by GR Griffin
The memories she had obtained pointed strongly in favor of that thought, Brahms having spent eternity fighting one battle after another. If not Odin and the Valkyries, then Hel and her demons. There had been too few moments where he had ever had a true moment of peace, his life changed, almost ruined the day he had sunk his teeth into Hel's tender flesh, and gulped down the Goddess' blood.
Even before that, when he had spent weeks, maybe months wasting away in his sick bed, Brahms had suffered. An unending hunger had wracked his gut with pain, unnatural urges filling him, dreams haunting him. Silmeria thought she couldn't recall a single moment of true happiness in Brahms' memories, a thing that was hardly surprising, given all that had happened to him.
Even those brief glimpses that had been offered to her of the moments before Brahms had fallen ill, had been full of sadness. Brahms had been mourning his father, loathe to admit even to himself that the God was dying. She didn't know what his life had been like before that, before the blood parasite had wrecked so much havoc on Brahms and his father. Silmeria wondered if Brahms had ever known true happiness, if ever there had been a time where despair and loathing hadn't tormented him. But try as she might to search her memories, to call upon the blood that had been so eager to give her all of the vampire's history, Silmeria couldn't get any further into his past. It was frustrating and doubly so, given how she could recall near perfectly the things that had happened after Brahms had fallen sick. Was it that those memories were stronger, more potent in power? Had his life as a God been so inconsequential to him, the memories barely remembered? Or had he tossed away that part of his past, discarding everything that had to do with the Brahms that had been a God?
It was like holding only one half a book, the story pages torn out. Silmeria didn't like having the story be incomplete, the former Valkyrie frowning. She'd actually expel a breath, the sound of it more frustrated than she wanted. Brahms was all but glowering at her, the pair separated by more than the distance of a few feet. Silmeria had effectively put up a wall between them, Brahms still bearing the sting of her latest rejection. It was clear in his agitation, in the flexing of his claws, that Brahms had built up his hopes around what would happen once Silmeria accepted his memories. That she hadn't fallen immediately into the anticipated behavior irked him, but Silmeria couldn't truly worry about that now. She'd worry about any attraction between them later, right now she wanted answers that had little to do with lust and love.
"Why can I not see what happened before you were ravaged by the blood parasite?" Her soft voice broke the stony silence that had been maintained between them. Brahms' anger would not lessen dramatically, but his brows would draw together, the vampire lord blinking slowly. She didn't wait for him to gather his thoughts, plunging ahead. "I've tried and I've tried..." She admitted unashamedly. "But every time, no matter how hard I concentrate, the memories go back only so far....Why is that?"
"I don't know."
She was surprised. "You don't? But I thought..." A sigh then. "If anyone would know every one of the intricacies of the vampires and their abilities, it would be you. Their Lord....their creator..."
"Even I do not know everything." Brahms grumbled. "The blood in me, continues to evolve, to strengthen as does the...the predator within. Maybe it will never stop it's development...."
"Hmm..." Silmeria pondered this, recalling from the memories how it had taken Brahms centuries before he began to develop the powers that the vampire race was known for. The powers had not all come at once, it had taken time, real trial and error to learn how to use those new abilities effectively. The powers were a skill, and just like with any skill, one must train to become good at it's use.
Valkyries were not a race that evolved. Goddesses in their own right, they were stagnant so long as they were set into their immortality. Never aging, never changing. There had never been a chance to develop new powers, the Goddess stuck for good or for bad with that which Odin had gifted the race. Silmeria felt disgust to think how careful Odin was to control his pet Goddesses, even as she felt a rush of pleasure to realize that no longer applied to her. She was a vampire now, and though a part of her rebelled at her fate, it was quickly whittling down, overwhelmed by the interest she had in the new abilities she could one day develop.
It was a combination of that interest, and her need to know more, that led Silmeria to boldly ask Brahms about something she had thought to never truly want. "Your blood...If I drank more of it..." She almost flushed then, seeing the way desire swallowed up the crimson of his eyes. Brahms LIKED the thought of Silmeria drinking his blood. His claws actually curled, and it wasn't to attack.
"You wish to feed?"
"IF I drink more from you..." Silmeria somehow found the strength to speak through her flustered reaction. "Would that let me see more?"
He let out a deep breath, but his all too apparent desire didn't tone down in the slightest. "I truly don't know....This...this blood sharing between us, is almost as new to me as it is to you..."
"But you shared blood with other vampires!" Silmeria quickly pointed out. She was surprised by the frustrated look he gave her, Brahms running a hand through his hair. It was drying now, strands starting to stand up in spikes, though the hair hadn't completely fluffed out into his familiar and impressive mane.
"It's been a long time since I've allowed any vampire to feed off my blood." Brahms told her. "And even longer since I fed off a vampire in turn." A brief look of grief in his eyes. "I've all but shut myself off from that kind of bonding....to give in to my need for it, would have been selfish."
Understanding dawned in her eyes, Silmeria unconsciously taking a step towards him. "Because of Odin..." She whispered knowingly. "Because of the death sentence those memories would have given them." A real shiver went through her, but Silmeria realized Odin would be after her, regardless of what she knew and did not know. Her kidnapping and subsequent transformation into a vampire, was an insult the King of Creation would not stand for. She was doomed to be a target, and Silmeria found she'd rather be a knowledgeable one, than continue on in ignorance.
"Yes..." His crimson eyes held a challenge in them. "Do you think me a coward for not sharing the truth with our people?"
She swallowed. "No...coward is not a word I would apply to you." But Silmeria didn't want to so much as think on the ways she would describe him otherwise. "It must have been very difficult...to spend your eternity being unable to share the truth with even a single soul...."
"Even worse to see the others gaining that wanted intimacy for themselves." Brahms whispered. "Being able to share blood and memories....It bonds people together, forms a deeper relationship."
"Like..like lovers?" Silmeria blushed at the way she had stammered out that question.
"Yes." Brahms agreed. "But it's not just about intimacy for a mated pair. Often a sire and his fledglings will share blood, to deepen the trust between them. Once those who wanted to prove they were the utmost in loyal to their King, would have offered me their blood. But that is a practice long since fallen out of use. Our people know I will not drink from them...."
"That sounds like it caused problems..." noted Silmeria.
"It has indeed." Brahms grimaced. "It is my right to refuse, just as it is their right to question that refusal. I have lost support for my rule, the fools never realizing I am protecting them with my refusal to share blood and memories."
"Your crown is in danger?!" exclaimed a startled Silmeria. This was news to her. "Is the sharing THAT important to them?" She asked, after Brahms had nodded his head yes.
"It is indeed. Much is based on it. The sharing is a very important part of our culture. We share with those we trust, those we love....it is a private and sacred experience, and those that would talk out of turn about the memories they received....well..." A grim smile. "It is not reflected well on those who betray another vampire's trust...."
"And you trusted me with your memories..." Silmeria whispered. She wanted to back up,
to do a full out retreat from the look Brahms gave her. She found herself swallowing again, understanding it was no meaningless gift he had given her. "What if I share blood with another....what then?"
It was hard to describe the look of pure fury that filled his expression, the jealous gleam in his eyes, and the way he all but snarled at her. "No one would dare touch you in that way!" He was coming towards her, Silmeria giving in to the need to back up. She couldn't stop the gasp from escaping her, Silmeria insisting to herself she was not at all frightened by the possessive way he reached for her.
"Brahms!" She managed to say, voice a bit higher in pitch then she would have liked. Silmeria was sure her eyes were huge, staring back at him startled.
"You are MINE, Silmeria!" Brahms told her. She wanted to rebel at those words, but he was talking over her stammered out words. "There is much I will tolerate where you are concerned, but the one thing I will not stand for, is for you to get intimate with other men!"
She twisted in his grip, but could not break free completely. "You are hurting me." It wasn't entirely truthful, though her arms were sure to bear bruises from his rough hold. Brahms still furious, relaxed his grip, watching as Silmeria wrenched herself free the rest of the way.
"I could not bear it." He said, his expression hard, his voice an angry growl. "To see you give what you would not give me.....to see you with another...."
"Now just one minute!" Silmeria exclaimed. "I am not intending to get intimate like that with any other male." She managed not to blush, hoping Brahms didn't notice her clumsy choice of wording. "There are female vampires after all....what if I want to make a friend?"
"A friend?" His expression twisted into amusement. "With who? Surren?"
"What? NO! Anyone but her!" Silmeria protested. "Surely not all the vampires are like Surren and that other one..."
"Risana..." Brahms murmured almost absentmindedly.
"I have to try, right?" Silmeria continued, thinking, hoping his anger was cooling down. "If I am going to live among your people...." She did a small shrug of her shoulders. "I have to make an effort. To get along with them, not go ballistic at the first bitch to come along. I have to do more than just live among them...if I want to thrive, doesn't that mean I should form relationships? To have people I can count on?"
"Vandimeer and Gideon are as trust worthy as they come." Brahms told her.
"Yes, I'm sure you trust them implicitly." Silmeria answered. "But those are your friends. I need time. The time to develop my own opinions of the people around me. To judge who I deem worthy." A small, tremulous smile was offered him. "You don't intend to keep me isolated do you? To leave me dependent on you and you alone?"
Again that agitated movement, Brahms raking claws through his hair. "No...no..." He sounded like he was trying to remind himself of that too, Brahms sighing. "I want you to rule at my side, not be my prisoner...."
"Then..." Silmeria tried to keep calm, but she was sure he could hear the increase of her heart's beat. She was hopeful and excited, navigating difficult waters with an end finally in sight. That end came with the chance for more freedoms allowed to her, Silmeria trying to act indifferent as she made a suggestion. "You will allow me out of this room?"
Her heart beat was almost painful in her chest, Silmeria trying not to hold her breath as she waited for Brahms' answer. It was a long time coming, Brahms shifting a step back from her. His claws flexed, a betrayal of his agitation. "Some chaperoned excursions can be allowed....."
She tried not to frown. It wasn't what she wanted, Brahms denying her the freedom to come and go from this room as she pleased. "Only chaperoned ones?" She fought to keep her own anger from exploding at his nod. "So I what? Wait on your leisure....for you to have a free moment to baby-sit me?" Silmeria scoffed at his next nod. "Vandimeer can show me around."
The look Brahms gave her made Silmeria think the jealous male was fighting to remember that Vandimeer was his trusted friend. "Vandimeer is not...as capable to handle things should...another incident like the one in the ball room happen."
"It will not." Silmeria insisted. He gave her a pointed look of disbelief. "I will be in control of my emotions, so long as I feed. There will not be a problem." Brahms remained unmoving, Silmeria wanting to stamp her foot down in tantrum. "At least take the enchantment off the window!"
"It is there as much for your protection as anything else..." Brahms' words had Silmeria letting out an infuriated sound, the vampiress turning her back on him. "Silmeria...this is a dangerous time. It's not just Odin's assassins you have to fear.....There are those who...."
"Tell me about your life before Odin infected you with the parasite." Silmeria interrupted.
She didn't have to look at Brahms to guess he was frowning at her, his words grumbling under his breath about recalcitrant females. She was too angry at being denied, to properly be shamed, nor was Silmeria particularly interested in listening to any excuses Brahms could offer her in defense of his refusals.
"Only if you listen to me first." Brahms said, and she felt the heat of his hand as he touched her shoulder. She bit back a hiss, not realizing he had come so close to her.
"I'm listening." She said, still not turning to look at him. Again she felt his disapproval, as though his emotions were a tangible force.
"I have enemies to my crown....people who would love to use you against me...." He spoke in an urgent tone, his sharp tipped nails petting over her shoulder in a gentle way. It felt good, but never distracted her from her upset. "You must be wary..."
"Won't matter." Silmeria grumbled. "Never going to get out of this room without a baby sitter."
"Silmeria!" He grit out her name with such force, his hand turning her to look at him. "I do this not to punish but to protect you and my crown. There are dangers to you going out alone, and until you are better equip to navigate this new world I've brought you into....you will need a guide." His hand actually cupped her cheek, thumb caressing over her skin in a way that made her shiver and want to close her eyes. "Someone to teach you about our ways, and who to watch out for...." His tone was almost cajoling now. "You weren't just thrust into the Valkyrie lifestyle, you had your sisters to teach you, yes?" A reluctant nod from her. "And I am sure your sisters helped you learn about the rights and wrongs of the heavens so you wouldn't needlessly make mistakes that could not only embarrass you, but endanger you. I only seek to do the same..."
"Fine..." Silmeria couldn't quite keep the sullen tone out of her voice. "I understand." She lifted up a hand, finger wagging at him. "But it doesn't mean I have to like it!"
Wonders of wonders, Brahms relaxed enough to let out the smallest of chuckles. "I can appreciate your impatience. There's a whole new world for you to explore..."
"I very much intend to do that." She agreed. "But I am impatient for something else as well..."
"Blood?" Brahms inquired, and the heat in his eyes had nothing to do with his earlier anger. With his hand on her cheek, Brahms all but looming over her with his impressive presence, Silmeria couldn't stop the blush that bloomed within her.
"Blood would be nice.....for later..." She demurred. "What I want is answers, information about the life you led that the memories won't show me."
Now it was Brahms turn to sigh, and she actually missed the feel of his hand when the vampire stepped away. "Why are you so persistent of that?"
Silmeria hesitated. "It's difficult to put in words." Her teeth worried at her bottom lip, Silmeria managing not to completely savage that flesh with her fangs. How could she admit that she was curious about him, that she was longing to know everything, hoping he had some kind of joy in his life before Odin thrust him into one tragedy after another.
"It's a life I lost." Brahms said in reply.
"That lost was painful for you..." She acknowledged. "Does it hurt to be reminded of it? To think on your past as a God?"
He paused, shrugging. "I have thought of little aside from vengeance and survival for many years now."
>
"And loneliness..." Silmeria added as a whisper, remembering that keen emotion from his memories. He had long to connect with another being. It was that longing that had led him to experiment, creating the first revenants, and eventually the vampires.
"Eternity is all the more difficult to get through when you are alone." He answered.
"But you weren't alone in the beginning." Silmeria quickly said. "You had your father...." A hesitation then. "And a mother....?"
"Not for long." A dark look filled his eyes, giving Silmeria the feeling he was about to reveal something terrible. "My mother never recovered after birthing me....Too weak to do much of anything but lay in bed, I know little of her save that she loved me...."
"Oh Brahms...." breathed out Silmeria in pure sympathy.
"Birthing a new God is a strain, even for a Goddess. Let alone a goddess who birth two within so short a period of time...." Brahms lowered his head, seeming ashamed. "If my mother had not gotten pregnant with me, she would still be alive...."
"You can't think that!" Silmeria exclaimed, even though she knew there was truth in some of what he said. A lot of time and energy went into creating a God. It wasn't at all like with the mortals, where all it really required to create a new human was a man and a woman to come together in sexual congress. When a God and Goddess made love, it required them both to desire and want to create a child. Only then could the Goddess get pregnant, her womb receiving not only the God's seed, but a generous portion of his power.
For all the Gods' power, even they were beings who had limits. A single person was never meant to hold the power of more than one God inside them. The very pregnancy always put the Goddess at risk, the baby inside her weakening her as it called upon her nurturing strength to slowly absorb the divine energy the father had gifted the child with.
It ha been centuries since any full fledged deities had been born. Silmeria could not even recall a new God being created during her long tenure as a Valkyrie. There had been no real need, all the important tasks of Creation being fulfilled by Odin's pantheon. It was probably different during the time of Brahms father and mother. When creation had been new, there had most likely been a need to bolster their numbers, to create the race that would come to rule over the realms.