Sadie Was A Lady

by Joan Jonker

  ‘Some hope you’ve got after the way yer treated Bobby. I felt really ashamed of yer. The poor lad probably left himself skint all week after forkin’ out for yer, and yer never spoke one word to him! He won’t be wanting to take you out again in a hurry.’

  ‘He would if you asked him.’

  ‘Not on your life! I wouldn’t put the poor lad through that again, not for all the tea in China.’ Sadie decided now was the time to get it all off her chest. ‘Anyway, this first-house lark is ridiculous. Young people our age are just goin’ out at eight o’clock, all set to enjoy themselves. As their night begins, we’re toddling home like two young kids. No bloke is goin’ to put up with that.’

  ‘I can’t help it if me mam’s strict with me. She says only cats and loose women are out late at night.’

  ‘And I can’t help it if yer mam doesn’t trust yer. All I know is that in two weeks we’ll be sixteen, old enough to look after ourselves. So it’s no more first-house pictures for me after the next two Saturdays.’ Sadie ran a hand over the top sheets in the crate before pulling the lid down. ‘I’d like to learn to dance, or go over on the ferry to New Brighton and see the fairground … anything but be stuck in the routine of goin’ to the pictures every Saturday.’

  ‘My mam wouldn’t let me do anything like that.’ When Sadie didn’t show any signs of sympathy, like she usually did, Brenda went on, ‘Anyway, clever clogs, where’s the money coming from for all this? Yer’ll not do it on a shilling a week.’

  ‘Oh, no? Well, just you watch me.’ Sadie looked around for the floorwalker and when she caught his eye she held up her hand, a signal that she needed the full crate replacing with an empty one. Then she turned to Brenda. ‘I’ll start gettin’ dates and they can pay for me.’

  ‘Yer’ll get yerself into trouble, Sadie Wilson, if yer start going out with every Tom, Dick and Harry.’

  ‘Is that you talking, or yer mam, Brenda?’ Sadie smiled as the floorwalker approached. He was a nice bloke, was Benny, always had a smile and a cheery word for everyone. He was over six feet tall, pale-faced and as bald as a billiard ball. The empty wooden crate he was carrying looked too heavy for his painfully thin body to bear, and Sadie rushed forward to give him a hand. ‘Yer should get one of the young lads to do this, Benny, otherwise yer’ll be doin’ yerself a mischief.’

  ‘It’s all right, lass, I’m no Tarzan but I’m stronger than I look.’ He positioned the crate in front of Sadie before casting an eye on Brenda’s work. ‘Give us a shout when yer ready.’

  Brenda nodded, then waited until he was out of earshot before turning on Sadie. ‘You have no right to talk about my mam like that.’

  ‘Like what? I’ve got nothing against yer mam, she’s never done me any harm. In fact, I’ve always envied you your family and nice home. But I do think she’s doing you more harm than good by wrapping yer in cotton wool. There’s a big world out there; some of the people in it are good, some are bad. By the time your mam thinks yer old enough to be let out on yer own … probably by the time yer twenty … yer’ll have had no experience of people, especially boys, and it’s you that’ll get yerself into trouble, not me.’

  Brenda thought on this for a while. Sadie was the only friend she had; none of the girls in the street where she lived bothered with her because they knew how strict her mam was and they weren’t prepared to put up with it. ‘Will you come to our house an’ ask me mam if I can go to the second house at the pictures? She might say yes if you ask.’

  ‘No.’ Sadie shook her head. ‘Yer’ve got to learn to stand on yer own two feet, Brenda. I haven’t had the cushy life you’ve had – I’ve had to stand up for meself for as long as I can remember. I’ve got to scheme to get the things you take for granted, so there’s no way I’m going to take on your troubles as well. Fight yer own battles, kid, and learn to grow up in the process.’

  ‘I’ll have a word with me mam tonight. But we’re still going to the first house tomorrow night, aren’t we?’

  Sadie closed her eyes in exasperation. ‘Yes, and the Saturday after. But the following week you can forget it. We’re sixteen within a few days of each other, old enough to do what we want.’ She pointed to the crate in front of Brenda. ‘Unless yer want to lose yer job, get cracking and fill that crate.’

  ‘Okay, don’t be gettin’ yer knickers in a twist.’ But Brenda’s hands were slow while her mind was busy. If she fell out with her friend then she’d lose contact with Alec and that didn’t bear thinking about. She was determined to make him notice her, and every night in bed she would dream of how she’d stun him with the new clothes she’d get even if she had to defy her mother. ‘You’re lucky going out with Alec. He’s so nice, and very handsome.’

  Sadie didn’t answer because she could see no point. Brenda would have to find out the hard way that being handsome didn’t automatically mean the person was nice inside. If she couldn’t see that blokes like Alec were wolves in sheep’s clothing, then it was God help her.

  Sadie was filled with despair when she walked up the street that night to find Jimmy and Les sitting on the front step looking like urchins – with filthy torn shirts and trousers, no shoes on their feet, faces as black as coal and hair matted.

  ‘Is me dad in?’ Sadie asked, her mind screaming at the injustice. No child deserved to look like they did, not when they had a father who was working and earning money.

  ‘Yeah,’ Jimmy said, scratching his head vigorously with both hands. ‘He got in about five minutes ago.’

  I’ll bet he stepped over them and didn’t even take any notice, Sadie raged inwardly. He wouldn’t feel any shame, not like I’m feeling now. And certainly no pity for the children, who were ostracised by the rest of the kids in the street.

  ‘Have yer had yer tea?’ Sadie lingered to give her temper time to subside. If she went in and gave vent to her anger there’d be a slanging match which she couldn’t hope to win, not with her mother and father both ranged against her. It would end up with her crying, frustrated at not being able to get through to them the harm they were inflicting on their children. And she didn’t want to turn up for her date with red-rimmed eyes.

  ‘We only ’ad two rounds of toast an’ I’m starvin’.’ Young Les squinted up at her. ‘Me mam said she’s got no money.’

  Sadie sighed as she slipped a foot between them to reach the top step. She’d help them if she could, but how could she when she couldn’t even help herself? Perhaps it would be better if she was nice to her mam, buttered her up like their Dot did. If she got her in a good mood she might be able to appeal to her motherly instinct. That’s if she has any, Sadie thought, I’ve never seen any sign of it. Still, complaining and shouting hadn’t got her anywhere, so she’d try a change of tactic.

  Sadie pinned a smile on her face as she walked through the living-room door, and she kept it there even though the sight and the smell made her feel sick. ‘Hi, Mam. Hi, Dad!’

  George’s greeting was a grunt, Lily’s a brief nod. But Sadie wasn’t going to be put off. After all, when did anybody ever get a welcome in this house? She passed the table where Dot and Ellen were sitting, watching wide-eyed as their father tucked into two fried eggs on toast, and made for the couch where the baby was sitting. ‘Hiyer, Sally.’ After chucking the baby under the chin, Sadie turned quickly away from the sight of the angry red sores on the child’s legs, caused by constantly wearing a wet nappy.

  ‘What’s for tea, Mam?’

  ‘An egg on toast.’ Lily’s tone was hostile. ‘An’ yer can think yerself bleedin’ lucky ’cos the kids only had toast. It’s hard-up day an’ I haven’t got a penny to me name.’

  ‘That’s all right, Mam, an egg on toast will do me fine.’ Sadie made for the kitchen before her thoughts turned into words. Surely it was a mother’s place to get a meal ready for her children? Especially when one of them had been working all day. And as for not having a penny to her name, it was a pound to a pinch of snuff that her dad would be in the pub tonight, as
usual.

  Sadie carried the plate through and sat next to Ellen. ‘I’m going to the second-house pictures tonight, Mam, so shall I take a key or will yer still be up?’ She didn’t need to ask because her dad never rolled home before half-ten, but she’d stick to being nice and see if it got her anywhere.

  Lily’s eyes narrowed. ‘Where yer gettin’ the money from to go to the pictures?’

  ‘I’m going with one of the lads from work and he’s paying.’

  ‘Oh aye, hard clock? At fifteen yer shouldn’t be goin’ out with boys. I don’t want yer comin’ home here with a bun in the oven.’

  Sadie closed her eyes at the crude words used in front of her two sisters. ‘I’m sixteen the week after next, Mam, I’m not a child.’

  Lily caught the message in George’s eye and was silent for a while. Her husband had told her he thought Sadie would live up to her words and go and get lodgings if she was pushed too far. And they’d miss her wages coming in, especially as they’d go up when she was sixteen. ‘All right then, but in future, ask.’ A sly grin crossed her face. ‘If he takes yer down a jigger, just make sure his hand is the only thing that goes up yer skirt.’

  George’s head fell back and as he roared with laughter crumbs spurted from his half-full mouth. ‘That was a good one, love, very funny. I’ll have to remember that to tell me mates.’

  Sadie stared at her plate. What was the use? They would never change, not in a million years. She finished her meal and carried her plate out to the kitchen. ‘Can I get washed at the sink before our Dot starts on the dishes?’

  ‘Yer’ll have to make do with water ’cos we’ve got no soap.’

  Sadie popped her head back in the living room. ‘No soap!’

  ‘You heard what I said, yer haven’t got cloth ears. An’ before yer start complaining, Miss High and Mighty, yer not the only one in the house. We’ve all got to do without.’

  Sadie walked back to the sink. She couldn’t help the bad thoughts that were running through her head. Her mam wouldn’t miss soap because she only got a good wash every Preston Guild. And her dad was no better – sometimes you could smell him a mile off. How his cronies in the pub could stand next to him she didn’t know. That’s if he had as many mates as he said he had, and this she doubted.

  Sadie ran the water over her hands and rubbed them together to get as much dirt off them as she could, then she filled her cupped hands with water and swilled her face. There was a towel hanging from a nail on the back of the kitchen door and she reached for it, only to draw her hands back when she saw the state of it. It was used as a flannel to wipe the children’s faces and runny noses, and served as a tea towel to dry dishes and as a dish cloth to mop up any spillages, including grease.

  ‘Won’t we be havin’ our bath, Dad, seein’ as we’ve no soap?’ Dot sounded petulant. ‘We could still sit in the water an’ some of the dirt would come off.’

  George glanced nervously towards the kitchen door. ‘Shut yer trap about the bleedin’ bath, yez can have one tomorrow.’

  Sadie was rooted to the spot in horror. Surely her mother wasn’t so bad, or so stupid as to let him wash a fourteen-year-old-girl? But Sadie couldn’t feel pity for her sister because she was old enough to know it was wrong and to stop it. Instead she seemed to be egging her father on, always sitting close to him and whispering in his ear. She was as hard as nails for her age and Sadie thought that what her father had started he might not find so easy to finish. In his desire to satisfy his perverted craving for sex, it hadn’t even entered his head that Dot wasn’t just putting up with his advances because she was afraid not to; that she actually liked it and was a more than willing participant. And she was crafty enough to know she would always have a hold over her father. He had created a monster who, in a year or two, would be calling the tune: a girl of fourteen with blackmail on her mind.

  ‘I’m glad we’ve got no soap,’ Ellen said. ‘I hate bath night.’

  Sadie’s heart went out to her younger sister. She knew how she felt because at her age, Sadie was just getting out of her father’s clutches.

  ‘You look good enough to eat, Sadie.’ Alec grinned down at her. She had to be the best-looking girl he’d ever been out with. Funny thing was, he hadn’t realised quite what a beauty she was until he’d seen her figure in that blue dress. She looked good tonight, too, in her blouse and skirt. ‘Come on, let’s get in before all the best specks are taken.’

  He held her elbow as they mounted the two steps into the picture house and when he asked the girl in the ticket kiosk for ‘Two in the back stalls, please’, she knew he’d make for the back row. But she didn’t care. His compliments and the admiration in his eyes were like a salve, soothing away the anger, hurt, humiliation and utter despair. She needed someone to tell her she looked nice, needed to bask in the warmth of someone’s smile and feel the touch of another human being, if she wasn’t to go through life feeling completely worthless.

  During the Charlie Chase short comedy, Alec held Sadie’s hand. He appeared to be quite content, sitting back in his seat and roaring with laughter at the antics of the funny man. It wasn’t until after the interval and the lights dimmed, that he lifted the armrest between the seats, slid his arm across her shoulders and pulled her closer. ‘Are yer comfortable, Sadie?’

  ‘Yeah, I’m fine, thanks.’ This wasn’t said just to please him, she really did feel comfortable and secure with his arm holding her close. The tension was leaving her body and she wished life could always be like this. There were two thoughts niggling at the back of her mind but she tried not to dwell on them. One was that she hoped Alec wouldn’t get fresh and spoil it for her, and the other was that at the end of the night she had to return to the hovel that was not her home, but her prison.

  Alec was bored with the film, there was no excitement in it. Claudette Colbert and Ronald Colman were not among his favourite film stars. He preferred sirens like Joan Bennett or Jean Harlow, and he-men like Randolph Scott and James Cagney. So he spent more time looking at Sadie than he did at the screen. She was nicer-looking than Claudette Colbert any day of the week and had a better figure. He knew who he’d pick if he had to choose between them.

  When the film ended and the lights went up, Sadie said, ‘You can have yer arm back now.’ She noticed the grin on his face. ‘What’s so funny?’

  ‘I’ll tell yer when we get outside.’ Alec pushed his way through the mass of people making for the exit, pulling Sadie behind him. ‘I’ll be glad to be out in the fresh air.’

  They stood on the pavement while Sadie asked, ‘What was the joke?’

  ‘I was telling meself I’d rather have a date with you than Claudette Colbert, then I thought chance would be a fine thing! Anyway, she lives in Hollywood, too far away to be walking her home from the pictures.’

  Sadie answered with a smile on her face. ‘You were right about chance being a fine thing, Alec, ’cos yer not walkin’ me home, either!’

  Alec’s face dropped. ‘Why not?’

  ‘Well, for one thing, I told me mam I was going out with a girlfriend, and for another, we live miles apart. I live in Toxteth and you’re the other side of the city in Seaforth. We’re halfway between both places, and it would be crazy for you to take me all the way home and then have that long journey back.’ She saw the disappointment on his face and hated herself for telling a lie. But if he saw the state of her home he’d never want to see her again. ‘Why not walk me part of the way then catch a tram back?’

  ‘Yeah, okay.’ He put his arm around her waist as they started walking. ‘It would be daft ’cos I’m up at six in the morning for work. Saturday is the best night for a date, then we can have a lie-in the next morning.’

  ‘I’m goin’ out with Brenda, I told yer. But it’s only for this week and next week. After that, if she can’t get round her mam to let her stay out later, she’s on her own.’

  ‘I don’t know why you put up with her; she’s so childish she’d get on me flippin’
nerves.’

  ‘Oh, she’s not so bad.’ Sadie didn’t want to be disloyal to the girl who’d been her friend since the day they started work together. She’d been glad of Brenda as she had no other friend, so she wasn’t going to pull her to pieces. ‘It’s just that her mam’s so strict, she’s frightened of the wind blowing on her.’

  They strolled along the main road for about twenty minutes, then Sadie called a halt. ‘I turn off here, so your best bet is to jump on a tram. You can get one from the stop over the road that’ll take yer right to Seaforth.’

  ‘Yer not packing me off without a good-night kiss, are yer? Come on, Sadie, don’t be so mean.’

  ‘Oh, all right.’ Sadie looked towards a shop doorway. She couldn’t really refuse, not after he’d taken her to the pictures. ‘Let’s go in there where we can’t be seen.’

  Sadie was expecting a gentle kiss, like the ones Harry gave her. But Alec wasn’t Harry, and the speed with which he moved took her breath away. They just stepped into the shadow of the doorway and before she knew what was happening, she was being held tight in his arms and his lips were crushing hers. She felt his tongue trying to prise her lips apart and her first reaction was to pull away and ask what he was trying to do, but a little voice warned her against it. She was new to the game of dating, and for all she knew, all the boys kissed like this. After all, she only had Harry to compare Alec with, and the boy next door was more like a brother. But she didn’t relish the thought of someone else’s tongue in her mouth so she kept her lips clamped tight.

  Alec’s hands moved upwards, under Sadie’s shoulder-blades, and as they did so his thumbs touched the sides of her breasts. It was just an accident, she told herself as her body stiffened; he didn’t do it deliberately. But when he kept repeating the movement she knew it was no accident, he was trying it on. Well, she wasn’t standing for that! She put her hands on his chest and pushed with all her might. ‘What d’yer think yer playing at, Alec?’