Chasing Him

by Kennedy Fox

  “I’ll stay and watch Maize,” I say when he doesn’t finish his thoughts.

  Stepping around him, I somehow manage to walk away with my tears in tact and go toward Maize who’s happily jumping away and playing. A few moments later, I hear the front door open and shut with a slam.

  I get Maize ready for bed and rock her to sleep. Thinking back to only a couple of hours ago, I’m quite certain things will forever be changed between John and me. The uncertainty of whether I should’ve pushed him or not fills my head, but I can’t keep doing this dance with him every day. Although parts of him are still a mystery to me, I can’t help the way I feel when he’s around, invading my thoughts and my life.

  Once Maize’s asleep in her crib, I go to my room and turn on the baby monitor. I’m not sure how late John plans to stay out, so I want to be able to hear her just in case.

  I must’ve fallen asleep because the last thing I remember is my head hitting the pillow. Maize’s crying, and when I look at the clock, I see it’s close to midnight already.

  “Oh, shit,” I mutter, jumping out of bed. Once I get to John’s room, I see he’s passed out in bed and hasn’t even flinched to Maize’s cries.

  “It’s okay, sweetie. Daddy’s tired, so why don’t we get a bottle and rock back to sleep in my room.” I speak as quietly as I can while picking her up.

  Once her bottle is made, I place her on my bed and change her. I make silly noises to distract her, and once she’s clean again, I place her on my chest to rock her. My phone lights up on the nightstand, and when I reach for it, I see it’s Kiera who texted me.

  Kiera: Hope I’m not waking y’all but just got the call that Emily’s in labor! Not sure on the details but Evan said he’ll text when there’s an update.

  * * *

  Mila: Oh yay, that’s exciting! John’s sleeping, but I’ll let him know when he wakes up.

  * * *

  Kiera: Aren’t you off duty tonight?

  * * *

  Mila: Technically, yes. Realistically? No.

  * * *

  Kiera: LOL! Fill me in tomorrow. I’m going to bed so I can get to the hospital tomorrow after my morning chores.

  I send her one last text before setting my phone down and rocking Maize back to sleep. It doesn’t take long, and once she’s out cold, I walk back to John’s room and place her in the co-sleeper next to him. Right after I tuck her in and make sure she’s secure, I turn to walk out, but John reaches his hand out at me and scares the shit out of me.

  “Jesus,” I breathe out, placing a hand to my chest. “Why do you always do that?”

  He flashes a lazy smile. “Sorry,” he whispers. “Just wanted to say thank you. And I’m sorry for the way I left.”

  The corners of my lips tilt up just the slightest, so he knows I heard him. “We can talk about it later.” I step to walk out but then remember the news. “Oh! Emily’s in labor, so you’ll probably hear from Evan in the morning.”

  His eyes widen a bit. “Oh, that’s awesome. I bet Evan’s losing his mind right now,” he says with a low chuckle.

  “Good thing he has a couple of brothers he can go to for fatherly advice then.” I wink, hoping he finds it comforting.

  Chapter Fourteen

  JOHN

  Considering I’m back on a sleeping schedule these days, I get up early to help at the B&B while I wait to hear from Evan, so I can head to the hospital. I don’t typically work full days on the weekends, but I like to help out when I can, especially if we’re short staffed or are fully booked. It’s a good way to keep my mind busy.

  Before walking out the door, I find Mila, trying to forget that she kissed me just hours ago, but it’s still fresh in my mind, driving me insane. They’re both in the kitchen already, and I give Maize a kiss on my way out. Mila’s grabbing breakfast as she makes a bottle. I love getting to see Maize before I leave for work instead of having to rush her off to a sitter. Mama normally watches her on Saturdays, but since she’s already on her way to the hospital to be with Evan and Emily, Mila stepped in to save my ass once again.

  As I head toward the B&B, I see Jackson parking his truck on the side of the building. I owe him a boot in the ass for running his mouth to Mila. He hops out, in an extra good mood this morning, and walks toward me.

  “You’re up bright and early,” he says in an annoyingly cheerful way. I’m actually surprised he’s not hungover from his infamous Whiskey Friday parties.

  I point a finger at him, scowling. “I owe you a punch in the face, but considering Mama’s gonna want some pictures with the family and new baby, I’ll spare you a black eye. This time.”

  “Oh, c’mon. I did you a favor. You should be thanking me.” He presses a hand to his chest as his words come out serious but the expression on his face is taunting.

  “You’re more delusional than I thought if you think I’d thank you after talking to Mila about me.”

  “I only said the truth, so be pissed all you want, but I opened her eyes and gave her insight to the things you’d never say.”

  “Well, that wasn’t for you to tell her, now was it?”

  “Are you saying things didn’t go well?” He arches a brow, crossing his arms. He’s challenging me, which works my nerves.

  “I’m saying fuck off and stop talking to Mila.”

  “No can do, bro. She secretly wants me.”

  Without thinking, I grab his collar and push him to the ground. Jackson laughs as he lands on his ass.

  “Dude, you’re so easy. You need to get the wrench out of your ass.”

  I grunt, holding my hand out, so I can help lift him back to his feet. “Go do your job so we can go visit Evan and Em when it’s time.”

  “I’m going to feed the horses really quick, then head up there and wait around.” Jackson tucks his hands in his pocket and gives me a shit-eating grin.

  “Evan said to wait until the baby was born. Didn’t you get his message?”

  All he does is laugh. “And do I follow the rules or what Evan directs ever?”

  “Right, forgot about that one.” I walk up the back steps of the porch. “I’m gonna go inside, make coffee, check on breakfast, then I’ll come help you with the horses.”

  “Perfect,” he tells me, before turning and walking to the stables.

  Considering it’s dark out, I know most of our guests are still sleeping soundly. Being here each day at a decent time allows me the ability to get to know them and their habits, which changes on a daily basis.

  I walk in, and the warm glow of the lamps light the way. Walking through the common area, I begin opening the curtains and turning on some lights. I walk over to the coffeemaker, add in water and the grounds, and start a pot. As I walk through the B&B double-checking everything, the smell of fresh coffee fills the room. I go into the kitchen and see the cooks have already started making gravy and rolling out homemade biscuits.

  “Good morning,” I tell them with a smile, and they all begin chatting me up.

  I lean against the counter with a smile as the older women ask me about Maize. I love talking about her as much as they do. After I realize I’ve been there for way too long, I take another walk around the B&B and make sure things are exactly how they should be before helping Jackson. Once I feel confident they are, I head outside toward the stalls. My phone vibrates in my pocket, and I pull it out to see it’s a message from Evan.

  Evan: Hourly update. Still no baby. Emily is ready to tear off my nuts, though.

  * * *

  John: Ha. Thanks for the update. Be careful. Saying a prayer your balls survive this.

  * * *

  Evan: Thanks. I guess. I’ll update you soon.

  I lock my phone and tuck it in my pocket. When I walk into the barn, Jackson is busy on his phone, and I know he’s texting Evan.

  “Glad I’m not having a baby,” he says. “No offense, of course, but I’m good. I like my nuts too much.”

  “So does everyone else,” I quip. “But don’t jinx y
ourself, that’s all I’m saying.” I walk into the feed room and look around. Jackson throws me an extra pair of leather gloves that are on the shelf and begins to put his on so carrying all the buckets doesn’t hurt as bad. He’s already got the buckets lined up and begins scooping grain into them. He’s lucky he gets to be out here with the horses. While I love the business aspect of the B&B and meeting all the people who stay, I also enjoy being out here too. Just the smell of the fresh hay, grain, leather, and the horses brings back so many good memories of my childhood. It’s a distinct smell that’s unforgettable.

  For a slight moment, I think about Bailey and being in here with her. Randomly, she sneaks into my mind, and sometimes it still hurts, considering how things ended between us. Our relationship progressed too quickly in the few weeks we were together, and then she stopped talking to me as if I didn’t exist. The only person who really understands this pain of losing someone is Evan, considering the girl he had crushed on before he met Emily tragically passed away.

  It’s not like I can just go to Bailey and have a chat about our differences or issues. It’s a pain that runs deep, and some of the questions I have will never be answered. Sometimes it’s a hard reality to deal with. There will be a day when our daughter understands and begins to ask questions about her mother. Unfortunately, there’s so much I don’t know, and I’ll never be able to explain it all. Bailey died with her secrets.

  Jackson clears his throat, interrupting my thoughts, as he picks up as many buckets as he can carry, four in each hand. “Did you hear me?”

  “Sorry, no.” I follow his lead and grab the rest. Jackson walks to the opening of the barn and whistles loudly. Some of the horses sleep in the stables while others choose to roam around the open pasture. We don’t typically keep them in the stables overnight and like to give them as much freedom as possible. He’s trained them so well that when he lets out a whistle, they mosey up to their designated stall. It’s actually impressive. Jackson should train professionally like Kiera but would never do it since he wouldn’t want to compete with her business. Actually, he’s better than Kiera but chooses to send new horses we purchase to her because his undeniable love runs so damn deep.

  Jackson turns and looks at me and breaks me from my thoughts. “Time to wake up, little brother. We got shit to do.”

  “Little brother? You’re two minutes older than me.”

  “In a woman’s world, those two minutes matter.” He chuckles.

  All I can do is shake my head as he stops at each of the stalls in the main barn and pours grain into the feeders. He stacks the buckets, and I keep walking to the barn on the other side of the corral since we have a few barns where the extra horse stalls are.

  “After we’re done here, I’m gonna call everyone who has lessons today and cancel,” he says from behind me.

  “Good idea,” I tell him, walking across the way. The horses are waiting for feed, so I go one by one and pour the grain in and begin stacking all the buckets and carry them back.

  “Don’t you have a horse being delivered today?” I ask, remembering a young quarter horse Jackson bought a few weeks ago.

  “Shit, what’s today?”

  “March 28th,” I remind him.

  “Shit, shit. Yes. That was today. Totally slipped my mind.” He pulls the gloves from his hands, and I do the same. I throw them at him, and he takes them into the tack room and returns them back to the shelf.

  “I might call Kiera and ask her if she can pick him up instead since she’ll be doing the training,” he mutters, mostly to himself. “She owes me one anyway.”

  “You two frustrate the shit out of me,” I say, standing in the doorway as he secures the top on the feed barrel.

  Jackson keeps his head down. “Mind your own damn business.”

  “Look who’s talking,” I shoot back. “Hi Pot, meet Kettle.”

  He grunts, not wanting to admit I’m right about this.

  “It’s so painfully obvious why you continue sending horses her way when you could do it yourself.”

  “I can’t do it all myself,” he retorts.

  “Maybe, maybe not, but you know if you didn’t you’d need another excuse to see her,” I say.

  “She has a boyfriend, jackass,” he tells me, his mood instantly souring.

  “And when has that ever stopped you?” I snort. “Plus, I see the way she looks at you, though—well I’m pretty sure we all do—and have since we were teens. So boyfriend or not, that’s gotta mean something, right?”

  He finishes what he’s doing and removes the cowboy hat from his head, runs his fingers through his hair, then glares at me. “It wouldn’t matter anyway. It’s too late.”

  “It’s not too late until she’s no longer here, okay? Then it’s too late. I’m just saying, don’t wait until you regret it. It fucking sucks.” I don’t wait for his reply and walk back toward the B&B.

  “Didn’t realize you were so prophetic these days,” Jackson yells across the way, and I keep walking toward the B&B, shaking my head.

  “You’re welcome!” I mock over my shoulder as I flip him off for his last comment. I hear his devilish laugh echo across the way.

  I take the steps up the back porch and call Nicole, letting her know she’ll most likely be in charge at some point today, which I know she doesn’t mind. The entire ranch has had a game plan set for the moment when Emily went into labor. We agreed to go to the hospital after the baby was born, instead of crowding the halls and waiting room. Evan actually demanded it, and considering he’s a doctor and it’s his baby, we agreed to do what he wanted.

  Keeping my mind busy, I start with my everyday tasks and pull out the scheduling book to see who’s reserved the rooms for next week and compare it to the current checkout dates. I like to have everyone lined up and scheduled, so there’s no guessing where they’ll stay when they arrive. I log in to the laptop that’s in the small office in the corner and begin checking emails and write down more confirmations for the summer. The sun begins to rise, filling the B&B with a yellow hue. I actually love this part of the morning.

  Soon, guests begin waking up and grabbing a coffee while breakfast is being served. I walk around, greeting everyone, making sure they’re happy and chat about everything and nothing. It’s a part of the job, which I used to hate, but the older I’ve gotten, the more I’ve enjoyed it. So many people who visit us are from all different walks of life and different areas of the world. It amazes me each time we have someone from out of the country visit. We’re a small family-owned operation, and we’re making a difference in people’s lives by showing them what true Southern living is like without all the cheesy clichés. Many become regulars, which makes me happy, plus it helps the ranch thrive.

  After I help clean the dirty plates from breakfast, my phone buzzes. I hurry and wipe my hands, grab it, and unlock it.

  Evan: Still no baby. My nuts have survived, but barely. Keep you updated.

  * * *

  John: Ha-ha, okay! We’re heading that way as soon as you say the magic word.

  * * *

  Evan: Hopefully sooner than later. Crossing my fingers!

  I smile and tuck my phone back in my pocket. I’m kind of sad I didn’t get to experience this part of Maize’s life. I wonder if Bailey had anyone there happy for her, celebrating what she did, and it hurts my heart to think otherwise.

  “Hey John,” Nicole says, grabbing my attention. “I’m here. Still no baby?”

  I shake my head. “Not yet. I’m sure Emily is about ready to kill Evan, though. Actually, I know she is.”

  Nicole laughs. “Well, she has told me how big the Bishop babies are, so yeah, he deserves it all.”

  My phone buzzes in my pocket and I hurry and pull it out.

  Evan: THE BABY IS HERE! BUT DON’T SPEED COMING HERE! Em and baby are doing perfect!

  I look up at Nicole, my mouth falls open, and she laughs. “Go!”

  “I’m gonna have another niece!” I yell out, running t
oward the back door. I don’t stop running until I’m in the house, and when I walk in, Mila is smiling big as she packs up Maize.

  “We gotta get going!” she says, all excited.

  “Let’s do it!” I yell out, so excited for Evan. Maize’s kicking her legs in her car seat. “You’re going to have a cousin that you’ll be able to get in lots of trouble with,” I say, sweetly.

  “Cousins are trouble,” Mila tells me. “Kat was a horrible influence, but I love her.”

  “No one knows about bad influences until they have Jackson as a brother. I’ve got tattoos to prove it.”

  She smiles. “Oh, I was wondering about that.”

  I narrow my eyes at her as I grab the car seat and we head toward the truck. “That one was an impulse decision when we were eighteen. We really are identical, down to the tats.”

  Opening the door to the back seat, Mila takes the car seat from me and locks it into the base. Once it’s secure, we get in to drive the hour to the hospital, though I’m going to take it slower to give Evan and Emily more time to be alone.

  “This is one of my favorite parts,” Mila says, smiling. I think she may be more excited about the baby than I am.

  “The birth?” I ask.

  “Yes. They’re so small and vulnerable, and their little cries warm my heart. It’s just a beautiful thing, giving life to a tiny human.” She smiles, and I can’t help but notice how beautiful she looks when she’s genuinely happy. My heart jumps forward, and I force my eyes to stay on the road and keep my attention there.