by Sarah Biglow
Erika just smiled and clung to Dane’s arm. They walked back to the living room, and Renee sank to the couch.
“Hey, is anyone hungry?” Max asked.
“Max, don’t be rude,” Renee scolded.
“I could use a bite to eat,” Dane said.
“I’m kind of craving Chinese,” Max said.
“That sounds good.”
Erika sat down beside Renee. “Go be men and get food, then.”
“Your usual, Nee?” Max asked.
“Yeah.”
The guys left, and Renee pulled her legs under her. She and Erika sat in silence for a while.
“So, where do you work?” Renee said.
“I don’t even know anymore. I was doing temp stuff, but I think I’m probably fired. My other boss understands, thank God. I waitress on the weekends. What about you?”
“I work at the New England Aquarium. I give tours and stuff. Lots of little kids running around everywhere.”
“And you want to keep your baby?”
“Yeah. I mean, sure, it wasn’t exactly what I had planned, but…it’s not like I never wanted kids.”
“And you’re going to do it on your own?”
Renee opened her mouth but stopped. She’d been trying not to think about that. Sure, she had her family, but she couldn’t always rely on them.
“It wasn’t the plan to begin with. My boyfriend was going to help. It’s his baby, too. But then he decided to be chicken and just disappeared off the face of the Earth.”
“Bastard.”
“That’s what Max thinks, too.”
“You two seem close.”
“We are. Ever since…” Renee trailed off.
“Ever since what?” Erika asked.
“Our older sister, Alyssa. She uh, died in a drunk driving accident in 2005.”
Renee willed the tears not to fall. She’d gotten over crying for her sister a long time ago. Still, her shoulders began to quiver, and a tear dribbled down her cheek. She let Erika hug her briefly.
“I’m really sorry,” Erika said softly.
“Thanks. So yeah, since then, we’ve been really close.”
“We have returned bearing food,” Max called.
Renee heard him put the bags down in the kitchen and tromp into the living room. She looked at him, and his body language changed. Damn, he noticed that I’ve been crying.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. I just…Alyssa.”
“I got it.”
Renee wiped away the tears with the back of her hand, and she and Erika followed Max into the kitchen. Dane was already pulling out utensils and plates from the cabinets.
“Let’s eat.”
They shared a nice early dinner together before Max said goodbye. Renee hugged him longer than usual before letting him go.
“Drive safe,” she said.
“Always do.”
Their standard departure since Alyssa’s death.
Renee turned around and nearly collided with Dane.
“Sorry. I should probably get going, too,” he said.
“You can stay if you want.”
“No. I have some things to do tonight.” He looked at Erika. “Call me when you make that appointment. I’ll go with you.”
“I’m a big girl, Dane. You don’t have to go. We don’t both need to lose our jobs over this.”
“Just call me anyway.”
He grabbed his coat and left. Renee gathered up the empty cartons, tossed them in the big paper bag on the counter, and threw it in the trash.
“So, you want to do something?” Renee asked.
“Like what?”
“I don’t know. We could go out or something. I haven’t really been out much except for work and yoga class.”
“You mean like out, out. On the town?”
“Yeah.”
“I don’t know.”
“Come on. We may be pregnant, but that doesn’t mean we can’t go out and flirt. We’re not tied down by guys.”
Erika finally nodded, and they headed to their rooms to change. Ten minutes later, Renee was finishing her makeup. Erika appeared in the mirror.
“You look hot,” Renee said.
“Thanks. You, too.” She twisted the strap of her purse between her hands.
“You okay?” Renee asked as she put the lipstick down.
“I should probably tell you…I kind of have a drinking…thing.”
“You drink a lot?”
“Yeah.”
Renee smacked her lips together and pulled a brush through her hair.
“Okay…so we just don’t drink tonight.”
“It’s just…really hard for me not to when I’m around it.”
Renee reached out and patted Erika on the shoulder. “We’ll be fine. Come on.”
A short while later, they crossed the intersection of Stuart and Tremont. The bright blue glow of the W sign above the high-rise building glinted in the evening light. Renee watched the ceiling rotate through colors.
“This place is really cool,” she told Erika as they walked in. She paid the cover charge for both of them and led Erika into the throng of people bumping to the heavy hip-hop music. They maneuvered through the crowd to an empty area by the bar.
“See anyone that looks interesting?” Renee asked.
“Not yet,” Erika said.
“Maybe they need to see us. You do dance, right?”
Erika laughed. “Duh.”
They wound their way through the nearest group of college-age looking kids and started dancing. Within seconds, a group of the guys turned around to look at them. Renee gave one of them, a blond guy, a wink. He took a step toward her, but his date dragged him away.
“Somebody’s not happy,” Erika called over the thrum of the music.
“And he was cute, too,” Renee replied.
The music died down, and something equally loud replaced it. The bass shook the floor so much that the vibrations traveled all the way up Renee’s body. Out of the corner of her eye, she spotted Erika moving through the crowd. Reminding herself that Erika was an adult and could take care of herself, Renee moved to the bar and ordered a soda. She sipped it, watching the crowd. Suddenly, she felt a presence behind her. It was Blond Guy.
“Hi,” he said.
“Hi.”
“Can I join you?”
She shrugged, trying to seem like she didn’t care. He leaned on the bar and ordered a beer. They sipped their drinks together for a while before he leaned in.
“I’m Adam.”
“Renee.”
She took a sip of soda, flirting with her eyes.
“Where’s your girlfriend?”
“Sulking somewhere,” Adam answered, shrugging.
Renee laughed and waved to get the bartender’s attention.
“Can I buy you another one?” Adam asked.
“Sure. It’s just soda.”
“Not much of a drinker.”
“Not right now.”
“Pity.”
“It’s kind of a health thing.”
“That’s cool.”
The bartender set another glass in front of her. She transferred her straw and took a long draw. She and Adam chatted awhile longer until she saw Erika at the other end of the bar, surrounded by guys and holding what looked like a mixed drink in her hand.
“Hey, I’ll be right back,” Renee said.
“Sure.” His tone bore a hint of doubt.
Renee moved down the bar until she was standing next to the guy on Erika’s left.
“Hey, Erika. You doing okay?” Renee asked, having to shout above the noise.
“Hey. I’m good. This music’s great.”
Renee managed to snag the drink from Erika’s hand. One whiff, and she could tell there was alcohol in it.
“How many of these has she had?” Renee demanded of Guy on the Left.
“I don’t know. Two, maybe.”
“She had anything else?”
Renee resisted the urge to slug him in the jaw. She grabbed Erika by the wrist and started to drag her toward the other end of the bar.
“Hey, let go!”
“Those guys are losers,” Renee said.
“They’re cool. And really hot.”
Renee didn’t say anything. Instead, she plunked Erika down on the stool next to Adam.
“This is my friend Erika,” she said.
“Hey.”
“Could you do me a favor and keep her here for a minute? I have to make a call. And don’t let her order anything to drink except water.”
“Uh…okay.”
“You’re cute,” Erika said and leaned close to Adam.
Renee tried to ignore Adam’s pleading look as she shoved into the crowd and fought her way to the exit. After telling the doorman she would be right back, she stepped into the autumn air, hit speed dial number four on her phone, and listened to it ring. Twice. Three times.
“Hello?”
“Max. I need your help.”
“Are you guys okay?”
“We’re at the W club.”
“You went clubbing with your new roommate?”
“We were both feeling kind of bummed, so we went out. Look, I need you to help get Erika home.”
“She didn’t do something stupid, did she?”
“Just get here.”
“Where is the club?”
“It’s up on Stuart Street. Just take Boylston down past Tremont. You can’t miss it. There’s a huge W on the overhang.”
“I’m on my way.”
“Thanks, Max.”
Renee waited outside, shifting from foot to foot while she waited. Every time the traffic picked up again, she checked license plates as best she could. Finally, she spotted Max’s car and waved wildly so he could see her.
He pulled up to the curb and left the car idling.
“Hey,” he said.
“Come on. She’s inside.”
“You left her alone?”
“She’s with someone.”
After explaining that Max was only there to help escort a sick friend home, the doorman let them in without charging Max the cover price. They weaved through the people on the dance floor and found Erika hanging all over Adam.
“Who’s this?” Adam asked, giving Max a suspicious look.
“This is my brother. Thanks for watching her for me.”
“Uh, yeah.”
Max took Erika by the hand, pulled her close, and started to fight his way back through the crowd.
“Really. Thanks.” Renee scribbled her number on a napkin and slid it to Adam.
He picked it up and tucked it in his pocket.
“I’ll call you,” he said.
“Sure.”
She and Max finally broke free of the mob inside. Erika groaned and hung onto him for support as they made it to the car.
“You moved kind of fast, Nee,” Max said.
“He had a girlfriend. He’s not going to call.”
“Let’s get her home.”
They managed to get Erika home and into her bed. They ducked out of the room and stood in the doorway of Renee’s room.
“You want me to stay in case she gets sick or something?” Max asked.
“No. We’ll be fine.” Renee wrapped her arms around him. “What would I do without you?”
“Be very lost.”
She punched him playfully in the shoulder and walked him to the front door. She locked it and crawled into bed. Sleep came as soon as her head hit the pillow.
Her alarm went off at eight thirty the next morning, and Renee smacked it to shut it up. She climbed out of bed and checked on Erika. Her roommate lay curled up beneath the blankets, so Renee retreated to the kitchen to make some breakfast.
Renee leaned against the edge of the stove, watching her eggs so they didn’t get too runny. Last night’s events still bothered her. She listened for any sounds that her new roommate was getting up, but the apartment remained quiet. She flipped her eggs onto a plate before pulling her phone out of her purse and sitting down at the kitchen table. She flipped through her favorites list and stopped on her mom’s number. It was early, but her mom should be awake. Renee sucked on her bottom lip for a few seconds before hitting the call button and setting the phone to speaker. It rang three times before her mom picked up.
“Renee?” her mom said.
“Hi, Mom. I’m sorry if I woke you up.”
“You didn’t. Is everything okay? Max called and said he had to pick you up at a bar last night. You shouldn’t be drinking now that you’re pregnant.”
Renee took a bite of egg and swallowed. “I didn’t. My new roommate moved in, and we needed to get out of the apartment for a while, so we went up to the W hotel. Erika had a few drinks, and I had to call Max to help me get her home.”
“Did you know she drank when you agreed to let her move in?”
“I knew she had problems drinking, yeah. I guess I didn’t realize how hard it was for her not to do it. I feel bad that I wasn’t there to help her. I got caught up flirting with this guy.”
“Oh, honey. I know you want to be supportive. Maybe you should just talk to her. See if she wants your help?”
“I don’t want to seem like a bitch.”
“You won’t. But don’t forget that you have to take care of yourself, too.”
“It seems kind of small compared to what Erika’s got going on. I mean, trying to deal with an alcohol addiction while pregnant by some guy she probably doesn’t even remember…that’s really awful.”
“You are just as important as she is, Renee.”
“I will talk to her. But what if it doesn’t work out? I can’t throw her out. She needs a place to stay as much as I need someone to help pay the rent. I can’t afford to move right now.”
“Why don’t you worry about just talking with her first and see what happens. You know we’ll be here if you need anything.”
Renee took another bite of egg. Her mother was silent for a minute or two.
“You going to be okay, honey?”
“Yeah. I’ll be fine.”
“All right. I’ll let you go.”
Renee ended the call and stared at her partially eaten breakfast. She really didn’t want to accuse Erika of having a problem or try to tell her what to do about it. She knows she’s got issues. Renee focused on forcing down the rest of her food and was standing over the sink washing her plate and fork when Erika appeared.
“Hey, how are you feeling?” Renee asked.
“I can’t believe I did that last night. I’m so sorry.”
“Do you want to talk about it? I feel terrible that I abandoned you. I should have been there to make sure you weren’t tempted. I’m sorry, too.”
Erika’s smile was sullen. “You shouldn’t have to keep track of me. I know I have a drinking problem. I’ve been afraid to face it. Hiding in a bottle just seems easier than dealing with reality.”
“Is there anything I can do to help? I can look up information on AA meetings if you want.”
“Maybe we could look them up together. It shouldn’t be your job to keep my ass in line. But I could use the support.”
Erika set the partially filled tea kettle on the front right burner and cranked the heat up to high.
“We can do it when I get home today?” Renee offered.
“Thanks. That would be great. And I promise, I’m going to get help. I’ve screwed this kid up enough already.”
Renee set her plate and fork in the dishwasher and turned to give Erika a hug. “I’m here for you.”
16
October 8th
Erika stood in front of the mirror a little before eight fifteen that morning, checking her hair and makeup for her meeting. She’d texted Dane the date and time of the meeting but said he didn’t need to show up. Maybe he’ll listen for once. I need to do this on my own. He can’t always save me. E
rika reapplied her eyeliner and headed for the kitchen. Five minutes later, Renee appeared, hair wrapped in a towel.
“Good luck today,” she said.
“Thanks,” Erika replied. A pause and then: “Do you think I look okay?”
Renee gave her a smile. “You look great.”
Erika grabbed the teapot and filled it. She set it to boil on the stove and rummaged in the fridge for something edible.
“You sure you don’t want me to go with you? My boss would understand,” Renee called from her room.
“No. I’ll be okay.”
“You told Dane, right?”
“Yeah. I’m kind of wishing I hadn’t.”
“Why? He seems like he really cares about you. I’d love that kind of support from a guy.” Renee sounded bitter.
“You can have him if you want.”
“He’s yours. Besides, I’m fending off Adam.”
“Adam?”
“The guy I met at the club last week.”
“Oh. I thought you said he wouldn’t call.”
“I was wrong.”
They laughed as the teapot began to whistle. Erika tossed the butter on the counter and pulled out some bread.
“Well, even if Dane doesn’t show up, will you call me after you’re done? I want to know what happens,” Renee said.
“Sure.” Erika grabbed a mug from the cabinet overhead and poured the piping hot water in.
“So I had a sort of weird thought the other day,” Renee said.
“Yeah?”
“Kind of a little private aquarium tour.”
“For Adam?” Erika teased.
“No. I was thinking of inviting Shannon and her kids and Lisbeth.”
“Like a yoga class get-together…outside of yoga class?” Erika said.
“Yeah. Why not? They’re nice enough, and it’d be cool to get to know them outside of class, too. We don’t exactly have a lot of time to chat while we’re there.”
“I guess you can bring it up next week.”
“I think I will. But I have to run.”
Renee waved goodbye and left Erika alone in the kitchen. Erika buttered her toast and munched on it as she paced the kitchen. She had no idea what to expect from the meeting with the adoption people today. The little voice in the back of her mind kept telling her that no one would want her baby. Oddly, it sounded like her mother. Erika shook off the nervous feeling as best she could and grabbed her coat and purse from the rack by the door. Luckily, she now lived within walking distance of the main office.