“For a face-lift, because that’s what it’s going to take to get you looking like that.”
Michelle was sitting next to Bridgette and couldn’t believe what her sister had just said to her best friend. “Amaryllis, that wasn’t nice.”
“What? Bridgette knows good and well that it’s gonna take a plastic surgeon, a magic wand, a genie in a bottle, and an exorcist to get that demon called ‘Ugly’ out of her face to make her look like that picture.”
Again, Michelle was stunned. “Amaryllis!”
Bridgette looked at her friend. “I know you ain’t talking, Amaryllis. Not the way your breath smells like you’ve been licking booty pops.”
The other women waiting in the lobby heard Bridgette and laughed. Michelle was a regular at the salon, and she didn’t come to be embarrassed. “You two are causing a scene. Will you please be quiet?”
Bridgette got up and went to the receptionist’s desk and spoke loud enough for everyone in the lobby to hear. “Excuse me, do you do colon cleansing? My friend in the blue jean dress has foul breath all the time, and I think that if she gets her insides cleaned out, it might help her. She’s tried everything else.”
The waiting room was filled with laughter. Michelle, on the other hand, was not entertained. Even though she was dark skinned, her face was red with humiliation.
Amaryllis approached the receptionist’s desk and stood next to Bridgette. “Excuse me. Do you have an M80 I can stick in her nose? Because, the only way to get rid of that type of ugly is to blow up her face.”
In a matter of fifteen minutes, the lobby was turned into a circus. One woman was laughing so hard, she had tears in her eyes. Michelle got up and walked to the receptionist’s desk and drew a line through all three of their names on the registry list and then walked out of the salon. Amaryllis and Bridgette followed her, but before they got to the door, they heard another lady say, “Can you do one more?”
When they got to Michelle’s Navigator, they knew she was steaming. Amaryllis and Bridgette fussed and fought like that all of the time, but no matter how much they argued, they always had each other’s back. They got in the truck and said at the same time, “We’re sorry, Michelle.”
Michelle had to count to ten and calm herself down before she spoke to them. “I can’t believe how you embarrassed me in there. For years I’ve been coming to this place, and now, thanks to you two, I can’t show my face there ever again. I spent close to two thousand dollars to bring you here for the weekend and was willing to spend more money to get you ready for tonight. I don’t have money to waste. If I wanted to see people signifying on each other, I could’ve stayed at home and watched Comicview on BET.” She started the engine and drove away. Amaryllis and Bridgette sat in silence as they rode to the shopping mall.
At Nieman Marcus, Michelle, Bridgette, and Amaryllis were next in line for the dressing room when a woman who looked to weigh close to two hundred fifty pounds emerged from the fitting room and stood in front of a three-way mirror to model a red stretch dress. Michelle was the first to see her and silently prayed that her sister and her ghetto friend would not see her.
They were talking among themselves when the woman asked Michelle a question.
“Excuse me, how does this dress look on me. Be honest.”
Bridgette and Amaryllis stopped talking and looked at the woman. Michelle tried her best to say the right thing. She didn’t want to just come right out and tell the woman the gospel truth. Before she spoke, she prayed for the right words. “Well, maybe if you tried another color…”
Bridgette stepped next to Michelle. “Michelle, she said ‘be honest.’” Bridgette looked at the woman. “Sweet baby, if the spandex company knew what you were doing to their material, they’d sue your big behind.”
Amaryllis took her cellular phone out of her purse and pretended to dial a number. “Hello, is this the Spandex Company? I got somebody over here that thinks she’s a size three and ain’t. Okay, see you in five minutes.” Amaryllis looked at the woman. “They’re sending somebody over to put you in a straitjacket because you’re crazy as heck for even thinking that you could wear something like that.”
Michelle placed the dresses she had in her hand on the nearest rack, hung her head in shame, and exited the store. She got in her truck and leaned her head back on the headrest. “Lord Jesus, help me make it through this day.”
Ten minutes later, Bridgette and Amaryllis got in the truck. Michelle looked at them both in shame. “You two need to get saved and act like you’re saved. Why is it that every time we go somewhere, y’all got to do tha fool and embarrass me? Huh? Can either one of you answer that question?”
Amaryllis looked at her sister. “Michelle, why would you even think of lying to that poor woman. You would actually let her buy that dress and think she’s the bomb?”
“I told her to try another color.”
Bridgette spoke from the backseat. “Michelle, it didn’t matter what color she tried on. She would still look like a sloppy fool, and you know it.”
Michelle glanced at Bridgette in the rearview mirror. “Bridgette, since you’ve been here, I have told you time and time again to watch your mouth. Now, I see why you two are the best of friends—ghetto fabulous and ghetto marvelous.”
Amaryllis put her seat belt on. “Yeah, whatever. Come on and take us to the shoe store.”
“No, I’m not going anywhere else with you two.”
“Come on, sis, we’ll be good. We promise.” Amaryllis turned around and looked at Bridgette. “Won’t we be good, Bridge?”
“Yeah, we’ll be good, Michelle. We promise,” Bridgette confirmed.
Michelle turned all the way around and looked at them both. “Okay, but if you embarrass me, I promise you both that you’re going to a hotel tonight and so help me God, I ain’t playin’.”
The Jimmy Choo shoe store inside Caesar’s Palace was a bit crowded, but Amaryllis managed to get a salesman’s attention. He told her that he’d be with her as soon as he was finished with another customer. The three of them were sitting and waiting when Michelle saw a lady across from them trying to stuff what appeared to be a size ten foot in a size eight shoe. Immediately, she lowered her head and told God that if He truly loved her, He wouldn’t let Amaryllis and Bridgette see that. Quickly, Michelle started a conversation with them to try and keep them distracted.
“So, how has the weather been in Chi-town?” Michelle asked.
Before either one of them could answer the question, the three of them heard the woman get angry with the shoe salesman. “I don’t know what kind of shoes you’re selling, because I know that I wear a size eight.”
The salesman sat down on a stool in front of her and tried with all of his might to stuff her big foot in the toosmall shoe. “Ma’am, this isn’t gonna work. Let me get you a larger size.”
“I don’t need a larger size. I wear an eight. I wanna speak to the manager.”
Michelle looked at Bridgette and Amaryllis and reminded them that if they said one word, they were going to a hotel. Both of them balled up their lips and sat still and watched the woman act a fool.
The manager came and sat in front of her and tried to force the shoes on her feet. “Ma’am, I’m sorry but a size eight is too small for your feet. Let’s try a slightly larger size.” “No, I ain’t trying a bigger size. That’s what I get for coming in this cheap store. Y’all ain’t got nothing to suit my taste anyway.”
Amaryllis was quiet for as long as she could be. “Look, lady, the man was trying to be nice. Why are you trying to force those cruise ships into yachts? Face the fact that you got big feet.”
Michelle was too outdone. She placed her face in her hands. “Oh my God.”
The woman stood up. “I’m not even talking to you. This is between me and the salesman.”
Amaryllis stood and took a step toward the woman. “And it’s also between me when I got to sit here and wait until a lightbulb goes on in your head. If you wear a
size fifteen, then buy a size fifteen. And get a pedicure every once in a while. You wear your shoes so tight, your toes look like pork crackling.”
The woman was ready to fight. “Oh, no, you didn’t.”
The manager saw that they were attracting too much attention, and he came and stood in between them. “Ladies, please.”
Fuming, Michelle got up and exited the shoe store. On her cellular phone she dialed information. “Connect me to a hotel, please, any hotel.”
Michelle walked in the front door and went straight into the den where James was lying on the sofa watching a basketball game. She threw her purse on the sofa next to him, then walked and stood in front of the television with her back to him. She placed her hands on the television and bent over. “Kick me, James.”
He sat up and looked at her. “What?”
“I need my butt kicked for bringing them here. What was I thinking?”
“Why are you so angry?”
“If they did to you what they did to me today, you’d be angry too. Now come on and kick me, because I deserve it.”
James went to Michelle, turned her around, and pulled her into his arms. “It can’t be that bad.”
Amaryllis and Bridgette walked in the front door and saw James holding Michelle.
Michelle looked in their direction and watched them both go upstairs without saying a word.
“Look at them, James. Lucy and Ethel. They ain’t sayin’ a word. That’s how you know they’re guilty.”
James sat Michelle down on the sofa, took her shoes off, and gently massaged her feet. “What did they do?”
By the time Michelle finished telling him how her sister and her friend clowned earlier that day, he was on the floor holding his stomach, laughing with tears in his eyes. “That’s too funny, Mickey. Now, I wished that I had gone with you.”
“James, don’t laugh because you’ll only encourage them.”
“Mickey, they were just having fun.”
“Yeah, at my expense. I’m the one who was embarrassed.”
“Don’t take it personally. Look at it this way: the conference is tonight, and they’re leaving in the morning.”
Michelle raised her hands toward heaven. “Hallelujah. Thank you, Jesus.”
Chapter 16
Later that evening, First Lady Cookie Graham was conducting praise and worship service and flowing prophetically.
Amaryllis and Bridgette heard the women of God speaking in an unknown tongue. They both looked at Michelle, who had her eyes closed, also speaking in tongues.
Amaryllis whispered to her friend, “This is some crazy stuff.”
“You ain’t lying, but if we can’t understand them, we might as well join them.”
They closed their eyes, and between the two of them, Michelle heard, “Phe, phi, pho, phum, mama say mama saw ma ma coo saw, zippity do da, chitty chitty bang bang.”
Her eyes flew open in horror, and she tapped Amaryllis’s shoulder. “What are y’all saying?”
Amaryllis shrugged her shoulders. “We don’t know. What are you saying?”
Michelle was so embarrassed she didn’t know what to do. “Are you sure that y’all were baptized? I mean, did y’all get in the water? Something ain’t right, because you two are not saved, I don’t care what you say. And if you really were baptized, then you need to get rebaptized.”
Bridgette looked at her. “Why?”
“Because somehow or someway, the two of you missed God. You have been acting a fool all day. I can understand that you’re babes in Christ, but my God, you two are ridiculous. You don’t just open your mouths and say anything. This is a church. These women are worshiping God in a secret code.”
Amaryllis didn’t understand. “Why a secret code?”
“So, the enemy can’t understand. It’s a personal conversation and a gift of the Holy Ghost.” They both looked confused, and Michelle didn’t have the time to explain it to them. “Look, just shut up and don’t say anything.”
Just then, Cookie introduced to some and presented to others Prophetess Dr. Michellene Anderson. Everyone began applauding this great woman of God. She stood and walked to the podium with as much grace as God would allow her to carry. Prophetess Anderson was well-known for her quick and very raw anointing power.
“Every woman jump to your feet right now, right now,” she instructed.
All of the women stood.
“Look at your neighbor and say, ‘Neighbor.’”
The women said in unison, “Neighbor.”
“Every female that reaches the age of eighteen is legally considered a woman.”
They repeated. “Every female that reaches the age of eighteen is legally considered a woman.”
“Now ask your neighbor, ‘But are you a lady?’”
The women chanted, “But are you a lady?”
At that moment, the women knew that Prophetess Anderson was on fire for the Lord, and through the Holy Spirit, she was on the verge of disrupting the entire congregation. They encouraged her to do what she did best, which was to get in everybody’s business.
“Tell it like it is, Prophetess…Don’t sugarcoat nothing…Come on and give us the word.”
From the back of the church someone yelled, “Go ahead and preach!”
The prophetess was as sharp as she wanted to be, dressed in a two-piece silk, sky-blue Marc Jacobs suit. Her jacket fit her every curve and displayed three authentic Swarovski crystal buttons down the center. The long sleeves were cuffed at the wrist, also adorned with crystals at the wrists. The jacket collar had an asymmetrical affect. Her ears sparkled with two and half carat platinum studs at her every move. She was sharp from head to toe, standing in silver glittered shimmers and sky-blue sling-back silk pumps. Sweat beads popped out on her forehead, and she wiped her face with a matching eight-by-ten-inch royal-blue terry cloth hand towel trimmed in silver lace. Her armor bearer brought her Bible and notebook and placed them on the podium in front of her.
Prophetess Anderson looked at what appeared to be about two hundred women standing in her presence. “What a mighty God we serve.”
The sanctuary was filled with amens.
“I can’t get any help in here. I said ‘What a mighty God we serve.’”
“Amen, Prophetess…Sho’ you right…Yes, Lord, we serve a mighty God.”
She wiped her face again. “First and foremost, I am privileged to be a child of the King, for without Him, there is no me. I give great honor to the Lord Jesus Christ.”
The women were fired up and ready. “Hallelujah, glory to God.”
She turned her attention to Cookie. “And to my friend and my praying partner whom I love dearly. The first lady of this fine edifice, Mrs. Cookie Graham.”
The women applauded their first lady and blew her kisses.
“Praise God. I’m honored to stand before you today. I’ve been on a fast all week, receiving what God wants me to minister to you today. Truly the Lord is in this place.” She opened her Bible and notebook. “Those of you who have your Bibles, please turn with me to Saint Mark, chapter five, commencing at verse twenty-five and concluding at verse thirty-four.” She looked around the church. “If you’re standing next to someone without a Bible say, ‘Shame on you, but I’ll share with you.’”
The women exchanged the comment.
“Ladies, please know that if there was ever a time when we need the Word of God, the time is now. Never, under any circumstances, are you to enter a sanctuary without your Word, amen?”
They answered, “Amen.”
“I don’t care who’s before you preaching or teaching. Don’t just take for granted that they’re speaking the truth. Read God’s Word for yourself and know that you know that you know that the minister is rightly dividing the Word of truth. Second Timothy, chapter three, verses sixteen and seventeen say that ‘All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God
may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work.’ Second Timothy, chapter two, verse fifteen says, ‘Be diligent to present yourself approved to God, a worker who does not need to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.’ In other words, you are to study God’s Word for yourself.”
Prophetess Anderson wiped her face again. “I can remember a few years back when a pastor of a church preached to his congregation that Jesus was coming back on a certain date. He advised his flock to quit their jobs and sell their goods and give all of the money to the church. I sat and watched on the evening news one night and saw the people inside the church repenting for their sins and sending up praises to God.
“Well, lo and behold, Jesus didn’t come back that night nor the next night nor the next. The pastor couldn’t explain why the saints of God were still here on earth. He said that Jesus had spoken to him and told him that He’d be back on that particular day. In Revelation, chapter three, somewhere around the second or third verse, Jesus says, ‘Be watchful and strengthen the things which remain that are ready to die, for I have not found your works perfect before God. Remember therefore how you have received and heard; hold fast and repent. Therefore if you will not watch, I will come upon you as a thief, and you will not know what hour I will come upon you.’ And Matthew, chapter twenty-four, verse forty-four says, ‘Therefore you also be ready, for the Son of Man is coming at an hour you do not expect.’
“Now the souls of that church were damaged, and they questioned the very existence of God. The Lord had to come in and mend broken and damaged hearts. But had the people read the Word for themselves, they would have known better.
“Ladies, I beg you, do not be deceived by false teachings. Establish a personal relationship with God and know His Word for yourself, and if any of you are being taught anything other than what the Word of God says, I encourage you to seek spiritual leadership where the Word of God is being rightly divided. Can I get an amen?”
“Amen…amen…amen,” the women responded.
“Saint Mark, chapter five, verse twenty-five reads, ‘Now a certain woman had a flow of blood for twelve years, and had suffered many things from many physicians. She had spent all that she had and was no better, but rather grew worse. When she heard about Jesus, she came behind Him in the crowd and touched His garment. For she said, “If only I may touch His clothes, I shall be made well.” Immediately the fountain of her blood was dried up, and she felt in her body that she was healed of the affliction. And Jesus, immediately knowing in Himself that power had gone out of Him, turned around in the crowd and said, “Who touched my clothes?”’
Crossroads Page 12