Vets nods, stands and looks down at the large duffle to her side. “Ready.”
We collect ourselves and head down to the garage and to the minivan. Karen appears even less impressed than she was upstairs with it. “It’ll get us there,” I offer.
We make our way into the ninth Ward and find ourselves passing in front of a non-descript row house with a man sitting on the porch step. Our arrival gains some attention from the people around and I’m feeling uncomfortable. It would be hard to drive the van home without tires and a battery.
“That’s the day-watcher, take another pass around the block,” Karen directs. “We’ll stop in front and I’ll stun him. Please say you have some rope or something in that bag to tie him up with.”
“Zip ties,” replies Vets.
I bring us around and Karen gets out of the van and takes a couple steps towards the man. I “Excuse me good sir, we seem to be lost.”
“Get lost Skinny bitch, this ain’t no place for you, n’less you looking to get raped and killed.”
Wrong answer. But then, I don’t think it would have mattered what he said. She levels her wand at him and says “H-zaat.”
He stands up wobbly, staggering with eyes rolling.
“Ms. Vets, assistance please.”
Big girl is out of the van, fast. A clubbing blow knocks him to the ground and within moments she has his hands and feet bound. I get out of the van and run around. While Vets drags the still dazed man to the van and deposits him in front of the rear tire, I hit the bag and pull out my AA-12 assault shotgun. Another reach into the bag and I throw Vets a cloth to gag the day-watcher with.
I take post using the van and open the passenger door to block any view of my assault weapon. The neighbors seem to be taking more interest in us now than their twenty-four ounces.
“Well isn’t this special,” Karen laments, “Crawlspace – you know there’s got to be at least one resting there.” She looks over at me. “I am NOT crawling around down there. Please tell me you have rope.”
That we do. I nod yes to her, keeping an eye on the neighborhood. A group of three shady looking guys about four houses down across the street have started coming our way – that can’t be good. Karen takes note too.
“Vets, would you be kind enough to remove every bit of that paneling around the crawlspace, we need daylight access there.”
I nod to her and she’s off, being her version of the one Vetisghar wrecking crew.
And now we have company. The bow appears in Shey’s hand and she takes aim.
They apparently find that humorous. “Little be-atch, what’cha gonna do with that thang?”
If they only knew…
“This ain’t summer camp,” comes another one of them.
She pulls the arrow back and I have to stop her.
“Shey. No. I got this.” I say with authority.
My response apparently was very humorous as well, as they started laughing. Mr. Summer camp grabs his crotch, “Yea mutha fucka – you got this – bitch. Hey, look white boy’s packin’ – a sword.” They all find the sword scabbard on my back amusing and start making dungeons and dragons jokes.
To this point I’ve been pretty good about keeping the AA-12 concealed. I hear Karen mutter those words and feel the protective shield go over me and know that one by one we are being protected.
And Shey’s about to have one of her psychotic breaks.
Karen, now finished with the warding, must sense the same thing I am with Shey’s mental state. She walks over to the rear of the van where our new friends are. “Nasty business going on here gentlemen, it would probably be best if you went back home to your mothers.”
That gets the wrong response. Things were said. Mostly to the effect of her being a skinny English bitch and that they were going to introduce her to large American dicks. Karen is un-phased. She’s seen a lot nastier and ended their existences. When one of them pulls out a gun, it is time to step in.
The easy thing to do would be to lay waste to them all. That would be the wrong thing too. So instead, in a really positive happy voice I say “Hey guys, I think we got off on the wrong foot.”
All of their attention is on me. Which is what I want. When I level the AA on them, their attention is really on me. “You guys really want to do this?”
Before they can say a word the real hammer is dropped. With a word from Karen’s mouth they are engulfed by a swarm of stinging, stunning electricity. All three fall to the ground twitching. Quickly I grab a handful of zip-ties and secure our new friends.
Shey and I drag them off the street next to Mr. Day-watcher. Neighbors take this in, doing nothing.
They are coming to their senses and bitching. I don’t have enough gags.
“Bitch tazed us!” Then they begin shouting for help. Karen turns around to them with a stern look. “Do we really have to silence you permanently?”
“Skinny bitch, you in the wrong place. Our crew gonna…”
“That’s skinny witch you stupid boy,” Karen says interrupting him. With that she conjures a small glowing orb of fire between her fingers. She drops it on his shoe and it catches ablaze.
Nobody’s saying a word now except for Mr. My foot’s on fire who is freaking out. With a wave of her hand the flame extinguishes.
“Boys,” she says to them calmly. “Inside that house is a vampire nest. If we do not clean it out, they will most certainly come pay you a visit at night that you will not like. Think of us as the exterminators making your city safe.”
“I ain’t afraid of no witches or vampires,” says the one who appears to be their leader.
“Oh good” Karen says back to him. “How’d you like to make some money then? I’ll pay you a hundred dollars for each vampire you drag out from under that house. It’s easy, hook a rope around their foot, crawl back out and pull, pull, pull.”
“Hun-red fiffy… bee-atch,” he spits back at her.
“Deal. But if you call me that again, I will cast a spell on you that puts painful blisters all over your big American dick and your face. Remember young man, it’s wee-atch, not bee-atch.”
Based on the look on his face, I think he got it. When he said “Yes ma’am” I know he did.
She gives me the look to cut him loose so I do. He stands up and brushes himself off.
“Them too.”
I just nod a “no” to him. He doesn't push the issue. “You sure you want to do this?” I ask him “they are vampires.”
“Jus be ready to pay me.”
“You got a name, kid?”
“Kid? Fuck you junior!”
Damn my nineteen year old face.
“Okay fuck you,” Karen interjects. “He is just asking in case we have to notify your next of kin. This is dangerous work. I suppose these guys know your family. So, Mr. F-You – let’s get to it; daylight is wasting.”
By this time, Vets has returned from her demolition run. Given the looks from the crew, they approve of big girl. The off color comments about her being “thick” confirm it.
“Vets, Mr. F-You here is going to crawl under the house and drag out the vermin,” Karen says to her. “Please assist him with the rope and make sure he doesn’t try to run away.”
Mr. F-U’s eyes grace the holstered guns Vets is carrying and gets the point. Vets grabs the climbing rope and says, “Come.” Off they go.
“Is this a good idea Karen?” I have to ask. I should have expected the response.
“Better him than us under there.”
I head over to the side of the house where Vets and Mr. FU are preparing, or maybe like him stalling. He looks at me, the AA, then back to me. “We doing this!”
With that, he takes the rope that Vets has tied a slipknot into and crawls under the house.
If not anything, that guy wants a hundred fifty dollars.
After a few moments he emerges, wide eyed. “There’s three of ‘em. I got the rope around the ankle of one like she said.”
Thi
s is kind of funny. We’ve gone from being victims in his eyes to something else altogether. And to do what he did took a hell of a lot of nerve. But still, this is kind of like his initiation, so I’m cutting no slack. “Stand back and start pulling.”
He does. The first few pulls were no big deal. Then someone woke up. Mr. FU is fighting the rope and the rope is winning. Finally I nod to Vets who steps in to assist, grabbing the rope behind him and pulling hard hand over hand. Eventually the vampire comes out and exposed to the sunlight bursts into flame, squeals and flips around convulsively.
I pull Yayne from the scabbard and separate the head from the shoulders and all that is left is a burning body and head.
One down.
Mr. F-You is slack-jawed. “Damn,” he says, “They is real.” He looks at me not like before all full of bluster, but like a man who just realized the world isn’t all what he thought it was. “That’s a hun-red fiffy there.”
“Friend,” I tell him. “I’ll throw in another fifty, for job well done. Takes some balls do that. So how many others again?”
“I saw two more.”
“Well, they may be awake now,” comes Karen’s voice, “though babies sleep pretty soundly. I wouldn’t recommend crawling under there if they were.”
Taking her cue, I look to Sheyliene. “Tiny up and take a buzz-through. Let us know what we’re dealing with.”
That gets a nod from her and she reaches up to her hair, a cascade of golden powder falls down, and she basically turns into a small glowing orb that dashes under the house.
“Shee-it,” is Mr. F-You’s response to that. He looks at me seriously.
“Damn, you guys are real.”
I look over to see others are coming down the street. “You want to deal with that, so we don’t have to? Shame for someone to get hurt."
“Yea,” he says nodding and starts heading their way.
Shey tells us the other two are still asleep. We have her go in with the rope and snare both their feet. After a game of tug of war, two less vampires inhabit the world.
We look at the house. At least eight more are in there - more likely closer to twenty.
“Attic is a problem,” says Karen.
“Whole damn house is,” I say.
“I’ll take care of the boarded windows,” she offers, holding out her wand. The boarded window she is standing in front of window explodes inwards.
Karen starts her walk around the house, repeating the show of force at each boarded window.
Mr. F-You returns, noting Karen’s destruction of plywood and leans into me. “Damn, bee-atch would have fucked me up, wouldn’t she?”
“If anyone could,” I tell him, glancing down to his crotch, then back up to his eyes, “And don’t let her hear you call her that again. It's wee-atch.”
Chapter 72
After knocking out all the windows and doors, Karen returns to us.
“Attic’s going to be dangerous,” she tell us, “unless we can open it up”
She considers the roof for a moment and tells us all to stand back. Winds begins to form. Her red hair begins to whip around. She elevates slightly from the ground and holds her hands up and screams. A tornado forms at the side of the house. It crashes into the side of the house causing the roof to partially tear off along with part of the wall on that side of the house.
Shingles scatter all over and Karen falls down to one knee breathing heavily.
“Damn,” mutters Mr. F-You.
I couldn’t agree more.
There is the sound of howling and screeching coming from the attic. In my mind that’s good – vampires greeting the sunlight.
“Okay” says Karen, pulling a vial with blue liquid from a pouch at her side, “Arthur, gun down – sword up; get it glowing. We’ll either burn them or cut them down after I recover a bit.”
We sweep the house, Yayne burning brightly, making the vampires back off from its holy light while Karen casts fire burning them one by one. Shey’s bow thrums. At the end of the run, we are the only ones standing. We drag their remains outside for the final greet the sun. We leave the house and see that Mr. F-You is talking with others that have joined to either check it out or strip my minivan. He appears to be trying to get them to go. Karen walks over to the van and pulls out a small knife, then cuts the others loose.
They get up quickly and run to join the others around Mr. F-You.
After a short while, they all walk away, leaving Mr. F-You alone. He turns around walks back to us.
“My name is Demetrius. Demetrius Johnson. Y’all some bad motherfuckers and you owe me two hunn-ed”
“Yes we do,” says Karen, “We don’t have it on us, but we’ll get it to you.”
That gets us a look of disbelief and exasperation from Demetrius.
“Demetrius,” I interject “Come by the Hidden Eye in the quarter on Decatur, tell them who you are and they’ll give you an envelope with the money. And a good meal… For the bother of having to go there.”
He nods at me, telling me “yea.” That’s good enough. We pack the minivan and head back home.
Once we get home I send everyone upstairs and hit the “Eye.” Using my business credit card I withdraw $300 from the ATM, put it in an envelope and leave it at the front along with directions to feed the “Demetrius” and whoever is with him that comes to get it. I figure he earned the bonus and goodwill goes a long way. Then I step over to the walking tours booth that we rent out to and buy two tickets for this evening’s haunted walking tour.
I head back up to join the rest.
After I lift the gate on the elevator and come through the front door, I’m crushed by a running hug from Sheyliene.
“We kicked ass!” she proclaims and despite her tiny stature she shakes me like a ragdoll.
Karen is sitting on one of the living room chairs, looking calm but pleased. Vets sits on the sofa across from her. “It did go well,” is Vets’ input.
I extricate myself from Shey’s bear hug and head over to sit next to Vets. I need cover. Not from Shey’s affection, but from what is soon going to be her anger.
Shey follows me and sits down at my other side. Bubbly is about to stop.
Taking a moment to compose myself I set it out, hoping that Karen’s and Vet’s presence might buffer things. I look over at my fairy. “Shey, something important I need you to do tonight.”
“Sure, what?”
“Take Karen and Vets out to dinner for me. I’m going to be otherwise engaged.”
“Sure! Whatcha doing?”
It feels like all eyes are on me. I guess that’s because they are. “Taking Sil out on a haunted walking tour. She asked to spend time with me in a non-intimate way - we won’t have another opportunity for a long while, once we’re on the hunt.”
There is a silent pause of disbelief by all. Then Shey pops off the couch and looks down at me. “Are you crazy? You cannot be alone with her – ever. I knew that whole let you out of the promise thing was a ploy – don’t you see? No, you are not allowed. Not ever.”
“Personally I think it’s great you’re taking time with her” adds Karen.
Of course that would be her point of view.
“You’re opinion doesn’t matter,” spits Sheyliene back at her, getting a raised eyebrow and smirk from the red witch.
But all attention turns when Vets’ calm voice comes from my left. “Summonling you forget your place. You serve. He commands. I grow tired of watching my wielder having to endure your madness and having his will constantly questioned.” Vets didn’t even look at her when she said it. Didn’t look at me either - she just put it out there in that stoic way she does.
Silence follows that statement. Until Karen’s voice breaks it, “My, that sort of puts things in reference, doesn’t it Arthur?”
Shey is looking at me like someone just pulled her heart out. “She’s going to take you.”
I look at Shey as sympathetically as I can. “I spend time with everyone but her
. That should change. Just because I’m taking time, doesn’t mean I’m swapping bodily fluids. It’s not fair everyone else gets my time but her. Shey, even you have to understand that.”
Shey’s arms are crossed and her face is scowling. “This is all part of her plan.”
I just shrug at her. “Still, need to do it – it’s the right thing.”
We hear the elevator kick in and I can only guess who it is.
After a while the lift arrives, the gate rises and her Sil-ness arrives, brochures in hand. She scans the room for a moment, noting Shey’s demeanor. “I have it down to two,” she says dismissing whatever drama is in the air, “with only a distant third.”
She walks over to the living area table and throws down a brochure for a Chevy Suburban - “Biggest and best for us. Lots of power too. Shitty mileage.” Then she throws down a brochure for the Cadillac Escalade. “This is vote #2. Less seating capacity – more luxury. Mileage just as bad."
I take it in. Good job. Down to two. Then the surprise comes…
“There’s a third option,” she says. “I know how you’re just so into mini-vans Arthur. I found the only one I could agree with on Craig’s list. Slightly used, but it could work.”
She throws down a piece of paper with her hand sketched art of the Mystery Machine from Scooby-doo.
“Ooo! I know that one!” is Shey’s excited response.
“It’s a joke, nitwit” is Sil’s deadpan reply and she turns to leave, heading back towards the hall and her room. I note she hadn’t asked a thing about the vampire nest.
I get up quickly and chase her down midway in the hall, “Hey, hold up.”
She does, not turning around.
“Sil, why don’t you put on a more reasonable top and some shoes fit for walking.”
“Why’s that?”
“You and I are going for a walk tonight.” That gets her to turn around.
I hold up the tickets and get to see what Silithes looks like totally dumbfounded.
Chapter 73
The walking tour was fun. Sil did cover up with more appropriate attire, thank goodness. Us being well involved in the “real” supernatural community here, having the lore presented was actually kind of interesting. Sil was mostly well behaved, though she did pester the tour guide about what other monsters have roamed the city and what he would do if one appeared right now.
The Wielder: Sworn Vengeance (The Wielder Series) Page 28