by Sarah Biglow
“So…you really think I’m not likable?” Erika blurted.
Nate’s brow knit together. “I didn’t say that at all. I said you don’t let people get close to you. There’s a difference. I think you’re scared right now, and that’s completely okay.”
“I guess I’m going through a lot of life-changing shit lately.”
“You’re twenty-three. That’s okay.”
“Oh yeah, because you’re so old,” she teased.
“You don’t have to have your life all figured out right now. Trust me. I didn’t know where my life was going when I was your age.”
“Doesn’t feel that way.”
“So you had some bad luck the last few months. It will turn around,” he said, sipping from his drink.
“I was such a mess in college; I’m trying to fix it now. With this baby and everything.”
“Can I ask what happened to the last guy you were with?”
“Um…that’s a little personal.”
“I’m just trying to help. Knowing why you made the decisions you did in the past can help you make different ones going forward.”
Erika set her cup down on the table and shrugged.
“Dane’s a good guy. I’m pretty sure he’s still in love with me. It just…ended. I’m not really sure why.”
“Is he still around?”
“Yeah. He’s been great about all of the pregnancy stuff. He was kind of overprotective at first.”
“Maybe you should give him another chance.”
Erika looked Nate in the eye. “Seriously? I don’t know what I want. And I know you said you’re not interested, but I like you, Nate. A lot.”
“Right now, you need a friend who gets what you’re going through with your addiction. I can be that. Sure, I’ll be gone for a little while, but think about all the stuff we’ll have to catch up on when I get back.”
“I’ll be as big as a house,” Erika said with a laugh.
“And you will look amazing. And you will be getting your life back.”
“You’re sweet.”
“Do you know if it’s a boy or a girl yet?”
“It’s a boy.”
“Does that make it harder?”
“Make what harder?”
“Giving him up.”
“No.”
Before Nate could ask any more questions, Erika’s phone rang. She pulled it out of her purse and looked at the display.
“I have to take this.”
“Sure.”
She hit send and answered the call. “Hi.”
“Hey. What are you doing?” Dane replied.
“Just at Starbucks with a friend. Why?”
“No reason. Just wanted to see what you were doing. Been thinking about you lately.”
“You have?”
“Yeah, I have. I miss you.”
“You can come over tomorrow if you want.”
“I’d like that. Anything new with the baby?”
“No. Arlene hasn’t called since the last time you asked.”
“Give him a kiss goodnight for me.”
Erika felt the blood drain from her face. “What?”
“The baby. Give him a kiss for me tonight.”
“Oh, yeah.”
“You’re with a guy, aren’t you?”
“What’s that matter?”
“Is he cute?”
“Dane, shut up.”
“Oh come on.”
“A little. I have to go. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Bye.”
Erika ended the call and gave Nate an apologetic look. “Sorry.”
“No problem. I’m guessing that was the ex?”
“Yeah. I told you. He’s kind of overprotective.”
“It’s getting late, and I have some errands to run in the morning. So, can I walk you to the T, strictly as a friend?”
“I’d like that.”
They walked arm-in-arm out of the coffee shop and across the street to the T. They huddled together waiting for the train. Before Erika stepped onto her train, she gave Nate a quick kiss on the lips. His body tensed against hers, and she fought not to deepen the gesture. His hand pressed against the small of her back, making it more difficult not to shove her tongue down his throat. When they finally pulled apart, her cheeks burned.
“Be safe, okay?” she said.
“You bet. You promise me something.”
“Okay.”
“Give him a chance. He might surprise you. Hell, you might even surprise yourself.”
“What?”
“Your ex-boyfriend. I want you to promise me that you’ll give him a chance. You said you don’t know why you broke up. Maybe there’s a reason he’s come back into your life.”
“I…okay. I promise I’ll give him a chance.”
Erika twisted a strand of hair between her fingers through the whole ride home. She could feel butterflies in her stomach at Nate’s words. Maybe he was right and she should give Dane another chance. It wasn’t like she didn’t like spending time with him. And he’d been so supportive of the pregnancy and everything.
The next morning, Erika climbed out of bed and answered the front door, still in her pajamas. She fumbled with the lock and pulled the door open to see Dane.
“What are you doing here?” she asked.
“You invited me, remember?”
“It’s like seven in the morning. I didn’t mean at the ass-crack of dawn.”
Dane gave her a smirk and walked inside. “I’ll just make some coffee and hang until you’re awake.”
“No. I’m up now,” Erika grumbled and led him into the kitchen.
She rummaged in a cabinet for a coffee filter and beans. Dane plugged the coffee machine in and filled the pot. Erika set the kettle on the stove.
“Not drinking coffee sucks,” she said.
“Only four more months.”
“Yeah. So you’re not spending Christmas with your parents?” she asked.
“Not this year. You’re doing stuff with Renee tonight, right?”
“Yeah. I think so. I’m sure they wouldn’t mind it if you came along. It’s just dinner.”
“Thanks.”
The coffee percolated, and shortly, the teakettle whistled. Erika pulled it off the stove just in time for Renee to appear, looking bleary-eyed.
“Oh, I didn’t know we’d have people over this early,” Renee said.
“Me, either. Tea?”
“No, thanks. I’m going back to bed. Just heard voices and stuff.”
“See you later, then.”
Erika poured the hot water in a mug with a tea bag and settled at the kitchen table. Dane sat across from her, and she ran a hand through her hair. Ugh. Bed head. I bet I look like a wreck.
“We should go out somewhere today,” Dane said.
“What do you mean? Like Christmas shopping?”
“No. Just get out of the house.”
“I thought that’s what we were doing tonight.”
“That’s tonight. And with a lot more people.”
“You mean like a date,” Erika said, trying to quell the sarcastic tone.
“If you want it to be.”
Erika spun her teacup in a circle and tried to collect her thoughts. She wasn’t sure she could say yes. A part of her wanted to, but what about Nate? I can’t say yes just because he told me to give Dane a second chance. Am I ready for it to be a date?
“I don’t know. Maybe just see where it goes?”
“Okay. Come on. Get dressed.”
“Why don’t we just hang here for a little while? Until it’s not such a crappy time of day.”
“Sure.”
They headed into the living room and sat together on the couch. Christmas music played on the TV. Erika rested her head on Dane’s shoulder and settled in. He wouldn’t mind if she fell asleep.
The next thing she knew, Erika’s entire body shook. She peered out of one eye. Dane stood over her, one hand on her shoulder. He
gave her a smile, and she slowly sat up.
“How long was I out?”
“Only about an hour.”
“Oh. Why do I get the feeling you aren’t going to let me just sit here?”
“Probably because I’m not. Come on. There’s something we have to do.”
Erika groaned but got to her feet. “I have to get dressed first.”
“Dress warm. It’s cold out there.”
“Thanks for the warning.”
She ducked into her bedroom and pulled on jeans and a sweater. Five minutes later, she emerged and nearly collided with Renee.
“You guys going out for a while?” Renee asked.
“Yeah. I hope it’s okay…I kind of invited him to dinner.”
“Yeah, that’s fine. The more the merrier. It’s Christmas, after all.”
“Great. Thanks.”
Erika took a couple of steps, but Renee caught her by the arm. “You didn’t tell him about Nate, did you?”
Erika blushed. She’d told Renee about Nate’s request while he was gone. And the second kiss. “No. I didn’t.”
“Good.”
“But I’m going to give it a try.”
Renee squeezed Erika’s arm and let go. “Have fun. And just, you know…try not to imagine kissing Nate.”
“Thanks.”
Dane was waiting for her by the front door. She slipped into her coat and followed him out into the crisp air. Wispy clouds dotted the sky overheard, and the air invigorated Erika as she held Dane’s hand and let him lead her down the street.
“Where are we going?” she asked.
“You’ll see.”
“We better not be going far. Unless you want me to waddle.”
“Would you stop? You look beautiful. And you don’t waddle.”
She didn’t say anything but couldn’t keep from thinking about how different it felt to be with him. For the first time, their relationship wasn’t about drinking or sex. And she was surprised how happy that made her.
Ten minutes later, they arrived at the end of the Common on the corner of Beacon and Charles. Erika looked through the iron gates to the snow-covered ground.
“What’s going on?”
Dane pulled her along one of the paths to a large open area. He took two steps into the snow and bent down. When he straightened, he held a firmly packed snowball.
“If you throw that thing at me, I swear I’m going to kill you.”
“I can live with that,” he said and then tossed it at her.
She squealed as it hit her jacket and fell to the ground in a powdery mess. She scooped up snow and flung it back. Before she realized it, they were ankle deep in snow, flinging chunks back and forth at each other. Erika bent double to catch her breath. She’d forgotten how much fun they could have just goofing off. Just as she stood up, something wet and frozen dripped down her neck.
“You bastard,” she shrieked and spun to see Dane holding snow in his hand.
She wiped her neck and shoved him. He landed on his butt in the snow. Instead of getting angry or throwing more snow at her, he laughed. And it was damn infectious. Soon, Erika was in the snow with him, laughing. They ended up on their backs, holding hands.
“This was fun,” Erika said.
“Glad you liked it. It reminds me of the first date we had.”
Erika smiled. “Yeah. Except I’m pretty sure this one was more memorable.”
Snow crunched as Dane moved an inch closer. He leaned over, and she didn’t stop him when he kissed her. It was barely a touch, but it sent electricity through her body.
“How about we go find dry clothes and hot chocolate? I’m freezing,” she said, struggling to her feet.
“Okay. Hey…I didn’t mean to rush things.”
She dusted off her jeans. “You didn’t. I’m just really cold.”
Erika took his hand in hers and started out of the Common. They got back to the apartment to find Renee bent over the oven.
“What are you up to?” Erika asked.
“Oh, just making some cookies. I told my mom I’d bring a batch.”
“They smell great. Gingerbread?” Dane asked.
“Yeah. They’re her favorite. Max’s, too.”
“I’m going to go change. Maybe take a shower,” Erika announced.
She hung her coat by the door and stepped out of her boots. A short time later, she let the warm water cover every inch of her. In the back of her mind, she wondered why Nate believed in her so much. She felt a smile creep onto her lips at the simple thought of him. A friend who said he wanted to see her with someone else. What a guy. By the time she climbed out of the shower and got dressed in clean clothes, it was close to noon.
“So what time are we heading over?” she asked Renee in the living room.
“Mom said dinner is at three.”
“Guess I won’t eat lunch, then.” Erika looked around. “Where’s Dane?”
“He went home to find dry pants.”
Erika nodded and joined her friend on the couch. “We went over to the Common and had a snowball fight.”
“That’s sweet.”
“It was our first date back in college.”
“He’s got it bad for you.”
“So everyone keeps saying. It’s different, though. We used to just drink and have sex.”
“Is that why you broke up?”
“I guess. I mean, I don’t even really remember why we did. There was probably some other guy I wanted to sleep with and Dane wouldn’t accept that. He’s a one-relationship kind of guy.”
“Those tend to be the ones you keep around.”
“I get that now. I never realized just how sweet Dane is. I always thought he was kind of clingy and overprotective. But…I wouldn’t have gotten through the last four months without him.”
“Consider it your ultimate Christmas present.”
Erika smiled and pulled Renee into a hug. “Thanks. What about you?”
“What do you mean?”
“Your love life. Where do you think it stands?”
Renee shifted and moved a step away from Erika. “I don’t know. I haven’t really thought about it much. I’ve just been trying to focus on the baby. And Adam stopped calling a while ago.”
“Oh.” Erika watched Renee’s expression change. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”
Renee rubbed the tears away and shook her head. “You didn’t. I just…I try not to think about him. It’s better that way.”
“He really is a douche bag for running out on you,” Erika said.
“Thanks.”
“What are friends for?”
Renee laughed and stood up. “I think the cookies are cool enough to pack. Besides, I think we need to try them.”
Erika grinned back, and they raced to the kitchen. Erika nearly dropped her cookie as she took a bite.
“Hot. Really hot still.”
Renee blew on hers before taking a bite. “But so good.”
The front door opened, and Dane waltzed back in. “Cookie tasting without me? I’m offended.”
“He’s right. We need a third opinion,” Renee said and gave Erika a wink.
Dane picked up a cookie and ate it in one bite. “Pretty good.” He turned to Erika and said, “Can we talk for a minute?”
“Um, sure.”
They walked into her bedroom, and Dane closed the door partway. Erika watched him as he shoved his hands in his pockets. Her stomach did a somersault as worst case scenarios played in her head, even as she tried to block them out.
“What’s up?” she finally asked.
“I wanted to give you this before we left.”
He held out a tiny box. Erika swallowed and took it from him. She stared at it for a minute before sliding her finger under the bit of tape on the bottom. The wrapping paper fell away, and she held a velvet box. Too big to be a ring box, so at least he wasn’t going to blindside her with a ring. Her hands shook as she opened it to find a gold necklace nestled against
the white interior.
“It’s beautiful,” she said.
The bed shifted as Dane sat down beside her. Erika pulled the chain out and held it up for closer inspection. Clearly, the image of a mother and child with an empty place where the baby’s body should be. The mother’s torso held a tiny purple stone. Amethyst. Her birth stone.
“What is this?”
“It’s a mother and child pendant. You put the baby’s birthstone there.”
“But…I’m not keeping the baby, Dane.”
“I know. But you can’t just forget about him. You’ll still be in his life. And he’ll still be in yours.”
Erika fingered the pendant in silence. He had a point. And she couldn’t just reject his gift. He’d clearly spent a lot on it. She undid the clasp and put it on. She touched the empty spot with the tip of her index finger.
“It’s going to be an emerald,” she said.
“Let’s wait and see. I mean, he could come early, right?”
“Oh, don’t even joke about that.”
He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and kissed her cheek. “Merry Christmas.”
“Merry Christmas.” She paused. “I didn’t get you anything.”
“Just seeing you happy is enough.”
“It’s not fair, though.”
“Who gives a shit about fair?”
Erika leaned over and planted a kiss firmly on his lips. She could feel his surprise as he laced his fingers through hers. As she pulled away, she gave him a flirty smile.
“That’s a good Christmas present, too,” he murmured.
Erika couldn’t help but laugh as he squeezed her hand and brushed his lips against her cheek. “You are such a flirt,” she teased.
“Can’t help it when I’m with a beautiful woman.”
Before she could say anything, Renee knocked and stuck her head in. “We’re going to leave in like ten minutes. Max just got here.”
Erika untangled herself from Dane’s embrace and straightened her sweater. She walked arm-in-arm with him out of the room and into the kitchen. Max eyed the wrapped plate of cookies.
“They’re really good,” Erika said.
She got a glare in response. Then Max smiled and hugged her.