‘Okay, yes.’
Rachel started the quad up again, heading for the lambing shed, muttering softly, like a prayer, ‘Please God, don’t let anything have happened to her. Please God.’ She couldn’t be sure if it was tears or rain streaming down her face.
And the search began again.
She was checking behind old straw bales in the lambing shed, when her phone pulsed in her pocket. She could hardly get her mobile out quick enough, her fingers fumbling to answer.
The caller ID told her it was Tom.
‘I’ve found her.’
Oh God. The three best words ever.
‘Oh, thank heavens. Is she all right?’
‘Yes, a bit wet and shivery, but yes, she’s all right.’
The relief felt like a wave engulfing her, Rachel felt weak. ‘Thank God. Where?’
‘Down at the stream. You know, where you’d had the picnic a few weeks ago.’
That seemed odd.
‘She was saying something about the fairy glen. I don’t know, didn’t make much sense to me. I’ve wrapped her in a blanket and I’m bringing her home right now.’
‘Oh, thank you. Meet you at the farmhouse then. Thank you, Tom.’
She pulled up in the yard and dashed for the door. ‘Mum, Mum, Tom’s found her. He’s found her!’
Rachel and Jill met at the porch in a rush.
‘She’s all right?’
‘Yes.’
‘Ah, sweet Jesus.’
They clasped each other in a relieved hug. With that, the sound of a quad came buzzing up the drive. There was Maisy wrapped in a blanket, huddled in Tom’s lap, his dog Mabel standing guard protectively on the rear of the vehicle.
‘Oh, thank goodness,’ Jill gasped, as Rachel stepped forward to pick her little girl up.
‘She’s okay. Just very wet and a bit overwhelmed, I think,’ said Tom.
‘And she was down by the stream, you say?’
‘Yes.’
‘Maisy, what on earth made you go there?’ The frustration of the past half hour spilled out, but Rachel could see her daughter was overwrought, damp and shivery in her arms. ‘Okay, okay, it’s all right petal, you’re home now. Let’s get you inside.’ They weren’t going to get any answers just now, and Maisy needed warming up. ‘Mum, would you mind going up to run a nice warm bath? We’ll get these wet clothes off you down by the Aga, shall we, petal?’ They made their way into the kitchen, shutting out the wind and rain.
‘Of course,’ Jill replied. ‘Thank you so much, Tom,’ she smiled thankfully, and patted his arm, as she turned to go on up to the bathroom.
Maisy nodded gently. She seemed a little in shock. The storm and chilling damp, no doubt, affecting her.
‘Thank you, Tom, so very much.’ Rachel looked at him stood there covered in mud and soaked to the skin himself.
‘No worries. Just glad I was able to help and that we found her. Now, you go and get warm and dry, Maisy. I’ll see you soon …’
‘Okay.’ It was the first word Maisy had uttered since getting back.
‘Rachel,’ Tom looked serious, his words heartfelt. ‘Look, I know this isn’t the time, but later, another day, can we talk?’
She nodded. ‘Yeah, of course.’
They both knew she needed to get Maisy settled, and that that talk would have so many implications – it needed time and space.
‘Bye then,’ Tom added, as he turned to set off.
‘Bye.’
Rachel took Maisy near the warmth of the Aga, unwrapped the damp blanket from her and peeled off her soaking wet clothes. She dried her daughter’s hair with a towel, then carried her up to Grandma Jill and the bathroom. Maisy was soon soaking in a warm bubbly bath and looking much happier.
They both sat and watched her for a while, then Jill gave her granddaughter a kiss on the forehead and said she was going to get Maisy’s pyjamas ready.
‘Maisy, why did you go off like that, sweetheart?’ Rachel’s voice was calm, soothing, but she was desperate to know what was behind it all.
‘Sorry, Mummy. I went to make a wish and then the storm came and I got scared.’
‘A wish?’
‘Yes, at the fairy glen. My book says you can make wishes where the fairies are.’
Rachel was confused, until Maisy continued. ‘I wished that my daddy would come back.’
‘Oh Maisy.’ It suddenly all made sense, and Rachel squinted a tear from her eye. Sodding Jake. Who the hell needed a daddy like that? But that’s all Maisy wanted, to have her daddy around. Why was life so tough and unfair sometimes?
‘I wanted to come back home, Mummy, but then the thunder came …’
‘It’s okay, petal. Yes, it was silly and dangerous to go off on your own like that, but I understand. Tell me next time yeah, if you’re thinking about doing something like that, we can go together, or if you want to talk to me about anything. Promise?’
‘Promise. Cross my heart.’
‘Good girl.’
‘Right, let’s dry you off and get you all cosy, shall we?’ Rachel helped her little girl out of the bath and had a warm fleecy towel ready. ‘Then you can come down for a nice hot chocolate and a cuddle before bedtime, okay?’
‘’Kay.’
What a day that had been.
Rachel lay in bed in the early hours, unable to sleep, the emotions of the day’s events still fizzing through her veins. A multitude of thoughts filled her mind – her dad, the farm, the Pudding Pantry, the weight of it all so heavy within her. But, losing Maisy, the fear that she might have been hurt, or worse … that shook her to the core. This was what mattered the most: her family, her daughter. Everything else was just the means to keep them all going, to protect them.
And today … she’d failed them. She hadn’t taken enough care of Maisy. She hadn’t noticed she’d gone; her focus had been elsewhere.
The tears that hadn’t yet been shed now streamed down Rachel’s face, wetting the pillows beneath her head.
It’s okay, her kinder alter ego kicked in. It all turned out okay in the end.
She wasn’t a superhero, she was just human. You can’t have your eyes on your children every second of every day, she knew that. But, she’d been so busy, with the pudding stall, and the Pantry, then back home where they were still packing away, thinking about the bloody takings.
Holding it all together, trying to keep the farm going, it felt like a dangerous game of jackstraws, where one false move would send the whole pile crashing down. Today, it felt like the weight was too heavy, the load too much. Rachel didn’t know where they would go from here, or if she was strong enough to build it all up again.
She felt exhausted, wiped out. Finally, she fell into a light erratic sleep.
Chapter 41
PANCAKES AND PJS
The next morning, Jill offered to go across and open up the Pudding Pantry, saying she was fine to run the tearoom by herself for a couple of hours. She could see that Rachel looked shattered, and realised that she and Maisy could probably do with some quiet time together.
As it was the Tuesday after the bank holiday, there would still be some tourists around, but generally it was likely to be a little quieter. Jill had already baked some fresh sultana scones in the farmhouse Aga, and decided to make some chocolate-mint traybakes to top up yesterday’s dwindling supplies. After all the emotions of last night, and such a hectic day yesterday, it was a day to take stock and stick to routine.
Rachel had looked in to check on Maisy at 7:30 a.m. She was sleeping soundly in her bed, and looked so peaceful, so she decided to let her be – the rest would do her good. When Maisy finally came down in her pyjamas after 9 a.m., Rachel had a batter mix and all the ingredients ready to make her daughter’s favourite chocolate-spread pancakes. They chatted as they ate their late breakfast, talking about all the different things at the show and the ‘wonderfully-whizzy’ Tea Cups ride, then they settled down to build the Lego Farm together – it had been Rachel’s as a ch
ild, and was still a favourite to play with, with its mini tractor and animals. Rachel read a story with Maisy snuggled on her lap, and after that she put on one of Maisy’s favourite DVDs. They spent a quiet, calm morning together, which was exactly what they both needed. (Grandmas did in fact know best!)
Just as they were nearing the end of the movie, the phone rang, and Rachel’s heart started banging when she heard Tom on the other end of the line.
‘Hi Rachel, just checking how Maisy is this morning?’
‘Oh, she seems fine, thank you. Maybe a touch subdued, but we’re making the most of a few quiet hours together. It’s been really nice actually.’
‘Good … and you, Rach?’ He paused momentarily, as if nervous. ‘How are you doing? It must have been a bit of a scare, her going missing like that.’ His voice sounded so caring.
‘Yeah, it was. It was so frightening at the time, the thought that something dreadful might have happened, but all’s well that ends well. And thank you so much, again.’
‘Ah, I was just glad we found her okay.’
It was good that they were talking again. Small steps back to friendship. She hated the thought that in all her own hurt and anger, she’d hurt Tom too. But she knew she had to put her focus back into her family, that was what mattered most.
At lunchtime, Maisy and Rachel went across to the Pantry to see Jill. Maisy had remembered all about the pudding competition and their photo, and couldn’t wait to tell Grandma Jill about her first prize – with all the mayhem of the night before, they’d totally forgotten until now.
‘Grandma Jill, Grandma Jill, you won!’ She raced into the barn and it was lovely to see her back to her chirpy self. ‘Mummy’s got the photo.’
‘It’s true … first prize for your sticky toffee pudding,’ said Rachel.
‘And a red rosette,’ added Maisy proudly.
‘Oh, my goodness, how wonderful.’ Jill was beaming.
Frank was there in the barn too, just finishing his morning coffee and cake. ‘Congratulations, that’s marvellous and a real achievement.’ He raised his cup.
‘Oh, thank you, Frank.’ Jill couldn’t stop smiling.
Then, Maisy and Jill had a sandwich lunch at one of the tables, with Rachel covering the counter. Maisy was chatting away happily and seemed more herself. Once they’d finished, Rachel asked if her mum would keep an eye on Maisy for a short while as she wanted to go over to the farmhouse and make a phone call. It had been brewing in her mind this past hour. There were things that needed to be said.
Jake didn’t answer, not the first time or the second. She ignored the answerphone message and dialled again, the anger rising within her.
She heard the click as it was finally picked up.
‘Hey, Rach. Hi babe.’
‘Don’t you babe me.’ Her tone was sharp as a blade.
‘Uh?’
‘Look, Maisy has been waiting for you to turn up all weekend – it was all she could think about yesterday at the show. You promised her, Jake.’
‘Ah, well something turned up. It was difficult.’
‘I’ll tell you what’s difficult – dealing with a moron like you as her father. You just can’t do that to a child … your child. She was so upset that you never came. You never even bothered to ring to explain or speak to her.’
‘Ah.’ It was finally starting to sink in.
‘You can’t make promises if you’re not going to follow them through. You say you’ll be here, build up her hopes and then let her down, over and over. We’re sick of it, Jake, sick of it. You can’t just flit in and out of her life when it suits you. So, from now on, if you want to visit, you call me to make arrangements first and then you bloody well make sure you turn up, or else you can stay right away. Full stop.’
‘You can’t keep me away. I have rights …’
‘Yes, and so does our little girl. I’ll not let you fuck up her life any more, Jake. All I’m asking is a little consideration and cooperation.’
‘I can go to the courts, you know.’
‘Yeah, you go ahead Jake, and who do you think they’ll listen to?’
The lioness had roared. It had needed to be said, to protect Maisy. Yes, Rachel knew she had to take some blame for yesterday, but not all of it. Here was where the main blame lay, and she was going to leave it loudly at his doorstep, like a big lion turd.
‘So … Maisy was upset, was she?’ he continued feebly.
‘What do you sodding think? She’s five. She believed you.’
‘Ah … look, I’ll come up soon, make it up to her.’
She’d had enough of his waffling shite. He hadn’t even been man enough to apologise. ‘You call me and we arrange it properly if you want to visit Maisy again. And then you come up as planned, or else don’t bother coming back at all. Bye, Jake.’ With that, she hung up.
She felt exhausted as she took a seat back in the kitchen, but a whole lot better having said what needed to be said. She’d been strong, assertive, proudly protecting her family – and boy did that feel good.
Chapter 42
THE BEST APPLE CRUMBLE EVER
‘Rachel … Rach-el?!’ Jill’s voice rang out across the yard.
Rachel was in the lambing shed, sorting out the next batch of cattle and sheep tags, checking they were all in order. She left her task and headed out of the open shed door.
‘Ye-es?’ She hoped everything was okay. Thankfully, things seemed to have settled down with Maisy in the last four days since her disappearing act.
‘Ah, there you are.’ Mum looked relieved. ‘I’ve just had a call from Tom. He’s got a bit of a problem with the tractor. He’s in his North Field, been ploughing there, wondered if you’d take a look before he calls a mechanic out.’
Rachel could be quite handy with a spanner and tools when faced with a tractor engine. God knows, they’d had to sort out their own tractor hiccups many a time. It was amazing what could be achieved with Dad’s old toolkit and some YouTube videos.
‘Ah, okay, no worries. I’ll get across there now.’
Actually, it would be nice to do something to help Tom out for a change. And, maybe this would be a good way to break the ice too. Rachel was well aware that she still hadn’t plucked up the courage to see him and have that ‘talk’ he’d mentioned. Much as she found she missed him, like a deep ache in her soul, she didn’t know where to start. It had all gone horribly wrong since that revelation about his conversation with her dad, and she didn’t know where they could go from there. Could a friendship even be salvaged?
Rachel walked back across the yard with Jill, as she’d need a vehicle to get across there.
‘Oh, and if it takes a while, love, don’t worry about Maisy. I’m fine with her,’ Jill said, rather emphatically.
‘Right, okay, good to know.’ Rachel grabbed the tool box and the keys to the Land Rover, before setting off. She knew Tom would want to get the tractor fixed as soon as possible, it was already early evening, having just gone 6 p.m., and he’d want to finish ploughing that field before dusk, no doubt. It had, in fact, been a lovely day and was still warm, the sun now slipping low in its arc but still giving a honeyed glow to the softly rolling landscape.
She soon reached Tom’s land and knew which fields to cross to get to the North Field. Being on the hillside, it would be one of the harder ones to plough, having steeper banks that no doubt had put stress on the tractor. She arrived at the gate to this field, and stopped to open it, concentrating on the latch, then sweeping it back ready to pass. She drove through to the other side and then came to a grinding halt, her foot coming off the accelerator as she looked at the hillside ahead of her.
Oh my, wow … who had done that?
Ploughed into the bank of the stubble field in huge twenty-metre-high letters was … ‘I Love You’.
Rachel paused and pulled the handbrake on. She then stood up out of the truck. Yes, that was definitely it. ‘I Love You’. It would fit the size of a full swimming pool, and
was across the whole top half of the field.
Suddenly there was a toot-toot of a horn. There was Tom’s pick-up at the top of the bank. And there beside it … Tom … The broken-down tractor was nowhere in sight.
Tom walked over to stand to the side of the ‘I Love You’ sign … Was the message for her? The penny was finally dropping.
She closed the gate on autopilot and, feeling rather stunned, she drove up the set-aside of the field, all the while admiring the view. The lettering was mind-blowing – had he ploughed that?
Could it be for her? Did he love her? She wasn’t sure if it was excitement or incredulity buzzing through her veins. As she approached his truck and parked up beside it, she could see that Tom had set out a table and two chairs. It was like in a restaurant with a white tablecloth, candlesticks, wine glasses … she squinted to see more … little posies of wild flowers. And Tom stood there beside it all, dressed in smart dark chinos and a white shirt with a huge, if slightly nervous-looking, grin on his face.
‘Hello, you,’ was all he said, as she stepped out of the Land Rover.
‘Hello, you,’ she echoed, still wondering what the heck was going on here. ‘No breakdown with the tractor?’ The penny was starting to roll down and into the slot now.
‘Nope.’
‘Is this a set-up?’ Had Jill been in on this too? Her mum’s ‘I’ll be fine with Maisy’ was suddenly sinking in.
‘Now you’ve got me.’ Tom was grinning broadly.
Oh … my … God.
Rachel looked at the table again. There was a bottle of red wine and one of white there ready by the glasses. The flowers were in jam jars and were mostly pretty hedgerow plants, including red rosehips and rowan leaves and berries, along with small pale-pink roses that were probably from Tom’s garden.
‘I picked them all myself,’ he added proudly, watching her gaze. ‘Umm, well, I said we needed to talk … and I’m not so good at talking … so I hope this says it all.’
Rachel stood there stunned and realised she wasn’t so good at talking herself just now. She needed to say something back, she hadn’t even thanked him yet. But it was taking a while to get her head around it all.
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