by Nya Rayne
Chapter Twelve
Donté lay in the dark, surrounded by things not his own, concealed in a room he was only vaguely familiar with, and yearned for a place he now knew he despised.
In the past few hours he had been torn between emotions he’d never felt before but now knew all too well. After the doctor had answered the last of his questions, he’d stood in the living room staring without seeing out the window as his mind fought against the things she’d told him.
There has to be a Utopia, he’d told himself, and then he thought back to his first outing with Phia. The women he’d seen weren’t glorious. They didn’t ride in golden chariots or have brilliant strands of gold-flecked hair like the goddesses in the pictures displayed around the Zoo. Even the ones who were beautiful weren’t capable of making a man go blind. Their laughter wasn’t enough to make a person go deaf. No, there was nothing utopian about this place or the women in it.
He’d thought back to all the times he’d cowered before his tutors. He thought about the times he had knelt before them, begging for forgiveness when he’d done something innocent such as speaking out of turn. He thought about Carnie, the emasculator, and her room of torture. Had he known what he knew now, he would’ve pummeled her into the ground before he allowed her to ever lay a finger on him.
He’d cowered and agonized, prayed and humbled himself, endured insurmountable hours of humiliation and treatment that could be considered torture. All in the name of a place which didn’t exist? Even now, he didn’t want to believe it was true. But if he stood and glanced out the window at the street and the buildings around him, he would see nothing more than a normal, unremarkable, inconsequential city.
All the lies he’d been told, all the fairy tale stories his instructors had taught him, all the mystical dreams he wanted to believe in because there had to be a better place than where he was.
It was all fucking lies!
Anger rolled through his body as he thought back to the way Phia’s mother had talked about him. To her, he was nothing more than a malfunctioning device. He revisited his conversation with the woman in the store and allowed his mind to remember the way women everywhere he and Phia went gawked at him and intentionally brushed up against him, their breasts against his back, their hands brushing close to his groin. To all of them, he was no more than a tool, an object to be used, a servant to be ordered around.
Refusing to allow his rage at their insults to his manhood to get the best of him, Donté closed his eyes, inhaled a few times and forced his ire to recede as he focused on what the knowledge of this new world also meant.
Yes, it meant his whole life before now had all been a lie. More importantly, it meant he was no longer in the Zoo, as the doctor had called it. His eyes were no longer shrouded by images of a dream world, his ears no longer bombarded with lies of favors and blessings. It meant he was lucid enough to understand and tell the difference, which in turn told him his brain hadn’t been carved into something unnatural, and his thoughts and his emotions were his own. His body was his to control, without having to ask anyone’s permission. It meant he was free to do as he chose and to go where he wanted.
For the briefest of moments, he reveled in this knowledge, until the doctor’s soft words floated back. “Donté, you live in a world created by and for women. You cannot take to the streets and do as you choose.”
He sat up, knocking the blankets off as he threw his feet to the floor. He finally understood the deeper meaning of her words. He might have regained control over the most basic of functions, but he was still not free of their chains. Unless he did something about it, it would always be this way.
The silence was too much for Phia to stand.
She wanted to go to him. She wanted to be near him, to embrace him, but her nerves wouldn’t allow it. His anger from earlier, the rage she’d heard in his voice and seen in his eyes, had kept her away, shut up in her bedroom like an impetuous child being punished.
She’d known from the beginning her desires were foolish, but to have come so close to the prize, only to have it yanked away from her? What was she supposed to do now?
He would go to the Higher Highness of Serenity because that’s who he belonged to, and she would be left with nothing but memories of stolen nights of passion. She would ache and cry for him. She would pray every waking moment for the heavens to send him back to her. It would be useless. Nevertheless, she would do it, because she wouldn’t know what else to do.
His name whispered through her mind, and she reached out for him, tried to dredge up his smell, the feel of his hands against her skin, and the sound of her name flowing from his lips. He was only a wall away from her, but it felt like in the span of a few hours, light years had been placed between them.
Phia could have lived not knowing what it felt like to stroke and embrace, to crave the touch of a species so rare and coveted that without it, life no longer held true meaning. She could have lived, she would have lived…but now her fate was sealed.
She stared at the closed door of her bedroom.
Surely, Donté was feeling confused and betrayed. He had to feel as if he were nothing more than a pawn in their insidious game of sexual exploitation and deceit. To have been robbed of the only family he’d known for the sake of becoming someone’s sexual toy? To be lied to and held captive under the pretense of winning favor in a world that did not exist? His whole life had been one immense lie. Everything he’d been taught was dreamed up by cunning harpies with nothing but their own desires in mind. And here she was whining and crying over the loss of a love she shouldn’t have had in the first place.
How self-absorbed and blind was she to disregard what he must have been feeling when he’d so obviously had his world turned upside down as well?
She’d never used personomales in the manner other women had. She’d never even wanted one until she’d laid eyes on him, and she certainly hadn’t known where they really came from, but she’d still benefited from them, hadn’t she? Didn’t the fact that she’d purchased him make her as guilty as the rest of them? There was one difference: she’d never once treated him like he was a utensil. Not once had she spoken to him as if he were a pet or an object. She cherished him and her time with him, and she knew if she didn’t already love him, she would soon enough. She didn’t see him as a product or a possession. She saw him as her future, but in the end would any of it make a difference? The fact remained she’d bought him.
The pain started deep within her chest and burrowed outward, consuming her, and she had to wonder if this was what it was to feel one’s heart break.
Phia closed her eyes and tried to will the pain away, but it only grew, eating away at her, leaving her feeling raw, vulnerable, and throbbing for something she knew she’d never have again.
It didn’t matter if her heart was breaking. It didn’t matter if she’d been kind to him and treated him as an equal. It didn’t matter if neither of them had asked for any of this. What she wanted and longed for carried no weight in the outcome of their situation. And what he wanted—well, no one would care about what he wanted. He was a male companion, a tool, an object to be used and discarded.
She curled up onto her side. Soon they would come and take him. She would be punished. It was inevitable.
Phia wasn’t sure when she’d fallen asleep, but her eyes opened to a dimly lit room, soft rays of sunlight pouring in, promising her a day full of wonder, and for a moment, she smiled. However, as soon as she reached across the mattress, searching out Donté’s warmth, the memories of the day before came flooding back, and she sank deeper into the sheets, cursing that she hadn’t died during the night, or that everything hadn’t turned out to be a nightmare.
She could stay in her bedroom all day, and the day after, but how long would that really work? The truth was not something she could run from. She would need to face it, whatever it was, and then she’d have to force herself to move on with what was left of her life. She could throw herself back int
o her work at the foundation, and she had friends she could hang out with.
Phia sank even deeper into the covers, pulling them up around her ears. She didn’t have friends. She had one friend. Her work was just that, work. It passed the days, but it didn’t leave her feeling fulfilled and rewarded. It would never, and could never, fill her life as Donté had.
She sank deeper in the covers, pulled them up over her head and closed her eyes as the burning in her chest started to grow again.
“How much did you pay for me?”
Her heart skipped a beat. She wanted to turn around to look at him, to drink him in so she could ingrain him in her mind forever, but instead she lay inert, unable to move for fear she might be losing her mind. He couldn’t have just spoken to her. It was just her imagination. It had to be.
“My friend, Savior, would say once we left the facility, we probably became slaves of some type,” he said, his voice low and reminiscent. “Kail would laugh at him, but I held out hope it wasn’t true.”
She closed her eyes to his broken tone and tried not to let it affect her any more than it already had. She was bested the moment she tried to fight against it.
A cold laugh escaped him. “Imagine my surprise when I found out he was right all along.”
A pregnant pause ensued, and as much as she wanted him to continue to speak to her, she wanted him to be quiet and to not force her to face the truth.
“How much?” he croaked, his tone venomous. “How much am I worth, Phia? How much is my body worth? My time worth?” he spat the last part out as if he’d tasted a rotten piece of fish.
She quashed the desire to throw the covers off and go to him. It’s not like that, Donté, she wanted to say.
Phia heard him shift, and she wondered briefly what he was doing, until the covers were ripped from her grasp and cold air washed over her body, chilling her and forcing her to face the situation. She sat up and tried to brace herself against the cold. Wrapping her arms around her body, she drew her legs up to her chest and hugged them close as she hung her head and stared down at the mattress.
“How much am I worth?” Donté roared, and she shrank away from his rising ire as she tried to fight back the tears she could feel bubbling up inside of her.
She shook her head, wanting desperately to make the tension, the pain, and the ache go away. Phia could understand his anger. Hell, she could even accept his rage, but she couldn’t tolerate the thought that he hated her. A tear trickled down her cheek and she wiped at it, not wanting him to see it or to know he was hurting her. As fast as she wiped it away, another one came, and another and before she knew it, she was sobbing into her knees.
“Phi,” he whispered, and must have reconsidered because then he was on her, pinning her to the mattress, his legs straddling her waist as his angry blue eyes glared down at her. “You don’t have any reason to be crying,” he growled. “They didn’t lie to you! They don’t treat you like fucking cattle! You have no right to be crying!”
Phia closed her eyes to him, and whimpered. She’d never felt this helpless before. She’d never been faced with such an untamable force that was at once her joy in life and her greatest sorrow. He tightened his hold on her arms. “Please, Donté, you’re hurting me.”
“And you don’t think I’m hurting?” he said, but he did loosen his hold on her. “How much did you pay for me?”
She choked back a sob, rolled her face away from him, and said, “Five hundred.”
“Five hundred credits?”
She shook her head. “No, five hundred thousand credits.”
The room was so quiet that she could hear the cool air blowing from the AC vents. She held her breath and waited for whatever torrential downpour he would storm upon her.
None came.
“Well, it’s good to know I’m not a cheap fuck.” He threw the covers at her with disdain and climbed off her.
Only then did she open her eyes.
“Get dressed,” he ordered as his broad, strong back turned to her.
“Why?”
“We’re going down to talk to that damn doctor. I have a few questions that need answering,” he spat without turning back to face her.
“Donté, please don’t do this,” she pleaded, not totally sure what she thought he was going to do. She couldn’t lose him. The mere thought terrified her.
“Fine, then don’t come. I’ll go my damn self.”
“You can’t, they’ll see you and take you into custody. You can’t go out there unescorted.”
He turned to face her, his face set in a snarl, his nostrils flaring. “Then I suggest you get off your ass. Of course, you wouldn’t want them taking your most prized possession.”
She knew she sounded like a whimpering fool, but she couldn’t stop herself. “Why are you treating me like this? I didn’t know. I didn’t know any of that was going on. I was just as surprised as you were.”
“Yeah, and the sky isn’t blue and fish don’t need water to live.”
Phia pitched forward, near tears. “I swear I didn’t know, Donté! Had I known, I would never have…have agreed to accept you! On Mother Teresa’s head, you have to believe me! I didn’t know!”
He snorted in derision. “Yeah, whatever. Just get dressed. You can save your lies for someone who wants to hear them.”
Phia sat back on her haunches. She stared up at him for a long moment before she began to understand that regardless of what she said to him or how much she pleaded with him, nothing she said was going to change his mind. He’d already found her guilty. Desperation turned to anger. Pain turned to stubbornness, and any guilt she felt wavered into contempt. How dare he judge her in such a manner? How dare he think so little of the things she shared with him?
“Are you going to get up and get dressed of your own free will, or do I have to drag you?” he asked as he took a determined step forward.
“You lay one hand on me again and I’ll make sure I’m the last person you ever touch,” she bit out defiantly.
He took another step closer. Seeming to rethink what he was about to do, he said, “Do you really think anything you have these bitches do to me will hurt me? After the shit I endured to get to this place, there isn’t a damn thing you or any of your Elite bitches could do that would make a damn bit of difference.” He glared down at her for a moment longer before turning on his heels and striding toward the door. “Fine, I’ll go on my own.”
For reasons she didn’t quite understand, Phia pitched forward. “I’ll go with you. I’ll…” She swallowed, pushed the covers off and swung her feet off the bed. “But understand, I’m only going to sign you over to them, and then I’m done. It’s obvious you don’t want to be here, so in an hour or so you won’t have to be.” Saying it hurt more than she cared to acknowledge, but the truth was the truth. Had he wanted to be with her, to work through what they had learned, he wouldn’t be so willing to risk his life to go see Dr. Lobush alone.
“Please, save the bullshit. You’re just going along to protect your investment.” He laughed and started out the room. “Maybe you’ll be able to upgrade me for the next best thing.”
Anger rolled through Phia. She gripped the crystal hologram picture frame on her nightstand and hurled it at the door. As the base shattered into a million different particles, she shouted through tears, “Damn right, because you were definitely a waste of credits!”
Donté, who had dodged the picture frame base, glared around the door jamb. “My, my, the apple sure didn’t fall far from the tree,” he teased. “It takes a waste of credits to know one, doesn’t it?”
Phia screamed several obscenities that would make Ice blush and threw everything she could get her hands on at him, but it did nothing to quell the pain his hateful words had caused. Only he knew to compare her to her mother would hurt her worse than anything else he could’ve done or said. Only him, and that knowledge made her want to double over and weep uncontrollably.
“I’m supposed to walk behind yo
u, right?” He sounded like a grouchy child as they stepped onto the sidewalk.
Phia didn’t answer him. He was fine with this. The less she talked to him, the easier it was for him to hold onto the rage. Who exactly did they think they were? What gave them the power to hold him captive all these years and fill his head with golden fantasies, which when he thought about it, were a little less than asinine? Weren’t their feeble little minds capable of coming up with something more plausible?
Goddesses? Fucking goddesses? Utopia? He wasn’t sure if he was the stupid one, or if they were the stupid ones for thinking this would never come to light.
The tram pulled to a stop at the end of the curb, and he allowed Phia to climb on before him. She took a seat on the very back bench near a window, and he followed her, sliding in beside her.
He glared around at the other occupants and the mechanical men with them. He couldn’t help but wonder if any of them came from the facility he’d come from.
A dark-haired, pimple-faced woman turned to look at him, and he glared back at her in defiance, refusing to allow her to make him feel like anything less than the man he was. She looked away, and he smirked in satisfaction.
“They’ll know you’re different if you do that again,” Phia warned, drawing his attention away from the woman.
Her reminder of his status in their society did nothing to help his mood. “You think I give a shit?” Slouching down in the seat as the tram continued down the street, allowing women and “pets” to get on and off, he grew angrier. Had he not gotten his memory back, he would be like them, sniffing around Phia as if he were some kind of dog. A tiny voice told him that wasn’t the absolute truth, but he ignored it. It didn’t matter if it was the full truth or a partial truth, the fact remained: they’d attempted to make him into a goddamn pet.
The tram slammed on its brakes, and he lurched forward, his hand going out to his right, grabbing Phia and holding her back against the seat. It took a moment for him to realize what he’d done, and he pulled his hand away from her as if he’d been burned. He averted his gaze to the half-dressed blonde haired woman that had staggered out in front of the tram. He was upset once again that even though he told himself he wanted nothing to do with her or anyone of her kind, he was still acting as if he cared.