by Claire Adams
I came to the end of the hallway that I was walking down and turned into another hallway. This one was wider, and there was a row of chairs lining one of the walls. Craig had just sat down in one of them. I walked over.
He turned and looked at me as I approached. If he was at all surprised to see me, he didn’t show it.
“Hi,” I said. “I was at the yacht club and—”
He patted the chair next to him. “Have a seat.”
I sat. “Is Parker okay?”
“The doctors are running some tests right now. I saw him for a little bit, and he’s awake. Confused about where he is and what’s going on, but I suppose that’s to be expected. His mother’s on her way back from Boston; with the traffic, though, I don’t expect her to get back here for at least two hours. I’m hoping I’ll have good news to tell her when she gets here.”
“I hope so, too.” There was a pause that stretched from a few seconds to a few minutes. I kept waiting for him to say something, but he didn’t, so I started to talk again. “You might be wondering why I’m here. I’ve been thinking about talking to you for some time now, and I just never have. I thought it might be better if I didn’t ....” My voice trailed off because I wasn’t really making much sense. “You’re my father,” I finally said, expecting him to look shocked or to deny it. But to my surprise, he only nodded.
“I am.”
“You knew about me?”
“I did.”
“I mean, beyond just my mother having a child? You knew it was me?”
He nodded again.
I opened my mouth, but no words came out. The whole ride over I’d been thinking of what I’d say, how I’d say it when he tried to deny that he was my father. I had a lot of good lines at the ready. But it had never occurred to me that he wouldn’t try to deny it, that he would act like he had known all along.
“I don’t know how much your mother told you,” he said. “It was a long time ago. That’s no excuse, I realize, but I was a lot younger then and not as responsible as I am now. At least I’d like to think so.” He coughed, a pained expression on his face. “We all do things in life that we wished we had handled differently. Some more than others. But I kept up with you over the years. From a distance, of course. I wanted to make sure that you were all right. I wasn’t actually in the country when you were born; I was over in Europe for a few years. Things never would have worked out between your mother and me. It would’ve been a disaster. We hardly even knew each other.”
I seemed to be feeling too many things all at once to process any one emotion. I felt like a blank slate. It was like being caught in the middle of a hurricane; you’re in the eye where everything is eerily calm, yet all around you was tumult.
“I don’t think you guys should be together or anything,” I said. “I never thought that.”
“I met my wife over in Europe. She moved back here with me. Parker was born a year later. It’s funny; I figured the two of you would always travel in different social circles, but then one day he was showing me pictures from a race, and there you were. The Rogue, I think he called you. He said you pissed a lot of the other guys off because you weren’t affiliated with any clubs and didn’t have any sponsorships, but you still managed to beat a lot of them. But he’s not a bad guy. That’s how Parker finished it. He said you guys sometimes gave each other a hard time, but it was all in good fun.”
“Yeah,” I said. It seemed strange now, to think back on all those times with Parker, and the feeling that I sometimes got that I knew him, beyond just the interactions we had at races. I’d always dismissed the feeling, though, because it had never made sense. It did now.
“So, you really knew I was your son? You knew it was me?”
“I did. And don’t think that it didn’t cross my mind to get in contact with you. It did, probably more than you might realize. But I didn’t, and that’s just something that I have to live with. I tried to help you out how I could, though.”
“You did?”
“I’m good friends with Richard Hanson, the president at the bank you got your loan at. You were, what—19, 20—when you applied for your business loan to open your shop?”
I nodded slowly. It seemed like such a long time ago, and at the time, it had seemed like such a long shot, that I would ever get a loan to open my own shop. I had no credit, no real business experience, and no collateral. But I was young and probably a little full of myself and knew that I just had to take the chance because tattooing was what I was good at and I didn’t want to have to work for someone else. When they told me I’d been approved for the loan, I hadn’t questioned it at all; I’d just assumed that it had happened because it was what I was supposed to be doing.
“That was you?” I asked.
“Yeah. I vouched for you.”
“But you didn’t even know me.”
Craig shrugged. “You’re right, I didn’t, but I felt like it was the least I could do.”
I paused, thinking back to that most recent loan statement I’d received. “I’m going to go out on a limb here and assume that you also paid off the remaining balance of the loan? Because I recently got a statement informing me that it’s at zero. I haven’t really been paying much attention to it, other than making sure the payment is on time every month, which gets deducted automatically, so I guess it’d be more accurate to say I haven’t given it much attention at all.”
“Yes, I paid it off. There wasn’t that much of a balance left on there.”
“There was enough.”
“You’re right, but again, it’s something I wanted to do. You’d never made a single late payment, and even without ever having stepped foot in your shop, I could tell that you were doing well. I was happy to be able to do it for you, Graham.”
“Well ... thank you.” I didn’t know what else to say. The past few hours had been almost a blur, yet also stunningly clear at the same time. I was sitting here next to my father. The father I had grown up my whole life not knowing, yet he’d been there anyway, watching out for me in his own way.
Chapter Forty
Chloe
After Graham left for the hospital, my mother and I ordered some food, but neither of us was very hungry. The mood had turned rather somber, so I asked her if she would give me a ride back to his place.
“Were he and Parker close?” she asked.
“They knew each other, but I didn’t think they were really that close.” I kept my gaze on the trees as they rushed past the passenger side window. I wanted to call Graham, or text him, but I knew that right now, he needed his space. For whatever it was that he had to do.
“I hope everything is going to be all right.” She reached over and squeezed my hand. “I’m sorry all this is happening.”
“It’s not your fault.”
“Well, that isn’t, but, you know what I mean. Here I am driving you to his house, because you’re no longer staying with us.”
“There are a lot of kids my age who live on their own,” I said.
“I know, but that wasn’t the plan for this summer. I certainly wasn’t expecting that to happen. And I know our lunch date got cut short, but I can tell that Graham is actually a very nice young man and that you two are quite fond of each other. Is he who I’d pick for you? Maybe not, but you’re right; that shouldn’t matter. I’m not the one who’s dating him.”
Her voice shook a little as she spoke and I could see her eyes were welling up with tears. I squeezed her hand. “Oh, Mom. You don’t have to cry. Maybe it needed to happen this way. I’m sure I’ll come back to the house again. Dad will change his mind.” But even as I spoke those words, I could hear the note of uncertainty in my voice. There was a good chance that my father wouldn’t change his mind, even if it was about something like this. He definitely lived by the idea that once you said you were going to do something, you didn’t go back on your word. Would he really forbid me from ever going back to the house again if I didn’t break up with Graham? I could hope that wouldn’t be the
case, but if it was, I wouldn’t be entirely surprised.
My mother seemed a little better when she pulled up in front of Graham’s. The tears were gone and she gave me a smile. “Here we are.” She looked at the front of the cottage. “This place is actually very cute.”
“It’s not bad.”
“So, you’re okay? You’ll call me if you need anything?”
“I will.”
I leaned over and we hugged and she kissed me on the cheek. “I’ll try to talk more with your father,” she said. “This silliness just needs to stop. Let me know if you hear anything about Parker.”
I got out of the car and waved as she drove off, then went inside and changed out of the dress, into a pair of shorts and a tank top. I thought about calling Tara, but decided to go work on my sculpture. I needed to be doing something, more than just talking or pacing around, waiting for Graham to get back. I could feel the thoughts in my head pinballing all over the place, and I knew the only way to get them in check was to focus on something that required all of my attention.
I did text Graham though, just to let him know that’s where I’d be in case he got back before I did.
Hope everything is okay, I typed. Went down to the art center but will be back later on. I paused, thumbs hovering over the screen. Love you, I typed, and then hit send before I could delete it.
*****
I stayed at the art center until it closed, at 9. I had made good progress and the sculpture would be ready for the first firing tomorrow. Graham hadn’t responded to my text, and when I got back to his place, he wasn’t there yet.
I tried to keep myself occupied; I didn’t want to text him again even though now, with nothing to really focus on, my thoughts were ramping up again, wondering what was happening, why he was taking so long, if everything was okay. I washed the dishes, wiped down the counters, took a shower, brushed my hair. I tried to watch TV, but there was nothing on, and since it was getting late, I decided to just go to bed.
I thought it’d be difficult to fall asleep, but the next thing I knew, I heard the door open. I looked over at the clock, not feeling as though I’d been woken up, but saw that several hours had passed.
“Graham?” I said.
I switched the bedside lamp on right as he came into the room. He looked exhausted, but he smiled when he saw me. “Hey,” he said. “I didn’t mean to wake you up.”
“I was up,” I said. “At least I think I was.”
“I wasn’t expecting to be gone that long.” He came over and stretched out on the bed. “Ah, this feels good.” He let his eyes fall closed. “I’m sorry to just run off like that.”
“It’s okay; you don’t have to apologize.”
“I got your message, though. I was going to text you back, but then I just decided I’d rather wait and tell you in person.” He opened his eyes and looked at me. “I love you, too.”
Warmth spread across my chest hearing those words. I grinned and then leaned down and slowly kissed him. One of his hands went to the back of my head and held me close, the other to the small of my back. It would’ve been more than easy to just wrap myself around him and try to forget about everything that had happened earlier, but I could tell that he wanted to talk about it. So I pulled back from the kiss and nestled myself next to him.
“So, how did it go?” I asked.
“First, I think you need to know the reason I went down there to begin with. Craig is my father.”
“He is?”
“I’ve known for a while, but I never actually talked to him. I had just always assumed he didn’t want anything to do with me or my mother. And also, there was a part of me that didn’t know what to say. What are you supposed to say to someone in a situation like that? ‘Oh hey, you’re my dad? Why didn’t you ever want to be a part of my life?’ I guess there was a part of me that was afraid he’d deny it or tell me to fuck off or something. And the older I got, the less important it seemed. But after what happened at the yacht club, I realized I had to go down there. I needed to talk to him. Except he knew who I was. He knew I was his son.”
“Wait a sec,” I said. “So, you’re Parker’s brother? He’s your half-brother?”
“Yeah. Can you believe that? All this time we’ve been racing against each other and giving each other a hard time, and we’re actually family.”
“Wow.”
“I know. And so I ended up talking with Craig for a while when they were running tests on Parker. The conversation went nothing like I’d ever imagined it would, but it was good. It was good just to talk with him.”
“And how’s Parker?”
“He was diagnosed with glomerulonephritis.” I waited for him to elaborate. I had no idea what that was, but it didn’t sound good. “It’s a kidney disease, basically. And apparently he’s had it for quite some time now but didn’t say anything or go to the doctor’s.”
“Shit,” I said. “But he’s going to be okay, right? Now that they’ve caught it.”
“Well ... he’s going to need a kidney transplant.”
I nodded. I knew what that meant. Well, sort of: one of the girls I went to college with had a twin sister who needed a kidney transplant. She’d been on the waiting list for two years and had to do dialysis multiple times a day. It was certainly not an easy way to live.
“Shit,” I said. I reached over and took his hand. I could only imagine how badly his mind was reeling over everything that he’d found out recently.
“The waiting list could take years, though.” He paused. “I’m going to go in tomorrow for an evaluation to see if I’d be a good candidate for a living donation.”
“Really?” I looked up at him as he nodded.
“Yeah. No one asked me to, but I want to. Craig’s blood type isn’t compatible with Parker’s, they already know that. His mother will get tested, and so will his sister. But the two brothers are under 18, so they’re not eligible yet.”
“That’s a really big deal,” I said. “That you’d even consider doing that for someone.”
“I guess. But if I can help him out, I should. And I know my blood type: O positive.”
“That’s the universal blood type, right?”
“Yeah.”
“You know, I’m not even sure what mine is.”
“You’re not alone, there. A lot of people don’t know.”
“So, if you’re the universal blood type, then you already know you’re a match?”
“In that regard, yeah. But there’s other compatibility tests they have to do, and they make sure you’re in good physical shape and psychologically okay with it, too. But I think I am. We’ll have to wait and see.” He yawned. “Right now though, I am wiped out. And the only thing I could really think about was coming home and being able to get into bed with you.”
Chapter Forty-One
Graham
Just a few days after I found out that Parker was my brother, I got the news that everything checked out: I could donate a kidney to Parker if I wanted, and chances were good that his body would not reject it.
I went over to see him at his father’s house. It was the first time I’d ever been there, and the first time I’d seen Parker since the day he was taken to the hospital. Craig’s house wasn’t that far from Chloe’s parents’ place, actually, and it was also similar in size, with its immaculate, green lawn and long, winding, seashell driveway.
Parker was in the living room, sitting on the couch, scrolling on his phone when I walked in. He tossed the phone down and stood up when he saw me.
“Hey,” he said, a bit of a sheepish smile crossing his face.
“Don’t get up,” I said.
He waved me off. “I’m feeling better. A little bit. Taking it easy.”
“That’s good.”
We both sat down on the couch. He did look like he was feeling a little better. “I still can’t believe this,” he said, shaking his head. “All these years we’ve been giving each other shit at the races and all along you
were my brother. That’s fucking crazy.”
“Yeah. It was unexpected.”
“I’m glad we know, though!”
“I might actually have to feel a little bad next time I beat you in a race.”
Parker laughed, but only for a second. “I don’t know,” he said. “My days of racing might be numbered. Racing mountain bikes and dialysis aren’t two things that really go hand in hand.”
“I don’t think you’ll have to spend much time doing dialysis,” I said.
He gave me a confused look. “What do you mean?”
“You can have one of my kidneys. We’re a match. I had the testing done and it looks like we’re compatible.”
He opened his mouth but didn’t say anything right away.
“And this is something I offered to do; your dad didn’t ask or anything.”
“Holy shit. I ... I don’t even know what to say.” He shook his head slowly. “That’s completely not what I was expecting to hear from you. I don’t even know if I should accept it. I mean ... shit. You don’t even know me.”
“Of course you should accept it,” I said. “This way, you won’t have any excuse next time we race against each other and I beat you.”
He grinned. “Yeah, I don’t see that happening ever again. You just got lucky that time, seeing as, you know, one of my vital organs wasn’t functioning properly.”
I returned his grin. “We’ll just have to see about that.”
*****
I hung out with Parker a while longer. After I left, I went for a little drive, which took me past Lorraine’s. It was Monday, right around lunchtime. I pulled into the parking lot and saw my mother’s car. I figured I’d go in, say hello, see how she was doing. She was walking out though, as I was getting out of the truck. I held up a hand and waved.
“Hi, Mom,” I said.
“Well, you’re about the last person I expected to see here. I just finished eating! I would’ve waited if I knew that you were going to be around.”
“I was just driving by and thought I’d stop. I know you’re always here for lunch on Mondays.”