by Lisa Shelby
“Oh God, it burns Cami. No more!”
“That’s why it’s called Fireball, chica. Now, do you still love him?”
At that moment Kings of Leon starts playing in the background and one of my favorite memories of our time in California comes back to me. . . .
It’s Thursday evening and we’d spent the day at Universal Studios. Jonathan has built a fire for us on the beach, and we’re listening to what is now ‘our’ album while we make s’mores. It is the perfect way to end a perfect day. As I’m trying to lick all the sticky marshmallow goodness off of my fingers, Jonathan comes over to assist. He puts each of my fingers in his mouth and makes sure that all the sticky goodness is now gone.
“You have a little something . . . right here. Looks like chocolate, don’t mind if I do.” He uses that amazing tongue of his to get the chocolate off of the corner of my mouth and then gives me a sexy, little smile. Everything he does makes my heart nearly flutter out of my chest.
“Come Around Sundown” is the perfect music for tonight. I’ve always loved Kings of Leon but this new album is . . . well, it’s just perfect. It’s set the mood for our week and we haven’t stopped playing it. At this particular moment “The Face” comes on and Jonathan takes my hand and leads me a few feet from the fire. He holds me in his arms and we slowly dance to ‘our’ music, on the beach, in the dark, in front of the fire. I think this might just be the most romantic moment of my life. There’s no talking, no kissing—just my head on his chest as we sway to the music. The song ends and when “The Immortals” starts, and is a little peppier, he swings me out from him and then back into his chest. He starts trying to do some sort of funny swing dancing thing, but it doesn’t work, and we both start to laugh. Before we know it, we’re both just being the dorks that we are and acting a fool. We do every random dance we know and not very well. Jonathan does do a mean sprinkler and my running man is usually pretty epic, but not in the sand. I fail miserably.
We’re both out of breath from dancing and laughing our asses off when the next song comes on. It’s a mellow tune that causes Jonathan to pull me back into his arms and we start swaying again. This time though there are words and kisses.
“This has been the best week of my life, Gracie.”
“Mine too, Georgia.”
“I wish we could just freeze time. I could stay here on this beach with you forever.”
There are no words that would say it better than he just did, so I just kiss him to let him know how I feel.
“God, I do. I still love him. He’s it for me. I know it now and I knew it then. Cami, you are so right . . . he’s such a good man. You should see him on the streets at work. He’s so respectful and kind to everyone he comes in contact with. There was this homeless man, named Willy, that he has a full on friendship with. He checks on him to make sure he doesn’t need for anything. Do you think Mick is doing any of that?”
Alex, surprisingly comes to my brother’s aide. “I wouldn’t imagine he is, but you never know. People are different at work than they are in their real life. Besides, you know better than anybody that Mick’s frat boy image is just an act. Your brother is a good man, Em. It’s nice to hear how great Jonathan is at work though.” I just shrug, not really wanting to talk about my big brother right now.
“Then there’s Ireland. the two of them just clicked! She took to him so easily. Watching her in his lap was almost too much for me. It was like all my dreams coming true. She doesn’t take to most men easily and she just took to him. He’s all I think about! I can’t believe he lives here and works with my brother and knows my mom! How did that happen?”
“Sweetie, it’s loud in here but you don’t have to shout. We can hear you just fine,” she says with a grin.
Oh boy . . . I sure do feel all warm and fuzzy inside. My first drink and now two horrendously awful shots are hitting me quickly. I’m not sure there’s enough fry bread to save me now.
“Cami, no more drinks for me. Let’s share a mac and cheese and then I need to get my butt home.”
“Deal.”
“Wait, how are you gonna drive us home? You’ve had as much as I have.”
“Nope, I’ve just had the Bellini. I didn’t really drink the shots. Those were all yours honey.”
“You suck, Cam!”
“Oh hush, how else am I gonna get you to tell us how you really feel about him? Besides you’re a cheap date.”
She’s right. I’m slumped and leaning my cheek on my right hand and my words have begun to slur just a tad while I try to get deep with Alex.
“Alex, he’s so freaking hot and the sex . . . Alex . . . oh my God, the sex. There are just no words. I wonder if he’s gotten better with age? Not sure how that’s possible and I do not want to know who he might have practiced with, but God what I would do to have that man again. He is hot, sweet—remembered how I take my coffee after all these years—gorgeous, adorable, hot, strong and hung!” A little hiccup sneaks out at that last outburst and Alex just laughs at me. “Oh and don’t forget he rescued the cutest dog ever and her name is Frances! He’s hot and he rescues dogs, Alex!”
“Then why don’t you tell him how you feel?”
“Alex, he doesn’t need to be tied down with an instant family, and I have issues. You know that!”
Cami replies before Alex gets the chance. “You’re stupid, that’s what your issue is. Nothing will ever hold you back from your life more than your own insecurities, Em. I don’t know how many times I have to tell you that, but you are both amazing and stupid at the same time. Hopefully, one day you’ll wake up and realize how much you have to offer. Now eat your mac and cheese so you can sober up and we’ll get you home and to bed.”
“Love you, Cam.”
“I know you do, Em,” she says as she bumps my shoulder with hers. “And I love you right back.”
Oh my God . . . my head is pounding . . . where the hell am I? What is going on?
It only takes a moment to realize I’m home—well, Mickey’s home that I’m crashing in because I still don’t have my life together—and that my head is pounding from the drinks that Cami made me partake in last night. We didn’t stay out late, so I cannot believe I feel so crappy. I reach out for my phone and realize it is only three a.m. I also notice that there are a slew of text messages waiting for me and the one on top says it’s from Georgia.
Oh no, Emily. What the hell have you done?
I drop the phone back on the bedside table scared to see what I wrote.
This cannot be happening!
I did not drunk text him. No way! That is just not me!
I don’t get drunk, therefore I don’t drunk text.
I get out of bed, get a glass of water and take something for the pounding in my head, while I pace my room. I just keep staring at my phone like it’s about to jump up and bite me. I’m so anxious. I want to know what the messages say, but I’m too much of a chicken to pick up the phone and read it.
I distract myself and walk out into the hall and poke my head in Ireland’s room to see her sleeping soundly with all her stufties around her. She is an amazing little girl and I am so proud of her. I wouldn’t change anything if it meant I didn’t have her in my life. She’s worth all the sacrifices I’ve made, but when I really think about it, none of it was a sacrifice . . . because I have her.
I don’t want to wake her up so I head back to my room, shut the door and pick up my phone. Let’s see what kind of damage control I need to do. I make myself not read anything and go to the beginning and oh boy do I have a lot of scrolling to do. Looks like we were at it for a while.
Gracie: I heard Kings of Leon tonight and it reminded me of dancing in the dark, on the beach, in front of the fire. That was fun.
Georgia: It was fun.
Gracie: It wasn’t a song from our album though.
Georgia: Where are you?
Gracie: On my way home from happy hour with Cami and Alex. Cami made me go.
Gracie: :(
Georg
ia: Ah, so you’re drunk texting me, I hope somebody else is driving?
Georgia: I’ll take the drunk texting as a compliment, I think?
Gracie: Cami is driving.
Gracie: California was great, wasn’t it?
Georgia: It was. I think about it all the time.
Gracie: Me too.
Georgia: Gracie . . . what’s going on? Why are you texting me and not your other “friends”?
Gracie: I don’t know.
Gracie: Hearing that song just reminded me of you and I am drunk.
Georgia: I thought you didn’t drink?
Gracie: I don’t really and if I do I am a cheap date as you can see. I think you probably figured out why I didn’t drink in Cali?
Georgia: Any other white lies from that week?
Gracie: Just one . . .
Georgia: . . .
Gracie: I actually love roller coasters! It’s just all the signs said not to ride if you were pregnant and I didn’t know what to do so I lied and said I didn’t like them. I am so sorry but I swear the drinking and coasters are it! I really really love coasters.
Georgia: I think I can live with that. You’re forgiven.
Gracie: Thank you.
Georgia: Of course.
Gracie: No I mean it.
Gracie: Thank you.
Gracie: For not hating me.
Georgia: I could never hate you. I understand everything now.
Georgia: Would you like to get coffee again sometime soon?
Georgia: Frances would love to see you again. She said we could even take Ireland to the park or something if you would rather do that?
Georgia: Em, you still there?
Georgia: Sleep good, Gracie.
Gracie . . . he called me Gracie!
He forgives me and doesn’t hate me!
I feel myself start to break out into a full sweat and must re-read it instantly and let the analysis begin. Steps must be retraced to make sure I didn’t miss anything too embarrassing.
The first notable item is that this all started with the potential to go very bad when I mentioned dancing on the beach because what followed that dancing was very naughty. He didn’t go there so that could mean he was being a gentleman because I was drunk, or he didn’t want to remember the naughty times.
Second, I called it our album, so embarrassing! I can feel my cheeks getting hotter and hotter. This he didn’t comment on, but was that because that album doesn’t hold the same meaning for him or because he knew that I was drunk and didn’t want to get too deep?
Third, he made it a point to call himself a friend and he did this in quotes. This could mean he’s calling me out on friend-zoning him or does it mean something else? People usually drunk text their ex’s or people they have a thing for. He is both to me, but maybe not in his mind?
Fourth, he called me out on my lies and forgave me. He forgave me for everything and I was passed out.
Fifth, and the most important and notable item is that he called me Gracie. He knows what that means to me and he still called me Gracie.
I would say as far as drunk texting goes this wasn’t too bad, but I am still mortified. Do I text him back and say I’m sorry? Well, not now, it’s the middle of the night and I don’t want to wake him up, but I would love to call and wake Cami up. She was clearly with me for some of this and I’m sure she was encouraging me. Some best friend I have. I could have confessed my undying love for him and she would have let me. Man, am I lucky it didn’t go any worse than it did. Thank God for granting me this small miracle.
Now if this headache would go away and I wasn’t so full of adrenaline I could go back to sleep. That would be a couple of miracles I could stand, but I don’t see that happening in the next hour or so. I guess I’m up for the day. Today is going to suck . . .
Wildflowers
Jonathan
I feel anxious . . . excited, but anxious. What family I have left is going to be here, staying in my house that I am so proud of, and that I was able to pay for free and clear thanks to my mom and my frugal four years in the Marine Corps. On top of the Fanuas coming to visit the other reason for my excitement—little girl giddiness, if I’m honest—is the fact that since Emily drunk texted me, we’ve continued to text. That was Monday night and now it’s Thursday and we’re still talking.
We aren’t having deep conversations, it’s just little things but it’s something. It started with her apologizing for texting me when she was drunk. I wasn’t sorry though, not at all. The hope that soared through me just knowing that she thought of me, of our album, and that my forgiveness meant so much to her, was something I couldn’t put into words. As we texted, I told her not to feel bad and asked her how she felt that next morning. She wasn’t feeling too hot so I decided I would text again in the afternoon to check on her and it went on from there. We’re just saying hi and asking how each other’s days are . . . for now. It’s not a relationship but it’s a start. Every text I get from her fills me with just a little more hope. Hope that I can get her to see how much more we could be.
My best friend Liam and his family are on their way from the airport. Liam texted me when they landed and said they were going to get their bags and rental car and be here shortly. I can’t wait and I’m so amped that I can’t sit still while I make sure the house is just right. I’m not the most organized or tidy person. I keep things clean but there isn’t much organization involved. It works for me and Frances puts up with it. I feel like sharing the home that was always meant for my mom with her closest friends, is like sharing it with her. The nerves and excitement I’m feeling are a surprise, but they’re my family and I haven’t seen them in close to a year.
After about forty-five minutes of waiting there are finally headlights in my driveway and I race out to meet them. Fiona is the first one out of the Ford Focus rental car and she rushes to me, gives me a peck on the cheek, and throws her arms around me. Fiona may only be a little over five feet tall, but she’s a sturdy woman and gives hugs that nearly take your breath away.
“Oh my, sweet boy, it is so darned good to see you. You look as handsome as ever!” She says with a spark in her shining green eyes.
“Thanks, Mrs. F. Let me help you with your bags and get you inside. Frances can’t wait to meet all of you.”
“Baby brother! How the hell are you?” Liam says as he unfolds himself out of the backseat.
“Are you ever going to let that two and a half months go? I’m good! How are you, man?”
“Not too bad. Glad to be here and can’t wait to see what Portland has to offer, if you know what I mean?” He says with a wag of his brows.
Liam is good looking, and knows it. He’s just as tall as I am and he looks just like his dad—minus Mr. F’s Buddha belly. Liam took after his dad’s side of the family and his dark Samoan skin, brown eyes and black hair get him a lot attention from the ladies. He looks exotic, I guess. That’s what the girls always said when we were growing up. All I know is he has used this to his advantage and Liam Fanua always has a date. He’s also a pain in the ass, but I love him like a brother!
“Still a dog.”
“Woof!”
“Liam, you are just gross! Now move, so I can give my better big brother a hug!” Kate yells from behind him.
I give her a big squeeze and then ruffle her long brown hair like she hates and say, “How’s my little sister these days? Anybody I need to beat away with a stick at the moment?”
“Nope, I have a boyfriend and he’s amazing. No beating him off . . . wait . . . oh that sounded so bad! Shit! Sorry dad . . .” her light skin turns red with embarrassment but she recovers quickly. You have to if you want to survive in this family.
“In one ear and out the other, just like your mother always says. Bring it in, son,” Mr. F says as he heads my way and in moments I’m enveloped in a hug so full of fatherly love that it almost chokes me up. I didn’t realize how much I missed the four of them until they all finally got here.
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br /> “Hey Mr. F, it’s so good to see you. Thanks for coming all the way out to Oregon to visit. It means a lot to have you guys here,” I say with one last pat to his back and then he releases me.
“Of course, we couldn’t wait to meet our first grandchild. Where is this Frances we’ve heard so much about?”
“Ha! Don’t give me grief about grandkids when Liam is the oldest. He should be procreating first, but Frances is excited to meet you guys. She’s a sweet old girl. Let’s get your bags and head in.”
After they get settled in their rooms, have had a tour and been introduced to their furry grandchild, we settle in. Since it’s late for them with the time difference, I order some pizzas and we hang out and play a wicked game of Catch Phrase. We always play boys against girls and the guys just take turns sitting out each round. This is a game we’ve played for years. We’ve moved from the old school one, that is better in my humble opinion, to the new electronic version and it’s amazing that it’s still in one piece after Kate has had her hands on it. She gets so fired up during the game that she practically throws it to the next person once she’s done. She’s nuts, but I love her.
It’s crazy to see how Liam and Kate both take after their parents in the looks department. Kate looks just like her mom with light skin, green eyes and brown hair. The only thing she did get from her dad is her height. At 5’9” she’s tall for the women in Fiona’s family. Kate is a younger, taller version of her mom just like Liam is of his dad.
After pizza, beer and five rounds of Catch Phrase the girls decide to call it a night. Robert, Liam and I head out to the back deck to sit around the fire pit and have another beer or two.
“So, J are you going to tell dad about Emily?”
“Emily? Who’s Emily, son?” he says with a sly smile on his face. Just the thought of me possibly having a girlfriend seems to have perked him right up from that jet-lag.
“Well, not sure if Liam ever told you about the woman I met before my last deployment?”
“He did son, but I’ve never heard the story from you. Why don’t you tell me about it?”
I spend the next thirty minutes telling our entire story from the first moment I saw her. Okay, I don’t tell them everything but they get the picture. They understand that I instantly fell in love with her and that nothing has been the same since. I have gotten all the way up to where Courtney entered the room and I was given the ‘let’s just be friends’ line.