“In order to get a lighter sentence.”
“I guess.”
Her father leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms. “I still don’t understand why you felt you had to leave. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad you’re home, but I wonder if this is where you really belong.”
How could she make her father understand? She’d dreamed of a life with Jacob, but those hopes had evaporated in the light of reality. “When I told you about praying for the courage to change my life, I never anticipated how being involved with other people could hurt them.”
“You think you hurt someone?”
“I almost hurt Beverly Lewis and her daughter. They were in the truck with me when I was run off the road.”
“But you didn’t cause the accident. That wasn’t your fault.”
“I also hurt Jacob.”
Her father propped one elbow on the table and rested his head in his hand, as if settling in for a long discussion. “Why do you think you hurt Jacob?”
“He thinks he failed, and it’s all my fault. He knew how important Granddad’s church was to me, so he tried to find the arsonists on his own. He wanted to guard the church, but he believed the call from the sheriff’s office was genuine. He wanted to protect me, but he wasn’t there when the arsonists attacked. Don’t you see, Dad? None of that would have happened if I hadn’t loaned out Granddad’s church to begin with. He wouldn’t even have been involved.”
“Judith, he wasn’t just involved with you, he loves you.”
The words twisted Judith’s heart. She’d had Jacob’s precious love, but hadn’t known how to nurture it.
“And you left without saying a word to him?”
Judith nodded.
“Oh Judith, I hardly know where to begin.” Her father stood and thrust his hands in his pockets. He paced the length of the kitchen before returning to his chair. “Let’s start with the church. You knew there was a high probability your grandfather’s church would be destroyed, so why are you grieving for that old building?”
“I’m not. Not exactly.”
“That church is like a casualty of war. It ought to be awarded a Purple Heart or something. Maybe you could paint a picture of it, sort of a memorial to its heroic sacrifice.”
Not a bad idea, Judith thought, and recalled the day she’d first seen the building. It had been expectantly waiting for its worshipers to return. She’d paint it with Henry’s congregation in attendance, their faces alive with devotion and praise.
“Second,” her dad said, “we have the issue of Jacob Fraser and his hurt feelings. Jacob’s a grown man, Judith. He’ll work through his emotions. All you have to do is give him time and support. You don’t think he’s a failure, do you?”
“Of course not.”
“That’s all he needs to know. Keep showing him your love and esteem and he’ll get over it.”
Showing him love and esteem would be easy. But she’d have to go back to Piney Meadow in order to do it.
“Next,” her father continued, “we have the question of the help you gave to Henry Washington. Do you regret helping him and his congregation?”
“No.”
“Even though it led to all these problems?”
“No. I’d do it again.”
“That sums it all up, doesn’t it? Surely you don’t think that doing the right thing is always easy.”
This conversation wasn’t going the way Judith had envisioned. Her father was using logic, but he didn’t realize the emotional price she’d exacted from her new friends. “But the women who visited, the ones who told me they were from some historical society? I let them in.” Judith walked to her front door. “See all these locks? There was a time when I did everything I could to keep out people who would hurt me. But then I tried to change.” Judith’s voice rose with each sentence. “The whole time those ladies were traipsing around Granddad’s church, I had a feeling something wasn’t right, but I ignored it, thinking it was just fear shouting its old refrain.” She placed her hands on the sides of her head. “I can’t tell the difference between the voice of fear and the voice of good sense.”
“And how do you expect to learn the difference?”
Judith dropped her hands and lowered her voice. “I don’t know. Maybe I can’t.”
“You may be right.”
Anger flickered at the base of Judith’s spine. Had her father actually said she’d never learn to live without fear? “What did you say?”
“Since you won’t settle for anything less than perfection, you’ll probably never learn to tell the difference. You’ve heard of trial-and-error, haven’t you?”
“Sure.”
“Well, how can you learn if you never make an error?”
He’d tricked her. She might settle for a small, quiet life without love, but it rankled her to have someone else agree with her. “But what if that error hurts other people?”
“Then you deal with the hurt. But, Judith, I still don’t see who you hurt. Beverly Lewis knew what could happen. I’m not saying she expected to be involved in a car wreck, but she knew the reason behind the arsonists’ actions, knew they might come after you—or anyone who was with you.”
Judith recalled the day she’d spoken with Beverly and Henry after the destruction of her barn. They’d said almost the same thing.
“And I’d bet Jacob doesn’t believe you’ve hurt him, either,” her father said. “I understand where he’s coming from. When your mother died, I blamed myself for the longest time. If I’d been home, I could have protected both of you. But I went to work that day, never suspecting it would be the last time I’d kiss my wife goodbye, never suspecting the life-long burden you’d live with.”
Sympathy flooded Judith’s heart. “Oh, Dad, I never knew—”
Aaron waved his hand. “It doesn’t matter now. It hurt to see you crawl into your protective shell, cowering from the big, bad world and forfeiting your future, and I prayed for you every day. When you told me that you’d felt the Holy Spirit urging you to claim the life the Lord planned for you, I knew my prayers had been answered.”
But she’d given up. After conquering so many of her fears, she’d simply conceded defeat and run back to her hiding place.
Her father took both of Judith’s hands in his. “You don’t really want to relinquish the small victories you’ve made, do you? I never want to lose you, Judith, but you no longer belong here.”
Judith’s shoulders slumped. “I have to go back, don’t I?”
“I’ll drive you there myself if I have to.”
Judith smiled at her father for the first time that evening. He didn’t want to lose her, but he believed she belonged in Piney Meadow. Wasn’t part of loving someone wanting what was best for them, even if it meant they’d leave? “I need a few days to think things over, but I’ll go back.”
Her father embraced her. “I’m so proud of you. Always have been.”
Judith’s eyes had been dry during the entire conversation, but her father’s last words filled them with tears of gratitude. How blessed she was to have such love.
****
Would Jacob forgive her for running away? No matter how she rationalized her departure from Piney Meadow, there was no denying the truth. She had run from her mistakes.
Would Jacob still want her?
Judith’s heart pounded in her throat as she turned onto the narrow road that led to her grandfather’s place. The small cabin seemed to smile at her as she passed it and drove straight to Beverly Lewis’s house. She’d no more than shut the car door when Keneisha grabbed her around the waist and squealed.
“Miss Judith! Miss Judith! Where you been?”
Judith turned in Keneisha’s embrace and cupped the girl’s chin. “I went to Dallas and visited my father. What’s new with you?”
“Where’s Pumpkin?”
“Staying with my Dad. That cat does not like to ride in the car.”
Keneisha’s gaze darkened with concern. “You
’re not going to leave her there, are you? I mean, you’re here to stay, aren’t you?”
That was the million dollar question. Everything depended on Jacob. If she’d hurt him so deeply that he no longer wanted to be with her, Judith wouldn’t be able to abide living in Piney Meadow. Seeing him around town, but no longer being special to him would be agony.
Beverly’s voice boomed from the front porch. “It’s about time you showed up.”
Judith climbed the steps towards Beverly’s welcoming smile.
Beverly wrapped her arms around Judith’s shoulders and pulled her into a warm hug. “What took you so long?”
“I…had to get away.”
Beverly studied Judith’s face. “I feel a long talk coming on. Come on inside.”
Judith followed Beverly into the kitchen and sat down.
Beverly eased into the chair opposite Judith and rested her arms on the table. “Now, Judith, tell me all about it.”
“I hardly know where to start. What’s happened since I’ve been gone?”
“The sheriff made more arrests. You know that phone call Jacob got the night of the fire? The deputy who made that call was identified and arrested. The word is, he’s been spouting names left and right in order to keep himself out of jail. And you remember those FBI agents? We’ve got ourselves a whole slew of them around here now. The last I heard, they’d arrested more than twenty people.”
The loss of her grandfather’s church had led to so many arrests. Maybe it had been worth the high price she’d paid. “Has Dwight Thompson been arrested?”
“Not that I’ve heard of.”
Judith grimaced. Yet another mistake she’d made—condemning Dwight without evidence of wrongdoing.
“Does Jacob know you’re back?” Beverly asked.
“Not yet. To tell you the truth, I don’t know what to say to him.”
Beverly laughed loudly and clapped her hands in delight. “Oh, honey, you’re not going to have to say much of anything. Just show up and smile.”
“Actually, I need to ask you a favor.”
“Ask away.”
“Will you give me another cooking lesson?”
“Of course. Anything special?”
“Something really special.”
****
As she mounted the steps to Jacob’s office, Judith balanced the sweet potato pie as though it was fragile crystal.
“You won’t need a pie,” Beverly had told her, but Judith had wanted a peace offering.
She knocked timidly on the door.
“Come in,” his familiar voice answered.
Judith’s chest ached from the tense breath she’d trapped there, and her fingers trembled as she turned the knob.
Jacob’s back was turned as he bent over his desk, writing on an unseen sheet of paper.
Judith fought her shaky knees as she stepped into the room and closed the door.
But still he wrote, unmindful of her thundering heart.
She set the foil-covered dish on a nearby table and took several deep breaths. If only she could see Jacob’s face she’d be able to judge his reaction. Would he be angry? Hurt?
“Jacob?” she said, her voice just above a whisper.
He spun at the sound of her voice and fixed his gaze on her. With two long strides across the office floor, he pulled her into his arms and held her tightly against his chest. “Thank you, Lord,” he whispered into her hair.
Judith relaxed into his strength.
His hands bracketed her face and tipped her gaze up to his. “It’s about time you came home. I was about ready to make a trip to Dallas.”
“You would’ve come after me?”
“Of course. I wanted to give you time to think, but I can only stand so much.”
“You’re not angry?”
“Of course I’m angry. I’ve been worried sick about you, praying every hour for you to come back to me. Have you come to stay?”
Not answering, Judith nodded towards the table where she’d set the dish. “I brought you something.”
Jacob’s eyebrows rose in question.
Judith uncovered the pie.
“Is that what I think it is? Did Beverly make me a sweet potato pie?”
“It’s Beverly’s recipe, but I made it for you.”
The smile of comprehension lit Jacob’s face. “Now why would you make me a sweet potato pie?”
“You said once that Beverly’s pie was so good it would make a man—”
“Propose. I remember.”
Judith reached into the back pocket of her jeans and withdrew a fork. “Would you like to taste it?”
Jacob kissed one side of her mouth. “You didn’t need a pie.” He kissed the other side of her mouth. “You’ve always had everything I’ve ever wanted.”
19
Autumn sunlight streamed through the stained glass window and reflected off the gold band Judith wore on her left hand. She silently lifted her thanks to God. Whenever she realized how close she’d come to giving away her happiness, a shudder passed through her body.
Jacob’s hand covered hers. “Everything OK?” he asked in a low voice.
The ring on his left hand caught the same beam of sunshine. “Couldn’t be better,” she assured him.
Chloe and Keneisha, dressed in identical blue dresses, appeared at the end of the pew. “It’s almost time to start,” Keneisha said. “Momma said I should sit with you.”
Jacob moved away from Judith to make space for the girls, and the two youngsters squeezed between them. Judith felt a hand on her shoulder and turned to see her father’s smile.
“You made it!”
“Sure did,” he said after hugging his daughter. “I didn’t want to miss this.” He reached across Judith and the children to shake Jacob’s hand. “How’s the new job, deputy?”
“Going well. Between scouting for the mill and working for the sheriff, I keep busy.” Jacob moved farther down the pew so that Judith’s father could sit next to her.
From behind them, a man’s powerful voice sang out.
The choir repeated each line, the singers increasing in volume and joyfulness with each repetition.
Henry Washington, the choir, and the congregation got to their feet, singing and clapping along with the music.
The singing finally ended and the congregation sat with a collective sigh.
Henry stepped up to the pulpit and beamed at the congregation.
“Here we are, brothers and sisters. We finally made it. Our new church, bigger and better than the last one.” Henry’s resonant voice boomed over the crowd. “We have much to celebrate today. Once again, we have proven that love conquers hate. When evil tried to defeat the love we have for each other and for our God, we held steadfast in our faith. And today we sit in this fine church. Man may harm us, but God will always rescue us.”
Shouts of “amen” and “hallelujah” echoed through the church.
“As the Lord says in Jeremiah,” Henry continued, “I know the plans I have for you. They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.”
Henry turned to the choir and they launched into another song.
Chloe and Keneisha jumped to their feet to clap and move with the music.
Judith looked at the happy faces around her and breathed in the jubilation that filled the new church.
The boisterous church service lasted well over an hour, and when Judith stepped out into the fresh autumn air, she was met with Beverly’s smothering embrace.
“Here she is!” Beverly called to the crowd. “Here’s our Judith!”
Cheers and applause resounded through the gathering.
Judith covered her face with her hands and looked for Jacob.
He stepped away from a group of men and went to stand by her side.
“You have to get used to this,” he said, gently lowering Judith’s hands from her face. “There are a lot of people in this town who love you.”
“But you di
d just as much as I,” she protested. “You made sure there was enough money and building supplies. You even helped to build this new church.”
“But you helped them in a way no one else could. Plus, those paintings of Henry and Mr. Isaiah’s old church hanging near the front door couldn’t have been done by anyone but you.”
Before Judith could argue, Beverly spoke up. “We’ll be eating in just a few more minutes. Jacob, there’s places for you and your new wife next to Brother Henry.”
Judith would never get tired of hearing those words. She was Jacob’s wife.
Her father was already seated at the colorfully covered table when she and Jacob found their seats. “Thanks for inviting me to today’s service,” he said. “I’ve never attended a church service where people were so happy.”
“You’re always welcome to visit us,” Jacob replied. “Don’t need an invitation.”
Judith’s father took a long drink of iced tea. “How’s the new house coming along?”
“Slowly but surely,” Jacob answered. “We should be able to move in just after New Year’s Day.”
“We’re doing OK in the cabin for now,” Judith added. “But the new house will have a room for you.”
Her father smiled and patted her arm. “Once you move, what are you going to do with the cabin?”
“Turn it into a studio for Judith,” Jacob answered. “She’s been working there for almost five months.”
“Still working on the illustrations for that book about mermaids?” her father asked.
“Yeah, and then I start on a new project about angels.”
“I’d rather be surrounded by angels than mermaids,” Jacob said. “I’m beginning to see mermaids in my coffee.”
Judith’s father chuckled and turned to look at Henry Washington’s new church. “This building is much nicer than Isaiah’s old place. Everything turned out for the best.”
“After we get settled in the new house,” Jacob said, “I’m planning on building a chapel in the spot where Isaiah’s church was.”
Judith gazed at Jacob. “I didn’t know that.”
A small grin played at the corner of Jacob’s mouth. “I thought it would be a nice place for our family.”
From The Ashes Page 23