by Claire Adams
I grabbed my keys and slipped out. I’m on my way to do a Catholic Mass with nothing but making love to a sexy woman on my mind. God, what the hell is wrong with me?
Chapter Thirty-Six
Daphne
I want this man more than I’ve ever wanted anything. I need him…more than air…more than water. He wants me, too. Daphne with the abusive father and the non-existent mother and the go-nowhere job…he wants me.
His body is sculpted like an athlete. His features are more perfect that the most famous movie star. He’s smart and funny and charming.
I’m nobody…just Daphne who wore rags to school and spent most of my life trying not to be noticed. If they noticed, they would ask questions and then they would judge. He doesn’t judge me, though. He knows about my father, at least some of it, and he still looks at me with some sort of awe in his eyes.
He whispers to me how much he loves me as he kisses my lips and my neck. He strokes my cheek and tells me how beautiful I am and how much he wants me.
I sit perfectly still as he undresses me, following each button with a kiss, all the way down to my mid-section. I willingly let him slide off my blouse and I take deep breaths as I feel his hands slide around behind me and unhook my bra.
He gazes down on my naked breasts with adoration before bringing his lips down to them. Oh my gosh…he’s licking my nipples and he’s sucking on them. I’m so wet and I want him to touch me between my legs so badly.
When he looks at me, there is no denying that he is falling in love with me — the same as I am with him. His smile is so sexy, and I can’t wait a moment longer.
I propel myself into his strong arms and I kiss him, long and slow and deep. He plunges his tongue into my mouth and mine slides against his. I swirl mine around inside of his mouth and he tastes like peppermint and chocolate. I run my hands up and twist them up in his soft hair.
His hands are all over my body. They’re about to touch me in my center, the place that was burning out of control with need for him….
And then, my nightmare began. My phone is ringing — where is it? Why won’t it stop ringing? I just want to be left alone…with him.
It took me almost a full minute before I could process that it wasn’t the phone, it was my alarm. It was time to get up and I’d had another long, wet dream about Jace. I’d had one every day that week, and when I woke up, I was sweating and panting and sometimes my hand was in my panties.
My mind wanted to go back to that Saturday night, falling asleep cocooned in his arms, breathing in his scent, feeling his body against mine. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I couldn't stop dreaming about him.
I wanted him like I’ve never wanted anything in my life and I didn't know how much longer I could go on pretending to just be his friend. No, that’s not true. I did know: I couldn't do it any longer. The whole time I was with him, all I could think about is how he feels and how he tastes and how badly I want to taste and feel him.
I can’t pretend any longer that I’m just his friend. I want so much more that that; I want it all.
I know that he’s a priest. But, he came on to me first. He looks at me like he wants so much more, and when he talks about the priesthood, there is no conviction behind it.
What if he does want me as badly as he does in my dreams? What if he’s holding back, afraid if he gives up his vocation that I won’t want him? Maybe I should tell him. Maybe if I just tell him how much I love him and want him…then maybe we can at least move forward, one way or the other.
I got out of bed and took my usual cold shower. Even if he says no like he did before, at least I’ll know and I can start trying to move on. I can’t do that with this pretend friendship we’ve got going on. It’s his way of being around me because he’s incredibly attracted to me, too.
I can see it on his face; I can feel it when we’re alone in a room. I can hear it in his voice when we talk. He can deny it if he wants to, but I know he wants me.
After I got dressed, I did the only thing I knew to do that would ensure us a quiet, private, calm conversation: I went to confession.
Yes, I knew how blasphemous it was. I was on my knees, pretending to pray, and waiting for everyone else to go first so I can have time with him…and I knew how bad this was. When it was finally my turn, I entered the confessional and out of habit I said, “Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.”
“Daphne?” he whispered.
“Yes, it’s me. I have to talk to you.”
“Daphne, this isn’t the place.”
“I know! Don’t you think I know that? I used to be so respectful of the church and all of the sacraments…but then I went and fell for a priest.”
“Daphne, please, what if someone hears you?”
“There’s no one left out there. I’m your last.”
“We can’t talk about this here.”
“We are talking about it, Jace. I have to get this out, now. I dream about you every single night. They’re not innocent dreams. They’re hot, sexy, passionate dreams. It’s driving me crazy. I wake up wet and covered in sweat and smelling like sex. I can’t get you out of my head.”
I stopped when I heard his side of the confessional open. He was just going to leave. I was such an idiot… Or maybe not.
I heard the click of my door and I looked up into his sexy eyes. They had the most intense look in them that I’d ever seen. I thought he was there to scold me, but when I stood up, he took me into his arms and kissed me. His full lips caressed mine and then he used his tongue to part my lips and he slipped it into my mouth.
He kissed me hungrily, and the idea that we were inside of a confessional, under the roof of the house of God, did not even entire my mind. His hands were all over me, touching me like a blind man who’d never seen a woman…like he was trying to memorize my every curve.
When he broke the kiss, I thought that was it and he would leave. I was so wrong. He reached back and locked the door to the confessional behind us and then he began to disrobe, literally.
When he had his cassock and collar off, I was surprised to see that all he had on underneath were boxers. I’d always wondered what they wore under those things. His uniform was suddenly the furthest thing from my mind as he ripped my dress up over her head, flipped me around, and unhooked my bra. Then he brought his hands around to cup my warm breasts.
I felt his hard body pressed into my back, and I could feel his breath on my neck as he brushed past it and leaned in to nibble on my ear. I shuddered and pushed back into him.
He growled low in his chest and flipped me around again to face him. He claimed my mouth hungrily, forcing his tongue in and tasting every inch while his hands continued to caress my body. They were sliding down into the back of my underwear as I melted into his arm.
My body was quivering all over as his hands traced my curves. His mouth found my collarbone and his hot breath left a trail across my skin as he nibbled and licked his way down to my nipples.
I was out of my mind with lust as his fingers played with the edges of my panties around the tops of my thighs and his mouth found and claimed a rock-hard nipple. He sucked it in between his lips and held it there with his teeth while he flicked it and licked it with his tongue. He moved over and made love to the other one with his mouth, causing my warm juices to flood my panties and slide slowly down between my thighs.
I felt him grab the top of my panties and begin pushing them down over my hips. He let his tongue play inside my bellybutton on the way down, and then he used his hands to gently part my thighs. His fingers played in the smooth, warm liquid that coated my thighs.
I moaned and rubbed my hands through his hair as I thrust my hips forward, begging him to touch my pussy. It was on fire. My legs were growing so weak I had to press my back into the corner of the small, wooden closet.
Finally, he touched me…and waves of electricity surged through my body. His fingers slid across my opening, all the way down, and then back up and across my achi
ng clit.
“So wet,” I heard him whisper as he stood back up and let one finger slide into me. He worked it in, burying it before he added another. He worked them in and out and I whimpered, almost on the verge of tears, unable to process the sensations he was sending through my body.
I could feel how hard he was through his boxers now as he pressed into me hard, fingering me and massaging my clit. I whined and pushed him back far enough to get my hands on those shorts and put them down. I needed him inside of me; I was past the point of want.
I took him in my hand and delighted in the strangled sound that came from deep within his chest. He took another small step back and pulled his fingers out of me so he could push the shorts the rest of the way down and get them out of my way.
As soon as they were gone, he thrust towards me. His hard cock disappeared between my thighs, and I could feel the heat of him as his hard erection slid across my clit, nearly sending me into convulsions. He reached down and wrapped his big arms around my hips and lifted me up off the ground. He shoved me back into the wall as I wrapped my legs around him, and then he entered me.
The top of my head nearly exploded from the feeling of his hard cock buried deep inside of me. As he moved in and out of me, he engulfed my mouth once again with his. It was a raw, hard kiss that belied the need between us. His hands were cupping the cheeks of my ass, holding me tightly in place as he drove his cock into me.
I bit down hard on my bottom lip to keep from crying out. He was so hot…and he filled me up completely. My breaths were coming in little gasps as he rocked up and down, back and forth, grinding his pelvis into mine, giving me every inch of his glorious erection.
He pulled back and looked into my face with that incredibly intense look again as he quickened his pace and slammed into me again and again. He let go of one of my cheeks and brought his hand around to take a breast in his hand. He kneaded and massaged and squeezed and tweaked.
I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to control myself much longer; I needed to scream.
He must have sensed it because once again he covered my mouth with his, muffling both of our sounds. I felt him moan into my mouth as I felt him pinch down hard on my nipple. I was right there, on the edge, when I felt that hand slide down in between us.
He let go of the kiss and let my body fall back slightly so his fingers could find my clit. When they did, they began to circle, pinch, and pull on it. My hips humped greedily against him as my fingernails raked the flesh on his back. I had to press my face into his shoulder, and from that point escaped my muffled screams.
Shockwaves began to bolt through my body with each desperate thrust. I could actually feel him losing control as he pumped deeper and harder. I squeaked as the orgasm began to build and hurtle me towards a monumental climax.
Everything blurred and I could barely see thanks to the sweat that poured down into my eyes. I was gasping as I felt him stiffen up against me, and then it was his turn to bury his face into me to muffle the sounds his body wanted to make with his release. Once he finished coming, I felt him shiver and shake, and then I suddenly went cold as he pulled out of me and lowered me to my feet.
He bent down and picked up my dress and underwear and handed them to me, then he picked up his own and slipped them on. Still dazed from what had just happened, I slowly began to dress.
Jace had his robes back on and holding his collar in his hand, he turned to the little door to go. “Wait… I don’t know… I mean, what does this mean?”
He turned back to me, cupped my face in his hands and kissed me hard. “We’ll figure it out,” he said. Then he slipped out. I stood there in the house of the Lord that I loved and worshipped and waited to make sure the coast was clear…and then I slipped out, as well.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Jace
I prayed every morning and every night, and 10 times in between, but He won’t talk to me. He won’t tell me what to do.
I had sex in a confessional.
I sat there and listened to her talk about her dreams and it sounded like she was describing my own. I felt myself get excited and I remembered waking up with her in my arms…and I just lost control.
It’s bad enough that as a priest I was having sex at all…but in a confessional? In front of the altar? Had I no decency left at all?
I didn't know what was happening to me. I do know that I think more about Daphne than I do my faith. I can’t imagine what my life would be like now if she walked away; I couldn’t imagine life without being able to make love to her any longer, either.
I knew now that when I was with her, my self-control was not just lacking — it was absent. She’d become my sustenance, she’d taken the place of the church in my eyes and she was the one I wanted to worship.
Had I committed the ultimate sin? Or was this something God would forgive because I honestly thought there is no way I could control it if I wanted to.
Maybe I wasn’t really meant to be a priest. Maybe it wasn’t so much my calling as it was my escape, and I no longer needed to hide from life. I wanted a life now…with Daphne.
I told her we would figure it out, but then I never called her. I was so confused. I knew she was, too, and I didn’t want to confuse her further.
I couldn't let the silence go on, though, or I might lose her. I couldn't lose her. When I thought about that possibility, I felt like I couldn't breathe.
I had to make a decision. I had to talk to her and we had to come to a decision together. I can’t take this any longer. We have to figure it out now, today. I grabbed my keys and headed over to see her.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Daphne
The knock on the door startled me. It was loud and sharp, and for just a second, I was afraid that it was my father again. Just in case, I looked through the peep hole.
It was Jace and he looked upset, or worried. I opened the door and as soon as he saw me, he smiled. I loved having that effect on him, even if I wasn’t supposed to.
“Hi.”
“Hey,” he said. “Can I come in?”
“Of course.” I stepped back to let him in, and he followed me over to the couch. I hadn’t heard from him since the day we had sex in the confessional, but that was okay; I had a lot of soul searching to do over that one. We sat down and neither of us said anything for a long time. At last, he said, “How do you keep your faith so strong?”
“What?” I was sure he was there to talk about us and figuring this all out. That wasn’t what I expected. I didn’t exactly answer. Instead I said,
“Maybe my faith is not as strong as I thought it was…considering.”
He knew what I was talking about, but he said, “No, there is something about you, Daphne. Something that is so special it transcended everything for me. Everything I ever thought I knew or believed in. From the first moment I saw you in that bar…”
I felt my face go hot. That whole night of the bar started this mess and every time I let myself think about it, I felt so cheap. “I don’t want to talk about the bar,” I told him. “But we do need to talk about what happened in the confessional.” I didn’t want to talk about that, either, but we had to. It was taking its toll on us both.
Instead of doing that, he moved in closer and took my hands into his. Just that small touch set my insides on fire. “It’s not often, Daphne, that I meet someone your age that just has this…aura of faith about them. I feel it when I’m with you and it fills me with light. I need to know more about that. I need to know where your faith comes from because I feel like I’m losing my own.”
In my experience with men, which was very limited, whenever one of them wanted to have a conversation with me where we divulged secrets, it usually ended with him running for the hills.
The only really serious relationship I’d been in ended that way, the second I told him about my life. Then there were the ones that wanted to pity me and protect me. They didn’t understand that although there were times like the night I
reached out to Jace that I needed protection, most of the time, I just wanted to be treated the same as everyone else. I wanted them to recognize that I was strong in my own right and what my father had done to me had not made me weak and dependent.
I didn’t want Prince Charming to swoop in and slay the dragons of my past. I wanted someone who would realize that as horrible as it was, it shaped the woman I am today. I wanted his respect and support, not his pity.
I wasn’t sure which man Jace would be, but I was afraid either way. My gut was telling me not to go there, and I was usually better off when I listened to it.
I couldn’t bear the thought of driving him completely away. Something inside of him called to me to, and I couldn’t deny it any longer.
“Daphne, listen to me, please. I can see you struggling with how much you want to share with me, but I’m having doubts about everything in my life — except you. If you’re feeling the same way, then maybe we can help each other through that. I think we have to tackle that first before we can figure out where to go from here.”
“I am.” I said with tears beginning to fill my eyes. “I’m feeling the same way. My faith has been strong for a long time, but now, the way I feel about you has overshadowed it and I’m not sure what to do.”
He was nodding. “I feel guilty all the time about what we’ve done, but there is something still inside of me that keeps saying it’s the right thing; it’s telling me that it’s my purpose, to be with you.”
“I know. I feel the same. The guilt overwhelmed me at first, but this little voice inside of me kept asking what if you were the one I was meant to be with? What if you were who God put in my path?
“I wish I knew, but I don’t. All I do know is that I can’t pretend any longer that you’re just my friend, because you are so much more than that to me.”