Ceaseless

by Abbi Glines

  He shifted his eyes to me and a grin tugged at the corners of his mouth before he turned back to the crowd and started the next song. Les talked to their fans. Dank might be the voice but he wasn’t the personality. He didn’t perform for the crowd. Les was doing a good job of that. The girls chanted Dank’s name just the same.

  “He plays that mystery card well,” Miranda said approvingly. “They love him because they feel he is hiding some big secret and they want to know it.”

  Gee snorted and we both turned to look at her. If Dank had a secret she’d be the one to know it. “No one wants inside his head. Trust me.”

  I felt the need to defend him. Shaking that off I looked back out at him. I’d known him one week. She’d known him most of his life. I knew nothing really. “Stop frowning Peggy Ann. I was only teasing. Dank Walker has his secrets but nothing you would run from. Trust me when I tell you that.”

  That was better. She wasn’t being so negative about him now. I liked Dank. He was nothing like I’d first assumed. I started to say something to Miranda when the sounds of Dank’s guitar playing became the only sound out there. The rest of the band had stepped back leaving him in center stage. Something in me ached. Was it the lonely sad sound of the music or seeing Dank standing there in the darkness alone? I wasn’t sure what it was exactly but it made my chest hurt. Then he began singing. Each word tugged at me. Something about what he was singing. The melody wrapped around me. I wanted to go to him and hold him. I braced myself against the wall as the words “Yet You Stay” caused my heart to race. What was wrong with me? My head pounded violently and the words “Yet You Stay” drummed over and over again as my breathing became difficult and my vision blurred. I heard Gee asking me if I was okay. I heard Miranda’s frantic voice saying I was having a panic attack. I couldn’t focus on any of them. The words were drowning me. Suffocating me. I needed air.

  “Move,” Dank’s voice broke into my fog and I managed to take a much-needed deep breath. Coughing as the air entered my lungs. “I’ve got you, Pagan. It’s okay. I’m sorry,” he murmured other things that I didn’t understand but they soothed me. My heart slowed down and the pounding subsided to a small ache. Dank was holding me and rocking me in his arms. His hand was caressing my head with gentle strokes. I was suddenly tired.

  “She okay?” Gee asked from somewhere nearby.

  “Yeah, she’s breathing easy now,” Dank replied.

  “What the heck happened? She was fine one minute and the next minute she was in a full-blown panic attack. I know what it was because I had several after my boyfriend died. I could see it all over her face. She couldn’t breathe; she couldn’t see.” Miranda sounded upset.

  I lifted my head from Dank’s chest and looked up to see that Dank was sitting on the floor with his back against the wall and I was in his lap. Miranda knelt beside us wringing her hands frantically.

  “I’m good. I don’t know what happened. Something just snapped,” I tried to explain. I decided against telling them that the words to his song had sent me spiraling out of control.

  “It’s the move. You’ve not gotten enough sleep. You’re adjusting. I’m forcing you to go out places at night and then unloading all my screwed up emotions on you. I’ve cried on your shoulder and you’ve been the one to make me feel better. It’s my fault. I need to stop being a big baby.” I held up my hand to stop Miranda from her sudden need to take all the blame for this.

  “I’m fine. Nothing is your fault. I don’t know what triggered it, but I’m good now.” I felt like an idiot curled up like a baby in Dank’s arms. It was a miracle this guy hadn’t sent me packing yet. I started to stand up and let him get back to the band. It sounded as if the other members were carrying on without him. He jumped up quickly and hovered beside me as if I was going to crumple to the ground.

  “You’re supposed to be out there,” I told him nodding toward the stage.

  “I can quit for the night. Do you want me to drive you back to your dorm?” His worried tone made this even more humiliating. I was the crazy, mentally unstable friend.

  “No. Really. I am fine but I do think I’m gonna go if Miranda is okay with that,” I glanced over at her and she nodded in agreement.

  “I can take you. She can stay and listen to the rest of the set,” he said studying my face as if he was waiting on some answer to appear.

  “I got this, Dank. Go do your thing. You have a long night ahead of you,” Gee piped up and Dank shot her a warning glare. It was something I was used to seeing him direct her way. He did it a lot.

  “I’m fine. You go sing,” I assured him again and pushed him gently toward the stage entrance.

  Dank’s frown deepened and he started to shake his head no. Gee stepped forward and grabbed him by the arm and whispered something angrily in his ear. His defeated sigh bothered me, but when she was done he nodded and looked back at me. “Okay. If you’re sure you’ll be okay. Just say the word and I’ll take you back to the dorm.”

  “Positive,” I replied.

  Dank nodded and turned around and jogged back onto the stage. The crowd in the club erupted in cheers and chanted his name.

  “Alright, Peggy Ann, let’s get you out of here before he sings again. Apparently it’s your kryptonite,”

  Chapter Twelve

  Dank

  It was still early and students weren’t littering the campus yet. I’d worked hard all night trying to keep the memory of Pagan’s mental breakdown out of my head. She’d been about to remember. I reached up and touched the Celtic knot just under my shirt. This had triggered a memory. The song I wrote for her had sent her to her knees. The memories were there, trying to break free. But as much as I wanted her to remember I knew the human mind was a fragile thing. Gee had reminded me last night that I could do damage to Pagan in my haste for her to get her memory back.

  “Dankmar,” Jaslyn, a transporter who also worked as a messenger, stepped out of the morning fog, and unlike Gee, looked every bit as unearthly as one would expect.

  “Yes,” I replied hesitantly. The last time she’d shown up to tell me something it hadn’t been pleasant.

  “The Deity is not pleased. You are pushing the girl too hard. She hasn’t even reconnected emotionally with her soul’s mate. Her memory will not be restored until a fair decision can be made.”

  Why were they doing this? If she wasn’t connecting with him, didn’t that mean her heart was already claimed---memory or not? There was a reason she was unable to feel something for the soul who was created for her. “I’m not pushing. I’m waiting. But the soul they are expecting to mean something to her doesn’t stand a chance. He isn’t ready for any type of relationship either.”

  Jaslyn gave me a sad smile. “I am to tell you to be ready. It is coming. The souls will connect and when they do, you must stand back and let them. Death must not interfere. Your job is not to protect this girl. If she loves you, then she will come to you. Death can not go to her.”

  “They want me to back away?” I asked incredulously. That wasn’t going to happen. If I had any chance at winning this then I had to show her what she means to me. Her heart knows it. Her mind just can’t remember it.

  “You are to be prepared for the souls to connect. It is what is meant to be. You are not her destiny. However, if at the time her soul has found its mate and her heart still wants you then it will be her choice. Her memories will be restored. If she chooses her mate then those memories will be lost forever.”

  I didn’t reply. There was nothing left to say. I held the power to take life from a body but that is where it ended. I could not control this. Fate wasn’t mine to mold. Jaslyn faded away, leaving me with the message and warning. This wasn’t going to happen as easily as I’d thought. The Deity knew the future. They knew what was coming next. Preparing myself for the rage that would consume me was the least of my worries.

  Pagan

  The banging on our door at eight a.m. was unwelcome. It was a Saturday and I wanted to sl
eep late. Miranda groaned and grabbed her pillow to cover her head and ears.

  “Who the hell is that?” she grumbled as I tried to shake the sleep from my fuzzy brain.

  “I dunno, but they aren’t going to live long,” I replied, throwing the covers back and getting out of bed. I glanced down and realized I’d slept in sweats and a tank top. I was covered up enough. But then it was only eight so the person beating down our door had to be a female. So being properly covered up didn’t really matter.

  I jerked the door open and the angry words I’d been about to say fell flat as I looked into the eyes of a very upset and determined Nathan.

  “I tried to stop him,” Jay said from behind him. I shifted my gaze off Nathan to Jay then looked down the empty hall. How had they not woken up everyone with that banging?

  “What is this?” I asked confused.

  Nathan moved me out of the way with little force since I wasn’t expecting it, and barged into the room. “She won’t answer my calls and you won’t allow me in the building when you’re awake. So, I had Jay bribe a chick and get us inside while you weren’t awake to stop me.”

  Miranda sat up in bed and the covers fell to her waist revealing the thin white camisole she’d slept in. I thought about tell her to cover up but the shocked look on her face stopped me. It wasn’t like they could actually see through it all the way.

  “Nathan?” she croaked in a sleepy voice.

  He went over and knelt down beside her bed, then pulled the blanket up to cover up her boobs. I had to give him points for that. “I need you to listen to me. I can’t defend myself if you won’t give me a chance.”

  I wasn’t sure if Jay and I should step out of the room or if Miranda would want me there. So, I just stayed put by the door.

  “It doesn’t matter, I’m over it.” That didn’t even begin to sound convincing.

  A doorknob across the hall started to turn and I grabbed Jay’s arm and pulled him inside and closed the door quickly before we got caught with boys in our room. I wanted Nathan to get to say what he came here to say.

  Both Nathan and Miranda looked back at us now standing in the room in front of the door. I shrugged, “The girls across the room are waking up.” I explained.

  Nathan nodded his head toward the bathroom, “Can y’all go in there and give us a little privacy?

  “Sure,” I replied grabbing Jay’s hand and tugging him along behind me. I wanted this matter settled and Miranda wasn’t going to be easy to convince. We’d spent two full days eating ice cream and watching Damon to get her over this guy.

  Once we were safely tucked away in the bathroom, I let go of Jay’s hand and put some distance between us. In reality this mess was his fault.

  “What happened with them?” Jay asked as I pressed my back up against the door to Gee’s room.

  “You don’t know?” I asked. Really he was that busy with his female friends that he hadn’t asked Nathan what happened?

  “Nathan doesn’t really know either. From what you told him at the door the night he tried to get in Victoria had shown up and shared his sexual habits with Miranda and she wasn’t interested in being a part of that.”

  I hadn’t been very clear but I’d thought he would figure it out if he was in fact screwing that girl on a regular basis. “Victoria showed up to warn me off you. Miranda was being defensive and trying to stand between the two of us. Then Victoria informed Miranda that Nathan was screwing some girl named Siera on a regular basis. She was his and I quote, “fuck buddy” and that Miranda needed to step back.”

  Jay’s eyes went wide and he shook his head, “That shit ain’t true. Nathan and Siera had a very short fling about two months ago. It was just the sex. He didn’t even like her very much. I think they may have had sex a few times since then but only because he drank too much at a party at the frat house and she threw herself at him.”

  I nodded, “I kinda figured that. Hopefully that is all getting cleared up in there.”

  Jay took a step toward me, “What about you? What did Victoria say to you?”

  “Oh, that you and her did it like rabbits and I needed to forget about you. You weren’t interested in me. I was just a flavor of the week.”

  Jay scowled and slammed his palm down on the counter. “I’m so fucking sick of her shit. I’ve told her no. I’ve pushed her away but she is still convinced I want her.”

  “Are you trying to tell me y’all didn’t do it like they do it on the discovery channel?” I asked in an amused tone.

  Jay frowned, “Sure, we’ve had sex a few times. She is one of the easier lays on campus. But I don’t have any feelings for her. She was just handy. Now she’s got it in her head that I want something more.”

  Nice. He was all about respecting the females these days. “Hmmm it seems to me that maybe you should be more careful where you stick it.”

  Jay sighed and leaned a hip against the sink. “This has ruined any small chance I might have had to get another date with you, hasn’t it?”

  I nodded, “Yep, pretty much. Although, if it makes you feel better, I was anti-the-dating-you thing after you asked someone else out on our last date.”

  Jay ran both hands through his hair and cursed under his breath. “I wasn’t expecting you to walk back into my life, Pagan. I thought about you all the time but I had been telling myself for over a year that you were gone. I’d never see you again. I didn’t get serious with anyone because I always compared them to you. No one ever measures up. Yes, I’ve screwed around and dated a lot of girls but it was my way of coping. If I’d known you’d be walking back into my life again, I’d have done things so much differently.”

  Well that was nice. Didn’t change how I felt, but it was still nice to hear.

  The door opened and Miranda stuck her head in, “Could y’all maybe leave?”

  “Uh, yeah could I have clothes first?” I asked, studying her very pleased expression.

  “Yeah, hold on. Don’t come out, though,” she said slamming the door in our faces.

  “I’m thinking my man might have smoothed things over,” Jay said with a small laugh.

  “Yeah, I’m thinking you’re right.”

  The door inched open and a pair of cut-off blue jean shorts and a Rolling Stones tee shirt that was entirely too tight, which Miranda well knew, was shoved through the door before it closed again. The lock clicked and I looked over at Jay.

  “You’re gonna have to leave through Gee’s door before I get dressed.”

  Jay grinned, “I promise to close my eyes.”

  “Not in a million years,” I assured him and bent over to pick up my clothes.

  “Come on Pagan, I promise I won’t look.”

  He had to be kidding me. When had I ever been willing to change in front of him?

  I knocked on Gee’s door and when I got no reply I opened it. Peeking inside I found it empty. Good. At least she didn’t have to see me sneaking out of a bathroom with Jay. “Coast is clear, now go away.”

  Jay stuck out his bottom lip in a pout and I shoved him out the door and locked myself inside.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Dank

  The soul that threatened my success in winning Pagan back came walking out of her dorm while I was waiting for her to come outside. I swung my leg over my Harley and stood up. What the hell was he doing in her dorm?

  “Gee,” I said quietly knowing that she would hear me no matter where she was. There had better be a real good reason for the silly smile on his face. He glanced up at the window to Pagan’s room. I fisted both hands and stalked toward him. I wasn’t sure what I was going to say or do but I had to know why he’d been in her room.

  “Whoa, slow down Cowboy; where you going?” Gee grabbed my arm as she appeared at my side.

  “To kick his sorry ass,” I replied and jerked my arm from her grasp.

  “No. You’re not. This is supposed to happen. Remember? She is going to reconnect with her soul mate. Their souls have to connect Dank. C
hill the fuck down.”

  I knew this. I hated it, but I knew it. “Why is he coming out of her dorm so damned early in the morning and where were you, anyway?”

  Gee smirked, “I’m sure it wasn’t anything like what you’re thinking. Pagan isn’t even into him yet. And as for where I was---let’s just say your drummer is a happy boy this morning.”

  “Not Loose again. You can’t get attached, Gee,” I warned. My thoughts were disrupted when the door to her building opened and Pagan stepped outside. My heart slammed against my chest at the site of her. She was in a pair of shorts that were entirely too short for her to wear in public, and her shirt left nothing to the imagination. I saw her frown and followed her gaze to the boy waiting for her. Screw the rules. I wasn’t standing here and letting her go anywhere with him, especially dressed like that.

  “Dank, don’t,” Gee called out from behind me but I ignored her and kept walking. I didn’t need a lecture from her when she had been screwing the drummer, again.

  Pagan’s gaze swung around and her eyes met mine. A small smile touched her lips and I wanted to pound my chest in jubilation. She was happy to see me. She hadn’t smiled at him. She’d smiled at me.

  “Dank?” The surprise in her voice was accompanied by a pleased gleam in her eyes.

  “Good morning,” I replied trying to think of a way I could get her to go inside and change without sounding like a jerk.

  “What are you doing here?”

  Waiting to see you.

  Her eyes flew open wide and I realized I’d unintentionally talked to her soul again. I had to stop doing that. “I was up early and thought I’d stop by and see if you wanted to have breakfast with me.”

  Her smile faltered as her brain worked through the fact she’d heard me speak in her head.

  “Pagan? You coming?” Jay asked keeping his distance from us. I made him nervous; I could feel his fear.

  Pagan frowned and looked over at him, “Coming where?”

  That’s my girl. Shoot him down.