Chapter 30
Gia
The following week, I stop back by my grandmother’s house as she requested. I pushed it off as long as I could, given the fact I’m pretty positive I already know the topic of conversation is likely related to the glimpse into my childhood I revealed during the family discussion we had at Sunday dinner.
I can brush Noah off, but it’s unlikely she’s going to let me get away with that.
I knock twice before turning the knob and pushing the front door open. It’s amazing how comfortable I already feel to just barge in. Patrice has that effect though. She just radiates welcome. Her place feels like home.
“Grandma?” I call out.
“Kitchen,” She calls back.
Remembering where to go, I head to the kitchen where I find Patrice at the stove cooking.
“Hey,” I say tucking my hands in the back pockets of my jeans.
“Hey, child. I made us some lunch. You hungry?” she asks me.
“I’ll always be for anything you cook. It smells amazing. What are we having?”
“Just some black-eyed peas, rice and, leftover ham and collards. I got some sweet cornbread cooling too.”
As if on cue, my stomach growls while she fixes our plates and hands me one.
“Thank you,” I say appreciatively.
“You welcome baby.”
We eat and have light chatter during our lunch. When we finish, I collect our plates and wash them before sitting back down.
“So, about the things you said the other day,” she starts.
Ugh. I knew it.
“I really don’t want to talk about it, grandma. I don’t know why I mentioned it then. I guess I was just really upset, and it just spilled out.”
“Well then, I guess it’s a good thing I’m the one who will be doing the talking then, ain’t it?” she sasses.
I sigh and nod in understanding before she starts. “I knew the first time I met you, you had some deep scars. Even when you smile, the pain remains.”
“How could you possibly know that?” I ask skeptically.
“Your beautiful eyes tell on you. It was the same with my Cammie. Couldn’t hide her true feelings to save her life. It’d be written all over her face. Just like you,” she chuckles. “Anyhow, what you been through is ruling you.”
“With all due respect grandma, no it’s not. I’ve long since put this behind me. Up until recently, I never spoke of my past to anyone. Ever. I just don’t care. The moment I ran away, I left it all in Hamilton and never looked back. And I don’t want to,” I tell her hoping she’ll now drop this.
“Not talking about it is the exact opposite of getting past it honey. If you bottle up all that hate and resentment until it starts seeping out, it’ll make you bitter. Eat at your soul and darken your spirit.”
“Okay, so what am I supposed to do about it? Cry about it? Dwell on it? I’ve done that. What good does that do? Nothing from what I can tell,” I snark feeling like a rebellious teen not wanting to listen to her parent.
“You forgive,” she says.
“Forgive who? Them? Are you kidding me?! You can’t be serious,” I say slightly raising my voice.
“I’m very serious,” she nods.
“Wow,” I mutter in disbelief.
“Don’t wow me, young lady.”
“So you want me to go back there and what? Forget everything those people did to me? Even if I was crazy enough to entertain such an idea, which I’m not, they hate me! They don’t want me! They never have! And I don’t want anything to do with them!”
She shakes her head at me. “That’s not what I said. Now be quiet and listen,” she admonishes. “I didn’t say nothing about going over there. I said forgive them…Forgiveness. It’s a powerful emotion. Only when you forgive, do you take your power back. You don’t ever have to see them again in order to do that.”
Tears cloud my eyes listening to her speak, but I don’t know how I feel about what she’s saying. I just hate them all so much.
“I know they hurt you something bad baby, and I pray they get what’s coming to them. In fact, if they don’t change their evil ways, I know they will. But you have a brother and sister that was raised by those same terrible people. They weren’t brought up right, so they didn’t know better. I believe people can change. I know your brother is the one that told you about your father and I know he’s the one that saved you. For that, I’m grateful to him because now I have you, my beautiful granddaughter,” she says sweetly.
The tears are streaming down my face nonstop. “I don’t know how. How do I forgive the people who hurt me so bad? People that were supposed to love me,” I sob.
“You give it to God, sweetheart. You give it to him and leave it with Him. Don’t take it back. Let Him carry the burden. Then He can begin to heal your heart. But you got to let Him. Let Him heal your heart baby. Forget them. It’s not about them. Do this for yourself.”
I wipe my tears on my sleeve soaking in her words, while Patrice gets up to fix us some tea. She stirs in a spoonful of honey when it’s done before placing the saucer holding the cup in front of me.
“Now, enough of the heavy. Tell me more about that fine white boy you’re dating,” she says making me laugh, successfully shifting the subject.
That Sunday, Nathan and I attend church with my grandmother. For the first time in my life, I asked God to help me to forgive the people that hurt me the worst.
I know it won’t happen overnight. That it’ll take some time. But when I left the church that afternoon, I felt good. Lighter. I couldn’t explain it, but I felt a certain calm thinking over Patrice’s words.
Give it to Him and leave it with Him.
A few days later, I’m sitting at my piano bench, just staring out the large dining room window.
Nathan and I spent the morning unpacking my boxes, since I’ve now officially moved in.
“You okay?” Nathan asks straddling the bench joining me. He pulls me close wrapping his arms around my waist.
“Yeah. I’m okay…I just…I’ve been thinking,” I stammer, not believing what I’m about to say.
“About what?” he asks, pressing his lips against the back of my head.
I take a deep breath before saying, “About meeting up with Kyle.”
He pulls away from me slightly. “Come again?” he asks dumbfounded.
I turn slightly before repeating, “I’ve been thinking about meeting up with Kyle. Hear what he has to say.”
After taking a minute to process my words, Nathan finally says, “Whatever you want to do, I’m here for you. I think it’s a good idea to talk to him,” he says running his hands through my hair. “Even though I’m still angry about the things that happened to you and his part in it, I can’t completely discount the man he’s been since we’ve known each other.”
“Will you go with me?”
“Of course baby. You weren’t going without me. You want me to call and set something up or do you want to.”
“You can do it. Later though. Right now, we need to christen my piano bench,” I tell him turning to face him fully before pulling his head down for his mouth to meet mine.
Chapter 31
Nathan
I was shocked, to say the least when Gia said she wanted to meet up with Kyle. I was sure she’d never want to. Truthfully, I wouldn’t have been able to blame her either. I’m still livid at the fact that he walked in on Gia being raped and did nothing. I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to completely overlook that tidbit.
I try to remember that he was a kid then too, but he knew it was wrong because Gia said after that he stopped his part in her verbal abuse. So then my question is, why didn’t he help her when he was older? So many why and why not’s plague me where he’s concerned.
Then think how hard he worked since then for equality for race, gender, and sexual orientation. All the student groups and protests he’s lead back wh
en we were in college. I guess he was trying to atone for his sins. I’m very confused about how I feel towards my old friend. I really have no clue how any of this will play out in the end.
Gia’s body is wrapped around mine, and I don’t feel like doing anything that involves leaving this spot.
I watch hypnotized as her chest rises and falls. Her lips are slightly parted as she softly breathes in and out.
After a while, she starts to stir, and those beautiful grey eyes flutter open, followed by that heart-stopping smile. “Good morning,” I say.
“Morning handsome.”
“So. You sure you’re ready for this?” I ask, immediately hitting her with the heavy right out of the gate.
I made arrangements for us to meet up with Kyle at a park later this afternoon. I figured a neutral location was best. This way, if Gia felt overwhelmed and wanted to leave, we could just go freely.
“Not really, but I need to do this,” she tells me.
“But why though? Why right now?” I ask.
“For myself. Grandma was right. I’m never going to be able to fully move on from the past until I actually deal with it. I don’t want to grow to be more bitter. I’m not saying I’m going to have a relationship with him or even see him again after today, but I at least want to tell him how I feel. Also, give him a chance to unload some of what he feels so we can both finally be at peace and move on. And if nothing else, I should thank him. He did save my life,” she reminds me.
“Well, you know I support anything you want to do. I’ll be there with you every step of the way, baby.”
“I know. I also wanted to tell you that I know you two go way back. Before me, you guys were basically best friends. So if you want to be friends with him, you don’t have to feel like you’re betraying me to do so. It’s not fair of me to expect that from you. Especially since the Kyle I knew isn’t the same one as you got to know,” she says sincerely.
I kiss her softly on her lips. “Thanks for that, but I’m still struggling with some stuff where he and you are concerned myself. Also, the fact that he wasn’t completely forthcoming when he enlisted my help to find you bugs me. I know he feels as though he had his reasons for that, but I don’t like that he lied about something like this. Not to mention that he feels I betrayed him by not telling him immediately when I figured out who you were.”
“You told him that it was just a twisted coincidence right?”
“Yeah, but he doesn’t really seem to care about that part. To be honest, I don’t particularly care about his feelings either in all this. Needless to say, we have our own issues,” I say sweeping a piece of hair from her shoulder.
“I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have anything to be sorry for. I’d give up any and everything if it meant I get to spend the rest of my life with you. I love you, Gia.”
She gasps a little at my proclamation.
Great Nate. Completely freak her out why don’t you.
I mean every word of what I’m saying though. Nothing means more to me than Gia. I won’t live without her. I can’t.
“I love you too,” she says as she reaches up to pull my face to hers, offering me the sweetest kiss. The moment her lips touch mine, my desire for her surfaces. I pull back and smile down at her before parting her legs, moving to settle between them.
“We have to get ready to go,” she says while pulling my hips closer to her body. Her actions contradicting words.
I chuckle at her lack of conviction to convince me that we can’t indulge ourselves at this moment.
Running my hand up her thigh, I whisper against her mouth, “He can wait.
Chapter 32
Gia
Despite our delay in getting moving this morning, we still manage to get to the park at our agreed upon time.
I spot Kyle sitting at one of the wooden picnic tables beneath a gazebo. I hesitate for a moment causing Nathan to lightly jerk my arm before he notices I’ve stopped.
“We don’t have to do this today baby. I’ll tell him you changed your mind if you want,” Nate sweetly offers.
As soon as he makes the statement, Kyle’s eyes land on us. He stands quickly, waiting for us to close the distance. For a second, I’m frozen in place.
Breathe Gia.
I inhale deeply and slowly release the air trapped in my lungs. “Let’s just get this over with,” I whisper to Nathan. “I’m ready to put this behind me.”
He nods, and we slowly approach Kyle who has a small smile on his face. He takes a step towards me, but I reflexively step back.
“I’m sorry,” he says lifting his hands apologetically.
“It’s…” I start. I clear my throat before going on. “It’s okay.”
“You want to sit down?” Nate asks me rubbing his hand up and down my back encouragingly.
“Um yeah,” I answer moving toward the worn picnic table.
A little ways away, there’s a playground. The happy sounds of children playing briefly pull my attention. I never had that growing up. Never felt that joy of running and playing with my siblings or friends. I close my eyes ridding myself of those heartbreaking thoughts before I look at my brother.
Heavy tension fills the air as we fall silent. Even though I had Nathan set up the meeting, Kyle’s the one who initially wanted to talk, so I’m not going to be the one to open dialogue.
After a few more awkward moments of silence, then Kyle finally begins. “I um…I want to say thank you. Thank you for meeting with me.”
I still say nothing. I fear that if I open my mouth, what comes out won’t be too nice. Nathan looks between the two of us but says nothing either.
“Okay. Georgia, I’m so very sorry. I’m sorry for everything you’ve been through. You have no idea how much I hate myself for how I treated you. For not standing up for and protecting you. I always knew what was being done to you was wrong, but it wasn’t until I went away and saw that the world is more than Hamilton that I really saw our family for the monsters we were. It haunts me every day. I’ll never forgive myself. I understand that you probably never will either. And rightly so. But you have to know that once I realized, I mean really realized it was wrong, I promise I planned to come and get you. I was going to get an apartment off campus for us to live in so I could take care of you.
“By the time I got the balls to come and take you away from there, you had already run away. I stayed and looked for you around town for a while then figured you had left that shit hole. So I just went back to school,” he discloses.
Hearing that he came back for me is surprising, and my heart betrays me by thawing slightly. I want to believe he’s telling the truth, but my mind is battling with my heart and doesn’t want to care.
“I thought about you every day. I thought about where you were and if you were okay. For a long time, I convinced myself you were better off.
“After Nate started his PI firm, I asked for his help, and he offered to, free of charge. But he wasn’t able to find you. He looked for you for two years and came up with nothing. Even though I didn’t want to believe it, I had started entertaining the thought that you might really be dead. I was at a loss, and I felt like Nate was ready to give up. But then…well…you know the rest.
I’m still at a loss for words. I don’t know what to say. I’m still hurt obviously. Yet watching him guiltily wipe away the tears that fall over and over offers me some solace where he’s concerned. I can almost feel the regret and pain he carrying with him. He gives up trying to wipe away the tears that continuously fall as I just sit there and stare.
“I don’t want to overstep,” Nathan says softly when the silence grows too intense. “But I do remember him looking for apartments. He said he wanted to take care of his sister. I’d wrongly assumed it was Erin. Then he went home for a visit, and when he came back, he never mentioned it again. I figured he changed his mind because they couldn’t get along. The shitty friend that I was never
questioned it. It wasn’t until about two years ago that he told me about you. That’s one of the reasons I offered to help. I felt guilty for not asking what happened earlier,” he says looking shamefully at the ground.
I pat him on the knee in an attempt to take away some of his guilt he’s apparently feeling. It’s pointless. There’s nothing he or anyone else could have done that would have changed anything.
I disappeared and made it a point to lay low so they’d never find me. I wasn’t risking the chance of John finding me and dragging me back to hell.
Breathe Page 19