Dead End Chronicles (Book 1): Dead End Journal

by Alex San Lyra

  “We thought it was weird,” Lexa added, “Flavian calling on us, but he acted like it was official guard business. I never thought he was this crazy. So, I told the girls to head home and followed him here.”

  As they explained it, I stared down at Flavian, furiously. “He was always good at hiding his true nature,” I said, “Weren’t you Flavian? Had the whole town fooled... but not me... never me... And look at you now. Bit off more than you could fucking chew with me, didn’t you?“

  He couldn’t speak, but I watched as his face started to form a proud, superior expression. Even then, he wouldn’t admit defeat. That was it for me.

  “You fucking lost, asshole!” I cried, before pointing the gun at his face and pulling the trigger.

  His head jerked to the side, with the impact of the bullet. He twitched a few times, then moved no more. I was breathing heavily, raw anger burning inside me.

  Bibi broke the silence by saying, “These fuckers weren’t worth arresting anyway... fuck ‘em!”

  Suddenly, my legs buckled under me and I fell to my knees, crying. I wished I could kill Flavian again. Singer came and put his arms around me.

  Lexa went over to examine Bibi’s wound and helped her to her feet. “Speaking of arresting,” she noted, “the guards are bound to be here any minute now...”

  “Yep,” Bibi agreed, looking around, “We need to get our stories straight. For starters, we have to say the shotgun and all the extra guns belonged to them.” She turned to Lexa and explained, “Actually, they’re mine, but I stashed them illegally, so I’ll appreciate it if you help me out.”

  Just then, we heard men shouting outside.

  - - - - -

  We were all taken to the guard’s headquarters, questioned for several hours and then escorted home. I don’t think they really believed us. They told me to stay home until they had cleared everything up, said they still had some questions for me in the morning. We told them about Laurie, tied up in the courtyard, but I don’t know yet what became of him. I haven’t spoken to anyone since we were taken in. Now, there’s a guard posted downstairs. I guess I’m kind of under house arrest or something.

  Hopping into bed with my brother, I tried keeping my eyes shut, but I kept seeing flashes of gunfire, Flavian’s arrogant face... Mouse lying on the floor... There was no way I was going to get any sleep tonight, so I got up and started writing. The guards must be combing the alleys, right now, as I’m writing this, looking for Bibi’s stash. And if they find it, we’re really fucked... I still can’t believe Mouse is gone... it’s surreal...

  Entry 13

  March 19th, 47

  Another quick update

  This morning some guards came by my apartment and asked more questions, mostly about the guns. We missed breakfast, but they were kind enough to bring me some food. Singer, Lexa, Bibi and I had all told them that the guns belonged to Flavian and his men. Laurie must have told them about Bibi’s stash and all that, but I stuck to our story. I told them I didn’t know where the guns had come from and I certainly didn’t know anything about any stashes. I think they believed me.

  Actually, I think they had a much harder time believing the parts of the story that were actually true. I mean, Bibi gunning people down was easy enough to believe, but somehow, they had trouble picturing me in the firefight. They really think I’m just an innocent little girl. I think even Singer and Lexa wouldn’t have believed it, if they hadn’t seen it first hand. Lexa was kind of cool with it, but Singer’s been acting a little weird around me today. I don’t blame him, he had never seen that side of me until last night. Now he definitely knows... I have a dark side. On that note, I finally told him today... that I couldn’t return his feelings. We hardly had any time to talk, with all the guards around us, asking questions. But this afternoon, we finally got a moment alone.

  - - - - -

  With everything that had happened, I was just seeing things in a different light. Love letters simply didn’t carry the same weight anymore.

  “So,” he asked, “that’s it? You’ve made up your mind?”

  “I’m sorry, Singer,” I told him again, “It’s like... Bibi’s my sister, Stone’s my uncle... and you’re my best friend. I don’t want that to change.”

  “I can understand that,” he commented, “but you’ve been through a lot. You sure this is the right time to be making this kind of decision?”

  “Actually,” I admitted, “right now, I’m feeling like I have to set things straight... You see, I kind of made the decision days ago... I just couldn’t bring myself to say it. I didn’t want to hurt you. And I won’t hold your letter against you either. If you don’t want to be my friend anymore... I’ll understand.”

  He took it all in rather well. But then he asked, “Are you in love with Ranger? Please, all I want is the honest truth. You owe me that much.”

  I backed away from him involuntarily, but then quickly held my ground, “No, I don’t love him. How could I? Love is something that takes years to come around. I love my brother, I love Bibi and even Stone...” I suddenly realized I was dodging the question and rectified, “I’m sorry, I... I wasn’t ready for you being so direct. I’m just no good at this... and you’re right, you deserve to know the truth. So... the truth is... I may not love him, but I do like him... and I want to give it a shot with him. There, I said it.”

  Singer finally exhaled and looked away from me.

  “You must hate me right now,” I said, “for liking the guy you despise the most...”

  He swallowed his emotions and replied, “I don’t despise him, Dana. Actually, I think he’s a really cool guy. That’s what I hate about him... I guess I kind of envy him... and I really hate him now... but, if this is what you want, I have to respect that.” his eyes watered. “I might need some time to get used to the idea, but I still want to be there for you, whenever you need me. I love looking after you brother.” A tear rolled down his face. “I’m sorry, I have to go.”

  It hurt me, seeing him cry like that. I wanted to call him and hug him, but I just let him leave. As much as it hurt, it was better that way. I couldn’t be the one to comfort him, it just wasn’t my place anymore. That was the choice I made. All I could do was hope he’d be able to forgive me for it.

  - - - - -

  I haven’t spoken to him since that conversation. I hope our relationship doesn’t get too complicated. It’s lame and egotistical, but I think I still need him in my life. I haven’t had the opportunity to speak with Ranger alone yet.

  Speaking of complications, this journal is becoming a problem. I just can’t stop writing in it, and if the guards find it, we’re all screwed. I should burn it... but I can’t. I need it to exist, to outlive me...

  I’m actually still shaken by the shootout. Used to be, that was my everyday life, out in the world. Maybe this town has made me soft. Or perhaps it’s my dad not being here. I dunno. Now, my hands are shaking and I feel like crying all the time. I’m weak. It’s fucking annoying.

  Stone came by, when the guards were done with their questions. They told us we were free to go, but... I guess we’re on “probation”. Bibi is being attended to at the town hospital. We went to visit her just before dinner. She’s doing great. If anything, the shootout only brought her alive. That crazy bitch is addicted to trouble. Turns out the bullet passed right through the outer side of her shoulder, without hitting any bones, ligaments or anything. It’ll be a few weeks before she can move her arm properly again, but at least it looks like there’s no permanent damage.

  Obviously, the whole town now knows about the shootout at the hut. They’re calling it the “hut showdown”. Fucking morons. All they really care about is gossip. I have to admit though, I was surprised with how many people came by my place, just to wish me well. Maybe Bibi is right about me being likable. I dunno. I don’t really like having people around me like that though. I get suspicious, asking myself what they want from me.

  I heard Laurie is going to stand trial
for his crimes. An actual trial. Must be a first in Harptown. He fed them some story about not knowing what Flavian’s true intentions were. I don’t really care, I’m just glad Flavian is gone. That God damn monster. He brought out the monster in me last night. And, now that it’s out, I’m done being afraid.

  They held Mouse’s funeral this afternoon. Actually, it was a cremation. Ever since the demented came around, we stopped burying bodies. I guess, people still believe they might come back to life, even though that doesn’t happen. Humanity is nothing if not superstitious. I was happy to see there were quite a few people there. I thought Mr. Harper might have shown up, but he didn’t. Maybe he doesn’t want to associate with us anymore. We’re killers now. Whatever. I spoke a few words to honor Mouse, nothing much. I’m going to miss him. He was a good friend.

  Tomorrow, I’m going to try getting back to usual business. I’m not going to let this thing keep me down. Maybe I’m shaken now, but I’ve sworn to myself that I’m going to shake it off. Also, I think I’ve decided to finally speak up at the council, and take sides in the upcoming elections. I have a good story to tell. “Flavian was just a preview of what the guards want.” It’s probably not true, but if I can make people vote against them, I sure as hell will.

  With regards to the trap, it kind of amazes me that those disgruntled hunters teamed up with Flavian to get to me. They wanted to wipe us out, Lexa, Mouse... the core of bowhunting. Now that I’ve had some time to process what really happened, it’s like I finally see the full spectrum of these people’s hatred for us. I mean, I know not all of them think like that, but still. What they were planning on doing... basically, just because we existed... When you stop to think about it, we didn’t do anything to them, we literally just “existed”. It showed me how threatened they felt... and how strong I can be, by comparison.

  Entry 14

  March 24th, 47

  Tradeoff

  After the infamous “hut showdown”, we were all investigated extensively, and Captain Godric oversaw the whole thing himself. It was like he was out to get us.

  Just for starters, he kicked Bibi out of the town guard. The official excuse was that she had been reckless, not calling in for backup on the night of the shooting. The fact that we almost fell into a trap didn’t seem to carry any weight. Bibi was stuck in the hospital, unable to defend herself at the council, so Stone and I took it upon ourselves to go in her place. We argued that there was no time to get any help, with Lexa, Mouse and Singer being held hostage. It seems, however, that the head of each faction simply gets to decide who stays in their faction and who goes. So, the decision remained, Bibi was out.

  After that, Godric came after me. He convinced the council that my apartment was structurally unsafe. No one had cared about that before, but they inspected the place and decided I could no longer live there. I loved that apartment. All at once, I lost the view from my window, my bathroom... my home. Because of my brother, they didn’t send me to the common dorms. Instead, they gave me another apartment, with noisy neighbors and no bathroom. It’s on ground level, with a window so high up I wouldn’t be able to see anything from it anyway. Xandy hates the place about as much as I do. We tried to get the council to reconsider their decision, but it was no use.

  Why Godric has so much influence on them is beyond me. Seriously, he must have some kind of dirt on the other council members or something. It’s like they’ve simply stopped listening to reason altogether. Anyone can see the Captain is just gunning for us.

  Meanwhile, Laurie’s trial, that should have been a swift process, has been delayed several times already. Godric says he’s holding him for questioning. Personally, I think they’re trying to find a way of using him against us. We’ve heard rumors that Laurie’s story is different now. They’re saying that he might have accused us of lying about the whole thing. According to this new theory, WE were the ones who called Flavian and the hunters. We gunned them all down mercilessly and lied about everything. It hasn’t been made official yet, but the rumor is spreading and, if Godric has anything to do with it, we’ll be accused of something soon enough.

  The last few days have seen a strong polarization of opinions in Harptown. Basically, anyone associated with the guards or the hunters has taken their side, wives, relatives... Mr. Harper has been trying to keep the peace, but he’s failing. The truth is, this might affect the election in a very negative way for us. I just hope it doesn’t escalate into an armed confrontation. People are getting really scared, and that’s usually when bad things start to happen. Many are already asking for guns to protect themselves. To be honest, I wouldn’t mind having one of my own. I don’t even like guns, but I feel unsafe, now more than ever. I mean, if Flavian could pull off his stupid little stunt, who’s to say some other asshole won’t give it a try?

  Speaking of giving it a try, I finally got around to speaking with Ranger today. With everything that’s been going on... sleeping in a new apartment, worrying about Bibi, training the new bowhunters... hunting days have been almost unbearable... without Mouse... I’ve been having trouble focusing on the easy stuff, like hunting. Thinking about Ranger was just... I dunno. It felt out of reach.

  - - - - -

  We had gone out hunting, Lexa, Ranger, Buba, Greg, Nelly, Mimi and me. As if Mouse not being there weren’t weird enough, I felt like there were just too many of us out there. I kind of liked going out in a smaller group. It made me think that maybe we needed to break them down into much smaller squads, maybe three of four of them... with four or five members each... But I’d have to leave that for when I had the time and energy to think it through properly. As it was, the new members all did okay. We came back with plenty of wild chicken and still had most of the afternoon to spare. I knew exactly what I wanted to do with that time.

  Stone hadn’t gone out scavenging, so he was probably at the council arguing our cases. I told Lexa to deliver the chicken for me and headed to the hut with the others. That place felt haunted, after the showdown... bullet holes on the walls, patched up windows... blood stains on the floor... that stuff just won’t wash off from the wood... but it was all we had. And I suppose we were lucky Godric hadn’t found a way of taking it away from us as well... yet. I asked Buba to help the new bowhunters put everything in order and went out to the council. Ranger followed me.

  “Are you sure you’re up for this?” he asked me.

  “Up for what?”

  “You look tired, Dana,” he pointed out, “You shouldn’t be forcing yourself like this. This whole things is wearing you down. You know that right?”

  “Maybe,” I considered, “but what do you want me to do, sit by and just let Godric destroy us? Bibi belongs in the town guard and I fucking want my apartment back, it’s my home. No one else even wants the place, or even cares about it. I know this is what he wants, to wear us down until we have no more energy to fight him. But I’m gonna show him I can take anything he dishes out.”

  Clearly, Ranger didn’t entirely agree with me. He probably thought I should take a day off once in a while. Maybe he was right, but I didn’t feel like it just yet. Singer would have insisted, but Ranger wasn’t the talkative type. He made his point once and then dropped the subject. When we got there though, Stone was just leaving. The council had already moved on to other more pressing matters.

  “Godric is really trying to close us down,” Stone complained, “I don’t think there’s anything more we can do today. We better just get some rest, to come back fully recharged tomorrow.”

  “They won’t hear us out anymore?” I asked, “But we still have all afternoon.”

  “We have to take it one step at a time, kid,” Stone said calmly, “No use burning up all our fuel now, we have to save it for when it counts, right?”

  “I guess,” I accepted annoyed.

  “Come on,” he offered, “Let’s go check up on Beebs, at the hospital. I visited her this morning, but I think she just wants to see you, Dana. I think the confinement is gett
ing to her, you know? She’s getting really irritable.”

  “Obviously,” I said, “if there’s one person I can’t picture staying in one place for long, it’s her.”

  Poor Beebs. On top of having to stay in bed all day long, the hospital itself was kind of a gloomy place. When we got there, we could hear Bibi screaming at the top of her voice. We rushed in and found her threatening one of the doctors with a scalpel. She was wearing only one of those hospital patient dress things and an arm pouch, for her wounded shoulder. She was actually quite agile, considering her condition, but her ass was almost completely exposed.

  “What the hell’s going on here?” Stone demanded, “Bibi, put that down!” He went over and took the blade from her. “What the hell’s the matter with you? These people are here to help!”

  “Fuck you!” she yelled at him furiously, “Fuck all of you! I don’t need no fuckin’ help!”

  Suddenly, I noticed that look in her eyes, she had been crying. “Stone,” I called, signaling him to let me handle the situation, “Bibi, what happened? What’s wrong?”

  “I’m fuckin’ sick of this place,” she screamed, “I want out, you hear? I’m fine, dammit! I can fuckin’ walk!”

  “Calm down,” I told her, extending my hands, “We’ll figure something out, okay?”

  She looked at me, but it was like she hadn’t really recognized me at all.

  ”Bibi!” I cried, “Look at me...”

  Slowly, her expression changed. Rage faded slightly and sadness flowed in. “Doll,” she said between her teeth, “I need to get out of here. They already took my gun... I can’t let them take my sanity.”