by Cali MacKay
“Only the pretty ones.” His lips tugged into a crooked smile that had her wanting an instant replay of the kiss she’d remember for a lifetime.
By the time they said goodbye to Angus’s parents and hopped in the car to head home, Rowan’s doubts were niggling their way into her brain, leaving her to wonder just what she was doing with Angus. She really did like him, especially if there were kisses like that to be had. But it could also be a major mistake that would be difficult to take back and recover from.
“Ye’re thinking so loud, I can hear ye all the way over here.” He reached out and gave her hand a squeeze. “I shouldn’t have kissed ye.”
“Probably not.” Did that mean he regretted it?
“But I did, love. And I’d do it all over again, given half the chance.” He glanced in her direction before turning his eyes back to the road.
She wanted to groan, torn between throwing herself at him and doing the sensible thing. “I’m no good with this sort of thing, Angus. It always becomes a total mess, with someone getting hurt in the end.” It was nothing but the truth, even if she wanted nothing more than to throw caution to the wind.
“I’m not Stephen, love. I’ll not hurt ye.”
“And what if I hurt you? What then? Because at this point, you’re the only friend I have, and frankly, I can’t afford to lose you.” Having traveled as much as she did, she had plenty of acquaintances, but few real friends-especially not after Stephen slept with Jennie, who turned out to be far less of a friend than she’d originally thought.
“Ye won’t hurt me. And no matter what, I’m adult enough to not give up on our friendship if things don’t work out between us.”
“You say that now, but it never works out that way, and trust me when I tell you, I don’t have a good track record with this sort of thing. It’s not worth it. I won’t risk it.” Her voice was tight, and had skipped an octave in her panic. Why couldn’t he see that it would never work?
But she already knew. If he pushed it, she’d cave, leaving her a quivering heap longing for just one more of those mind-blowing, knee-crumpling lip-locks.
“But what if you’re wrong, Rowan? Do you really want to be one of those people who are too scared to take a risk and find true happiness? Or those willing to sacrifice true love for the sake of a friendship that’ll eventually feel jilted because those involved are ignoring the obvious. I can tell ye, I don’t want that-for either of us.”
“Well then, it’s a good thing I’m not your true love.”
Angus burst out laughing, and threw her another glance. “I hope ye realize that just because ye’re not planning on pursuing this, doesn’t mean I’m not going to. I might have to work a wee bit harder to change yer mind, but truth is, it won’t bother me any, and if that kiss was anything to go by, it could be fun.”
“Angus… I don’t have time for this sort of thing. I need to find my father, not to mention I’ve got a ton of work to do before opening my gallery. The last thing I need is you distracting me with kilts and kisses.”
“Och, is that all it takes to distract ye? Might have to make the kilt a more permanent part of my wardrobe then.”
Just the mention of it had her all hot and bothered once more. She’d never be able to keep him at arm’s length if he was wandering about trying to weaken her defenses. “Well then, it’s a good thing I’m going to be too busy to notice.”
“It’s not like we won’t have plenty of time in each other’s company, since I’m helping ye get yer gallery ready.” His smile was filled with a mischief she’d have a hard time resisting.
Best to change the subject before she had him pulling over to the side of the road so she could throw his seat back and pick up where they’d left off. Curse him.
“Actually, I have a favor to ask… do you mind coming with me to Edinburgh? I’m going to head to the university to see if I can track down a bit more information and find my mom’s college roommate. I figure she might know something that could lead to my father.” She could go alone, but she was growing to depend on Angus for moral support. “I can work around your schedule-and will totally make it up to you, though I know I’ll owe you my first-born at the rate I’m going.”
“I’d love to join ye, though I still wonder if it’s wise to go looking for him. I worry ye’ll end up hurt and disappointed, love.” He reached out and took her hand, holding it tight.
She knew he only wanted to keep her from being disappointed in a father who’d failed to show up thus far, but as her one friend in the area, she really needed his full support-and it stung to think she might not have it. “I know you worry about me, but I need to do this, Angus-and I will, with or without your help and support.”
“Och, love, ye know I’m here for ye, and if ye want to go to Edinburgh, I’d love to join ye. I’m happy to help.” There was so much emotion in his voice, it dissolved whatever doubts she’d had of him. “I can pick ye up first thing in the morning, if ye’d like?”
“That would be perfect.” And it was. Relief washed over her, and left her breathing easy once more. She was back on track for finding her father, and she had Angus at her side.
“The drive to the university in Edinburgh is a long one, so I’d recommend packing a bag since there’s a good chance we’ll have to spend the night. But seeing that tomorrow’s a Friday, the offices should still be open.”
She tried not to think about the trouble she could get into if there was a hotel involved-not to mention that cursed kilt. “What about Astro and work? I don’t want to be disrupting your schedule.”
“Aye, I’ve got work. But did I not tell ye? Ye’re to be my helper-got a client I’m seeing on our way out of town. Be thankful it’s just the one, though he does have an entire herd. As for Astro, I’ll leave him with my parents who’ll spoil him rotten.”
“A herd, huh?” Small price to pay for Angus’s company and support.
“Aye. But just think-I’ll have all weekend long to make it up to ye.”
She let out a nervous laugh as his words sent a rush of need pulsing through her body. “Oh, don’t worry, laddie. I’ll make sure you do.”
Chapter Eight
“Are ye not going to help me then?” Angus grinned as the kyloe wandered over towards Rowan and sent her scampering for the fence.
“No frigging way. They’re huge.” Safely outside the penned area, she watched him with a teasing glare.
“Och, these are just the wee bairns. See how small their horns are?” The farmer brought him the next head of cattle to be vaccinated. He quickly injected the animal, before dropping the syringe in his bucket, and getting ready for the next one. “Ye should go see the big ones-and take yer camera with ye. Scotland’s known for them and they make for a good photo, all shaggy and red. Tourists can ne’er resist them. Ye could make a fortune if ye put them in yer gallery.”
“Might as well. And they are awfully cute-from over here.” She threw him a smile and then wandered back to the vehicle, returning with camera in hand.
Despite his work, Angus couldn’t help but sneak peeks of her as she took pictures of the large shaggy red beasts. Her focus was always so complete-so intense. She had such a passion and fire. It always felt barely contained, as if it might burst free at any moment. Yet he didn’t think she realized it, always trying to tame it when it should instead be released.
And wouldn’t he love to be the one to help her do just that. That kiss… he hadn’t been able to stop thinking of it, of her, of how she felt in his arms, how she tasted, the scent of her filling his head, consuming his very soul. He knew he was well and truly sunk, but he didn’t mind. Not when it was Rowan who held his heart.
Yet it was all soured by him not being completely honest with her about her father. It was clear she wouldn’t abandon her search, no matter what he said. All he could hope to do is steer her away from heartache and whatever her mother feared enough to take to her grave.
Now if only he could keep it all from coming ba
ck to bite him on the arse.
He finished vaccinating and deworming the cattle, happy to be on the last one so they could get back on the road, though what he’d do about her search, he hadn’t a clue. They were still hours away from Edinburgh-maybe he could distract her long enough for the school offices to close before they got there. Except he’d hate himself for it, and he didn’t think it’d slow her down any. She’d likely just wait until Monday when the offices opened once more.
Wandering back to his Rover, he did his best to push his worries aside and managed a smile as she joined him, camera in hand. “Did ye get any good shots?”
“Definitely. You were so right about the beasties-they make for a great picture.” She waited for him to toss his stuff in the back of his car, and then offered him the camera so he could have a look.
“I’m filthy, love. I’ll muck it up.”
“They’ve got great character-and no one will be able to resist something so shaggy and red.” With her back leaning against him so he could see the photos she’d taken, she paged through them. Not that his mind could focus on anything but the feel of her body against his.
“They’re great, love.” And when she looked up over her shoulder at him with that smile of hers, he was all too tempted to slip an arm around her waist and pick up where last night’s kiss left off, photos and farmer be damned.
Once she moved away from him-since he sure as hell didn’t have the strength or willpower to do so-Angus cleaned up and settled matters with the farmer. Before long, they were back on the road and making decent time, though she seemed to say less and less the closer they got to Edinburgh.
He tried to keep conversation light, but it was clear she was preoccupied with thoughts of her da. “Ye’re worrying me, love. I don’t like to see ye so glum.”
“What if we don’t find my father? What then?” She let out a weary sigh that tore at his soul. “You know, the worst part is not knowing. Why the hell couldn’t my mother tell me who he is? I mean, is he that horrible a person? I just don’t get it.”
He should say something. It was tearing him up. But what he could say? ‘Aye, love. Ye’re Ma was scared enough to leave her home, family and friends, never to return, and she didn’t want ye to go looking for him, which is why she left no clues to his identity.’ She already had so much uncertainty surrounding her father and he knew it would kill her to also wonder about her mother’s fear. All he could do was try to ease her worries and keep her safe.
“Things were different back then with out-of-wedlock pregnancies. It might be nothing more than his family not knowing about ye, and he’s not contacted ye because it could be awkward for everyone involved if ye went knocking on their front door.”
“Yeah-nothing more than a dirty secret he’s hoped will stay away.” Years of pain tainted her voice with bitterness and it tore at his soul.
“Och, love, that’s not what I meant.” He reached over and gave her a hand a squeeze needing some physical contact to try and reassure her-and to reassure himself.
“It’s nothing but the truth. Why else hasn’t he gotten in touch with me? Bastard. It’s not like he doesn’t know about me. Someone’s been putting money in that account all these years-probably hush money to keep my mother and me out of his life. If he had any interest in me, he would have shown up long before now.” She bristled in her seat, her entire body stiff.
He couldn’t imagine living with those sorts of feelings and doubts all her life. “Ye don’t need him, Rowan. And if he hasn’t bothered with ye because of what others might think, then ye’re better off without him. He’s not worth yer time or effort, love. It’s his loss.”
“I just want to look him in the eyes. Even if it’s only the one time. I want to make sure he sees me, so that if he wants to continue to deny my existence, he’ll at least have a face to put with his lie.”
The hurt, the frustration, and the bitterness… he’d do anything to take away her pain. Unfortunately, there was only one man who could do that-and according to his Ma, Angus couldn’t let Rowan find him. He’d just have to try to do right by her-if only he could figure out what that was.
Angus tried his best to turn her mood around, but Rowan said little more, lost in her thoughts. If they did ever find the bastard, he’d have words with the man for doing this to her-and harsh words at that.
Once at the university, they parked and found their way across the school campus, weaving through the college students who were wrapping up their classes and getting ready for the weekend. The sun was setting, streaking pinks and blues across the evening sky, the air damp and holding onto a bitter chill. Angus wanted to hold her close, wanted to pull her into his arms and comfort her, but she kept her pace brisk and he knew the last thing she’d want is him standing in the way of her one and only goal.
They stood at the counter of the registrar’s office and waited for the clerk. “I’m sorry to say, but we don’t hold onto the housing records more than five years. And ye don’t have a name?”
“Just my mother’s-Iona Campbell. She was a nursing student.” Rowan looked so tense and on edge, she was all but vibrating.
The clerk punched something into the computer, but then shook his head. “I’m sorry. The files don’t go back that far. Ye could talk to the Associate Dean in charge of the nursing program-Mrs. Daile. She’d likely be able to help. Back then they tended to house the majors together, so there’s a good chance the roommate was also in nursing and Mrs. Daile would know her. Here’s where ye’ll find the nursing department.”
Rowan took the paper the clerk handed her, and gave him a small smile. “Thanks.”
Once outside, she gave Angus a hopeful smile, though hesitation and worry tainted her eyes. “It’s worth a shot, right?”
“Aye, love. It can’t hurt to speak to the woman. She may even have files dating that far back.” He kept any doubt from his voice, knowing she’d pick up on it. She was already fighting to stay positive. He didn’t want to add to her uncertainty. “We’re one step closer, aye?”
“We are.” She threw him a sideways glance, her lips turning up in a hint of a smile, and then took hold of his hand, making his heart trip with hope and possibility. “And with some luck, we’ll soon have even more information to go on.”
“Aye, love.” He brought their linked hands to his lips, still unsure of what to do about her father.
Mrs. Daile listened to Rowan’s request with a keen interest. Though she must be in her sixties, she didn’t look a day over fifty. “Yes, dear. I remember your mother. One of the better students in the program.”
“I doubt you were aware of it, but my mother was pregnant during the last few months before her graduation. I’m trying to find my father, and need to track down her roommate. I think she may have been another nursing student, but I’m afraid I don’t have a name-for either of them. Any assistance would be greatly appreciated.” Rowan sat perched on the edge of her seat, her back stiff as she waited for an answer under the woman’s eagle eye gaze.
“I’m afraid we don’t give out student information for reasons of privacy.” Mrs. Daile pursed her lips into a frown. “I’m sorry. I do wish I could help, but it’s school policy.”
“Please. I have to speak to her. She’s the only one that can help me figure out what happened back then.” Practically out of her seat, Rowan’s voice was so raw with emotion, it had Angus second guessing himself once more, his guilt tearing at his insides.
He put an arm around her, and pulled her close, wishing he could take away her pain. “Whist, love. We’ll figure it out.”
“I really am sorry, but I do hope you understand.” Mrs. Daile got to her feet. “Before you go, be sure to have a look at the display cabinet. Your mother and one of her close friends both received an award when they were here. It’s just at the end of the hall. You’ll pass it on your way out. Be sure to take a look. It shouldn’t be missed if ye’ve come all this way to find out about your mother.”
“Th
ank ye for yer time.” Angus tried to steer Rowan out of the room, but she stiffened in his arms, not wanting to move. “Come, love. We’ll find her another way.”
Rowan nodded, with a final glance over her shoulder at the older woman. Once out in the hall, she collapsed against Angus’s side, and he knew if she looked at him, he’d see her green eyes sparkling with tears.
But there was something in the woman’s insistence… Ignoring his mother’s warning, he pointed down the hall. “Look, love. That must be the cabinet.”
“Frankly, I don’t care about some stupid award. My mom’s roommate was the only hope I had of tracking down my father. The chances of finding him were slim to begin with, but without my mom’s roommate, I have no hope at all.”
When she continued walking past the cabinet, Angus grabbed her hand and pulled her back. “Just a quick look. Then I promise we can get out of here.”
With his arm around her shoulder, and her body pressed against him, he turned her towards the glass display case-and it quickly became apparent what Mrs. Daile was trying to tell them. “Look, love. It’s yer ma-and another woman. Imogen Murray.”
A strangled sound of hope escaped her. “Do you think that’s her then?”
“Aye, love. I do. There was a reason Mrs. Daile was insistent about the cabinet. She couldn’t give you any information directly, but clearly, she still wanted to help.” Angus brushed a stray curl from her face, his touch lingering on her soft skin.
What the hell was he doing? Was he helping her or trying to hinder? Not even he knew.
Rowan squeezed his hand before letting go. “I need to thank her. I don’t think she realizes what she’s done for me. I’ll be just a minute.”
He watched her head towards the office, her red locks bouncing down her back, an ease back in her step. It was damn good to see her happy, especially when so much could still go wrong. He supposed, all he could do is try to keep her happy-and safe.