‘Go,’ he said, tipping her gently off his lap. ‘There is something I need to tell you. But now is not the right time. Soon, I hope. When our child is safe, we will talk. But for now let us do what we have to.’
CHAPTER TWELVE
KATE finished packing the box of fruit, home-made jam and crusty rolls she had bought down at the farmers’ market earlier that morning. Although she knew Annie wouldn’t feel hungry, she hoped she’d be tempted by the snacks. Chloe was due to pick her up shortly so that the two women could go and see Annie together. They wouldn’t stay long, just long enough to let Annie know that they were there if she needed them.
Poor Annie. The next few days, even weeks would be awful for her. But all they could do now was hope.
She thought about what she had found that morning when she’d been showering, and wondered what to do. See a doctor, obviously, although the lump was bound to be nothing. If only Rob wasn’t away, she could have discussed it with him. Put it in perspective. She’d told herself a hundred times already that it was probably only a cyst, but the small voice in her head wouldn’t go away. What if it wasn’t? What then?
The slamming of a car door announced Chloe’s arrival.
‘Are you ready?’ Chloe asked as she came into the kitchen. ‘Yum, is that some of the Trevellyans’ fab cheese?’ she said, pinching a piece and popping it into her mouth. Then she looked at Kate sharply and frowned.
‘There hasn’t been bad news from the hospital, has there?’ she asked anxiously.
‘No, the baby’s doing okay. If she had taken a turn for the worse, someone would have phoned us.’
‘What is it, then? You’re looking a bit tired.’
Kate laid her hands on the worktop. She didn’t want to burden Chloe with her worries, but she hadn’t counted on her friend’s intuition.
Chloe came across and laid an arm across her shoulder. ‘Kate, I can see something’s wrong. You know you can talk to me about anything. Is it Rob? Are you two having problems? Or Jem?’
‘No, Jem’s fine. He’s at football practice. And Rob and I are getting on fine. More than fine, in fact. He’s so good to me, and fun to be with. I’d forgotten what that was like.’
‘Mmm. He is lovely. And Jem seems to get on with him—unless there are problems there? Or is it Nick? Has he said something to upset you?’
Kate realised that Chloe wasn’t going to give up. She knew something was wrong and was clearly determined to get to the bottom of it. The young midwife was the closest thing she had to a best friend. One of the few people who knew the truth about Jem. And Nick.
‘I felt a lump in my breast this morning when I was showering,’ Kate finally admitted. ‘I know it’s probably nothing but…’
‘But you’re going to get it checked out,’ Chloe finished for her. ‘God, Kate, you must be scared stupid. So the sooner you see someone the better. Have you spoken to any of the doctors? What about Rob? Does he know?’
‘Rob’s away and it’s Saturday so, no, I haven’t seen anyone. I only discovered it this morning and I had to go to the farmers’ market and I want to see Annie. I’ll make an appointment to see Oliver next week.’
‘Just like you, Kate, to put the needs of others before your own. You’re always taking care of other people and forgetting about yourself. But for once I’m not going to let that happen,’ Chloe said firmly. ‘Oliver is doing the Saturday morning surgery. I’m positive he’ll see you today.’
Chloe ignored Kate’s protests about not wanting to bother anyone. She was right, of course, it wasn’t an emergency and another day or two wasn’t going to make any difference, but she dialled the number of the surgery anyway and asked to be put through to Oliver.
‘Hello, darling. Yes, everything’s fine. It’s Kate. She needs to see someone. Straight away. I mean not in front of any life-and-death emergencies, but today, nevertheless.’
Kate couldn’t hear the response on the other end of the line.
‘She’ll be there,’ Chloe said firmly, before disconnecting the call and turning to Kate. ‘He can see you at the end of surgery. About twelve? That way we can still go and see Annie if you want.’
Kate gave in, knowing it was useless to argue. ‘I promised her I would. So if it’s okay with you, I’d like to go as planned. But I had no idea you could be so bossy.’ She smiled to show there was no malice in the words. ‘You’re always so mild-mannered with your patients.’
Chloe smiled back. ‘I suspect it’s the only way I’ll get you to do as you’re told.’
Suddenly Kate felt frightened.
‘God, Chloe. What if it is cancer? What about Jem? I couldn’t bear to leave my son alone. And Polly, the new GP. I persuaded her to come back to Penhally and said I’d be here to support her. She’ll be here any day now. Now all this…’
Chloe hugged her fiercely. ‘Slow down, Kate. Everything’s going to be all right. Remember we have some of the best doctors in the world between here and St Piran’s. And as you said, it could be nothing. Maybe just a cyst. Let’s just wait and see what Oliver has to say.’
Kate knew that Chloe was right. There was no point in worrying until she had to. And right now she had a patient to see. Annie needed her support.
After checking on Angela, Annie returned to her room for a shower. She kept it short, anxious not to be away from the special care nursery too long.
When she emerged feeling almost human, it was to find Chloe and Kate sitting on her freshly made bed, waiting for her. The sight of her two friends broke the control Annie had been so desperately clinging to. Kate opened her arms and Annie let her hold her as she gave in to the anguish and fear of the last few days. It seemed that Kate was always there whenever Annie needed someone. In the absence of her mother, who was desperately trying to get a flight back to the UK, Kate was the next best thing.
Annie wiped her eyes and managed a shaky laugh. ‘For someone who hardly ever cries, that’s all I seem to have been doing lately.’
‘Hey,’ Chloe said gently. ‘We all need to let go sometimes. And these are exceptional circumstances. How is she, anyway?’
Annie brought them up to date. There wasn’t really that much to tell. The next few days would be critical. ‘If Angela survives…’ Annie choked on the word but took a steadying breath before continuing, ‘Then the next hurdle will be whether her brain has been damaged.’
Kate reached out a soothing hand. ‘Everyone is rooting for you both,’ she said softly. ‘How is Raphael holding up?’
‘He’s been wonderful,’ Annie admitted. ‘He’s hardly left her side. But he’s agreed to go home for a bit as soon as I get back up.’ She tried a smile. It was weak, but the best she could manage. ‘I don’t suppose anyone could bring me some clothes from home? I could ask Raphael, I suppose…’
‘Tra-la.’ Kate smiled, holding up a small case. ‘We called by your house on our way in—I held onto your key last night. I think you’ll find everything there. I don’t think you can trust a man in these circumstances. He might remember the top, but forget the trousers!’
‘You’re a love,’ said Annie gratefully, and, taking the bag from Kate, rummaged around. ‘Bless you, you remembered everything—even my deodorant.’
Kate whipped out another carrier bag. ‘I brought you something to eat as well. I popped down to the farmers’ market this morning and selected some goodies to tempt you. It’s my guess you haven’t had anything for some time.’
Annie felt her throat close at the gesture. It was so typical of Kate and Chloe and she really appreciated her friends’ support.
‘I’m sorry, sweetheart, but I’m going to have to get back. I have a patient who is due to deliver very soon and I promised I’d go and see her,’ Chloe said apologetically. ‘But I’ll pop in later if I get the chance.’
Chloe looked at Kate. ‘Call me later?’
Kate nodded. Annie thought she looked tired. There were lines of tension around her mouth she hadn’t noticed before.
‘Thank you both so much for coming. I know you both have your own lives to be getting on with. And I want to get back upstairs, anyway,’ Annie said.
‘Hey,’ Kate said. ‘What are friends for? You know you can call me any time.’ She kissed Annie on the cheek. ‘Take care. I’ll see you soon.’
Annie returned to the special care ward to be given the welcome news that Angela had been taken off the respirator. Instead, two tubes had been inserted into Angela’s nostrils and she could see her baby’s face clearly for the first time. Her breath caught as she gazed down on the beloved features of her child. Angela’s lips were like seashells washed in the ocean, her miniature nose perfect. She has Raphael’s hair, Annie thought, taking in the dark hair that covered her head. Carefully she inserted a hand into the incubator and stroked the downy skin of her baby.
She knew then that she would stand between her child and a tank or a tidal wave or a stalking tiger. She would lay down her life without a moment’s hesitation over and over again if she had to, but right now she could do nothing for her child. Nothing except wait and watch over her. She became aware of a presence behind her and she didn’t have to turn to know it was Raphael.
‘If I lose her…’ Her voice cracked and she had to take a deep breath before she could continue. ‘If I lose her, I don’t know what I’ll do. I can’t imagine wanting to go on.’
She felt his hand on her shoulder and then he turned her so that she was facing him. Placing a finger under her chin, he tilted her head, forcing her to meet his gaze.
‘Don’t say that. Never say that. You are stronger than you think. And anyway, I told you I will not let anything happen to her.’ His voice was low and urgent, his need to convince her evident in every syllable. Annie desperately wanted to believe him. She dropped her eyes to his achingly tender mouth before slowly raising her eyes to his. Through her fear she could see her pain reflected in his eyes. He too needed comfort, but Annie couldn’t offer him any.
‘Cariño,’ he said, his voice a river of anguish. ‘Te quiero con toda mi alma. I love you with all my soul. You and our daughter are my heart, my soul, my future. All I ever want and all I will ever need.’ Annie’s heart thumped lurched.
Had he really said he loved her? Could he mean it?
He took her hand and placed it on his chest. She could feel the pounding of his heart through the thin fabric.
‘Do you feel that?’ he demanded.
Despite her grief, Annie felt a small smile tug at the corner of her mouth. It was such a Latin gesture. She nodded, the emotion welling up inside her preventing her from speaking.
‘As long as my heart keeps beating, I will not let anything happen to you or our child.’
But however much she wanted to believe him, she couldn’t. It wasn’t in his power to promise anything. Least of all that their child would live.
Kate slipped off the examination couch and picked up her blouse, sliding her arms into the sleeves. Oliver waited until she had finished and was settled in the chair opposite him before he spoke.
‘There is a lump there. I can feel it the upper left quadrant. As you said, it could be nothing, a cyst perhaps, but I think we should get it checked out all the same.’
Kate could read the concern in his brown eyes. He was being matter-of-fact, but she could read him like a book. He didn’t believe it was a cyst and neither did she.
‘Does Rob know?’ Oliver continued. ‘Can he go with you to the hospital? It’s Saturday but I might be able to get one of the surgeons to come in and see you. They’ll probably want to do a fine needle biopsy and a mammogram.’
‘Rob’s away this weekend. He’s gone up north to see his mother. I would have gone with him if it hadn’t been for Jem.’ She stood up and went to look out the window. The day, which had started off dull and threatening to rain, had turned into one of those perfect days. In the distance she could see the tips of the waves as they rolled to shore. There were quite a few boats out as well, a mixture of fishing trawlers and yachts. Kate wished she were out there with them, far away from talk of lumps and biopsies and far away from the terror of what it would mean for her son if she turned out to have cancer. She thought about Annie. Her hopes and fears tied up with the tiny life she had given birth to, and all the other people, not just in Penhally Bay but all over the world who would be facing the same uncertainties and fears as she was.
‘I can wait my turn like everyone else,’ Kate said. ‘A day or two isn’t going to make much difference.’
‘Are you sure you don’t want me to phone Ben? He’ll know who you should see.’
‘No,’ Kate said heavily. ‘I don’t want to jump the queue. It’s not fair to every other frightened woman out there. Besides, by the time my appointment comes through, Rob will be back.’
‘There’s only a week waiting time for urgent appointments,’ Oliver said. ‘And I’m going to grade yours as urgent.’
Kate smiled wanly. ‘Okay,’ she said. Just then there was a knock on the door and Nick stuck his head around it.
‘Oh, Oliver. I’m sorry. I thought you had finished seeing patients.’ Then he noticed Kate and he looked surprised. ‘Kate! I didn’t think you were in today. Is there something up with one of your patients?’ His eyes narrowed. Something in her and Oliver’s expression seemed to alert him that Kate’s presence was unusual.
‘I just had something I wanted to talk over with Oliver,’ she said hastily. Well, it was true. But let think Nick it was about a patient.
‘There’s nothing wrong, is there?’ he asked. He walked over to the desk and crouched down next to Kate. ‘You would tell me if there was something wrong, wouldn’t you?’ Kate felt her heart tighten at the obvious concern in his eyes. Whatever problems they might have had, were still having, she knew that somewhere deep down inside Nick cared about her, even if it was as just a friend. But that didn’t mean she was ready to share her worries with him. He had made it clear often enough that he wasn’t prepared to offer her more than the professional support of a colleague. And one thing Kate couldn’t bear was for him to feel sorry for her.
She laughed, but the sound was hollow even to her own ears.
‘What possibly could be wrong, Nick, that I couldn’t cope with on my own?’ She didn’t mean the words to have such a bitter quality to them, but she couldn’t help herself. The one thing she truly wanted from Nick, acceptance of the child they shared, he wasn’t able to give her.
‘If you’re sure?’ Nick said, straightening. He sounded less than convinced but Kate knew him well enough to know that he wouldn’t probe. One thing you could say about him was that he respected her privacy. He turned back to Oliver, who was watching the exchange quietly. Kate wondered if he had picked up on the tension that seemed to be a permanent feature between her and Nick these days. ‘I wondered if you fancied a round of golf this afternoon?’ he asked. ‘Dragan and Ben are up for it if you are.’
‘Sure,’ Oliver said. ‘I think Chloe has plans for this afternoon, so I’m free.’
‘How is Annie?’ Nick asked. ‘Has anyone spoken to her?’
‘I saw her this morning,’ Kate said. ‘She’s okay. Raphael is with her.’
‘Raphael? Dr Castillo?’ Nick said, looking puzzled.
Oliver and Kate exchanged a smile. Good grief, Kate thought, Nick could be so dense sometimes, completely failing to see what was right underneath his nose.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
A WEEK after their baby had been born Annie and Raphael sat in the easy chairs the staff had provided and watched over their child. The lights had been turned low, although the nurses and doctors still tended their tiny charges with the same dedication and attentiveness that they did during the day.
Annie rested her eyes, thinking back to what Raphael had said. He had called her his heart and his soul. But surely these were just the words of a man in emotional turmoil to the woman who was locked there with him? She still couldn’t believe that he meant them.
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�Maybe she’ll be a piano player,’ he said suddenly into the silence. ‘She has your long fingers.’ He picked up Annie’s hand in one of his. ‘Such beautiful hands.’ Annie looked down at her hands in surprise. She had never thought of her hands as being beautiful before, but perhaps he was right. Her fingers were long and shapely.
‘Why did you come back?’ she asked. ‘You know, the night Angela was born after we…’ She tailed off, blushing furiously, but she wanted to know. Everything had happened so fast it was only now that she had begun to wonder.
He turned towards her, his eyes glowing in the semi darkness. ‘I came back because…because I realised something important. When this is over, I’m going to do everything to win you properly. Make you believe me when I tell you that I want to marry you. Because I love you.’
Annie started to say something but he stopped her words with his fingertip.
‘I want us to start over. Do everything as it should have been. How it was meant to be.’
Annie felt something deep down inside her blossom at his words. Could she dare to believe that he meant what he was saying? And did he truly understand what he was saying?
‘Don’t. Please, Raphael. Don’t say any more.’ She flinched at the naked pain in his eyes, but forced herself to go on.
‘I can’t have any more children. You must know that. Angela was miraculous enough. If we marry, you will be signing yourself up to a lifetime of childlessness.’ Her voice broke on the words. ‘If…’ she faltered, but forced herself to go on. ‘God forbid, but if Angela doesn’t pull through, there will be no more children.’
‘I would be signing myself up for a lifetime with the woman I love,’ Raphael said firmly. ‘The woman without whom life has no meaning—a dark and empty place. Don’t you know that when I am with you my life is full of light? I told you before and I will tell you again and keep on telling you until you believe me—you are all I need.’
Caroline Anderson, Anne Fraser, Kate Hardy, Margaret McDonagh Page 30