Her arms were by her side, her wrists smothered in bracelets that glinted seductively in the torchlight, decorated with a dazzling combination of chocolate pearls, smooth and gleaming like globules of dark honey; crimson rubies like hardened droplets of blood; emeralds, viridian cat’s eyes staring at them in the gloom. A low cut, black velvet dress displayed the huge swell of her breasts, fat gold chains shaped like Diamond Back snakes writhed around her neck and disappeared inside her deep cleavage. A diamond studded tiara was perched perfectly on her head as if she were about to be wedlocked. She lay there with her riches and gothic attire like a vampiress in her crypt, awaiting the sanctuary of night.
Other gold coins and jewels had been rained down on top of her like priceless confetti, and Nick Black only now spotted the bones, the remains of her husband, lying next to and beneath her, his skull, minus its jaw bone, sitting underneath a gold crown.
They were intertwined like true lovers.
Nick Black stared on in disbelief. All four of them the same, as if they had each taken a hit from Medusa’s beam. He started shaking his head. It was like a scene straight out of The Goonies—One Eyed Willie on his pirate ship, except this was Big Titted Ellie in her dying crypt, lying there with all her gold, and suddenly Nick Black knew what that kid Sean Austin felt like when he saw Willie’s dodgy eye and needed a long toke on his inhaler. He was as equally breathless.
‘I-I can’t believe what I’m fucking seeing here,’ he gasped. ‘Tony, pinch me.’
‘There’s no need, you’re not dreaming, mate,’ Marco replied in a cool tone. Cool because he knew exactly what lay in this tomb, what he was seeing was no surprise. No surprise at all.
Marco smiled wryly and clapped his hands together. ‘Okay, gentlemen,’ he said. ‘Grab the loot.’
Nick Black turned to see Tony just staring in awe at her cleavage, transfixed.
‘They’re not real,’ Marco said to Tony, smiling. ‘Implants.’
‘You sure?’ Tony said, his stare never diverting from them.
‘Yeah.’ Marco shrugged. ‘Like I said, rich bitch.’
He then bent in and slowly unclipped a bracelet from her wrist and held it up to his face, lifting his shades up to get a better look at it. A golden all-seeing eye of Horus hanging from it glared back at him. He nodded his head in appreciation.
Nick XR2 had his mobile phone out and was dialling. When he was done, he put it on loud speaker and held it like a walkie-talkie.
Charlie’s voice then came on loudspeaker. ‘Is that you?’ he asked anxiously.
‘Yeah , Charlie,’ Nick XR2 replied.
‘What’s taking you so long?’ Charlie asked and Snoop barked in the background.
‘The lid was a real bitch,’ Nick XR2 answered, glancing at Nick Black as he spoke.
Nick Black just ignored him and unpicked a stud-encrusted brooch shaped like a scarab beetle from her dress.
‘How’s Taki doing?’
‘He’s doing all right, the faghead is still messing round with his car, but I don’t know how much longer he’s gonna hold him for.’
‘All right. Sit tight and we’ll be out sharpish, we’re filling up the bag now.’ There was silence from the other end. ‘Did you hear, Charlie? I said we’re filling the bag now.’
‘I heard you, I ain’t deaf.’
‘Don’t you wanna know what’s in here? It’s a sight, believe me!’
‘I don’t care, re. Blood money. You’re all welcome to it.’
‘Does that mean we get to keep his cut then?’ asked Marco, carefully plucking the tiara from her head.
‘Do what you like,’ Charlie replied indifferently. ‘I’m just here to make sure you lot don’t get into trouble.’
‘Well, you keep doing that, Charlie. And let us know if anything’s up,’ Nick XR2 said.
‘Okay (bark)…’
Nick XR2 clicked ‘end call’ and turned his attention back to the tomb. ‘I can’t believe this shit,’ he said, shaking his head.
‘Believe it, mate, ’cos it’s real,’ Marco retorted, shoving a load of bracelets into his bag.
‘I just can’t get my head around the fact all this gold and wealth is just sitting here,’ Nick Black marvelled. ‘Right under everyone’s noses.’
‘You’d be surprised what secrets are buried right under our noses,’ Marco said. ‘Make your skin crawl.’
Nick Black didn’t like that expression right then. Didn’t like it at all. Make your skin crawl...He shivered and his skin did indeed start to crawl. Tony then caught his attention. He was bent over the tomb, still transfixed by the rich bitch’s tits. Nick Black watched on as Tony slowly reached out for them, his fingers wiggling on the air like the letch that he was. Nick Black was overtaken by revulsion. What the hell was he doing? He really didn’t want to watch what Tony was about to do, wanted to just turn away. Tony licked his lips, his wiggling worm like fingers getting closer and closer, beads of sweat forming on his forehead, his eyes locked on those twin peaks.
Nick Black couldn’t stand any more and reacted. ‘Tony!’ he shouted. ‘What the fuck do you think you’re doing?’
Tony didn’t respond. Instead, he licked his lips more. His eyes widened as his hands hovered over her tits. Nick Black winced, expecting him to grab and squeeze. But, to his amazement, Tony’s wiggling fingers carried on going. Like squid tentacles, they attached themselves to the Mr. T-like mass of gold chains dangling round her neck. He fiddled for a bit, his tongue jammed between his pursed lips, before he unlatched a few and pulled them away.
Nick Black puffed his cheeks. ‘Christ. I thought you were gonna…’ he said in a relieved gasp.
‘What?’ Tony replied, staring at the gold in his hands, fixated.
Nick Black held up a hand. ‘Never mind…’
‘Come on, re, stop stalling!’ Nick XR2 urged Nick Black. ‘Grab the shit. We ain’t got much time.’
‘He’s right,’ Marco said, shoving jewellery into the steadily bulging holdall. ‘Keep going.’
Nick Black was intrigued with the way Marco just casually reached in and touched dead bodies and bones. It was almost like he had done this before. Well, yeah, silly, he’s a professional grave robber. That’s what he does…
Nick Black thought that could well be the case. He shrugged and tentatively opened up her hand to release the small pile of Krugerrands she clutched. Her cold hand almost made him want to throw up. He closed his eyes and thought of the cash, and only the cash, just the cash…
‘How much do you think this shit is worth?’ Tony asked no one in particular, staring at the gold chains in his hands.
‘A lot,’ Marco replied. ‘Trust me. This is all pure. Twenty-four carat gold, type 2 diamonds, Burmese rubies. These people were rich when they were alive, and trust me, didn’t give a fuck how much it all cost. Now come on, we gotta go.’
Now all four of them were wading in, grabbing whatever they could, and shoving it in the holdall.
‘It’s a shame your mate out there don’t want his cut,’ Marco said with a wide grin on his face. ‘All this lovely money. Imagine what you could do with it…’
‘What are you gonna do with your cut, Marco?’ Nick Black asked in an excited voice, his earlier nerves now dissipated.
‘Haven’t decided yet,’ Marco replied with an air of overconfidence. ‘Might wing round to Tony’s in a flash motor, and take his sister out…’
Nick Black froze.
His blood suddenly ran cold, and it wasn’t the dead body causing it. Oh no, you prick, he thought with extreme apprehension. What the hell did you just say? And why oh why oh why did you just fucking say it?
He stared at Marco open mouthed, his breath baited. Maybe Marco was just trying to get on with Tony better by ribbing him. Maybe he was trying to get even for the other night. Maybe the excitement rushed up to his head and he didn’t know what he was saying. Maybe the crazy fucker even actually meant it. But whatever the reason was, it was never reason enough to joke
about Maria like that to Tony. Rule number one, dickhead—don’t talk to Tony about Maria unless you absolutely have to. But, what you never ever did, under any circumstances, without exception, was make jokes about her, especially jokes that implied you wanted to fuck her.
That, my friend, was suicide.
The world seemed to stop dead. Nick Black felt his own eyes widen to bursting point. He watched Marco come to a slow stop, and he stared at Nick Black nonplussed.
Stupid fucker doesn’t even realise what he just said, Nick Black’s mind verified.
Then, from nowhere: ‘What the fuck did you say?’ Tony bellowed, simultaneously throwing expensive jewels across the mausoleum as if they were nothing but cheap Christmas cracker trinkets.
Nick Black knew what was coming next because he could see that blank look in Tony’s eyes coming on. That wild-eyed, demonic stare that made his eyes look totally black as if his pupils had dilated so large they swallowed his irises whole. It always reminded Nick Black of those gingerbread men his mum used to buy him from Tesco’s when he was a kid, the ones that had Smarties for eyes. They were flat and perfectly round, just like Tony’s eyes when he lost it. Black Smarties.
Tony marched towards Marco, grabbing the first thing he could find, which was a femur bone from inside the tomb.
‘Tony!’ Nick XR2 shouted, but Tony didn’t hear because Tony Savva wasn’t home.
Nick Black put his hands in the air in a desperate bid to halt the juggernaut, but it was no use. Tony just shoved him out the way like he wasn’t there.
And then rushed Marco.
‘Fucking say it again!’ Tony shouted.
He drew his arm back, his teeth bared in a sickening grimace of hate. Marco threw off his shades and slung them to the side, and now Nick Black saw something in Marco’s eyes for the first time since they met. Fear. Pure, unadulterated fear. The other night, he wasn’t scared of Tony, but now that he had seen this other…thing, it had triggered off all types of fear inside him good and proper. It hung around him like a bad fucking smell. And maybe that was what Tony had wanted all along since that night at the fair. Had wanted this prick to be scared of him, the way everyone else was. ’Cos he was supposed to be scared wasn’t he, Tone? That was what was supposed to happen. But, Marco had defied him, looked him in the eye and said ‘FUCK YOU!’
But not this time.
And Nick Black pitied the fool.
Tony let out a loud grunt just as he jumped towards Marco, and brought the bone down in a long arc.
Marco was rooted. Rooted by the fear that had suddenly enveloped him.
‘No, Tone!’ Nick Black shouted, his arm outstretched in a last desperate bid, but it was too late. There was a dull crack as the bone connected perfectly with Marco’s skull, smashing his shades to pieces.
And Tony didn’t stop there.
He quickly brought the bone round again in a hook motion, this time connecting with the side of Marco’s head. There was another loud crack and this time blood flew.
Marco hit the deck in a flash.
Nick Black put both his hands out in front of him now, as if he could somehow stop him, but when Tony lost it, he was simply unstoppable.
Tony jumped on top of Marco and started raining blows from above, shouting ‘Say it again!’ over and over with every swipe of the bone in his hand. It was like watching the ape during The Dawn of Man introduction to 2001: A Space Odyssey.
Not that Tony, the uncultured prick, would even know what 2001: A Space Odyssey was.
He brought the bone down again with a grunt and there was a dull, sickening thud.
Nick Black turned away to see Nick XR2 standing on the other side of the tomb, his head bowed, making his face shadow. He was just watching. Watching the scene unfold in front of him, probably realising that there was nothing he could do, and just accepting it, letting it play out.
Nick Black turned back round to see Tony still thumping away at Marco, whose body had become horrifyingly still and leaden. ‘Fucking say it again!’ Tony shouted.
‘Tony!’ Nick Black shouted in return, but Tony ignored him.
A sudden rush of anger took Nick Black over, and he leapt to his feet. With a roar, he rushed over to Tony and managed to grab his arm just as he was pulling it back, winding up for another blow. Tony howled and tried to throw him off, but Nick Black held on. He yanked and Tony came back with him, stripping him from Marco’s body like he was a piece of Velcro.
‘Enough, Tone!’ Nick Black shouted. ‘That’s enough!’
And this time he seemed to get through to him because Tony didn’t try and go back. Instead, he dropped the bone, bent over and grabbed his knees, his chest heaving.
Now that the chaos had subsided, Nick XR2 finally stepped forwards. He went and bent down next to Marco’s prone body. ‘Marco. Marco, wake up,’ he said, slapping him lightly on the face.
He put his ear next to his mouth.
After a second or two, he sat up and shook his head. ‘He-he ain’t breathing,’ he said.
‘Are you sure?’ Nick Black asked, anxious.
‘Yeah, yeah,’ Nick XR2 replied and then looked up at Nick Black with wide eyes. ‘He’s… dead.’
*****
Taki nervously tapped his hands on his thighs.
They had been too long in there. Way too long. He glanced at his watch. It should have taken them five to eight minutes max; they had already been in there ten. This was supposed to be a slick operation that ran like clockwork: in-out, see ya later. The barrier man had already been to work on his engine twice. He had checked the oil, the water, the sparks. Luckily for them, he thought himself a bit of an expert mechanic and actually relished the opportunity to help out.
‘Well, you’re battery’s not leaking,’ he said from under the bonnet. ‘I really dunno what’s up with it.’
He stood upright and scratched his head. A car horn made him glance up and squint his eyes. A Mercedes had stopped in front of the barrier and was waiting for Taki to move so he could get past. The barrier man hopped up to his window, flipped the switch to raise the exit barrier. He then ushered the car under it before returning to Taki.
‘Look, son,’ he said. ‘I can’t leave you here any longer ’cos there’s people wanting to get through. We’ll have to push you to the side, and you’ll have to call the AA or RAC or summink.’
Taki sighed. ‘Okay, mate.’
There was nothing else he could say. He had done his bit. The plan’s time limit was always going to be dependent on just how patient the barrier man was, and they had actually lucked out on that score, because he had been pretty fucking generous with his time.
But even that wasn’t enough…
The barrier man closed up the bonnet and moved round to the back of the car, the mausoleum now in his eyesight. Taki gave it an anxious glance. Nothing stirred. He checked his phone. No calls. Charlie then caught his eye. He was sitting on a park bench, Snoop messing round somewhere behind him. He saw Taki staring at him and shrugged, his mouth turned downwards. He didn’t know what was going on either. Something was definitely up and Taki didn’t like it.
‘All right, steer while I push,’ the barrier man said from behind him.
Taki went and opened the driver’s door, grabbed the steering wheel, and started pushing along with the barrier man. Being a Mini, in no time they got it over to the side of the road, out of the way of the barriers and other cars. The barrier man dusted his hands and reached for another cigarette. He placed it between his lips.
‘Thanks, mate,’ Taki said as he closed the driver’s door.
The barrier man gave him a tired salute before trudging back to his position just outside the window, where he could see them coming out of the mausoleum if he happened to be looking that way at the right time.
If they ever come out…
Taki puffed his cheeks and stared at his phone, willing Nick Theodorou to ring. He looked up at the sky to see a big grey cloud hovering over his head, and then
from that to the mausoleum, which was deadly quiet. He wondered what the hell they were doing in there.
He hoped to God that everything was all right.
*****
Nick Black marched over to Marco’s body, bent down, and started slapping his cheek, smearing blood across it. ‘Marco? Marco? Marco, wake up! Fucking wake up!’ he shouted, now slapping him hard. Marco didn’t flinch.
Nick Black put his fingers just below his Yin Yang tattoo to feel for a pulse. There was none.
‘He’s dead isn’t he?’ Nick XR2 asked. Nick Black grabbed his own mouth and chin with both hands and looked away, unable to respond. He could feel the anger rising inside him again. Tony, the selfish prick, had just given them a massive problem all for the sake of his fucking sister.
The self centred fuck!
Nick Black spun his head round to face Tony; he was just staring back at them both from his bent-over position, catching his breath. His eyes were dark, brooding.
‘What have you done, you fucking prick?’ Nick Black shouted at him.
‘You heard what he said,’ Tony replied between breaths.
His obvious lack of regret made Nick Black even angrier. ‘What did he say, Tone? WHAT THE FUCK DID HE SAY?’
He marched towards Tony.
Tony stood upright and glared down at him. ‘He talked shit about Maria,’ he replied in a calm voice. ‘I ain’t having that shit, you know that!’
‘WHAT SHIT DID HE SAY? WHAT FUCKING SHIT? WHATEVER IT WAS, IT AIN’T NO REASON TO KILL THE BLOKE! WHY THE FUCK DO YOU HAVE TO DO THIS SHIT EVERY TIME? WHY?’
‘What are you getting angry for, re?’ Tony asked. ‘You liked this prick?’
‘It ain’t about that, Tone, for God’s sake. It’s about you clubbing someone to death like a caveman for making a fucking joke about your sister!’
‘He disrespected her and me. Prick deserved it!’
‘Well, that’s all right then,’ Nick Black said sarcastically. ‘because you know what you are now, Tone?’
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