by Claire Adams
Chapter Forty-Six
Jace
I waited nervously in the outer office for Bishop McDougal. I’d beat my brains trying to find the right decision. I kept waiting for a sign, but when I really searched within myself, I found out that I truly believed just meeting Daphne was the sign. I never should have been in that bar and it wasn’t a normal place for her to be, either…but we were both there.
I put everything together that had happened over the past couple of months and the way I was feeling about my choices and my faith after Grandmother died, and I finally came to the conclusion that there was no right and wrong. God gives us free will and that free will was telling me to follow my heart.
My heart was across town, with Daphne, and that’s where it wanted to stay.
“Father Jace? The Bishop will see you now,” his secretary said as she took me into his office. I took a chair opposite his desk and looked at the religious artifacts along the wall behind him. I still got a feeling of peace in my heart when I was in or around a church. I wasn’t as worried anymore that God and I wouldn’t be okay. I felt He’d given me His blessing.
I took a deep breath and I said, “How are you, sir?”
The bishop looked at me like he was waiting for me to drop a bomb. He thought I was there to confess. I suppose I could have, but I didn’t see the point. God knew what I had done. His opinion, and mine and Daphne’s, are all that really matter.
“I’m fine, Father,” he said. “What can I do for you?”
I knew I was doing the right thing, but from childhood, the leaders of the church had been my male role models. Sitting face to face with him and telling him this was different than practicing it in my head.
Quickly, before I lost my nerve I said, “I was wondering if I should step down and save the church the annoyance and embarrassment of having me investigated. I know these things can often take months, if not years, and you won’t be able to put a permanent replacement in place until it’s over. I want to do what’s best for the church. I also think that at this point in my life, it would be best for me.”
He raised a bushy gray eyebrow. “You’re willing to just give up your calling that easily?”
I sighed, “May I speak frankly with you, Bishop?”
“Please do.”
“For some time now, since the death of my grandmother, I’ve had serious struggles with my faith. At least, I thought it was my faith.
“But, with much soul searching and praying I think the conclusion that I’ve come to is that it’s not my faith I’m struggling with. It’s my choice to become a priest. I was a confused kid when I decided to do this. It was what my Grandmother hoped for me, as well. I wanted to please her and I felt safe here. I thought that was enough to justify taking the vows.
“I think, though, that I finally realized that I don’t have to be a priest to be a good Catholic, and I think that’s where I became a little lost and confused. I thought this was what I needed to do in order to have a relationship with God, but I don’t believe that’s true any longer.
“So, since I have these issues with the investigation and all, and I’ve already been considering leaving…maybe now would be the best time to go and just make a clean break. It would probably save us all a lot of embarrassment and trouble.”
He nodded slowly. “I hear what you’re saying. There’s no sin in deciding this isn’t for you and walking away…as long as you’re okay with God. I will offer you counseling, Father Jace, and I will encourage you to examine yourself more deeply than you ever have before. This is not a big step; this is a huge, life-altering step.”
“I do realize that, sir. I have dug down deeper than I ever have, and I do believe this is the right thing…the only thing for me to do.”
“Okay, I will begin the process with the Diocese and we will call you for your exit conference when everything is ready. I’m sorry to see you go, Father, but we all have to do what’s right for us, as well as the church.
“I appreciate your honesty with me about this and I do appreciate you doing this now before we went through the effort and expense of a lengthy investigation.”
I thanked him and shook his hand. He gave me a blessing before I left. As I walked through the church on my way out, something about it felt different. I still felt at peace, but there was another, lighter feeling there, too. I didn’t really understand what it was until I got home. I looked around my place and thought about what I was going to do with the rest of my life.
In that moment, I realized that having that freedom of choice also gave me a feeling of relief. I knew the first thing I wanted to do was go get the woman I loved. I love Daphne, and as long as she and I are together, I have faith that the rest of it will fall into place. My faith is restored in God, and in life…all thanks to her.
Chapter Forty-Seven
Daphne
An entire week went by without a word from Jace. Every time I was anywhere near his side of town, I thought seriously about stopping by and confronting him.
I was a nervous wreck and had so many questions. Why was he shutting me out? Did our time together mean so little that he could just walk away that easily without a word? Did he just need time? I wasn’t sure. I had no idea what to do.
So, I did nothing. I went to work every day and went through the motions of my life. Bethany and I didn’t really talk anymore. I’d forgiven her, but I couldn’t forget. Her betrayal hurt me deeply, mostly because it had hurt Jace.
I knew that I couldn’t live like that forever. Carla was the only person I had to talk to and that was only on the phone. She was as supportive as she could be, but the second I hung up with her, I was reminded once more of how alone I really was. I’d never been so confused or felt so empty in my life…and considering my life, that was saying a lot.
I was working double shifts to keep busy, but was dead on my feet. I finally kept my day off. I had to get some rest; I was running on nerves and lots of caffeine.
Speaking of which, I had just gotten out of the shower and finished my coffee and was thinking about what I needed to get done when there was a knock on the door. I went over and looked out the hole.
Jace’s beautiful face was there and he was smiling. He looked…radiantly happy. I pulled it open, and I had to remember to breathe.
“Hi…” I had barely got the word out before he pulled me into his arms and kissed me.
At first, I was so overwhelmingly happy to know he still wanted me that I responded. I reveled in the feel of his hands on my body, his lips on mine, and his tongue in my mouth. God, I loved kissing him. It took me several seconds to get a reign on rational thought and my anxiety returned.
What is he doing? People will see us! He’s under investigation! I felt panic well up in my chest. They could be watching us right now. I pulled my lips away and grabbed his arm. I pulled him inside the apartment and slammed the door behind him. I know I was looking at him like he was crazy; I thought he’d lost his mind.
But, he was still smiling. “Are you insane?” I finally said when I caught my breath and found my voice.
He laughed and I thought, Maybe he’s drunk. “No,” he said, “I’m not insane. At least, not much. I have good news, though.”
My fear was replaced by hope instantly. “Oh my God! Is the investigation over? Were you cleared?” I knew it was too soon, but he was all over me on my doorstep. I couldn’t think of any other reason he’d be so excited.
“Have a seat,” he said, calmly.
“But…” I couldn’t wait to hear his news. Why didn’t he just tell me?
He laughed again. “Daphne, sit down, please.”
I sat. I wasn’t happy about it. I wanted to know what was going on. Right then. I wanted instant gratification so that we could kiss more.
“Let me get through this before you say anything, okay?” I nodded. It was going to be hard, but for him, I would do it. He said, “I’m not a priest any longer.”
My stomach fell as I sudden
ly thought maybe he was let go, kicked out, ostracized…all because of me. There was a part of me that guiltily celebrated, too. Now we can be together! That’s what the public kiss was about. I kept my mouth shut though, although it was hard as hell.
“I’ve been soul-searching since the night I met you, trying to figure out why I would do what you and I were doing without regard to the fact that I’d taken a vow of celibacy and promised my life to the church. I came to some big conclusions about that.
“Once I did that, I went to the Diocese and I told them that I would step down so they didn’t have to have this big investigation. I also told them that this wasn’t a snap decision. I’ve put a lot of thought into it. I’ve agonized over it and I’ve prayed over it.
“This is what I kept coming back to: being a priest was not my calling. Being a Catholic is completely separate from that and I can still have a relationship with God.”
He paused to take a breath and I opened my mouth. He smiled and held up a finger. I stayed silent as he reached and took my face in his hands.
Leaning in close, he said, “I realized that this was the only decision that would allow me to be happy. I realized that since that first night, I had already chosen you. It’s the right choice, as long as you choose me, too?”
I decided that I didn’t need to speak. I let my lips meet his and we kissed, passionately, speaking without any words; we were talking to each other through our hearts and our souls.
A sense of peace washed over me and although I knew Jace and I would have a lot to figure out, and our lives would never be perfect, we could be happy, as long as we were together.
He kissed the corner of my mouth and then up along the side of my face to my ear. He pressed his lips into me and said, “You take my breath away, Daphne.”
I couldn’t speak. No man had ever told me that. I kissed him again, this time with even more passionately. When he pulled back he let those sexy, intense eyes roam across my body. “Take off your clothes,” he said as he stood up off the couch. “Take them off.” He pulled off his shirt.
The sight of his naked chest got me busy. I pulled off my shirt and as I was tossing it aside I felt him drop to his knees in front of me and pull at the waistband of the shorts and panties I was wearing. He pulled them down to my feet and I lifted my feet so he could pull them all the way off.
Then, I felt the warmth of his hands around my calves. He ran them up my body, pushing me back into the couch as he did. He was suddenly straddling me, looming over me. I could feel his hard erection pushing against his jeans and into the top of my mound. Looking up at him like that was so arousing.
He flexed into me and I shuddered as I felt the fool force of his arousal. He bent down and nipped at the lobe of my ear. God, he’s so sexy and he smells so good. The whole picture had the effect of gasoline being poured on the fire he had constantly smoldering in the pit of my belly.
He pressed his lips into me again, and I felt his warm breath and the vibrations of his voice as he said, “Have I ever told you how beautiful you are?”
“Yes, but not today,” I breathed out with a grin.
I felt him smile. “You are so beautiful,” he whispered into me before letting his mouth travel from there down the side of my face to my throat.
He left a trail of kisses across my neck, leaving goosebumps in their wake. Then, he kissed and licked his way down my chest, between my already aching breasts.
I arched up into him. I wanted him to suck on my nipples, but he moved on right past them, stopping at the top of my hip. I shuddered and with his mouth still pressed into me he said, “Do you like that, baby?”
“Mm hmm…” I was incapable of rational speech, but I knew this was different than before. Jace was making love to me. All the other times had been satisfying a driving need. Today, we were free to make love like any other couple. I was going to love this.
My back was still arched up off the couch. He slipped one of his big, warm hands underneath me and grabbed one of my cheeks. He let it mold to the palm of his hand and he continued trailing kisses until he got to the bottom of my stomach and the top of my other hip.
I was losing my mind. I slid my hands down and got them underneath his arms and said, “Jace…come here…”
I felt him grin against my flesh again. “Not yet, I’m exploring. Just relax while I play, baby.”
This was definitely a different Jace. I liked it…no…I loved it. He pushed into the couch on either side of me and pulled himself up over me again. My pussy was soaked and tingling. I wanted him inside of me so badly, but I was trying to be patient.
He was straddling me, holding his weight up on his knees as he took my shoulders in his hands and began to massage. It felt so good and his smooth, powerful strokes pulled me forward and worked their way down my back. It was so erotic.
When he reached the small of my back, I felt his mouth on the sensitive flesh of my neck. He bit down lightly, and I struggled to breathe. He’s so sexy. He’s killing me.
He lifted me suddenly and turned me so I was lying back on the couch. I felt him lay down next to me. I looked at him; the beautiful smile was still on his face. I loved his smile. I could feed off of it. “Are you finished exploring? Can we get down to business now?”
He didn’t answer me with words. Instead, he leaned forward again and possessed my mouth in a deep, hungry kiss. Our tongues danced together and I leaned my head back so he could press in deeper.
He sucked on my tongue and let his teeth scrape along the side of it. Reaching one hand under my neck, he held me in place while he moved one leg over me and once again loomed over me, pressing against my hot pussy. He flexed those sexy hips into me again and I groaned. I reached up and traced the hard lines of his chest with my fingers and he flexed into me again.
This time he wrapped his fingers up in my hair and tugged my head back. Then, he shoved his tongue in deeper while he rocked against me, still wearing his pants.
He was making love to my mouth. It was the most incredible, earth-shattering kiss I’d ever had in my life. I think I was already on the brink of my climax and he hadn’t even touched my pussy.
When he finally had to come up for air, he kissed down along the side of my neck again to my chest and finally closed his mouth down over one of my breasts. I gasped as he swept his tongue across my engorged nipple. He reached up and took the other one between his thumb and forefinger and began to twist and roll that one while he sucked on the other.
“You taste so good,” he said against my aching breast and then proceeded to change sides and begin licking and sucking and tasting the other. “I want to taste more,” he said while I writhed underneath him.
I was panting as his fingers made their way between my legs and he touched the spot that was engulfed in flames. He gave it a few light strokes, still teasing, before he pushed himself down on the couch and buried his face between my thighs. My body jerked as I felt his tongue suddenly shoot out and take one, long, sexy lick.
I pushed my hips up into his face and he grabbed them with both hands and held me in place while he probed deeper with his tongue, thrusting it into me as far as it would go and then moving it up to press and lick against my clit. I was out of my mind with pleasure. I wanted to scream.
“Jace,” I said breathlessly, “I’m going to come…”
He stopped. I pulled open my eyes to see him looking at me, grinning again. “Um…I know we’re both new to this, but I don’t think that was the cue to stop.”
He laughed and stood up. Then he leaned over to kiss me. Before his lips met mine, I said, “You’re kind of a tease.”
He ran his tongue across the outside of my lips. “I’m done.”
“What? You’re done?”
He laughed again, and I watched as he pulled his pants and shorts down and stepped out of them. “I’m not teasing anymore,” he said. “I need to be inside of you Daphne, now.” His husky voice was even deeper with lust and my boy shuddered at the s
ound of it.
I reached up for him, and he grabbed my arm by the wrist and put it up over my head. He did the same with the other one and held them there with one of his big hands as he slid into position and entered me.
Fireworks exploded, ticker-tape parades happened, rockets discharged…all inside my head.
The heat of his cock sliding into me where I was already warm and wet was so intense that I cried out, loudly. I wrapped my legs around his hips and pressed my feet into his back.
He wasn’t playing. He slammed into me as deeply as he could, burying himself to the hilt. When he let go of my wrists, my hands went to his hair and I pulled his mouth down for a hot, wet kiss. The harder we kissed, the faster he moved his hips. He was plunging deeper and faster and hitting my hips harder.
The orgasm was building and it threatened to consume me. I called out his name as it boiled to the surface and I exploded. I saw stars as the pleasure coursed through my body.
I opened my eyes and shook my head at him. “You’re incredible.”
With a grin he said, “Have you had enough?”
“No, I want more.” I put my hands on his sexy butt and pushed him into me. “Harder…faster…”
He put his lips against mine and said, “You drive me crazy, baby.”
I was still writhing underneath him and the feel of his mouth and his words drove me back into frenzy. I began bucking my hips, and our kisses were wet and sloppy. He moved his hips to the side and hit that spot that I’ve heard people talk about.
I think I let out a scream right into his mouth as I came again. That orgasm was unexpected, and I even dug my fingernails into his back.
He didn’t complain. He sucked my tongue into his mouth and didn’t miss a beat. He kept going, stroking in and out, kissing me, sucking on my lips and tongue, telling me I was beautiful until I suddenly heard him grunt, and then groan and then I felt him tense and just before he released he said, “Daphne!”
He fell shaking into me and I held him there. I didn’t want him to move…ever. I didn’t want to breathe. He was my air. He was all that I needed. I knew that with everything in me.