THE NAKED TRUTH
THE NAKED TRUTH
A MEMOIR
DANIELLE STAUB
WITH STEVEN PRIGGE
Note to Readers:
This work is a memoir. Events, actions, experiences, and their consequences over
a period of years have been retold as the author presently recollects them. Some
names and identifying characteristics have
been changed, and some dialogue has been re-created from memory. Some scenes are composites of events, and the time
line for some events has been compressed.
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Copyright © 2010 by Danielle Staub
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Designed by Jaime Putorti
Manufactured in the United States of America
10 987654321
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available.
ISBN 978-1-4391-8289-5
ISBN 978-1-4391-8291-8 (ebook)
For my daughters, Christine and Jillian,
who hold the key to my heart
If I can stop one Heart from
breaking, I shall not live in vain.
—EMILY DICKINSON
CONTENT
INTRODUCTION
1
LIFE BEFORE BIRTHI
2
STOLEN FLOWER
3
BRIGHT LIGHTS IN A DARK WORLD
4
BILLY THE KID
5
LATINA NITES
6
TRIAL AND RESOLUTION
7
ONE STEP FORWARD, TEN STEPS BACK
8
SOMEONE TO TALK TO
9
END ME AN ANGEL
10
THE LAST DANCE
11
FROM PRADA TO NADA
12
EMBRACE YOUR LIFE
EPILOGUE
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
ABOUT THE AUTHORS
INTRODUCTION
The headline on the flyer handed to me at the Chateau hair salon in Franklin Lakes, New Jersey, said “Jersey Girls: My Fabulous Life.” It was advertising the casting of a new televised reality show, and the flyer created quite a buzz among all the local girls, who imagined that their “fabulous” suburban lives would fascinate audiences everywhere. My reaction was quite the opposite: “My life sucks, so no thanks.”
Six months later, I was again approached about appearing on the reality show. The only show airing on Bravo within the Housewives franchise at the time was The Real Housewives of Orange County and I hadn’t seen it, but it had gotten a stamp of approval from my eldest daughter, Christine (who has become my “go-to” girlfriend for all of my big decisions), so I checked the show out for myself. I definitely liked what I saw.
After viewing an episode, I found it offered refreshing insight into families as well as friendships among married and single women alike. Single moms on the show were going through their problems while getting advice and support from their castmates. This made me think I should consider participating in the show.
In the beginning, I believed being on The Real Housewives of New Jersey was going to be an uplifting, quirky, fun, joining-of-the-hands experience that would perhaps entail a little drama shared by all of us. I soon found out how wrong I was. I became the focus of a character attack delivered at the hands of those who would, I thought, be holding mine in friendship. As the first season played out, my castmates’ biggest source of ammunition was a book (that came to be referred to as “the book”)—the expose written about my first husband, Kevin Maher.
Ironically, being exposed on TV forced me to reconcile my present with my past and realize that those experiences, for better or worse, made me who I am today. As I dealt with the scrutiny of my castmates, something clicked. People were taking so much interest in someone else’s take on my life that I decided they would perhaps like to know how it had really happened. And my fellow housewives had no right to turn what was my tortured past into the present. I realized that if the public had this much interest in my life, then it was time that I told my story in my own words. There are no two sides to one’s life story. If you didn’t live it, it’s not yours to speak of. don’t want to pretend or claim to be a voice for every housewife. But I have a voice and I intend to use it. I will lend my life as an example for others.
I get notes every day from people who pour their hearts out to me about their own challenges and how they can relate to my life’s struggles on many levels. These are the people whom I wrote this book for, as well as my children and myself. Every story that’s been written about me—and there have been a lot—has been edited. This book is the unedited version of my life. What you read in the following chapters is what happened the way I remember it.
In this memoir, I’m finally baring it all. The title, The Naked Truth, doesn’t refer to being naked without clothing. It means naked as in stripped down and laid bare. It means naked without skin—totally raw to the bone. That’s exactly what this book is. No matter what has happened in my life, good or bad, I am now in a place where I can make some sense out of it and hopefully help some others to do the same. It’s time to set the record straight and correct all the lies. If hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, then hell is a quaint suburb in New Jersey and the woman scorned is resident housewife Danielle Staub.
You either love me or you hate me, there is no in-between. But people are going to pay attention when I’m around.
THE NAKED TRUTH
1
LIFE BEFORE BIRTH
I didn’t need my mother and father to tell me I was adopted. I figured it out for myself. When I was five years old, I sat down on the couch in the living room and said matter-of-factly to my mother, “I don’t look like you. I don’t act like you. I don’t talk like you. I don’t look like anyone in our family. Who am I?”
I was born in the summer of 1962, in the United States. It was the era of JFK, the year of the Rolling Stones’ first performance, and the year Marilyn Monroe suffered an untimely death. It was also the year my mother traveled all the way from Italy to America to give birth to me.
Everything I understand to be true about my birth family is just stories I’ve heard. I haven’t been able to confirm anything— not even by birth mother’s name. As the story was told to me, my birth mother grew up in an extremely strict Sicilian household. She was born into a big family of devout Catholics. In those days, especially in Italy, the rules
of the Catholic Church were extremely strict and unquestioningly followed, almost like laws. Out-of-wedlock pregnancies were highly unacceptable. If a woman had a child out of wedlock, she and her entire family would be looked down upon and ostracized from the community; they would even be excommunicated from the Church.
So, when my mother got pregnant as an unmarried teen, it created much chaos and dissension within her immediate family. The Russos (my biological mother’s maiden name was Russo, from what I was told) were a family of much power and wealth and social status in Sicily—so much so that I have been told that the family was “connected” in the true sense of the word.
My mother was fourteen years old when she met my birth father, who was then nineteen. They had consensual and unprotected sex. The result: me. This love affair between them caused an uproar within my mother’s family. Once my mother’s situation came to light, my grandparents concluded that my mother would have to leave Italy as soon as her pregnancy started showing. My aunt would escort her to the United States to give birth to me. If the pregnancy wasn’t handled privately and secretly, it would be a disgrace to the entire Russo family. As a mother of two daughters, I wonder what my grandmother’s position was in all of this. Why didn’t she stop my grandfather from sending my mother to America and making her give me away? Did she even have a say, or was she helpless because she was living in a society dominated by men? How did my mother’s family explain to everyone in Italy why my mother and my aunt were going away to America for all those months? Is all of this true? I have so many questions about this aspect of my family—my existence—that may never be answered.
I was told that my father was actually killed for getting my mother pregnant. Killed? If it’s true, I’d have to think that my father’s murder was a reflection of the ignorance and tendency toward violence that was prevalent in that part of Italy at that time, and the hypocrisy of his death is quite clear to me: you gain one life but lose another for no valid reason.
In a scene in The Godfather, Michael Corleone (played by Al Pacino) kills a crooked police sergeant in New York and goes to Italy until things cool off back in America. While he’s there, Michael walks the streets of his Sicilian hometown, Corleone, with two bodyguards who are both carrying guns. He notices that hardly any men are walking the streets. “Where have all the men gone?” Michael asks his bodyguards. One responds, “They are all dead from vendettas.” The three continue walking down the street, and Michael sees Apollonia for the first time and is impressed by her freshness and beauty. A bodyguard cautions Michael, “In Sicily, women are more dangerous than shotguns.” Apparently Sicily at that time was a Wild West show with almost no governing laws. Danger was all around in the form of men and women alike, especially when it came to personal relationships.
The first person who told me that my father was killed was a family friend who looked into my family history for me when I was not quite ten years old. I was shocked. Over the years, I have buried the pain and disappointment of that revelation in a fantasy that my birth mother and father had a genuine, passionate, one-of-a-kind true love that you only read about in romance novels—a modern Romeo and Juliet. They were forbidden to see each other by their families, and like most things that are forbidden, their seeing each other became more enticing and exciting for this young, daring couple. They couldn’t help but taste the forbidden fruit of their love, and nobody would stop their passion. I imagine that they met secretly in romantic places such as vast fields and beautiful gardens to consummate their relationship. I know it sounds like storybook imagery, but it’s important for me to believe in this. I hold on to it to this day.
When I was five, my mother confirmed that I was adopted. While it was healthy for me to know this, I was somewhat abused by the other kids in my kindergarten class for being adopted. Eventually the teasing subsided, and by the second grade I found myself hanging out with the rich kids. I should never really have fit in with these kids, but somehow I mixed with them comfortably. I seemed to instinctively know etiquette. I knew how to behave in a nice home—places that smelled good and had expensive furnishings and attractive artwork. It seemed natural for me to be in that kind of environment, which was the complete opposite of how I felt in my house. This wasn’t because I felt I deserved to be rich, but in my own home I felt like an outsider, never in the right place at the right time. We were poor—really poor.
Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.” I would often dream as a young child, and my dreams were vivid images of what I had hoped my life would actually be like growing up. I would dream that I was the belle of the ball, even royalty. In some of my dreams, I was surrounded by vast orchards chock-full of beautiful apples, grapes, and berries. The aromas I imagined were so pure, I thought they smelled the way heaven would. I played in green fields and ran free in these dreams. I skipped without a care in the world as the warm breezes blew through my hair. I was surrounded by family, and nobody seemed to ever have to work or worry. We ate amazing home-cooked meals and we all laughed, and I was an important part of that big, loving family. I would sit on my grandfather’s lap and everyone would cherish and fawn over me. Everyone in these dreams didn’t have distinct faces, but they always had bright smiles that were big, wide, and full of life. I was the only one in my dreams who had an actual face.
I would have these dreams almost every night. I suppose a lot of them were based on wishful thinking and my longing for the elements of a normal life that I missed out on as a kid, and every morning I was snapped back to my harsh reality. In my dreams I would be fed fresh fruit and expensive gourmet chocolates. In reality, for dinner, I would get frozen peas and a hockey puck for a hamburger that I would feed to the dog under the table. In my dreams I had a canopy bed. In reality my family moved around a lot, and in the less-than-humble homes I occupied as a child, rats were actually running around where I slept.
When I was thirteen years old, my mother told me more details surrounding my birth. She said that when she was at the hospital to pick me up and bring me home soon after I was born, she saw a young woman who was speaking Italian whom she believed to be my mother. Through the process of elimination she believes that it was, in fact, her. They passed each other in the hallway of the hospital and made eye contact. My mother looked curiously at my birth mother, who was being pushed in a wheelchair by an Italian woman who was thought to be my aunt. My aunt was tall, dark, and beautiful and was wearing her wedding band, which wasn’t just any wedding band—it was covered in diamonds. My mother was extremely pretty, small-boned, and with a clear complexion and really long, curly hair.
I’ve been told I look exactly like my mother. I would joke and say, “Exactly how do I look like my mother?” I have never really thought I was attractive. I have always had a nice physique, but I’ve never liked my face. Maybe it’s just hard for me to look in the mirror.
When you have been abused, as I was during my childhood, it’s hard to see yourself as the person whom everyone else sees on the surface. I thought it was best not to look in the mirror because of the reflection I saw from being abused. Despite it not being your fault, you feel guilty and dirty because of these painful and traumatic experiences. If someone liked something about me physically, I would immediately alter it. For instance, I had really long, curly hair just like my birth mother’s. If someone liked my long hair, when I found this out, I went to a barbershop and got a boy’s haircut because I didn’t want anyone to look at me admiringly anymore. At forty-seven years old, when I look in the mirror, I see a much stronger woman than I have ever before seen. However, even now, I still don’t see what the men who have loved me have seen in me. Maybe it’s because I doubt whether they’ve actually seen my beauty on the inside. Or maybe I pushed them away before they were able to see it. I have a history of leaving men quickly because I am scared that when they get too close, they might actually get to know the real me. In hindsight, I think that’s exactly what
I wanted.
I believe that being given away by my mother at birth created a major sense of rejection that I have tried to overcome my entire life. Rejection can be a quick and simple act by one person to another, but reclaiming oneself after that rejection can be as daunting as climbing the world’s highest mountain. To go through life is difficult in itself. But wondering about one’s creation is serious grounds for insecurity and makes it more difficult to trust and love. However, it has been, and will continue to be, a journey that I will embrace and grow from.
The questions that run through the mind of a child who has been given up are many: Who are my real parents? What are my roots? Where was I actually conceived? The depth of insecurity that can result from this can only be imagined by most people. But I have known and lived with that insecurity every day of my life. My mother decided to give me away. She didn’t want me. Even if she did want me, my grandfather took control and forced this young, weak woman to abandon me. The bottom line is that my whole family—my flesh and blood—did not want to include me in their lives. I think that this severe rejection made me easy prey for people in my life.
I have spent much of my life tapping into my own senses to try to discover some answers. I certainly had my share of childhood questions, and the answers weren’t easy to come by. I had to dig in deep and try to piece together my story for myself as I daily learned more about who I was.
Some of the finer things in life that I now appreciate appear to have no connection whatsoever to any conscious experience I had during my childhood with my adoptive parents. My knowledge and appreciation of fine china, beautiful crystal, and the game of baccarat don’t reflect any exposure to these that I had during my young life. I must have perceived these things when I was in the womb and exposed to my birth mother’s upscale Italian family.
The Naked Truth: The Real Story Behind the Real Housewife of New Jersey--In Her Own Words Page 1