MRS STAUNTON: I saw Mr. Armitage going off through the shrubbery (Looks out of window).
ENID: Yes he has gone.
MRS. STAUNTON: But why did he not wait to see the Doctor.
ENID: He’s changed his mind.
MRS STAUNTON: He is the most impertinent busybody in the whole village. Fancy the insolence of him coming up here without a with-your-leave or by-your-leave. What was it he wanted, Miss Enid?
ENID: It is not your place, Mrs. Staunton, to ask such questions.
MRS. STAUNTON: Oh, indeed! For that matter, Miss Enid, I should not have thought it was your place to have secrets with the village grocer. The Doctor will want to know all about it.
ENID: What my stepfather may do is another matter. I beg, Mrs. Staunton, that you will attend to your own affairs and leave me alone.
MRS. STAUNTON (putting her arms akimbo): High and mighty, indeed! I’m to do all the work of the house, but the grocer can come in and turn me out of the room. If you think I am nobody you may find yourself mistaken some of these days.
ENID: How dare you — (She makes for the door, as RYLOTT enters.)
RYLOTT: Why, ENID, what’s the matter? Any one been upsetting you? What’s all this, Mrs. Staunton?
ENID: Mrs. Staunton has been rude to me.
RYLOTT: Dear, dear! Here’s a storm in a teacup. Well, now, come and tell me all about it. No one shall bother my little Enid. What would her sailor boy say?
MRS. STAUNTON: Mr. Armitage has been here. He would speak with Miss ENID alone. I didn’t think it right. That is why Miss Enid is offended.
RYLOTT: Where is the fellow?
MRS. STAUNTON: He is gone. He went off through the shrubbery.
RYLOTT: Upon my word, he seems to make himself at home. What did he want, ENID?
ENID: He wanted to know how I was.
RYLOTT: This is too funny! You have made a conquest, Enid. You have a rustic admirer.
ENID: I believe he is a true friend who means well to me.
RYLOTT: Astounding! Perhaps it is as well for him that he did not prolong his visit. But now, my dear girl, go to your room until I send for you. I am very sorry that you have been upset, and I will see that such a thing does not happen again. Tut, tut! my little girl shall not be worried. Leave it to me. (Goes up to door with ENID.)
(ENID goes out.)
Well, what is it, then? Why have you upset her?
MRS. STAUNTON: Why has she upset me? Why should I be always the last to be considered?
RYLOTT: Why should you be considered at all?
MRS. STAUNTON: You dare to say that to me — you that promised me marriage only a year ago. If I was what I should be, then there would be no talk as to who is the mistress of this house. I’ll put up with no more of her tantrums, talking to me as if I were the kitchen-maid. (Turning from him.)
RYLOTT: You forget yourself.
MRS STAUNTON: I forget nothing. I don t forget your promise and it will be a bad day for you if you don’t keep it.
RYLOTT: I’ll put you out on the roadside if you dare speak so to me.
MRS STAUNTON: You will, will you? Try it and see. I saved you once. Maybe I could do the other thing if I tried.
RYLOTT: Saved me?
MRS STAUNTON: Yes saved you. If it hadn’t been for my evidence at that inquest that fellow Armitage would have taken the Jury with him. Yes he would. I’ve had it from them since.
RYLOTT: Well you only spoke the truth.
MRS STAUNTON: The truth! Do you think I don’t know?
RYLOTT: What do you know?
(She is silent and looks hard at him)
What do you know?
(She is still silent)
Don’t look at me like that woman. What do you know?
MRS STAUNTON: I know enough
(Pause)
RYLOTT: Tell me then — how did she die?
MRS STAUNTON: Only you know that. I may not know how she died but I know very well —
RYLOTT (interrupting): You were always fanciful Kate but I know very well that you have only my own interests at heart. Put it out of your head if I have said anything unkind. Don’t quarrel with this little fool, or you may interfere with my plans. Just wait a little longer and things will come straight with us. You know that I have a hasty temper but it is soon over.
MRS. STAUNTON: You can always talk me round, and you know it. Now, listen to me, for I am the only friend you’ve got. Don’t try it again. You’ve got clear once. But a second would be too dangerous.
RYLOTT: They would make no more of the second than of the first. No one in the world can tell. It’s impossible, I tell you. If she marries, half my income is gone.
MRS. STAUNTON: Yes, I know. Couldn’t she sign it to you?
RYLOTT: She can be strong enough when she likes. She would never sign it to me. I hinted at it once, and she talked of a lawyer. (Pause.) But if anything should happen to her — well, there’s an end to all our trouble.
MRS. STAUNTON: They must suspect.
RYLOTT: Let them suspect. But they can prove nothing.
MRS. STAUNTON: Not yet.
RYLOTT: On Wednesday she goes a-visiting, and who knows when she may return? No, it’s to-morrow or never.
MRS. STAUNTON: Then let it be never.
RYLOTT: And lose half my income without a struggle? No, Kate, it’s all or nothing with me now.
MRS. STAUNTON: Well, look out for Armitage.
RYLOTT: What about him?
MRS. STAUNTON: He must have known something before he dared to come here.
RYLOTT: What can he know of our affairs?
MRS. STAUNTON: There’s Rodgers. You think he’s half-witted. So he is. But he may know more and say more than we think. He talks and Armitage talks. Maybe Armitage gets hold of him.
RYLOTT: We’ll soon settle that. (Crossing to bell-pull.) I’ll twist the old rogue’s neck if he has dared to play me false. There’s one thing — he can’t hold anything in if I want it to come out. Did you ever see a snake and a white mouse? You just watch.
(Enter RODGERS.)
Come here, Rodgers.
RODGERS: Yes, sir.
RYLOTT: Stand here, where the light falls on your face, Rodgers. I shall know then if you are telling me the truth.
RODGERS: The truth, sir. Surely I would tell that.
RYLOTT (takes chair from behind settee): Sit there! Don’t move! Now look at me. That’s right. You can’t lie to me now. You’ve been down to see Mr. Armitage.
RODGERS: Sir — I hope — there was no harm in that.
RYLOTT: How often?
RODGERS: Two or three times.
RYLOTT: How often?
RODGERS: Two or three —
RYLOTT: How often?
RODGERS: When I go to the village I always see him.
MRS STAUNTON: That’s nearly every day.
RYLOTT: What have you told him about me?
RODGERS: Oh, sir, nothing.
RYLOTT: What have you told him?
RODGERS: Just the news of the house sir.
RYLOTT: What news?
RODGERS: Well, about Miss Enid’s engagement, and Siva biting the gardener and the cook giving notice and the like.
RYLOTT: Nothing more than this?
RODGERS: No sir.
RYLOTT: Nothing more about Miss Enid?
RODGERS: No sir.
RYLOTT You swear it?
RODGERS: No, sir, no. I said nothing more.
RYLOTT (springing up catching him by the neck shaking him): You doddering old rascal how came you to say anything at all? I kept you here out of charity and you dare to gossip about my affairs. I’ve had enough of you — (Throwing him off): I’ll go to London tomorrow and get a younger man. You pack up your things and go. Do you hear?
RODGERS: Won’t you look it over sir? I’m an old man sir. I have no place to go to. Where am I to go?
RYLOTT: You can go to the devil for all I care, or to your friend Armitage the grocer. There is no place f
or you here. Get out of the room.
RODGERS: Yes sir. You won’t reconsider it?
RYLOTT: Get out. And tell Miss Enid I want her.
RODGERS: Yes, sir.
(RODGERS goes out)
MRS. STAUNTON: You have done wisely. He was not safe.
RYLOTT: The old devil suited me too in a way. A younger man may give more trouble.
MRS STAUNTON: You’ll soon break him in.
RYLOTT: Yes, I expect I will. (Crossing to her.) Now, make it right with ENID for my sake. You must play the game to the end.
MRS. STAUNTON: It’s all right. I’m ready for her.
(Enter ENID.)
RYLOTT: My dear, Mrs. Staunton is very sorry if she has given you any annoyance. I hope you will accept her apology in the same spirit that it is offered.
MRS. STAUNTON: I meant no harm, Miss Enid, and I was only thinking of the master’s interests. I hope you’ll forgive me.
ENID: Certainly, I forgive you, Mrs. Staunton.
RYLOTT: There’s a good little girl. Now, Mrs. Staunton, you had better leave us.
(MRS. STAUNTON goes out.)
Now, my dear, you must not be vexed with poor Mrs. Staunton, for she is a very hard-working woman and devoted to her duty, though, of course, her manners are often wanting in polish. Come now, dear, say that it is All right.
(ENID sits on settee.)
ENID: I have said that I forgive her.
RYLOTT: You must tell me anything I can do, to make you happier. Of course, you have some one else now, but I would not like you to forget your old stepfather altogether. Until the day when you have to leave me, I wish to do the very best for you.
ENID: You are very kind.
RYLOTT: Can you suggest anything that I can do?
ENID: No, no, there is nothing.
RYLOTT: I was a little too rough last week. I am sorry for that. I should wish your future husband to like me. You will tell him, when you see him, that I have done what I could to make you happy?
ENID: Yes, yes.
RYLOTT: You see him to-morrow?
ENID: Yes.
RYLOTT: And he leaves us to-morrow evening? (Sitting beside her on settee.)
ENID: Yes.
RYLOTT: You have all my sympathy, dear. But he will soon back again, and then, of course, you will part no more. You will be sorry to hear that old Rodgers has been behaving badly, and that I must get rid of him.
ENID (rising): Rodgers! What has he done?
RYLOTT: He grows more foolish and incompetent every day. I propose to go to London myself tomorrow to get a new butler. Would you send a line in my name to the agents to say that I shall call about two o clock?
ENID: I will do so.
RYLOTT: There’s a good little girl (Pause. Crossing to her and placing his hand on her shoulder) There’s nothing on your mind, is there?
ENID: Oh no.
RYLOTT: Well then run away and get your letter written. I dare bet you have another of your own to write. One a day — or two a day? — what is his Allowance? Well, well, we have All done it at some time.
(Enter ALI with milk jug glass and saucer on a tray)
ALI: I beg pardon Sahib, I go.
RYLOTT: Come in! Come in! Put my milk down on the table.
(ALI does so)
Now my dear please don’t forget to write the letter to the agents.
(ENID goes out)
You fool! Why did you not make sure I was alone?
ALI: I thought no one here but Sahib.
RYLOTT: Well as it happens there’s no harm done (Goes to door and locks it. Pulls down blind of window)
(While he does so ALI opens a cupboard and takes out a square wicker work basket. RYLOTT pours milk into saucer and puts it before basket. Then he cracks his fingers and whistles whileALI plays on an Eastern flute)
CURTAIN
SCENE II
MR. SHERLOCK HOLMES’ room in Baker Street.
Enter BILLY, showing in DR. WATSON.
WATSON: I particularly want to see Mr. Holmes.
BILLY: Well, sir, I expect he will be back almost immediately.
WATSON: Is he very busy just now?
BILLY: Yes, sir, we are very busy. We don’t get much time to ourselves these days.
WATSON: Any particular case?
BILLY: Quite a number of cases, sir. Two German princes and the Duchess of Ferrers yesterday. The Pope’s been bothering us again. Wants us to go to Rome over the cameo robbery. We are very overworked.
WATSON: Well, I’ll wait for Mr. Holmes.
BILLY: Very good, sir. Here is The Times. There’s four for him in the waiting-room now.
WATSON: Any lady among them?
BILLY: Not what I would call a lady, sir.
WATSON: All right, I’ll wait. (Lights a cigarette and looks around him.) Just the same as ever. There are the old chemicals! Heavens! what have I not endured from those chemicals in the old days? Pistol practice on the wall. Quite so. I wonder if he still keeps tobacco in that Persian slipper? Yes, here it is. And his pipes in the coal-scuttle — black clays. Full of them — the same as ever. (Takes one out and smells it.) Faugh! Bottle of cocaine — Billy, Billy!
BILLY: I’ve done my best to break him of it, sir.
WATSON: All right, Billy, you can go.
(BILLY goes out.)
There’s the old violin — the same old violin, with one string left. (Sits on settee.)
(Enter SHERLOCK HOLMES, disguised as a workman, with tools.)
HOLMES: You sent for me, Mr. Sherlock Holmes.
WATSON: I am not Mr. Holmes.
HOLMES: Beg pardon, sir, it was to mend the gas-bracket.
WATSON: What’s wrong with it?
HOLMES: Leaking sir.
WATSON: Well go on with your work.
HOLMES: Yes, sir. (Goes to the bracket.) Hope I won’t disturb you sir?
WATSON (taking up The Times): That’s all right Don’t mind me.
HOLMES: Very untidy man Mr. Holmes sir.
WATSON: What do you mean by that?
HOLMES: Well, sir, you can’t help noticing it. It’s all over the room. I’ve ‘eard say he was as tidy as any when he started, but he learned bad ‘abits from a cove what lived with him. Watson was his name.
(Slips into bedroom)
WATSON (rising): You impertinent fellow! How dare you talk in such a fashion? What do you want? (Looks round.) Why! wha’ deuce has become of him?
(The workman emerges as SHERLOCK HOLMES, in dressing-gown with hands in pockets)
Good Heavens Holmes! I should never have recognized you.
HOLMES: My dear Watson when you begin to recognize me it will indeed be the beginning of the end. When your eagle eye penetrates my disguise I shall retire to an eligible poultry farm.
WATSON: But why — ?
HOLMES: A case my dear Watson a case! One of those small conundrums which a trustful public occasionally confides to my investigation. To the British workman, Watson, all doors are open. His costume is unostentatious and his habits are sociable. A tool bag is an excellent passport and a tawny moustache will secure the co-operation of the maids. It may interest you to know that my humble double is courting a cook at Battersea. (Strikes match and lights pipe)
WATSON: My dear Holmes! is it fair to the girl?
HOLMES: Chivalrous old Watson! It’s a game of life and death, and every card must be played! But in this case I have a hated rival — the constable on the adjoining beat — so when I disappear, all will readjust itself. We walk out on Saturday evenings. Oh! those walks! But the honour of a Duchess is at stake. A mad world, my masters. (Turns to survey Watson.) Well, Watson, what is your news?
WATSON (smiling): Well, Holmes, I came here to tell you what I am sure will please you.
HOLMES: Engaged, Watson, engaged! Your coat, your hat, your gloves, your buttonhole, your smile, your blush! The successful suitor shines from you all over. What I had heard of you or perhaps what I had not heard of you, had already excited my
worst suspicions. (Looks fixedly at Watson.) But this is better and better, for I begin to perceive that it is a young lady whom I know and respect.
Delphi Complete Works of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (Illustrated) Page 945