by daisy harris
His paper cup felt warm in his hand, and suddenly it occurred to Joe he should have gotten Elias some tea. Damn, Joe was a selfish asshole. He needed to work on that.
The door was ajar, and Joe pushed it open. “Hello?” Three people were inside: Elias, a man who looked older than him but otherwise very similar, and a thin woman wearing a headscarf in the bed.
“Hi, Joe.” Elias walked to where Joe was standing at the door. “Thank you for coming.” His face was haggard like he hadn’t slept.
Joe wanted to pull him into a hug but figured it was best to hold back. “No problem. I had to come this way for PT anyway.” He tried to convey with his eyes how shitty he felt about the night before.
“This is Solomon, my brother.” Elias stepped slightly to the side.
“Nice to meet you.” Joe reached out a hand, as did Solomon. At the very last minute, Joe remembered to shake softly—the way he’d seen Elias do at Nordstrom, and again at Dan’s wedding. That must have been the right choice, because Solomon’s expression relaxed. Joe wouldn’t go so far as to say he looked calm, but at least he wasn’t eyeing Joe like the enemy anymore.
“This is Sara.” Solomon extended a hand to the woman in the bed. Dark circles hung under her eyes, as if perhaps she’d been crying, or maybe she hadn’t eaten or drank enough recently.
“Nice to meet you, Sara.” Joe waved but opted not to try and shake her hand. For one thing, she had a pulse ox attached to one finger and an IV in the opposite arm, but also, he got the sense she didn’t want to touch a stranger.
Sara glanced to her husband, who in turn rumbled something in a language Joe didn’t understand.
“Sara’s English isn’t very good,” Elias said from behind Joe.
Though Sara looked up at the sound of her name, it was clear she didn’t understand Elias’s words.
The picture of the situation crystallized in Joe’s mind—in particular, the concerns a social worker might have about Sara’s well-being. Plenty of people in the US spoke little to no English, but those same folks were at tremendous risk for being exploited.
“Can I talk to you?” Joe turned to Elias, laying a hand on his arm but only briefly. Elias was cold under his short sleeve. Joe thought about bringing Elias a sweater.
“Yes.”
As soon as they got into the hallway, Joe rounded on Elias. “Do they know I’m a cop?”
Elias nodded.
“And how do they think you know me?” With only five minutes until their meeting, Joe had to gather as much information as possible.
“I told him I met you at work.”
Though it wasn’t a lie, Joe wondered how much of Elias’s story Solomon believed. That didn’t seem to matter at the moment, though. Solomon probably didn’t care who Joe was so long as he helped them avoid a long inquiry by social services or a possible deportation.
“Fair enough. So what happened?” Joe tried to keep his face neutral, not accusatory. But he couldn’t help letting his suspicions seep out. “Was Sara injured?”
“She took some pills.” Elias looked at the floor, his voice quiet. “The doctor said…” He took a breath to calm himself. “The doctor called it attempted suicide.”
Once again, Joe wanted to touch him, but didn’t. Joe’s compassion warred with frustration. In his job, Joe dealt with mental illness all the time. How could Elias not have admitted his sister-in-law was depressed?
Then again, Joe had never really asked, had he? After the wedding when he’d felt so awkward and suspicious, Joe’d never again probed into Elias’s life.
“And was it a suicide attempt? Or did she take the medicine for some other reason?” Perhaps Sara had mistaken the pills for a different kind of medication. Or worse, perhaps someone—most likely her husband—had forced them on her.
“She took them on her own.” When Elias lifted his chin, he revealed a face covered in tears. “I told her to go to the doctor. That there was medicine she could take so she wouldn’t be so unhappy.” Elias crossed his arms, as if he’d said too much. “She could have talked to someone, but she never wanted me to tell Solomon when she was crying.”
Joe nodded. “Was she unhappy with him? Your brother?”
He couldn’t imagine anyone being content in a marriage that was arranged, but he tried to be open-minded.
“Solomon is a good husband. He works hard to make her happy.” Elias shrugged. “My parents and most of their friends got married the same way.”
A middle-aged woman with a clipboard marched down the hall in their direction, so Joe gripped Elias’s arm to get him to stop talking. No doubt the social worker would want to hear the story from Sara and no one else.
“Hello.” The woman held out a hand. Her manner was businesslike to the point of being aggressive. “I take it you’re family of the patient.” She addressed her question to Elias, which Joe assumed made sense but still irked him. “I’ll need to talk to the patient alone. Is there anyone else in the room?”
Elias’s skin faded to a paler shade than normal. “My brother. Sara’s husband.”
The woman nodded. “He’ll have to leave.”
Joe noticed Elias tensing and opening his mouth to argue, but Joe touched his arm. “Sara’s English is very poor. Are you planning to bring in a translator?”
The woman cocked an eyebrow. “Actually, I’m fluent in Arabic.”
“Um…” Elias wove his fingers together in front of him. “She doesn’t speak Arabic. It’s Amharic.”
She blinked at him twice, then, with an eye roll, checked her chart. “For the love of…” She shuffled her papers and shoved them at Elias. “Can you spell that?” She looked down the corridors. “Does Harborview have someone on staff?”
Elias shrugged like he felt guilty for inconveniencing her. “I think the one who helped the doctors last night went home.”
Joe wished he could hug the guy. God only knew how long it would take social services to track down the right person. Elias and his family might end up at the hospital all day.
The woman strode off to call her superiors, leaving Joe and Elias standing in the hallway. “Hey.” Joe squeezed Elias’s hand. “You okay? You look tired as hell. Did you sleep last night?”
Elias pulled his hand out of Joe’s, but whether it was because Elias didn’t want to seem gay at the hospital or whether he was still angry, Joe didn’t know.
“I’ve been here since I left your house.” Elias rubbed his face, over the thin hint of stubble on his top lip and the sparse hair on his chin.
Joe wanted to move that hand away and massage Elias’s cheek. Why hadn’t Joe thought to do that before, or anything like it? After all, Elias had washed Joe, cleaned up after him. Joe should have been looking for more ways to love him back.
“Are you skipping work today?”
“No. I’ll go in.” Elias stared sadly at the door, like with his gaze he could make things better for his brother. “I don’t think Solomon wants me here all day.”
“I can check on him after physical therapy if you want.”
“That’s okay. I appreciate you’re trying to help, but—”
“I’m going to help.” Joe pulled his phone out of his back pocket to scroll for Wade’s number.
“You don’t have to.” Elias headed to the door, but Joe caught his hand. There was no one in the hallway, no one to see Joe and Elias together, and yet Elias still cringed.
“Just let me, okay?” Joe wished he could give a sultry smile. But after what happened between him and Elias the night before, he couldn’t pull the sex card anymore. “I want to.”
“Why? Because you owe me?”
“No. Because I care about you.” Joe had to get things with Elias settled. Right now.
There was a bathroom behind them, and Joe dragged Elias inside before shutting the door. The light turned on immediately
, flooding the white walls in even whiter light. Even the air smelled too clean. Joe missed being with Elias in his cozy apartment. More than that, he wondered what Elias’s apartment was like…and why it had never occurred to Joe to ask if he could visit.
Elias crossed his arms, standing tall and silent with his chin tipped up.
Joe supposed he deserved that haughty stare. Elias had always treated Joe with so much respect, and Joe hadn’t realized that maybe the kid deserved a little back.
“Listen. Shit went wrong last night. I should have talked to you after.” Joe saw the flicker of pain in Elias’s eyes. “We shouldn’t have even gone there in the first place. You weren’t ready—”
Elias stepped out of Joe’s hold with a move as graceful as ether. “No. I was fine. I wanted to do that. But what happened after was…” He swallowed, like the words wouldn’t come, and Joe knew instinctually Elias didn’t want to say anything to hurt Joe’s feelings.
“You didn’t do anything wrong.” Joe held up a hand in surrender. “I just wanted…” Joe sighed. Maybe he’d wanted to feel like he was worthy of everything Elias gave him. “I should have talked to you after. But I swear, I will try so much harder.”
Elias’s lower lip trembled. “I’m not sure I can be your lover right now.”
“A friend for now, okay?”
Elias nodded. Although Joe ached for a kiss, he wouldn’t try for one. Not until he’d earned back that right. “I have to go to PT, but I’ll call and find an interpreter, okay? And see what Wade says about getting Sara some help. Does she have insurance?”
“Yes. Through Solomon’s job.”
“Good.” Joe rubbed Elias’s arm. “I’ll talk to you later, okay?”
“Okay.” Elias opened the bathroom door and slipped out.
Joe followed behind him.
Unfortunately, Solomon walked out of the hospital room at the same time, his eyebrows drawing together. “Elias?” Solomon looked from Elias to Joe and back again. He seemed more confused than angry.
Since Elias’s Adam’s apple bobbed like he’d swallowed a cockroach, Joe stepped in. “Elias and I needed to talk in private for a moment.” Joe shoved his free hand in his pocket, adopting his most laid-back posture, the one he used when trying to shut down tantrums before they started. “We saw the case worker, and she needs to reschedule for when she can find an interpreter. I’m sure Elias will fill you in on the details.”
Both Elias and Solomon visibly relaxed, so Joe decided it was best to wrap up the exchange before it got weird. “I’ll call my contacts and see if I can track down someone sooner rather than later.” He focused on Elias. “I’ll text you when I find something out.”
Elias gave Joe a knowing glance, one that said, I understand and thank you all in one. Funny that Joe could see all that. In the beginning Elias was such a mystery. Joe couldn’t fathom Elias’s motives. But now that Joe had Elias figured out, he was as transparent as glass.
“Thank you.” Elias gave him a smile, and he reached out to squeeze Joe’s hand.
Joe smiled. The handholding was confusing, but not so much now that he really understood Elias. Sometimes a smile was just a smile and a touch just a show of comfort, or gratitude, or even kindness. Joe wondered why he’d ever rushed for more when Elias had already been giving him everything.
“No problem.”
He nodded a goodbye to Solomon, though Joe didn’t feel comfortable enough with Elias’s older brother to trade phone numbers. Solomon did thank Joe for coming, which was heartening, and they touched hands before Joe left.
Chapter Fifteen
“So, the case manager hadn’t arranged for an interpreter?” Solomon rubbed his face but didn’t manage to erase the lines of tension. “Why not?”
Elias shrugged, trying to settle his nerves so he didn’t jump out of his skin over his brother catching him with Joe. “She must have misunderstood the message.”
Solomon frowned, looking behind him at the door. Someone was supposed to stay with Sara, in case she tried to kill herself again. Not that there was anything in the room that was sharp or dangerous, but the doctors had insisted.
“I can go in for a while,” Elias said. “I have a few hours before I need to be at work.”
“No. Go home and sleep. I’ll stay.”
“Okay.” Elias reached for his brother and pulled him into an embrace. Solomon felt tense under Elias’s palms, and Elias couldn’t help but think it was because of what happened with Joe.
When Elias drew away, he needed to say something to alleviate his guilt. “You and Sara mean a lot to me.”
If Elias lost the love of his parents, he could accept that they were not meant to be in his life. But Solomon and Sara were part of the little family he’d made for himself. They were all he had. Regardless of what happened with Joe, Elias would be crushed to lose his brother.
“I know.” Solomon’s gaze flickered to the floor, as if he couldn’t quite meet Elias’s gaze. Maybe he knew things he pretended not to. “And we…I mean Sara is very fond of you. I’m not sure what she would have done without you.” He trailed off, his eyes going damp so that he rubbed them with the heel of his hand. “If you weren’t living with us, I think Sara would have been in here sooner.”
Elias agreed in his heart, but he didn’t want to say so out loud.
“No matter what happens, Sara and I are your family.” Solomon laid a hand on Elias’s shoulder, the same way their father had when he would talk to them seriously, as sons. Elias wondered what it meant. That Solomon would accept Elias’s relationship with Joe? Or were these pretty words like Elias had heard in their church growing up? About how God loved all his children—except those who didn’t keep to narrow definitions of right and wrong.
“Yes. I know.” Elias let out a long breath. In their own way, Solomon and Sara did love him. They cared about him to the breadth and depth of their ability. Elias just wondered if they’d be able to stretch beyond what they’d learned at their parents’ knees.
“Go sleep.” Solomon looked at Elias fondly.
“I will.” Elias found he couldn’t smile. Elias hoped his brother interpreted his pressed lips as worry over Sara, not what it was—concern that Solomon’s love was conditional and all too soon would come to an end.
Joe wasn’t sure the reason, but the PT room was empty when Dr. Soren led him inside. The walls were all the brighter without people, and the machines, blocks and exercise balls looked like overgrown playground equipment.
“Slow morning?” Joe tried to chuckle, but his leg was aching already from standing to talk to Elias, and then his walk through two hospitals to get to physical therapy.
“You could say that.” Dr. Soren quirked his mouth in a hint of a smile. “I like to clear the schedule one morning a week so I can work with new patients one-on-one.”
Joe wasn’t sure if that made him feel better or not. The room was large enough that Dr. Soren’s voice echoed. As much as Joe was glad he wouldn’t have an audience watching him, he loathed the idea that when he whimpered, there would be nothing to mask the sound.
“So, let’s get started. I’ll check your gait first. Did you do the exercises I recommended?”
“No.” With everything that had happened, Joe was amazed he’d actually made it to PT at all. “Didn’t have time.”
Dr. Soren raised an eyebrow. “It’s been seventeen hours between when you left here and when you came back. I only gave you twenty minutes worth of work to do.”
“Well, some things came up.” That was the understatement of the year. Still, if there was time last night when Joe had sat around the house sulking, the doctor didn’t have to hear about it.
“Well, remember to do them later today. I’ll ask you again in the morning. If you say no, I’ll call your partner and make sure he reminds you at home.”
Joe chewed his lip. �
��I’m not sure he’s gonna be around my place so much anymore.”
Dr. Soren set down his clipboard. “Oh no. I’m sorry to hear that.” He gestured to one of the benches, urging Joe to sit. “Do you think it’s permanent?”
“I don’t know…” Joe crouched onto the bench. He didn’t want it to be permanent. In Joe’s heart, he knew he’d win Elias back. But what then? How long would it be before the same problems cropped up that had with Dan?
Not the sleeping around. He could never imagine Elias doing that. But the tense silences and the awkward dinners… Joe would rather be alone than go through that again.
“So, you’re going to patch things up?” Dr. Soren slapped his knees with his usual enthusiasm. As if fixing a broken relationship was no more work than doing a few leg extensions.
“I’m going to try.”
Dr. Soren rolled his eyes. “There is no try here. That’s like saying you’re going to try to do the exercises I gave you.”
“Hey.” Joe leaned forward on the bench, wincing when the pain in his leg stopped him from being able to move easily. “You don’t know anything about Elias.” Joe wished he could stop laying into the doctor, but his frustration had cropped up so fast it was like a pot boiling over. “And you sure as hell don’t know me.”
Joe would have expected the doctor to recoil, but Dr. Soren was made of tougher stuff than that. He simply crossed one leg over the other. “Elias? He’s a young man in love. I didn’t need to go to medical school to see that. It’s written all over his face.”
Joe gritted his teeth.
“And you? Do you think you’re the first cop I’ve ever had in PT?”
“Nah, I’m sure you’ve had plenty.” Joe hated being just like every other shmuck who came through those doors, but he’d been in the world long enough to drop the notion that he was a special snowflake.
“Yes. More than I can count, and they all have one thing in common.”