by Marie Garner
The next time Eva woke she was alone in bed; the stillness in the air told her that she was all alone in the house. She thought about how domestic this all was but didn’t want to dwell on her wayward thoughts as she went down in search of coffee. She found a note near the coffee pot, and smiled as she read it.
You were too cute to wake up, but I had to get to work. Help yourself to coffee and a shower. Call me when you get up; we can do lunch.
I could get used to this, she thought as she went and got her overnight bag while the coffee brewed. The overnight bag just reminded her of the conversation she had yet to have, and she knew that lunch was more than just a social call. Aaron was so involved, and although it got on her nerves in some ways, she was thankful that he was truly interested in what was going on with her.
She wasn’t trying to keep it from him, but after being put through the emotional wringer, she didn’t know if she wanted to take another ride. One trip down memory lane was probably enough to last her for a while. Not wanting to think about her mother, she thought about her second least favorite subject: August. She was going to have to go back; she had a job that she loved, her family, and her place. But the thought of leaving Aaron held less appeal as the days wore on.
She hadn’t mentioned this to anyone because she didn’t know what they were going to say. They’d probably tell her she was crazy to think she could move two hours away for a guy she had just met. It was crazy, but she no longer thought that she was falling in love with him; she was in love with him. It wasn’t a boom, but more of a softening that occurred with every word, every touch, and every consideration that he gave her that told her she was his number one. She didn’t know how he felt about her, but he made it pretty clear he wanted a future with her. He was still operating under the assumption that they were going to be doing the long distance relationship, but the more she thought about it, the more she didn’t want to do that. Despite thinking that he would want her closer as well, she decided to just let it play out and see what he said.
She rushed through her shower and got ready quickly because she wanted to run by her house before she met Aaron for lunch. Getting ready in his house screamed commitment, but she didn’t go there as she locked up the house with the key he left with the note before heading home. Pulling up in front of her mother’s house gave her mixed feelings. She definitely understood her mother now, and any hard feelings she had dissipated after she spoke with her father. She had already started to forgive her mother, but after knowing all that she went through, Eva’s heart went out to her, and she knew that she couldn’t continue to hold a grudge. She quickly unpacked her bags, determined to finish going through the other things in the house within the next week, and headed out to meet her man.
“Hey, babe.” Aaron kissed her when she met him in front of the Highland Creek Café.
“Hey back.” She smiled. She was genuinely happy, something she didn’t think she would be able to say after everything that happened.
“Did you have a good nap?” He kissed her head and tucked her closely to his body as they walked inside the café. She nodded yes before waving at Janey, one of the main waitresses that she had gotten to know over the past month or so. She loved the café, and the fact that it was one of the only restaurants in town meant that she ate there a lot. He waited until Janey came and took their orders before he pinned her with a look.
“How was your trip?”
She smiled, knowing what he was really asking. “It was great. My parents and I were really able to heal and move forward.” She told him about the letter that her mother had written, and how questions about her brother had prompted her to seek answers from her father. “I never knew that I had a brother, and I was really surprised that she had a miscarriage. I asked my dad about it, and he was telling me that it was a freak accident that could have happened to anyone. My mother didn’t think that, blaming herself, and decided to drink herself into a stupor instead of dealing with the real issue.”
He sat silent while she told her story and reached over and squeezed her hand in support. “I couldn’t imagine going through that. It has to be hard to know that your actions hurt your child.”
“I know.” She nodded. “And I have a different level of respect for her that I never thought I would have. I still don’t think that she should have abandoned me though.”
“It has to be hard to be the one she left behind.”
Her eyes welled with tears before she blinked them back, determined not to cry over her mother anymore. She was done. “Yeah, and I wish that she would have stuck it out, or at least waited until she went to rehab before she made any decisions about what to tell me.” She waited as the waitress put the food on the table, not wanting to add to the small town gossip that was already brewing by having the waitress overhear.
He turned over her hand and gently stroked her palm. “What did your dad say when you asked him?”
“He said that he told her to wait too, but she was determined. They had been having problems for a while, but he never blamed her for what happened to the baby. She wanted the baby as much as he did, so he was shocked when she told him to tell her I was dead. After she got out of rehab, she moved here. Said she had come here once as a child and always loved the place, and called him to tell him not to bother coming. She filed for divorce and gave him no choice. He met my mom at a grief support group. She was mourning her brother and he was mourning my biological mother.”
His brows rose to his hairline. “Wait, your dad went to a grief support group about your mom?”
She shook her head, not quite believing it herself. “Crazy, right? He said that she was as good as dead, and that he was sitting there with a baby girl that he was trying to raise with no support. He didn’t know what to do and he grieved her like she was dead and so he was seeking something. He had no idea if they could help them, but he did end up meeting my mom.” She bit into her chicken before continuing.
“They went out a couple of times and he finally told her the whole story. He knew he wasn’t going to get back together with my biological mother, and with all the previous problems, he didn’t even know if they would have survived in the first place. He had made peace with that, despite the fact that she cut me and him off like she was dead, but he couldn’t move forward with this new relationship without telling my stepmother. He said she cried, told him that she had never felt like this with anyone else, and then asked to meet me.”
“She sounds like an amazing woman.”
Eva smiled, thinking fondly of her mother. “She is. I love her. She has been more of a mother to me than my own, and I have called her that since I was four. I couldn’t imagine not having her in my life, so in this weird way I am almost thankful that my biological mother and my father weren’t together.”
“Which made you feel guilty.” He surmised from the look on her face. Eva continued to be amazed by this man, who always seemed to know what to say and what she was thinking and feeling. It was a wonderful feeling, and something that she never wanted to lose.
“Yeah. It’s stupid though, because I can’t put them on the same level. My biological mother did what she did because that is her personality. It doesn’t make her bad, it just makes her different. And my stepmother is who she is, and that is a beautiful thing. Both women shaped me and made me who I am. How could I be mad at either of them?”
“Did your dad ever contact her again?”
“He did. Remember I was telling you about that letter I found in her bedside table? Apparently he and my stepmother got in touch with her a couple of times to see if she wanted to see me or reconsider her decision. She said that she knew I was happy with them and that she didn’t want to disrupt anything that we had going.”
“She missed out, honey. I always loved your mom, but she was always a bit sad, and now I know why.”
“She made her own bed, however misguided. I always thought that I would just hate her forever, now I just feel bad for her. I also ha
ve a new appreciation for my mother and father, who did the best that they could with what they had. They raised three beautiful, successful children and have always been a model that I want to emulate.”
Aaron stared at her, noticing the stress lines that had been there since he met seemed to soften and leave. “So you feel better?”
“Yes.” She ran her hand through her hair. “Now all I want to do is enjoy the rest of my summer break here.”
“So you’re staying for now?”
“For now.” She nodded, wondering if now was a good time to talk about what she was feeling, when his phone started to ring. It was Mary calling about something he needed to do when he got back to the office. Figuring that the moment had passed, she decided just to roll with everything and let the cards fall where they may.
Eva and Aaron seemed to settle into a comfortable relationship, having spent the last couple of weeks getting to know each other better. Their routine became almost rote; with Aaron going to work while Eva finished going through her mother’s house, but both came together at the end of the day. They moved from house to house, but woke up together, something Eva knew she was getting a little too used to. She was prepping her mother’s house like she was going to sell it and went through everything within it. She threw away whatever she couldn’t sell or donate, and began posting the stuff to sell online. A huge part of her didn’t want to leave the family and life that she had begun to build here, despite only being here for a little over a month, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that she was meant to be here.
Eva loved her life back home, she had a great job, good friends, and her parents were there. But Aaron wasn’t, and it was scary how synonymous Aaron had become with her happiness. Whatever it was, she had to decide soon. When she was home a couple of weeks ago, she had gotten a letter in the mail from her school stating what she would be teaching the next year. It was more of a form letter, she taught the same subjects year after year, but it was symbolic of decisions she didn’t want to make right now. If she was going to make the decision, she needed to make it soon before it was too late for them to find another teacher before the beginning of the school year.
Her phone rang and she looked at the screen at someone else she was avoiding. Gwen. She didn’t feel like talking to her, knowing that Gwen was going to tell her what was going on in her relationship with Nick, and she didn’t want to hear that she was back with that asshole. She sighed, knowing that she had to answer it, because she had been avoiding her for a couple of days. Knowing Gwen, she would drive down and bang on the door to see why she wasn’t picking up the phone.
“Hey, Gwen!” She tried to sound excited, but knew it would be a stretch to be happy for her.
“Hey, doll! How are you doing? If I didn’t know any better, I would think you were avoiding me,” she finished on a laugh.
“Avoid you?! Never.” Eva mentally cringed, thankful that Gwen couldn’t see her now.
“I wanted to tell you that I got all my tests back from my STDs and everything is negative.
“That’s great news! I just hate that you had to go through that.”
“Yeah, me too. I told Nick if it ever happens again I am going to castrate him.”
“Are you guys back together?”
“Kinda. We are trying to work it out. We have been seeing a therapist that a lady at church recommended to Nick, but we still aren’t living together yet.”
“Well that’s good that you’re taking it slow.”
“I just figured that we didn’t need to jump into bed right away. Sex was never the problem, despite the fact that he had sex with someone else. Ours was always the relationship, with both of our issues causing Nick to seek comfort somewhere else.”
Eva didn’t like the way this conversation was going. Nothing would ever excuse the fact that Nick chose to sleep with someone else, regardless of her actions. He should have talked to his wife instead of turning to someone else.
“What did you do wrong in the situation?”
“All of the things that have been going on in the past two years. I wanted a baby so badly that I pushed him away, something that I shouldn’t have done. I was unknowingly pushing him toward someone else.”
“Who told you that?! Nick? He fucked his secretary; of course he is going to try to put that shit on you.”
“Actually it was the therapist. She is really good. I am seeing some major differences. And don’t worry about me. She tells both of us what we are lacking. I was really surprised because he normally doesn’t take criticism well, but he seems to be taking hers in stride.”
“So how does this work?”
“Well, we have different sessions. I have a separate session, he has a separate session, and then we have a session together. It has been working wonders.”
Eva didn’t like it, something didn’t sound right with the whole situation, but who was she to judge. She had never been married, hadn’t even been close, so she didn’t want Gwen to think that she was overstepping her boundaries by offering her advice.
“Well that’s good I guess.”
“I am rediscovering my husband, something I never thought I would be able to say when all this stuff went down. I am learning what it’s like to be with an adult Nick, and he is doing the same. We had been together for so long I think we just got lost in each other and didn’t know how to get out.”
“I hope it works out however you want.”
“Me too. I took my vows seriously, and I don’t want to think that we both throw in the towel after one little setback.”
One little setback? What the fuck was Gwen talking? Her husband stuck his penis in someone else, and she was talking like he forgot to take out the trash.
“You aren’t having sex yet though?”
“No. I figure he needs to understand this gift is important. My therapist suggested it, and I think she has a really good idea. He has been perfectly understanding and hasn’t pressured me or anything. He knows if he wants me back then he has to work for it.”
“Good.”
“My therapist said I would know when it’s time, but right now we are just enjoying each other.”
“I wish you the best.” As if it dawned on her, she asked Gwen, “Have you talked to Conner?”
There was a hitch in her voice when she answered, “We text back and forth a lot, but I have only spoken to him a couple of times. Why?” Gwen asked a little too quickly, and the hitch in the voice said more than her brush off of the question.
“He asked about you the other day so I was just wondering.”
“We’re great,” she answered quickly. “He has been a really great friend to me, and a nice break from the crazy that is my life.”
“How does Nick feel about the fact that you are on the phone with another guy?”
“He’s fine with it. He trusts me. The therapist said it’s good for me to have friends that are the opposite sex, just like it’s ok for Nick as long as it doesn’t get sexual.”
The more she heard about her, the less she liked the therapist. She sounded crazy as hell, but what could she do? Gwen was doing well, so Eva didn’t want to mess that up.
“Besides,” Gwen continued, “it would be really hypocritical of Nick to say that I couldn’t talk to him. I may have briefly considered a minor flirtation with Conner when I first met him, but it’s strictly platonic. He’s easy to talk to and knows I’m back with Nick so I don’t have to worry about him trying to hit on me.”
Eva didn’t know if Conner’s feelings were as platonic as Gwen thought they were, but his questions about Gwen made sense, especially if he had heard some of the crazy shit the therapist had said.
“Enough about me, I feel like that is all I talk about nowadays. How are things with you and Aaron?”
“Really great. We’ve been spending a lot of time together and enjoying each other’s company.”
“Does he know you love him yet?”
“No, and how the hell do you know that
? I haven’t told anyone.”
“Hello,” Gwen said as though it was obvious, “I am your best friend, the girl that has known you for over ten years. You have never spoken about anyone the way that you have about him, and I figured if you didn’t love him yet that you were moving that way soon.”
“It is too soon to tell him. I have only known him a little over a month, and I am worried that it will mess up what we have going.”
Gwen laughed off her worries. “You’re crazy if you think that he doesn’t love you. I have seen that boy firsthand, and he was falling hard for you, no question about it.”
“Well, I am still a little cautious. We will just have to wait and see what happens.”
“Are you coming back at the end of the month?”
“Looks like it. I got my potential schedule a couple weeks ago, and I know that we are going to have to report to school in about three and a half weeks. The principle thinks I am coming back, so I don’t want to be that person who just leaves in the middle of the year.”
“Gotcha. Well, that’s good news, I guess, as long as it’s something that you want to do. What is going on with your mom’s house?”
“It’s getting there. I’m working with it like I am selling the house at the end of the summer, because I figure even if I don’t sell, I’m going to be gone for long periods of time and I need to prep for that.”
“That makes sense I guess. You got any plans for your birthday?” Eva’s birthday was coming up in a week, the big 3-0, and she didn’t know what she was going to do.
“I’m still going to be here if that’s what you’re asking, but as far as plans I don’t have anything set in stone yet. I figure Aaron and I will go somewhere for dinner or something. I also think I want a tattoo.”