“Chandler, we have some news about Jess.”
“Is she back?” I asked with dread. I knew the day would come when would come to her senses and want Ava back.
“Chandler, the police picked her body up this morning, in a hotel room in a bad part of town. She died of an apparent overdose.”
I sat in stunned silence. I was overcome with a sense of loss, not for me, but for Ava. And she was too little to even understand.
“Banton, I…I don’t even know how to react. That’s awful. What…” Then I couldn’t even finish my question. I paused as I searched his eyes.
“What will they do with Ava?” I suddenly had the most intense feeling of panic. “Are there any next of kin? Are they coming for her? Banton, we don’t even know them! How can we let them just take her, not knowing!” I was hysterical. Everett overheard us from the hallway, and joined us in the dining room.
Banton placed his hand on my cheek. “Chandler, calm down. Everything is all right, at least for now. They can’t locate anyone. The father is dead…Jess is dead, they don’t know of any next of kin. I told the police we have her and we have a release to seek medical attention for her. And I told them we are willing to keep her indefinitely. They said someone from the state would contact us, but there would be no great hurry on their part. We’ll sort it all out legally. I’m going to call Dad right now.”
Everett came over and put his hand on my shoulder. I looked up at him and he nodded to me, having overheard most of our conversation. Banton dialed his dad on his cell and leaned over and kissed my forehead.
“Sweetie, are you all right?” Everett patted my shoulder.
I rose, and walked with him back to the living room. “What do I tell her? She won’t even understand.” Tears welled in my eyes as I brushed them away.
“We’ll tell her together,” he murmured, squeezing my shoulder. “Ava Grace, come to Chandler, its bath time for the princess!” Everett called. Ava jumped down from the sofa where she sat between John and Brie and ran to me. John looked at my tear stained face inquiringly, while Brie rose and followed us down the hallway to the bathroom.
As Everett drew her bath water and watched Ava throw all her toys in the tub, I filled Brie in on what had happened. She hugged me and left to tell John. Taking a deep breath, I went into the bathroom. Ava was seated on the fluffy bath rug, tugging her socks off and throwing them at Everett. I sat down on the floor with her.
“Ava Grace, sweetie, Chandler needs to talk to you.”
“Kay.” Ava put her tiny hands in her lap.
I continued, “Ava, do you remember your mommy? Mommy Jess,” I added, since she had begun calling me Mommy Chandler.
She puckered her tiny lips in a pout. “No, Mommy Jess. No.”
“Sweetheart, Mommy Jess got sick. Mommy Jess died. She went to heaven.”
“No, Mommy Jess. I stay with Mommy Andler. Mommy Andler, and Banin.” She stood up, and tossed the rest of her toys in the tub, and threw one leg up over the top.
“Whoa, there Darlin’, we have to get the rest of your clothes off first.” I laughed through my tears, pulling her back to take her jeans and t-shirt off. Everett walked by me, and patted me on the shoulder as he left the bathroom. “You tried, Bebe. You tried.”
I heard him relaying my one-sided conversation to Banton in the hallway. Slipping into the bathroom, Banton sat down in the floor beside me as I lifted Ava into the tub. She splashed and giggled in her usual nightly ritual. Banton handed me a glass of wine, and then wiped a tear that slid down my cheek.
“I love you so much,” he whispered, as he slipped his arms around me.
“And I love you,” I answered.
“She’s too young to understand any of this. It’s nothing you can help. All we can do for her is love and protect her.”
“I know.”
“Chandler, we have to talk. About her.”
“I know that too,” I sighed.
I retrieved a towel from the ottoman, and picked Ava up and put her on the bath mat in front of me, wrapping the towel around her. She ran over and grabbed my bottle of body lotion, and began squeezing it out in my hands the way she had every night since she’d been here.
“Pretty wotion. Mommy Andler’s wotion,” she said to me. Banton rubbed my back, as I put the lotion on her arms and legs, and then put some on mine, letting her mimic my motions like she did every night. The tears slipped silently down my cheeks as I mourned the loss of her mother for her.
“Andler’s cwying,” Ava said suddenly, jumping up and putting her little arms around my neck.
Banton put his arms around both of us.
After we had Ava fast asleep on her air mattress, with Beau curled up on the foot of the bed, Banton and I went back downstairs to check on all our guests.
Everett and Colin were still engaged in the chess battle. I giggled under my breath; they made such an unlikely pair. Ben and Ty battled with two controllers, locked in mortal combat while they watched the flat screen on the wall.
“Where is Gabriella?” I asked no one in particular.
“Well, our cowboy John felt it his duty to walk Miss Brie to her car about thirty minutes ago, and he hasn’t resurfaced yet,” Everett threw over his shoulder.
“Oh.” I smiled, knowing John was following my plans perfectly. I’d known their personalities were a good fit. Banton put his arms around me, and whispered in my ear, “You have a way of always getting what you want, don’t you?”
“I truly hope so,” I replied, turning to kiss him.
* * *
Tuesday and Wednesday passed quickly. With a major paper due in my creative writing class, a book essay due in English and an early final, I hardly had time to worry about our legal worries with Ava. We dressed her warmly Wednesday afternoon, and went to the cemetery where the parish buried the indigent. When the police called Banton and told him about the arrangements, he directed the funeral home in charge to send him a bill, and he ordered a headstone for Jess. He’d said he wanted Ava Grace to be able to visit her birth mother’s grave someday, and have a stone there with a name.
As a chaplain paid by the city said a prayer, I gave Ava a rose to place on her mother’s casket. She placed it obediently where I showed her, and then reached up for Banton to pick her up. He hugged her tightly, and kissed the top of her head as he took my hand. The wind blew fiercely, swirling leaves around us in whirlwinds as we left the cemetery.
Ava was silent in her car seat in the back of my SUV, and was fast asleep by the time we returned home. Banton carried her into the living room and tucked a blanket around her on a pallet on the floor.
“Would you like for me to light a fire?”
“I don’t think the fireplace works, Banton. I’ve never checked it,” I called back from the kitchen, as I poured us both a cup of hot chocolate.
“John already has. He said it’s ready to go, and I brought some firewood home yesterday. It’s stacked out beside the house.”
“You-all sure are handy to have around the place!” I exclaimed as I came back in the room. In a matter of minutes, he had a blazing fire going. Then he popped the stereo on, scanning the channels until he found some classical music.
“I didn’t know you liked classical,” I commented off-handedly. I took a sip of hot chocolate and snuggled in beside him.
“I love any kind of music. But on a night like this, it seemed like a mood-setter.” He grinned at me, and flashed the dimple. “Is that all right with you?”
“Perfect. My dad listened to it all the time. That, and classic rock, bands from the seventies and eighties, like Boston, Journey, Styx…” I stared into the fireplace, thinking about my parents.
“That’s quite a combination. And your mom, what did she like?”
“Elton John, Cher, and Elvis,” I laughed. “Especially Elvis.”
He pulled me in even closer, and I leaned my head back to gaze at him.
“What?” he asked me, grinning at me.
I whispered, �
��I just sometimes can’t believe how lucky I am to have found you.”
He placed his hand under my chin, and pulled me to his mouth. As he played with my lips, brushing his back and forth softly against mine, I caught him and stilled him with deep, lasting kisses. I wanted him so badly, it made me ache inside. I raised myself on my knees, and then slid one leg across his lap, straddling him as my kiss became more forceful. I flicked my tongue inside his mouth, testing to see what his response would be to my boldness. He tangled his hands into my hair, and chased my tongue with his.
Our kisses were like fire now, intense and all-consuming. We couldn’t get enough of each other, and one or the other of us would always have to break away, knowing we would have to slow down. It was on the edge, and I hoped he was just as desperate, because I didn’t know how much more of this I could take.
I moaned as he slipped his hands under my sweater, and grasping my ribcage with both hands. The heat from his hands warmed my skin, and made chill bumps form up my bare back. I answered his kisses boldly, hoping he knew my answer to his apparent passion. He slid his hands down and began to unbutton my jeans, and slipped his hands slowly down inside the fabric. Brushing his thumb down lower, he touched me in places no one had ever touched me before. I was lost, totally engulfed in a world where all that existed were our mouths, hands…skin.
“Chandler, we’ve never talked about this, but are you taking anything?” he whispered against my neck. “Chandler?”
“Mmm, yes?”
“I mean, we’ve come close to this several times, and I have never asked you.” He held my head in his hand, tracing the outline of my jaw with his thumb.
I looked down in to his deep brown eyes. “For a while now,” I whispered, Gazing back and forth at his eyes. “I was traumatized after my parents died, and went for months without… my doctor put me on the pill, to regulate me.”
“Do you want me to use something?” he asked gently.
“I, I hadn’t really thought about it. I really don’t think it is necessary.”
He covered my lips with his own again, pulling his shirttail lose. My heart began to pound. I realized we were about to make love for the first time. Suddenly, I heard tires on the gravel in the front yard.
“I hear a car,” I whispered in his ear, as he ran kisses up my neck.
He groaned and slid me off to the side, to a more modest position beside him.
“It’s all your fault, this time,” he murmured. I hurriedly buttoned my jeans. John came in the front door, his hand clasped firmly in Brie’s.
“Hey, y’all, how’s it going?” Banton asked. He glanced at me, as if to say, what do you know about that!
“Great.” John acted like the fact he had Brie with him was no big deal. “We grabbed a bite to eat at a club by the river, and thought we’d come back here to watch a movie. Is that okay with you guys?”
“That’s fine with us. There’s some tea made in the kitchen, or help yourself to the wine. Everett has us stocked up until the year 2015,” I answered, smiling at them.
We watched part of the movie with them, and then Banton got up from the sofa and suggested we take Ava upstairs to bed. It looked like she was out for the night. I donned my nightgown, having bathed earlier before we went to Jess’s funeral. I placed a kiss on Ava’s chubby cheek as I crawled into the bed. Banton slipped in a few minutes later, dressed in his usual sweat pants and t-shirt. I sighed, realizing the earlier romantic mood had passed.
He slid in beside me, and pulled me close in to him. “Chandler, we have to talk. I’m not sure how to say this, but…”
“What is it, Banton?” I asked, suddenly uneasy at his tone.
“It’s about Ava Grace. My dad called today, and I think we have something worked out.”
“That’s wonderful, Banton!”
“I’m not sure it’s entirely what you had in mind, but hear me out, okay?”
“All right.”
“Chandler, I’ve been worried for a while now about the permanence of the situation. You still have another year of college, and I still have time left in the service.”
“Yes. Go on.”
“Taking on raising a child has been a tremendous undertaking, and I haven’t been much help, with everything going on. You have managed like a pro, but I know it has been stressful. And I know how much you love Ava. I love how you are with her. You are going to make a wonderful mother someday. But I’m not entirely sure this is the best situation for Ava, right now. And I know we need to put her needs above yours, above ours.”
“Banton, what are you saying?” My heart began to pound at his hesitation.
“My dad wants us to consider letting Claudia and William adopt Ava, legally through the system. She would be a part of my family, and we would get to keep her, in a way.” He studied my face, trying to gauge my reaction.
It was slow to sink in.
“What are you thinking? I thought you might be upset, I know you want her with us. But I didn’t know what your expectations were for the future, how permanent you thought this would be.”
“You don’t think I can take care of her?” I asked, my chest aching with hurt.
His expression softened, and he slid his hand under my cheek, cradling my head in his hand.
“Chandler, that’s not it at all. Believe me, that’s not it. No one would make a better mother than you. You are wonderful with her, always putting her needs ahead of your own. She adores you. But it’s the timing of this whole thing. You’re still grieving for your parents. You’ve just started a four-year college. And we’ve just begun our relationship, we aren’t married. No court is going to allow an adoption under those circumstances, no matter how much money we’re ready to throw at the problem.”
“I know. I don’t know what I expected. At first, I figured her mother would come back for her, or child protective services would come for her and put her in foster care. Then, after time passed, I kind of put out of my mind the possibility she might ever leave. I guess I just thought we’d stay like this forever. But I know that’s not realistic.” Then the tears formed.
“Oh, sweetheart…shhh. Damn it, I can’t stand to see you this hurt. Believe me, Claudia and William will love her as much as we do. They’ve had a nursery ready for four years. It’s beautiful. Dad has been relating everything going on here, and they are dying to come and meet her. Will has been moving heaven and earth since they heard of Jess’s death, and he has a team of lawyers getting everything in order. It broke their hearts for her, and Chandler, at the heart of all of this is our concern for you. They haven’t even met you yet, but Claudia lectured me today for an hour about how my handling this delicately was so important, how they don’t want to hurt you, and they are concerned with your well-being too. They understand how attached we are to her.”
We lay silently for several minutes.
I whispered, “Banton, just let me have some time to adjust to this. I know it’s the perfect solution for everyone, but…” and then I just sobbed into his chest, letting it all wash over me.
“Shit,” Banton swore under his breath, tightening his arms around me.
He was mad. I knew I was being unreasonable about keeping her.
I pulled away and looked up at him. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be acting this way.”
His face fell. “No, baby…I’m not mad at you. I just can’t stand to see you cry,” he whispered, pulling me back into his arms.
* * *
When the light streamed through the window the next morning, I’d already been awake quite a while, thinking about everything we’d talked about last night. Ava stirred beside the bed, and then stood up and crawled on the bed beside me.
“Mommy Andler get up, we get Aba’s foop loops,” she whispered into my ear, urging me to get up.
“Okay, okay…we’ll get your foop loops.” I grinned at her, enveloping her in a big bear hug. I picked her up and ran down the stairs with her as she giggled at me.
“H
ow are my girls this morning?” Banton asked, setting a bowl of cereal on the table and placed the spoon in it. My heart took a leap. I loved the way he said my girls.
“We’re ready to eat turkey, aren’t we, Ava?” I asked her.
She nodded, plunging her spoon into the cereal and taking a big mouthful, dripping milk down her chin.
“We need to leave by 8:30 so I can be there early enough to put my casserole in the oven and help with getting dinner on the table,” I reminded him.
“We’ll be there in plenty of time, I promise.” He leaned across the table and kissed me, sliding his hand down my jawline, working me up as he always did. He finally pulled away, and then reached over and kissed Ava on the top of the head, leaving the room to get ready.
I dressed Ava in a precious little brown velvet jumper appliquéd with lime green and orange leaves, and matching leggings, and then put her in the floor to play while I donned a grey sweater dress, leggings and boots. Moisture gathered on the edges of my lower eyelids as I looked down into Ava’s diaper bag, filling it with an extra change of clothes, toys, Pull-Ups, her sippie cup…
Banton’s arms slid around me from behind. “Are you all right?” he whispered, turning me around.
I smiled tenuously. “I’m going to be. I promise.”
“Well, then, let’s go to Mrs. Ann’s,” he prompted, swinging Ava up on his shoulder.
Chapter Twenty-Four
“I feel like we’re leaving someone behind,” I commented as we pulled away from the house.
Banton laughed. “I know what you mean. We’ve got so many people around all of a sudden. Colin, Ben and Ty all have family close, so they all had plans today. And guess where John went this morning?”
“Where?”
“He’s spending Thanksgiving with Brie’s family.” His eyes sparkled with the secret.
“I can’t believe it. And I didn’t have to do a thing to get them together. It almost makes me mad I can’t take the credit.”
“What was Everett going to do today?” Banton asked, as he took the exit to the interstate.
Southern Comfort: Chandler's Story (The Southern Series Book 1) Page 25