“Alas, it’s true.”
“It’s amazing, by the way, how much higher the intelligence of those under my rule than those under His. I’m sure it’s blissful Up There, but how could it not be with just dumb clucks and fat hens and the like. The parties must be such a bore.”
“Perhaps, if I may, a suggestion,” I said.
“Yes, yes, do go ahead. I’m all ears.”
“A fitting sentence would be to turn my taste against me. Force me to read doggerel and bromide forever. An eternity spent with Bunyan in the various lands of the Pilgrim’s godawful Progress would be quite severe.”
“Yes, I see the point, but fear you are lying to the devil. Bunyan, though no Shakespeare and no Marlowe, was at the same time not without talent. Though rather drear from a philosophical sense, the Progress shows vision, passion, and exquisite language. Could you have made up a phrase as apt as ‘slough of despond’?”
“I fear not, sir.”
“Yes, I must aim lower, by far. But you have shown the way. I do like to invite participation. It seems so damned democratic, doesn’t it?”
“Three cheers for democracy,” I said.
“Yes. Anyhow, whom for Jack the Ripper? Hawthorne. Frightful and dull. Alas, a genius. Disapproved of puritans, which was his saving grace. Do you like the sea?”
“I abhor the sea.”
“Then perhaps another American, Melville, who writes endlessly of whale hunting.”
“I must say, that sounds rather interesting.”
“Yes, yes, it is. I mean to punish you and would only reward you. It will not do. Hmm, I wonder—oh yes, yes, I have it!”
“Oh, God,” I said. “Please…Not Dickens.”
“Ha ha ha,” he laughed. “Worse than Dickens. In fact, Dickens despised him, that’s how bad he was.”
I saw in a second about whom it was he was disquisitioning. Talk about a slough of despond! That is where I was to be sent for an eternity far longer than one involving flame, penetration, and roasting haunches.
“Please, sir,” I said.
“ ‘It was a dark and stormy night,’ ” the Devil chortled, amused by himself.
“I beg you, sir. You reduce me to tears!”
“Ha ha ha. Jack the Ripper, in hell, reading the collected works of Edward Bulwer-Lytton, forever. ‘It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents—except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies) rattling along the housetops and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled the darkness’!”
“I beseech thee!”
“Beseech away, Dr. Ripper. It’s so deliciously low! Trite, banal, utterly without interest, and yet it goes on and on and on. No wonder he’s in heaven!”
“Even,” I was reduced to pleading, “the operas?”
“Especially the operas,” sayeth the Devil.
PERMISSIONS ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
David Abrahamsen. “Victims in the Night” by David Abrahamsen, copyright © 1992 by David Abrahamsen. Originally published in Murder and Madness: The Secret Life of Jack the Ripper (Donald I. Fine, 1992). Reprinted by permission of Dutton, an imprint of Penguin Publishing Group, a division of Penguin Random House LLC.
Boris Akunin. “The Decorator” by Boris Akunin, copyright © 1999 by Boris Akunin. Originally published in Russian as “Dekorator” in Osobye Porucheniya (Zakharov Publishers, 1999). This English translation originally published by Weidenfeld & Nicolson, London, in 2007, and subsequently published by Random House, a division of Penguin Random House LLC, New York, in 2008. Translation copyright © 2007 by Andrew Bromfield. Reprinted by permission of the author.
Scott Baker. “The Sins of the Fathers” by Scott Baker, copyright © 1988. Originally published in Ripper!, edited by Gardner Dozois and Susan Casper (Tom Doherty Associates, 1988). Reprinted by permission of the author.
Theodora Benson. “In the Fourth Ward” by Theodora Benson, copyright © 1930 by Theodora Benson. Reprinted by permission of the Estate of Theodora Benson and A. M. Heath & Co. Ltd.
Robert Bloch. “A Most Unusual Murder” by Robert Bloch, copyright © 1976 by Ellery Queen’s Mystery Magazine, copyright renewed 1978 by Robert Bloch. Originally published in Ellery Queen’s Mystery Magazine (March 1976). Reprinted by permission of the Estate of Robert Bloch and Richard Henshaw Group LLC.
Robert Bloch. “A Toy for Juliette” by Robert Bloch, copyright © 1967 by Harlan Ellison. Originally published in Dangerous Visions, edited by Harlan Ellison (Doubleday, 1967). Reprinted by permission of the Estate of Robert Bloch and Richard Henshaw Group LLC.
Robert Bloch. “Yours Truly, Jack the Ripper” by Robert Bloch, copyright © 1943 by Weird Tales, copyright renewed 1971 by Robert Bloch. Originally published in Weird Tales (July 1943). Reprinted by permission of the Estate of Robert Bloch and Richard Henshaw Group LLC.
Anthony Boucher. “A Kind of Madness” by Anthony Boucher, copyright © 1972, renewed. Originally published in Ellery Queen’s Mystery Magazine (August 1972). Reprinted by permission of Curtis Brown, Ltd.
Ramsey Campbell. “Jack’s Little Friend” by Ramsey Campbell, copyright © 1975 by Ramsey Campbell. Originally published in Jack the Knife, edited by Michel Parry (Mayflower, 1975). Reprinted by permission of the author.
Susan Casper. “Spring-Fingered Jack” by Susan Casper, copyright © 1983 by Susan Casper. Originally published in Fears, edited by Charles L. Grant (Berkley, 1983). Reprinted by permission of the author.
Patrice Chaplin. “By Flower and Dean Street” by Patrice Chaplin, copyright © 1976 by Patrice Chaplin. Originally published in By Flower and Dean Street & The Love Apple (Duckworth, 1976). Reprinted by permission of Christopher Sinclair-Stevenson.
R. Chetwynd-Hayes. “The Gatecrasher” by R. Chetwynd-Hayes, copyright © 1971 by R. Chetwynd-Hayes. Originally published in The Unbidden (Tandem, 1971). Reprinted by permission of the Estate of R. Chetwynd-Hayes.
Jeffery Deaver. “A Matter of Blood” by Jeffery Deaver, copyright © 2016 by Gunner Publications LLC. Used by permission of the author.
Isak Dinesen. “The Uncertain Heiress” by Isak Dinesen, copyright © 1949 by Isak Dinesen. Originally published in The Saturday Evening Post (December 10, 1949). First book publication as “Uncle Seneca” in Carnival: Entertainments and Posthumous Tales (University of Chicago Press, 1977). Reprinted by permission of Perry Cartwright, University of Chicago Press.
Harlan Ellison. “The Prowler in the City at the Edge of the World” by Harlan Ellison, copyright © 1967 by Harlan Ellison, copyright renewed 1995 by The Kilimanjaro Corporation. Originally published in Dangerous Visions, edited by Harlan Ellison (Doubleday, 1967). Reprinted by arrangement with, and permission of, the author and the author’s agent, Richard Curtis Associates, Inc., New York. All rights reserved. Harlan Ellison is a registered trademark of The Kilimanjaro Corporation.
Loren D. Estleman. “G.I. Jack” by Loren D. Estleman, copyright © 2016 by Loren D. Estleman. Used by permission of the author.
Lyndsay Faye. “The Sparrow and the Lark” by Lyndsay Faye, copyright © 2016 by Lyndsay Faye. Used by permission of the author.
Gwendolyn Frame. “Guardian Angel” by Gwendolyn Frame, copyright © 2012 by MX Publishing. Originally published in Sherlock Holmes: Have Yourself a Chaotic Little Christmas (MX Publishing, 2012). Reprinted by permission of MX Publishing.
Gregory Frost. “From Hell Again” by Gregory Frost, copyright © 1988 by Gregory Frost. Originally published in Ripper!, edited by Gardner Dozois and Susan Casper (Tom Doherty Associates, 1988). Reprinted by permission of the author.
Charles L. Grant. “My Shadow Is the Fog” by Charles L. Grant, copyright © 1988 by Charles L. Grant. Originally published in Ripper!, edited by Gardner Dozois and Susan Casper (Tom Doherty Associates, 1988). Reprinted by permission of Kathryn Ptacek.
Edward D. Hoch. “The Treasure of Jack the Ripper” by Edward D. Hoch, copyright © 197
8 by Edward D. Hoch. Originally published in Ellery Queen’s Mystery Magazine (October 1978). Reprinted by permission of Patricia M. Hoch.
H. H. Holmes. “The Stripper” by H. H. Holmes, copyright © 1945, renewed. Originally published in Ellery Queen’s Mystery Magazine (May 1945). Reprinted by permission of Curtis Brown, Ltd.
Stephen Hunter. “Jack Be Nimble, Jack Be Quick” by Stephen Hunter, copyright © 2015 by Stephen Hunter. Originally published in Ripperologist (August 2015). Reprinted by permission of the author.
Stephen Hunter. “Jack the Ripper in Hell” by Stephen Hunter, copyright © 2016 by Stephen Hunter. Used by permission of the author.
Maxim Jakubowski and Nathan Braund. “Key Texts” by Maxim Jakubowski and Nathan Braund, copyright © 1999 by Maxim Jakubowski and Nathan Braund, copyright renewed 2005 by Maxim Jakubowski and Nathan Braund. Originally published in The Mammoth Book of Jack the Ripper, edited by Maxim Jakubowski and Nathan Braund (Robinson Publishing, 1999). Reprinted by permission of the authors.
William F. Nolan. “The Final Stone” by William F. Nolan, copyright © 1986 by William F. Nolan. Originally published in Cutting Edge: Brave New Horror Stories, edited by Dennis Etchison (Doubleday, 1986). Reprinted by permission of the author.
Robin Odell. “Copy Murders and Others” by Robin Odell, copyright © 1965 by Robin Odell. Originally published in Jack the Ripper in Fact and Fiction (George C. Harrap, 1965). Reprinted by permission of the author.
Barbara Paul. “Jack Be Quick” by Barbara Paul, copyright © 1991 by Barbara Paul. Originally published in Solved!, edited by Ed Gorman and Martin H. Greenberg (Carroll & Graf, 1991). Reprinted by permission of the author.
Anne Perry. “Jack” by Anne Perry, copyright © 2016 by Anne Perry. Used by permission of the author.
Ellery Queen. A Study in Terror by Ellery Queen, copyright © 1966 by Ellery Queen. Copyright renewed by Ellery Queen. Originally published by Lancer, 1966. Reprinted by permission of the Frederic Dannay Literary Property Trust and the Manfred B. Lee Family Literary Property Trust, and the trusts’ agents, JABberwocky Literary Agency, Inc., 49 W. 45th Street, 12th Floor, New York, NY 10036.
Ray Russell. “Sagittarius” by Ray Russell, copyright © 1962 by Ray Russell. Originally published in Playboy (March 1962). Reprinted in Haunted Castles: The Complete Gothic Stories by Ray Russell, copyright © 1959, 1960, 1962, 1967, 1969, 1985 by Ray Russell. Used by permission of Penguin Books, an imprint of Penguin Publishing Group, a division of Penguin Random House LLC.
Daniel Stashower. “The Ripper Experience” by Daniel Stashower, copyright © 2016 by Daniel Stashower. Used by permission of the author.
R. L. Stevens. “The Legacy” by R. L. Stevens, copyright © 1972 by Edward D. Hoch. Originally published in Ellery Queen’s Mystery Magazine (August 1972). Reprinted by permission of Patricia M. Hoch.
Tim Sullivan. “Knucklebones” by Tim Sullivan, copyright © 1988 by Tim Sullivan. Originally published in Ripper!, edited by Gardner Dozois and Susan Casper (Tom Doherty Associates, 1988). Reprinted by permission of the author.
Harry Turtledove. “Gentleman of the Shade” by Harry Turtledove, copyright © 1988 by Harry Turtledove. Originally published in Ripper!, edited by Gardner Dozois and Susan Casper (Tom Doherty Associates, 1988). Reprinted by permission of the author.
Peter Underwood. “Who Was Jack the Ripper?” by Peter Underwood, copyright © 1987 by Peter Underwood, copyright renewed 2015 by Christopher Underwood. Originally published in Jack the Ripper: One Hundred Years of Mystery (Blandford Press, 1987). Reprinted by permission of Christopher Underwood.
Karl Edward Wagner. “An Awareness of Angels” by Karl Edward Wagner, copyright © 1988 by Karl Edward Wagner. Originally published in Ripper!, edited by Gardner Dozois and Susan Casper (Tom Doherty Associates, 1988). Reprinted by permission of The Karl Edward Wagner Literary Group.
Howard Waldrop. “The Adventure of the Grinder’s Whistle” by Howard Waldrop, copyright © 1977 by Daemon Graphics. Originally published in Chacal 2 (Spring 1977). Reprinted by permission of the author.
Holly West. “Don’t Fear the Ripper” by Holly West, copyright © 2015 by Holly West. Originally published in Protectors 2: Heroes, edited by Thomas Pluck (Goombah Gumbo Press, 2015). Reprinted by permission of the author.
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The Big Book of Jack the Ripper Page 164