and pick up the children, and she spent most of the weekend with Jenny.
* * *
On Monday morning, Mollie Clarke was one of the first patients to be admitted to the new unit. She seemed to be cautious about the change of scene, but at least she had half a dozen other young people with her, and Megan was glad to see that after a while they sat and talked to each other.
She let them talk for half an hour or so, but when the trolley came round with the mid-morning drinks for the patients, she drew Mollie to one side and asked her gently how she was getting on.
‘I see that you’ve been making friends. It looks as though you might all be able to encourage each other while you’re in here.’
Mollie grimaced. ‘I feel sorry for the girl with fair hair—Laura, I think she said her name was. She fell out with her stepdad and she tried to run away from home. At least I got on well with my dad.’
‘I think we’ll be able to help Laura. It will take a little while, but we’ll get there in the end.’ Megan sat down on a padded window-seat next to Mollie. ‘How are you coping? Have you been able to talk to your mother about things?’
‘About my dad, you mean?’ Mollie was quiet for a moment. ‘I told her why I hadn’t been to visit him. I felt so guilty because I hadn’t been able to stop him from falling. He looked so terrible in hospital, so helpless, and I felt as though it was all my fault.’
‘You couldn’t have done anything. Accidents happen, and we all feel helpless at times. No matter what precautions you try to take, no matter how much you check up on things, you can’t always guard against fate. You can take care, and you can make sure that you’ve done everything possible to prevent accidents, but sometimes things go wrong and no one is to blame.’
Mollie’s brow furrowed. ‘Do you think that’s what I’ve been doing—trying to make sure everything was in place at home? Trying to make sure nothing else can go wrong?’
‘I think that might be what you were doing. You love your dad, and you feel bad about what happened to him, and you would do anything to stop your life from being shattered like that again. You’re a very caring, loving person.’
Mollie lowered her head and began to cry very softly and silently. Megan put her arms around her and held her close.
After a few minutes, Mollie had cried herself out, and she straightened up and searched in the pocket of her denims for a tissue. ‘I’m sorry,’ she said, wiping her face. ‘I’m such a mess. I’m not very good at sorting myself out.’
‘I think you’re doing very well, Mollie. Don’t be so hard on yourself.’
Mollie sniffed a little and nodded. ‘I’ll try. Perhaps I’ll ask my mum if she’ll take me with her to visit Dad when I get out of here.’ She glanced quickly at Megan. ‘Do you think that would be all right?’
Megan smiled. ‘I think it will probably help you in the end. Actually, I had a word with your mother, and she said that your dad had been showing some signs of improvement. Just a little, and it’s s
till going to be a long haul, but the doctors think the damage wasn’t as bad as they initially believed. There’s a good chance that he’ll walk again eventually. I expect he’ll be glad of your support.’
She left Mollie a short while later, and went to talk to some of the other youngsters, passing by the office on her rounds. Julie was in there, and she called to Megan as she walked by.
‘What do you think of our new unit?’ she asked.
‘I think it’s a terrific idea,’ Megan said. ‘I think the youngsters who stay here will benefit a lot from being able to be together.’
Julie smiled. ‘I was really pleased to be asked to stay on here. Sam is still concerned that we iron out any problems that crop up right from the beginning, so he’s asked me to meet him for dinner at the end of this week so that we can talk about how things are going so far.’
‘That sounds as though it could be useful,’ Megan said weakly, trying not to let her dismay show. Sam had a life of his own, and she wasn’t part of it, no matter how much she wished things could be different. The fact that she was living in his house was just an act of fate. It didn’t mean anything, and she would simply have to get used to that.
She went to visit Jenny again that evening. ‘How are you?’ she asked, seeing the lines of strain on Jenny’s face. ‘Have things not been going very well with the children?’
‘They’ve not been too bad, I suppose,’ Jenny said. ‘Josh is never a problem, really. He’s very sweet-natured and he plays and doesn’t really notice what’s going on around him.’
Josh, at that moment, was floating plastic boats in a baby bath, and there were puddles of water everywhere, most of it on the plastic sheet that Jenny had put down but some of it spreading even further.
‘Me make splash,’ he said, looking at Megan with large eyes. ‘See?’ And to demonstrate he banged the boat down into the bath and sent a shower of water cascading all around.
‘You certainly are making a splash,’ Megan agreed, smiling. She looked around and asked, ‘Where’s your brother? Where’s Ben?’
Josh shrugged and went back to his boats.
‘I’ve sent him to find my purse,’ Jenny explained. ‘He’s hidden it somewhere, and I was cross with him for taking it. He’s sulking, I think.’
Megan frowned. ‘Isn’t the therapy helping him? I was hoping things would change for you, and that he would be making progress.’
Jenny sighed. ‘It’s going to be a slow process—we knew that from the first. I think Chloe is concentrating on his language skills, getting him to talk first of all, as well as trying to get him to follow simple instructions. She’s very good with him, really. She makes him look at her, and she says he has to learn how to play properly. He’s not allowed to line up his toys, but he has to use them in the way they were meant to be used.’
‘Has he made any headway?’
‘Yes, he has, a little. I suppose I should be glad of that, but this week he’s been learning to talk about his family, to say who the different members are, and it’s confusing for him.’ Her eyes filled with tears. ‘Josh picked up on it, and he keeps saying, “I want my daddy.” It’s what I want, too, but every time I see Tom we seem to end up arguing. It’s my fault sometimes, I know that. I want him to spend more time with the children, but he always says that he has to work, or go to some meeting or other.’
Megan put her arms around Jenny. ‘I’m so sorry, Jenny. I wish things could be different for you. I don’t know what to say. When I spoke to Tom, he said that things were going well at work, and the new systems he’d put in place would make things more efficient. I thought that meant that he would perhaps have more free time.’
Jenny wiped away the dampness from her cheeks. ‘It isn’t just that. He can’t handle Ben. He never did understand why Ben couldn’t talk to him and share things with him. He used to get so frustrated by it. He said to me, “I love my son but I don’t know him, and I don’t know how to get through to him.”’ She looked so sad, and Megan hugged her, trying to comfort her. ‘The only thing they really shared was a love of drawing, you know,’ Jenny said tearfully. ‘Tom used to draw funny cartoons and make sketches of animals. He had a real talent for it.’
‘Maybe he’ll go along to one of the therapy sessions and see what Chloe is trying to achieve. You’ve learned how to help Ben, and perhaps Tom can learn, too.’
‘He might, I suppose. He did talk to you about it, didn’t he?’
‘Yes, he did. He wanted to know what it was all about. That’s a start, isn’t it?’
‘I suppose so.’
Ben came into the room just then, and Megan saw that he was holding a purse.
Jenny pulled herself together and held out her hand for it. ‘Good boy, Ben,’ she said. ‘Now you can have your drawing book and the pastels.’
She put the purse down on a table and went to fetch the drawing book from a cupboard that was high up out of his reach. Megan saw that the purse had an intricate clasp that had to be pressed and pulled in order to make it open.
Jenny put the purse away and handed the drawing materials to Ben. ‘There you are,’ she said. ‘That’s what we agreed, isn’t it? If you’re good, you get to do some drawing.’
* * *
Megan talked to Sam about Jenny’s worries when they were on their way to work next morning. ‘Jenny’s husband isn’t around,’ she said, ‘and I think it’s making the situation even more difficult for Ben. He was used to having him there all the time, and now a large part of his world is missing and he seems confused. Do you think Chloe would be able to include Ben’s father in the workshop sessions, or would it make things worse for Ben?’
‘I would have thought it was a good idea to teach him how to help his son. If you think you can get him to agree to join in, I’m sure Chloe would be only too happy to include him. If there was a problem, she could deal with it when it arises. I’ll have a word with her, if you like.’
‘Thank you.’
Since the night of the party, Megan had been very careful around Sam. She was still embarrassed about the way she had behaved, and he hadn’t mentioned it again. They worked together every day that week, but there was a distance between them, a kind of protective barrier that had sprung up. He was wary around her, and she was afraid to push the boundaries for fear of getting hurt.
With the patients, he was warm and friendly, and he had a way of getting the best from them. When he spoke to Sarah Danvers, the young girl who was suffering from anorexia nervosa, he was gentle and charming, and made her smile.
It was the first time Megan had seen Sarah smile, and it was a wonderful thing to see.
‘You’re looking so much better,’ Sam said quietly. ‘Staff Nurse has been telling me that you helped one of the other girls with her sewing. I didn’t know that you were so good at pattern-cutting. Where did you learn to do that?’
‘It was something we did at school last year,’ Sarah said. ‘I liked using patterns to make clothes, and I experimented a bit with making my own. My mum bought me some books that showed me how to make my own patterns.’
‘Well, I think you’ve done very well,’ Sam commented. ‘Perhaps when you leave here, you might want to go on and study it at college.’
‘And learn to design clothes, you mean?’
‘Possibly. It’s up to you to decide what you want to do with your life, isn’t it? You have to think about what would make you happy. You’re a bright, intelligent girl, and you have the world at your feet.’
They left Sarah to go back to her friends. ‘She’s doing so much better, isn’t she?’ Megan said. ‘She doesn’t look like the same girl who came here a few weeks ago.’
‘I think the staff are doing a wonderful job. They make sure that the food is presented attractively, just small amounts so it’s not too overwhelming, and all the time they try to boost the patient’s confidence. In Sarah’s case it seems to be working.’
‘It certainly does.’ They walked along a corridor toge
ther until they came to his office. ‘Are you pleased with the way your new unit is running?’ she asked.
He nodded. ‘So far, things are going smoothly. I’ve arranged to see Julie this evening, so that I can get her viewpoint on things. I shall probably be back late.’ He glanced at her, a small frown indenting his brow. ‘Do you have plans of your own?’
‘I’ll probably just relax, take a bath and read a little. I wasn’t planning on going out this evening. It’s nice sometimes just to do nothing in particular.’
Sam threw her an oblique glance. ‘I expect you miss the flat—you had the place yourself and you probably enjoyed the freedom you had there. It’s not quite the same when you share with someone else, is it?’ His expression was guarded and she didn’t know why.
‘I haven’t minded sharing,’ she said. Perhaps he was the one who minded.
He went out early that evening, and Megan thought how empty the house seemed without him there. She read a book for a while, then turned on the TV, but nothing seemed to hold her attention for very long. She thought about taking a bath and soothing away some of the cares of the day, and just as she was about to go upstairs, the phone rang.
‘Megan… Megan, something awful has happened.’ It was Jenny, and she sounded as though she was in a terrible state.
Megan’s heart started to thump heavily. ‘Jenny, what’s wrong? Slow down, and try to tell me.’
‘It’s Ben,’ Jenny said tearfully. ‘I put him to bed an hour ago, and I just went up to look at him…’
‘What’s happened? Is he ill? Is he feverish? Tell me, Jenny. What’s wrong?’
Jenny gulped. ‘He’s gone…he’s not here. I can’t find him anywhere.’
Megan tried to take this in. ‘You’ve searched the house?’
‘Yes, I’ve looked everywhere.’ Jenny’s voice was shaking. ‘I’ve searched the garden, and I’ve looked in the street, but he isn’t here.’
‘Is Josh all right?’
‘He’s fast asleep.’ She began to cry. ‘I don’t know what to do.’