by Cari Cole
"Besides, what's the difference between this and that ice cream you put away this afternoon?" Lucy asked.
"That was a treat not a meal," Jane said. "I shudder to think how much grease I could blot off this food with a paper napkin."
Lucy held up a fork. "Blot any grease off of this perfectly horrifying food and I'll stab you."
"Take your own advice and lighten up," Mae said. She took a handful of French fries dripping with melted cheese, bacon, and chili, to emphasize her point.
Jane winced and reached for a Buffalo wing. "I'll have to do doubles at the gym this week."
The girls were sitting at a table in the raised dining area of The Shitkicker, decked out in their western finery waiting for the evening's entertainment to start. Lucy had ordered one of every fattening, greasy appetizer on the menu along with a pitcher of Spicearita's--signature drink of the bar.
The Shitkicker was known for having the best live bands, the best drinks, and the best time in all of Metro Atlanta. And the girls had ringside seats.
"I thought bars like this died after the Urban Cowboy craze ended," Jane said.
"I'm having a Thelma and Louise flashback myself," Mae said. "Are you sure we should be doing this?"
"Of course we should be doing this," Lucy said. "We're going to line dance when things get cranked. No soccer moms here tonight."
"That's for sure, I feel like a character in a B movie western," Mae said.
"Hey those B movie queens were pretty bad ass," Jane said.
"Brazen," Lucy said.
"Bold," Mae said.
"Bitchy in a good way," Jane said.
Jane raised her glass for a toast. "To The B Girls."
Lucy thought about that for a second. "I think I like it. To The B Girls."
Mae raised her glass to join in the toast. "Us?" Mae said. "The B Girls?"
Lucy and Jane nodded.
"Bold, Brazen, Bitchy, Brave and Bad Ass--that's us," Jane said. "From this day forward."
Mae clinked glasses with them. "To The B Girls." She prayed Chip and the kids would never find out about this. They'd know she'd slipped gear if they could see her wearing a Stetson and cowboy boots.
"You know," Lucy said, "I'm more of a sagging C cup."
"Hey, speak for yourself. I don't plan on anything sagging for at least ten more years," Jane said.
"At least as long as you have an underwire and and a good plastic surgeon," Lucy said.
"I don't think her boobs are big enough to sag," Mae said. "Mine on the other hand are in danger of getting tucked into my waistband if I don't put on my bra first."
"Yow! Too much information," Jane said. "And I'll have you know I'm toting around a pair of solid C cups."
Lucy gave her an exaggerated once over. "More like a skimpy B."
Jane just shook her head. "This conversation is getting a little too weird for me. I think it's time for Mae to join the line dance."
Mae was shaking her head before Jane finished talking.
"Oh yes you are," Jane insisted.
"You and Lucy go. I'll stay here and keep an eye on our stuff."
"Lucy will sit this one out," Jane said. "You're up first."
"I think I need another drink first. Alcohol lends false courage and I could use a little right now," Mae said.
Jane stood and pulled Mae to her feet. "You can use some of that false courage later when we get you up on the dance bar."
The dance bar was a replica of the one the bartenders worked behind but its purpose was only to display the dance skills of the customers. Especially the female customers who were encouraged to display their talents by the appreciative male customers.
Jane had spotted this unique feature of the Shitkicker as soon as they walked in the door and decided that her goal in life--or at least for tonight--was to get Mae up on that bar.
"Hell will freeze over before I dance on a bar," Mae said.
###
"Who would've guessed?" Lucy said to Jane as they watched Mae performing a complicated clogging routine on top of the dance bar while the crowd cheered.
"Not me. I didn't think we'd get more than two drinks in her, let alone get her up on that bar."
"You know what this means?"
"We have to get up there too?"
"Yep," Lucy said. "Thank God we'll never see any of these people again. I'm afraid I don't have Mae's skill."
Jane shrugged and climbed the three steps placed at the end of the dance bar to assist the less agile in reaching the top.
Lucy went up after her.
Mae grinned when she spotted them and issued a silent challenge.
For the next five minutes Lucy and Jane did their best to keep up while reveling in the drunken wolf whistles and cheers of the crowd.
Sweaty and breathing hard, they shared a laughing hug before climbing down.
"Call Larry," Lucy said. "I have an idea."
Larry the Limo driver was providing them safe passage tonight. They'd had to call four limo services before finding a car on such short notice but Mae had been the only one willing to be the designated driver.
Unacceptable, Lucy had decreed. There would be no DD on this trip.
"I'm almost afraid to ask," Jane said as she pulled out her cell phone.
"Then don't. I think it should be a surprise."
The B Girls
Larry pulled the limo up to the front door of the Shitkicker and got out to open the door for them.
Lucy pulled him aside for a whispered conversation that made Jane frown when she saw the look of surprise on Larry's face. Mae wasn't paying the least bit of attention.
Finally, Larry shrugged, grinned and handed Lucy into the limo with Jane and Mae.
"So where are we going?" Jane asked.
Lucy shook her head. "Uh uh it's going to be a surprise."
Fifteen minutes later, Larry brought the limo to a stop outside of Spike's Tattoos.
Jane was shaking her head before Larry opened the door. "No way. I'm not getting a tattoo."
Lucy laughed. "You don't have to. You can just watch while I get mine."
"I think I want a tattoo," Mae said. "A woman who dances on the bar at the Shitkicker Club should have a tattoo. Maybe a nice butterfly."
"You're both crazy," Jane said. "Maybe we should come back tomorrow when we're all sober."
Lucy pulled open the door and stepped inside. "It'll hurt less with a few drinks onboard."
The beep of the automatic doorbell announced their arrival and brought a man out of the back room.
"Can I help you ladies?"
"No," Jane said.
"Yes," Lucy said. "Are you Spike?"
"I am. What can I do for you?"
Lucy was more than a little surprised. She'd expected Spike to be sporting tattoos on most of his visible skin, wearing black leather, and possibly pierced in places involving mucous membranes.
The real Spike was slim and wearing pressed jeans with a golf shirt. His only piercing was a single in his left ear and his only visible tattoo was a Celtic Cross on his right forearm.
"Can you do a tattoo of a bee?" Lucy said.
"The letter B or the buzzing insect bee?"
"Insect. I'm thinking something about an inch long right here." She pointed to her right butt cheek just below the dimple in the small of her back.
"That's no problem." He walked behind a counter and pulled out a book of art, flipped a few pages and held it out. "How about this?"
Lucy looked at the picture of a small almost-real looking honeybee. "Perfect. Let's do it."
"I want one too," Mae said.
"Lucy . . ." Jane said.
Lucy shot her a look. Getting this tattoo was a declaration of independence. A marker for the start of a new, more adventurous life. It was time for her to remember what it was like to have a future filled with possibilities. After all, her future filled with certainties hadn't worked out so well.
Jane threw up her hands. "Fine. Go ahead. I'
ll watch and say 'I told you so' tomorrow."
Spike looked at Jane. "Is there some reason I shouldn't tattoo your friends?"
"Oh no. Go right ahead. They're just going through their second adolescent rebellion, complete with impulse control problems."
"That's why I have this lovely release of liability," Spike said. "For buyer's remorse."
Lucy and Mae both signed while Jane shook her head at them. Jane signed as witness and Spike invited them all into the back.
Lucy was sober enough to be comforted by the fact that the place looked and smelled as clean as any hospital she'd ever been in. Her new fearlessness only went so far.
She bared her butt and lay face down on the table.
Spike rubbed the spot with alcohol, then put something that looked like one of those wet and apply tattoos from a Cracker Jack box on. It was the outline of the bee Lucy had chosen.
"Okay now we're going to do the outline. It'll probably sting but you have to hold still."
"No problem," Lucy said.
Spike pressed a button and the buzzing started.
Lucy was a trooper. No girly screams. Not even a tear. She smiled through the entire experience.
When Mae's turn came she was stoic but grinned like a fool when she admired her new body art in the mirror.
Jane couldn't stand it. "What the hell, give me that release form."
###
Mae woke with a pounding head and a pounding . . . butt?
She moaned and twisted her head around to try and get a look at her ass.
The glaring white of the gauze square held on with surgical tape brought it all back.
What the hell had she done?
###
Jane didn't need the burning pain in her ass or the sight of the bandage to remember. "Oh fuck," she muttered as soon as she was fully conscious.
###
Lucy winced against the glare of the sunlight streaming into the bathroom as she peeled the tape from her skin to get a look under the bandage.
Yep, it was real.
Big as life on her right butt cheek just below the dimple in the small of her back was a one inch tattoo of a honey bee.
She felt a small twinge of guilt at dragging Mae and Jane into the madness but it had seemed like a good idea at the time. Spiceritas would do that to you.
At least they'd had the good sense to choose a spot that no self-respecting woman over thirty would ever reveal in public even in a bathing suit.
She pressed the tape back in place and went to face the music. No doubt the others were experiencing tattoo remorse.
# # #
Lucy was shocked to find Mae smiling and chipper, puttering around the kitchen making breakfast. "You're not mad at me?"
Mae brought a plate of toasted bagels to the kitchen table where cream cheese, butter, peach marmalade and a carafe of coffee were already waiting. "Nope. I think it's time I figure out who I am other than soccer mom and wife."
"I wish I could go back to the time when I was passionate and excited about the future. When I still had visions of myself as a strong, independent, adventurous woman."
"You are a strong woman," Jane said from the kitchen doorway. "I have a tattoo of a bee on my ass to prove it."
"Do you remember feeling like the whole world was out there waiting for you?" Lucy said. "I do. How did we wind up suburban clichés?"
"Speak for yourself," Jane said.
"She's right," Mae said. "We lost our dreams when we weren't looking."
The ringing phone interrupted their maudlin self-analysis.
Lucy was surprised to hear her Aunt Belle's voice.
"Are you alright? You left me a mostly unintelligible message but if I understood the important point, Gary left you?"
Fresh tears sprang to Lucy's eyes. Like a child who feels safe enough to cry when Mom pulls her close, Belle gave her permission to let go. "Yes. He just walked out without any warning." She hiccupped on a sob.
"I always suspected he was a low down bastard," Belle said with a sniff.
Lucy figured she should have known better than to expect cooing and sympathy. That was why she'd called Belle in the first place--because her aunt didn't do platitudes.
Lucy's tattooed bravery faded in the face of the cold reality of her impending divorce. "What am I going to do? I want my life back!"
"Well I don't know if that's true."
"Of course it's true. I don't want to be divorced. I want to retire to the beach." Lucy wanted to smack herself for the whining tone in her voice.
"Retiring to the beach doesn't have to involve Gary. You're not thinking clearly. You need to get away from that house for a few days. So, you're going to pack a bag and come up here so I can give you a hug and you can have a good cry. The second thing you're going to do is help me solve a little family mystery. After that, we'll see."
"Oh, I don't know if I should leave right now," Lucy said. "What about the divorce? I have to find a good lawyer."
"Of course you should leave. Gary did. And as for the lawyer, I'll make a call. No more arguing. I'll expect you later today. I have something to do this afternoon but you know how to get in if I'm not back when you arrive."
Lucy sniffed, suddenly consumed with the thought of burrowing into one of Belle's big overstuffed chairs and getting a dose of practical advice. Even at her age a motherly shoulder to cry on was appealing. "Okay. I'm going to bring some friends with me."
"Good. Don't you worry about anything. We'll figure out what to do about Gary. And I think you'll be intrigued with my little mystery."
Lucy hung up the phone and turned to her friends.
"What was that about bringing friends somewhere?" Jane asked.
"You remember my Aunt Belle," Lucy said.
Mae and Jane nodded.
"She's going to rescue all of us from ourselves. It's time for all of us to break free from suburban oppression."
Jane rolled her eyes. "That's a little melodramatic isn't it?"
"I don't think so," Lucy said. "But it doesn't matter. Aunt Belle lives in this fabulous house outside Dahlonega. She calls it a cabin but it's more like a lodge. A luxury lodge complete with hot tub, gleaming glass walls with fabulous views, and a lap pool. We deserve a little vacation."
"It would serve my family right if I took off," Mae said then shook her head. "But I really shouldn't."
Jane smeared cream cheese on a bagel. "Do you mean to tell me your husband and your two nearly-grown children can't manage on their own for a couple of days?" She shook her head. "That's pathetic."
Mae frowned. "It is, isn't it?"
Jane tapped a fingernail on the kitchen table. "Although, I should probably stay in town and look for a new job . . ." She tapped her fingernail some more.
Mae just tightened and got quiet which was more her style than her recent emotional outbursts. Finally she said, "You really want our company on this trip?"
"I really do," Lucy said. "The B Girls have a mystery to solve."
"Your Aunt Belle must be something," Jane said.
"She is. She just got back from a glacier trek in Alaska."
"How old is she?" Mae asked. "I mean, she must be a pretty young aunt if she went on a trip like that."
"Belle is seventy-two. Two years younger than my mom."
"Holy shit!" Jane said. "Seventy-two and trekking across an Alaskan glacier?"
"Seventy is the new fifty," Mae said.
Lucy nodded. "She's an amazing woman. Married once, young and well. After he died she inherited a big pot of money and started traveling the world. She would write me amazing letters full of adventure, excitement and advice."
She smiled, remembering. "She's the one I called when I was ten and my mom refused to let me take ballet lessons--I was supposed to focus on my mind and not my body-- and when got my heart broken for the first time, and a hundred other times when my parents couldn't or wouldn't understand. I always wanted to be her when I grew up."
"And you
wound up with Gary instead," Jane said.
"Let's not go there right now," Lucy said. "We leave in two hours."
"I can't," Mae said. "Not without time to plan, make sure the kids have rides to their activities, put casseroles in the freezer, pick up the dry cleaning."
"Let Chip figure it out," Jane said.
"Do you really think I could? Just pack a bag and go?" Mae said.
"Yes. I really think you can," Lucy said.
Actions And Reactions
"You can't just take off. What about the kid's activities? Dinner? Dry cleaning? You're being selfish."
Mae winced. Was she being selfish? Maybe she should stay home. Lucy would be okay with Jane for company.
But dammit, she didn't want to stay home. She wanted to take some time for herself, do something spontaneous and unscheduled. She could practically hear Jane's voice in her head telling her to grow a backbone.
"You are a very intelligent man and we have two very intelligent kids. They aren't helpless toddlers for heaven's sake and neither are you. I'm sure the three of you will survive without me for a few days."
Chip pulled himself up to his full height like a dog bristling to show dominance. "I shouldn't have to get by and neither should the kids. You're staying home."
Mae sucked in a shocked breath and froze, her mind reeling. How had she spent the past sixteen years ignoring the fact that Chip was a bully?
The answer was obvious--Chip was usually more subtle about his bullying and she was afraid to rock the boat. Afraid of losing her place in the world of respectability.
This time, she wasn't giving in.
Mae put on her best all-purpose polite and happy face. "You have the rest of the day to figure out what has to be done tomorrow and you can take it one day at a time after that. Lucy's been a good friend to me and she's asked for a little support. I'm asking for yours."
"You're putting that red-headed bohemian above your own family?" Chip said.