by GR Griffin
"That day couldn't come soon enough for me." She continued with the faintest glimmer of a smile. "Such excitement I felt! Even as I cut my hand on my first sword, I still couldn't lose that elation. The sight of all that blood was nearly enough to get my father to refuse to teach me any further. But even he could recognize the thirst I had for the sword. And just as I wouldn't be denied for much longer, my father knew it would be the same of Lord Odin. That eventually the time would come when Odin would demand I come to the heavens and fight in his name."
"Ah, and I bet your father realized it would be better to have an experienced Valkyrie, rather than send an untrained daughter up against Odin's enemies." Lezard noted and Lenneth nodded.
"My father loved all three of us. Maybe more than he should have, considering how hard it was on him to part from each of us. As much as he wanted to protect us from the future awaiting us, he understood what was required of him." Lenneth frowned. "It would have been easier on him if my mother had given him sons instead of daughters."
"If he had sons he wouldn't have had to give them up to Odin." Lezard said, and Lenneth nodded while still maintaining her frown.
"Sons would have been better for him all around. Even the idea of training them to the sword would have been an easier idea to swallow. Especially during that time!" exclaimed Lenneth, her frown fading. "Back then, it was practically unheard of for a woman to fight. The einherjar we Valkyrie gained for battle? They were ALL men when I first began my tenure as Valkyrie. Women were expected to be home makers. To stay behind and birth babies while their men went to fight wars."
"What was it like growing up then?" Lezard asked. "To be so different from what was expected of women at the time?"
"Everyone knew what we were." Lenneth explained. "They knew my mother had once been a Valkyrie. And they knew what was expected of her three daughters. They more than tolerated us, they celebrated. They felt blessed to have not one but three young Goddesses living in their city." A strange sort of half smile crossed her lips. "I remember people leaving offerings on our front door. Sometimes the bolder ones, or the more desperate, would come to see us. Hoping for a blessing, for a miracle. But that wasn't what Valkyries do. We save lives and preserve the peace through fighting. We are not the ones people pray to for miracles and guidance."
"But still they had to try." Lezard said, and Lenneth nodded. "It couldn't have been a very normal upbringing. Between all that training and the people downright worshipping you."
"It was all I ever knew." Lenneth stated simply.
"But did you ever have time for anything else?" Lezard asked. She looked confused, as though Lenneth couldn't imagine what that anything else could be. "Did you not ever..." He shrugged. "I don't know, have time for fun? Did you have friends beyond your sisters? Did you do the things a teenager would want to do? Did you not ever want to rebel from the life Odin set out before you?"
"No, never." Lenneth answered instantly. "I was dedicated to training for my duty."
"I see." Lezard murmured, then couldn't help from speaking plainly his thoughts. "It must have been hard on the neighborhood boys." Lenneth immediately frowned, her eyes showing her confusion over that statement. "I mean, if your sisters look anything like you, then there was three very beautiful Goddesses living among them. Unapproachable, driven by their duty. Unable and unwilling to make any type of commitment to a suitor hoping for a chance. You must have broken a lot of hearts back then..."
"I would not know." Lenneth said, tone and body having gone stiff.
"Trust me." Lezard smiled at her. "You most definitely would have. A beauty like you? Smart, talented, dedicated? They would be unable to resist falling for you." He couldn't keep from chuckling then, knowing any of those men would long be dead by now. "I dare say your father had no end to amount of volunteers when it came to men wanting to help train you."
Lenneth seemed to be considering this, before allowing a grudging agreement. "I do remember there being quite a revolving door when it came to the men who would spar against me and my sisters."
He was curious, and feeling the stirrings of jealousy towards those men. Lezard found himself hoping Lenneth had thoroughly whipped them in their sparring sessions. "Did you ever..." It was a delicate question to ask, Lezard finding he was driven to know. "Did you ever fancy any of the men who came to train with you?"
"Fancy?" She gave him a disbelieving look, before making a scoffing sound. "You mean to know if I was attracted to any of them? No. I neither had the time, nor interest for a suitor."
"What did you have time for then?" Lezard asked.
"I..." Lenneth looked like she really had to think about the question. "When I was not training, I spent much time with my younger sister Silmeria. Especially when she was not yet old enough to train with us."
"So you basically lived and breathed your training." Lezard mused, and she nodded. "Pardon me for this, but it seems to me, that you haven't really lived at all."
"Not lived?!" She took insult to that, Lenneth glowering at him. "I have been alive for centuries! I've fought and killed for longer than you've been alive! I have watched and seen the shaping of the realms and their people. I have done my part in protecting their peace, ensuring that the people can go on safely living. I..."
"You've only known fighting and death." Lezard interrupted her. "Even when you lived among the mortals, you kept yourself apart from them. It sounds to me as if you never gave yourself a chance to really feel, let alone enjoy the experiences of a life beyond the battlefield. What's more, I don't think you wanted that chance. Why? Were you afraid of finding out there could be something beyond the fighting? Something that would be equally fulfilling if not better than being Odin's battle maiden?"
Her jaw had dropped, Lenneth looking as stunned as she was incensed. "How dare you!!"
"Lenneth. I do not say this to be unkind, or to upset you. I just want to understand you. More than that, I want to help you. To get you to see there is more to life than what you have had to give up." He didn't quite smile at her, not trusting her reaction to such an expression at this point and time. "You might even find that you can be happy here."
"Happy...here?" She repeated, then scoffed at him. "As if it would be that easy!"
"It might be far easier than you're willing to let yourself believe." Lezard argued. "I know Flenceburg seems like little more than a viper's nest, full of ambitious people willing to back stab and betray. But that is only one side to the city. Get to know it. Learn the city, and it's people. We may surprise you."
Lenneth hesitated. "You really think there is merit to this land and it's people?"
"Of course I do!" Lezard quickly assured her. "I would not champion it so strongly if I didn't!" He stepped towards her, cautious as he reached for her hands. "Lenneth, this is my home. I grew up loving this land, enjoying this city, wanting to make it and the people here my own."
"And you succeeded." Lenneth noted, actually letting him hold her hands. "You are Flenceburg's ruler after all..."
In the moment he didn't try to remind her that he was ruler so long as Hel permitted, so long as no one toppled him from his position. It wouldn't have been the right thing to say, would have served only to remind Lenneth of the worst aspects of being in one of Hel's kingdoms. For now, he wanted her only to see the good, the positive Flenceburg had to offer.
"Becoming Lord of Flenceburg is more than I ever dared dream of as a child." He told her out loud.
"What did you want then?" Lenneth asked, expression curious, words soft. It was as though she feared pressing him for so private a memory, but Lezard smiled to reassure her. What's more he gave it to her, answering her question honestly.
"I wanted a home. A home that was different from the orphanage, and even different from the mansion my talents would land me. I wanted a real home, full of warmth...I wanted parents who loved me, who cared what happened to me..."
"You wanted family..." Lenneth whispered. "You wanted to know the love an
d comfort of it."
"What child doesn't?" Lezard asked her. "Money is nice...but it can't replace the parents who threw you aside. It can't give you the answers as to why you've been abandoned." He felt vulnerable in the moment, naked and exposed before her. He tried to turn away, but it was Lenneth who seized hold of his hands now, stopping him from completely the turn.
"I don't know why your parents did what they did to you." She began. "I don't know the reasons that motivated them, or if they were good people. But I am...sorry for the hurt they caused you."
He didn't even try to deny that they had indeed hurt him. An indelible scar had been left on his heart, his soul. One he had never healed from, not after all those uncertain years as an unloved child. For all his power, the potential the others had seen in him, they had never once stopped to love the child he had been. They had been too greedy, too quick to curry favor with Hel through the use of Lezard.
"We can't change the past." He finally said. "We can only try to move on from it, to learn from our experiences."
"Those experiences shape us." Lenneth agreed. "Whether we won't them to or not." Her eyes lowered briefly, Lenneth looking at their hands held together. He didn't try to break free of her grip, and Lenneth didn't let go of him either.
"Good and bad, what experiences shaped you?" He asked, and Lenneth hesitated before answering.
"I will share a few with you, but only if you tell me about yours in return." The look she gave him could have passed for a teasing smile, Lenneth almost challenging him to further open himself up to her. Hesitant as he was, Lezard found himself nodding. He could think of no other way for trust to be built between them, for the foundations of their relationship to be laid, then through this sharing experience.
"All right." He said out loud, nervous but returning her smile. She'd give him that glimmer of a half smile in return, Lenneth allowing Lezard to lead her over to one corner of the room. A recently acquired love seat stood waiting for them, Lezard guiding Lenneth to sit on one end. He would take the other, the distance between them not as wide as it once would have been. As Lenneth's legs brushed against his, Lezard felt real hope that the time would come when the distance between them would be abolished.
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Chapter 39 : Thirty Nine
The darkness that came with sleep was no longer soothing to Lenneth. It couldn't be, what with the dreams that it ushered in. The nightmares and memories that plagued her. She was full of fear and uncertainties, rightfully concerned with the fate of her sisters. Even if Lenneth had wanted to forget, the dreams wouldn't have let her. They haunted her, mocking her with the cruel knowledge that Lenneth would most likely never know for sure the fates of her two sisters.
She wondered if it would always be like this. Wondered if she would always be so tortured when she slept. Lenneth let out the heaviest of sighs, her arm doing a tightening squeeze around what she thought might be a hard pillow. An answering squeeze across her chest was enough to startle Lenneth awake completely, the woman snapping open her eyes with haste.
She first saw the light gray of his jacket, the lacy spill of his cravat covering over the coat's lapels. Her cheek was pressed against the soft velvet, and Lenneth could hear the slow, steady beats of Lezard's heart. She didn't look up immediately, slowly processing the fact that she was not only sleeping next to Lezard, but actively cuddling up against him.
Her arm was still around his waist, holding onto him just as securely as he held onto her. The weight of his arm rested on the top of her breasts, but it wasn't an unpleasant feeling. She didn't immediately draw back, Lenneth just staying in place. Taking stock of the situation and her surroundings. Remembering the moments that had led them here. They were not in Lezard's bed. That large piece of furniture lay undisturbed, blankets and pillows neatly arranged. Instead they were across from it, seated on the room's couch. A love seat.
Lenneth could remember sitting down next to Lezard. Her legs had brushed against his, but there had been a slight distance between them. It had been natural, the two sitting in comfort, relaxed around each other. There had been no expectations then, none of the pressures Lenneth had come to expect from Lezard. She had been able to enjoy an ease she hadn't felt in a while. An ease that hadn't been afforded to her since BEFORE she had awakened in Flenceburg. It was unexpected, but not unwelcome.
The whole night had been like that, none of her expectations being lived up to. Lenneth had expected Lezard to demand she make good on her marriage, on the vows she had sworn to him. Lenneth hadn't expected her heart to last the night, it along with her body, and the last of her resistance stolen from her. Lenneth had expected to wake up this morning, and be totally, hopelessly in love with Lezard.
That she wasn't, was a shock. Lenneth had never thought Lezard would be able to hold back. Or that the mage would hold such concern and respect for her, that he would put aside his own strong desires. But he had, and that went against everything Lenneth had expected of him. Lenneth had expected Lezard to fall on her with ravishing intent, his hands pawing at her body. She had been prepared to endure this, to endure it all, waging what little fight she could against the spell that tried to enchant her so thoroughly.
It had been a struggle when he had kissed her. Lenneth had fought against the spell, against the feelings stirred in her heart. She had wanted to melt into his kiss, while another part of her had screamed in protest. She had actually trembled, Lenneth so sure she was about to lose an irretrievable part of herself. It had been a most extreme of shocks when Lezard did not pursue her past the initial kisses. She hadn't been able to understand why. She still didn't, not completely. But she was thankful to Lezard, for the precious time he had given her.
The night she had so feared, had been a strange one instead. Strange but not unpleasant. With Lezard making it clear that they would do nothing Lenneth was not yet comfortable with, a burden had left her shoulders. She had relaxed, her ease increasing with every moment that passed free of Lezard's molestation. Lenneth wondered if Lezard knew just how great a gift he had given her, with his decision to wait. It was a luxury she suspected not many Valkyrie brides had received in the past, regardless of who their husbands had been.
But then Lezard was not like the men who had married Valkyries in the past. Once she would have thought that a bad thing, but Lenneth was coming to respect Lezard for his uniqueness. Maybe even admire him for it. She wasn't thinking further than that, Lenneth at last lifting her head. Raising her eyes up towards his face. She met that bright, bold gaze of his, the amethyst color seeming to soften as Lezard smiled at Lenneth. That smile sent a flutter through her, Lenneth realizing with a shock something had changed. Between them and in her.
She almost lurched to her feet, Lenneth settling for slowly drawing away from her snuggled position against him. Lezard hadn't wanted to let her move away, his arm tightening possessively around her for an instant before the man reluctantly let go. Lenneth didn't go far, merely sitting up so that she no longer cuddled so relaxed against him. She never took her gaze off him, Lenneth staring, feeling the stirrings within her. It softened things inside her, made Lenneth far too susceptible to the smile he gave her.
The feelings inside her had grown, now more potent than ever. She wasn't in love with Lezard, not truly. But she was close, Lenneth finding she liked him a whole lot more than she had had just hours earlier. She didn't completely understand it. Nor did Lenneth know why it had happened. What had been the trigger? What had Lezard done to foster such fond affection in her?
"What is it? What's wrong?" Lezard asked, his smile lessening as his concern increased. Lenneth quickly shook her head no, pressing the fingers of her right hand against his lips. It was a silencing gesture, Lenneth needing the quiet to think. To properly examine what had happened. Lezard took the hint, reaching up with a hand to close fingers around her wrist. She would have frowned if he had tried to kiss her hand, but for now Lezard behaved himself.
Just as he
had behaved himself through the night. Except for the initial kissing, Lezard had done nothing sexual to her. He had behaved as a gentleman would, sitting with Lenneth, talking with her. Expressing a real interest in her past life. Just as she had been interested to hear about him, Lenneth asking questions and answering the ones Lezard had had about her.
The conversation had extended well into the night, spilling into the morning. They had still been awake but barely, when the dawn's sun began spilling light in through the window. Lenneth remembered how they had stayed seated, their heads resting on the back of the love seat. Watching each other's face, as their eyes began to close. Both had fought sleep, but at some point they had lost. She couldn't even remember the last words spoken, sleep had been that sudden.
Lenneth didn't think anything that had been said would hold enough of an impact to make her feelings increase in intensity. It had to have been what hadn't happened. The selfless act Lezard had done, his restraint when it came to his desire for her, moving her in ways she had not been prepared for. Lenneth had thought her heart would be forever lost if she had had sex with Lezard, never realizing there was danger in holding back. That her heart beat quicker for him, could be blamed on what they hadn't done. And Lenneth couldn't even truly mind, grateful to Lezard for having the patience to hold back.
Lezard was still waiting for Lenneth to explain her reaction. She wasn't about to share her realization, Lenneth feeling heat warm her cheeks. Lezard's look only increased in concern, the man reaching with his other hand to cup one of her blushing cheeks. Lenneth had to fight with every ounce of her being not to lean into that touch.
"I was just...startled." Lenneth finally, lamely said. He raised an eyebrow at that, Lezard clearly thinking it not enough of an explanation. "It was quite jarring, going from the dreams to so peaceful a setting." She tried to get her hand back, but Lezard wasn't giving it up so easily.