I believe that our thoughts are much more powerful than you may think, and that you will what you want into your life. Therefore, if you think of really good things, guess what happens? Really good things come to you. The flip side is just as true. If you believe that you will be poor, loveless, and unhappy, there is a good chance you will be. It is that simple.
I find that it takes a lot less energy to be happy and positive than it does to be sad and negative. By talking to positive people who are making things happen, I think you will accomplish much more in your life. If you catch yourself thinking negatively, it’s time to switch gears immediately. If you’re in a positive place and someone starts talking negatively about someone or something, don’t feed into it. Change the conversation or change your location. I’ve found that when I stay positive, everyone else usually follows. Here is another mantra of mine that I encourage you to repeat:
If it feels good
Draw it near
If it does not
Steer clear
Surrender Without Giving Up
I came to the point in my life where it was essential to surrender to everything except positive thoughts. And I am going to tell you right now that you can’t begin to imagine how difficult it was. It’s one of the hardest things I have ever done. When I entered on a spiritual path, I had to stop forty-seven years of thinking negative thoughts. I also had to get rid of the “victim” mentality.
When you surrender in this way, you’re not giving up. You are just not giving in to all of the negative things that come across your path and into your mind. Choose to stay in the light because the darkness will bite you in the ass! When someone does something negative to you, don’t retaliate (darkness). Instead, surrender (light). Surrendering shows that you have faith. Understand that others who do negative things will get what they have coming to them. Don’t get in the way of karma taking its natural course. Karma is a force and it’s coming. As I often say, karma is a bigger bitch than I am!
For many, it’s much easier to be negative and to attack others instead of looking within oneself and fixing what makes you so unhappy. People who are truly happy do not attack one another. It’s all a facadé. Once you raise your awareness, you’ll realize what a vicious cycle negativity is and steer clear of it. You might not see any end in sight now, but you have to surrender and let things take their course. Once you do, you will build up the strength to manifest what is rightfully yours, which are all of your hopes and dreams.
Go Through the Darkness to Get to the Light
I know a lot about the darkness. It’s a force that can consume you. I was there and I never plan on returning. But if I hadn’t gone through my past I couldn’t be where I am today—and let me tell you, that was one of the hardest journeys that I ever had to make. I compare getting it out of your life to the last push of childbirth. It’s going to be painful, but as soon as you make it through that final push, you get the most glorious gift of your life.
It took age and perspective for me to realize that I had to go through the darkness from my childhood to become who I am today. I have no regrets. When I look at my daughters I realize now it was all worth it. And when we look into one another’s hearts no words are necessary. I know I have their absolute trust. Here’s the thing—I had to experience what I did in order for my children not to. So I can tell them point blank, “I’ve been there. I’ve done that. And we’re not going down that path again.”
When I see people being negative around me, I sense darkness consuming them and it’s almost as if they’ve opened a bottle of toxins. You don’t breathe in toxins. You keep a cap on it. Once you open the bottle and the negativity/toxins escape, it gets ugly. Part of the reason I feel that I can classify myself as a great mom is that my children tell me so, and the other part is that I work very hard at keeping the toxins and negativity tucked away. Do I slip up every once in a while? Of course, I’m human. I’m still learning daily how to steer clear of negativity. But the moment I see the darkness coming I push it away and put the cap back on the bottle.
You can only recognize the darkness when you step out of it. Life experience has taught me that it’s much better to move forward than back. So let them keep each other in the darkness while we live in love and light.
EPILOGUE
I want to deeply thank you for reading my book and taking this journey alongside me. I know that it has been a long adventure, filled with many ups and downs, and one that has perhaps been difficult for some of you to read. I assure you that it was difficult for me to put it down on paper.
As I was writing this book, I had to go back to some dark places in my past, which were at times overwhelming to revisit. Some days during the writing were far more painful than I ever imagined they would be. I recalled times when I felt shame and moments when I experienced fear. I had to relive disturbing and disappointing episodes that I’d tucked away and hoped not to speak about ever again, let alone share with the public. However, knowing that you were willing to go there with me really helped.
When I sat down to write, I decided that I was no longer going to pretend to be someone I wasn’t. I wanted to stop being everything to everyone and take a moment to write this book and heal myself. I was determined to finally come out of the darkness that had imprisoned me for such a long time. For too long, I doubted that this could ever be done. I was afraid that facing these things would destroy me. However, what I have discovered is quite the contrary.
When I first began to talk about my past on national television, I was astonished at the number of people who approached me and thanked me for finding the strength to talk about my experiences. They told me that I was a voice for them, and that is what motivated me to write this book. They gave me the strength to keep moving forward when it was difficult to do so, and I wanted to show others that they, too, could reach within themselves the way I had and achieve growth through healing. I wanted to step out of the darkness, reveal some of the problems that they might have gone through, and encourage them to become who they are meant to be. If I can accomplish this for even one other person through this book, then revisiting my painful past has been worth it. It means a victory not only for myself but for the people who are misunderstood and have been suffering.
This isn’t the end of my story by any means. This is the beginning and I will continue my journey in the positive. I have never been known to be the silent type. Being on a reality television show helped me to avoid being quiet and pushed me to face the painful truth that has been with me all of these years. Sharing my life with others has empowered me. I realized that you have to go through darkness to get to the light.
ACKNOWLEDGMENT
I often say, “It takes a village.” These are the people I hold the nearest and dearest to my heart. Every blessing.
Christine and Jillian, my daughters, you have sacrificed so much and never wavered from your love, support, and kindness toward me. Words can only begin to express how grateful and proud I am to be your mom. You are both truly the biggest blessings in my life.
Paradise, Fendi, and Sasha, my adorable Chihuahuas, who are always happy to see me and love me no matter what.
Ruth Merrill, a beloved mother and grandmother. I hope you are resting peacefully with my brothers. Thank you for being my angel in heaven. I love you and miss you.
Steven Priggé, thank you for going on this journey with me. Living my life was difficult, but writing it down for all to read was even tougher. I could not have imagined writing my memoir with anyone other than you. You are a gifted writer and have become a dear friend.
Sarai Salinas, my energist and dearest friend, thank you for helping put together the broken pieces of my spirit. I believe in angels and I have one in you.
Ronnie Arthur Merrill and all of my deceased brothers, you may have lost your battle with cystic fibrosis, but I feel you helping me in my life every day.
Dorothy and Bill, you have been like a mother and father to me. Rest in peace, Mom
Staub.
Tom, thank you for being part of my life and sharing in the births of our two beautiful daughters.
Danny Williams, my cousin and friend, who has been like a brother to me. Thanks for giving me a place to lean when we were kids.
Father Michael Lombardo of Our Lady of Consolation, I’m very blessed to have you in my life. You teach me through love and patience how to cope with some of life’s trials. You have shown me in so many ways how to be a better person, mother, and friend. My kids and I look forward to Mass every Sunday, mainly because of you. Thank you and God bless.
Tommy DeRosa, you are now and always will be my best friend. You’ve been there through it all and never changed your position in my life. Thank you for giving me a place to rest my head and being Uncle Tommy to my daughters. Love to Rob as well.
Jorge, you are and always will be an example of what a true gentleman represents. Thank you for being a part of my journey.
Norman Elliott Kent, thank you for giving me back my freedom and believing in me throughout all of these years and beyond.
Theresa Van Vliet, thank you for risking it all to stand firmly by my side. Instead of prosecuting me, you recommended freedom.
Judge Eugene Spellman, may you rest in peace. I will never forget your words to me.
Maureen Beirne, a special thanks to my very best childhood friend. You will always be a part of me.
John Molinelli, thank you for your guidance, advice, and friendship during this past year.
Joe Kilmer, thank you for proving to me that friendships can last a lifetime.
Peter Flint, thank you for being not only my acting coach but one of my dearest friends till this day.
Vinnie Potestivo, you inspire me to be my very best. Thank you for loving my children as well.
Eric Alt, thank you for being a wonderful friend and my brilliant hair colorist.
Andrew Capone, thank you for being my first breakout mentor and advising me, and I quote, “Before you save the world, feed your children.” The children are fed. Can I save the world now? Special thanks to your wife, Cynthia.
Ivan Bart, thank you for recognizing Christine’s beauty and using your expertise in developing her career. My daughter is in great hands.
Brian Nash, thank you for being an inspiration to my daughter Jillian and helping her to develop her art and voice in music into something more than fabulous.
Jacqui “JJ” Phillips, thank you for being a good friend and my talented makeup artist.
Mary Jane Piccinich, thank you for being a constant calm energy in my family’s lives and for doing the best nails ever.
Frank Vincent, thank you for patiently guiding me in the right direction and reminding me to enjoy the ride.
Maria L. Gattuso, thank you so much for the laughter and positive energy.
Kim Schumann, my attorney, thank you for giving me back the ability to express my life experiences in this book. For defending me and my honor, I’m eternally grateful.
Mark Turner and Maura Teitelbaum at Abram Artists, thank you both for recognizing my potential and helping me bring it to fruition. I’m a work in progress.
Thank you to the entire team at Simon & Schuster. Anthony Ziccardi, thank you for your enthusiasm right out of the gate in our first meeting. Patrick Price and Emily Westlake, my editors, thank you for understanding me on so many levels and staying true to The Naked Truth.
Sirens Media Group, Rebecca Toth, and Lucilla D’Agostino, special thanks for finding me a few years ago and asking me to do a show called The Real Housewives of New Jersey.
To the team at Bravo, thank you for recognizing that I had a little something extra to give and supporting my decision to write my life story. A special thanks to Lenid, Gil, Jacob, Dave, and the entire crew on season 2 of RHONJ. Christian Barcellos, thank you for supporting me from the start. Kristen Anderson, thank you for your professionalism and for always treating me as an equal. Andy Cohen, thank you for knowing that I believe in you as you believe in me.
Ian Drew of Us Weekly, thank you for being in my corner right from the start, and I am proud to call you my friend.
Kathy, Emil, and Patrice Innocenti, thank you for being so supportive of me and all my endeavors.
Danny Provenzano, thank you for your friendship.
The Cystic Fibrosis Foundation (CFF), you are helping to make changes every day to strive toward a better tomorrow for those who are affected by this debilitating disease. Live, love, and breathe.
A special thank you to all my friends in Wayne, New Jersey, where I have lived since 1993.
All of my friends and fans on Facebook and followers on Twitter, thank you to each and every one of you.
ABOUT THE AUTHORS
DANIELLE STAUB is the breakout star of Bravo’s hit reality television series The Real Housewives of New Jersey. She has numerous projects in the works, including a fitness and nutrition video, T-shirt line, and another book, perhaps. When she’s not working on her own career, she manages her two daughters’ careers. During her downtime, she loves being a mom as well as staying busy with her local parish and various charities. For more information, visit www.danielle-staub.com.
STEVEN PRIGGÉ is a New Jersey-born entertainment journalist as well as an author and coauthor of numerous books. For more information, visit www.stevenprigge.com.
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