by Lisa Shelby
“So, you don’t have any family that can help out or that you can go stay with?”
“My grandma was here with us but I turned eighteen last week, so she left the day after. I have an aunt and some cousins nearby but they don’t really have room for us. I don’t know what else to do, sir. I know that Children’s Services thinks my grandma is still here, and I’m probably breaking the law, but I just can’t lose him to the system.”
Poor kid, he’s doing the best he can and trying to keep his tiny little family together. I can appreciate that, but he needs to finish school if he really wants to keep them together in the long run.
“I’m sorry to hear that, Jesse. I want you to take my card and if there is anything I can do, or if you need help please don’t hesitate to give me a call. We need to figure out a way to get you back in school. I’ll update Miss Jacobs on how you’re doing and we’ll see if we can come up with something.”
He apprehensively takes the card from me and I can tell that he’s wondering if I have ulterior motives.
“Really, Jesse, if you need anything at all. A friend of Miss Jacobs is a friend of mine, so call me if you need anything.”
“Thank you, sir.”
I turn toward my truck and hear the door to apartment four shut behind me. I really don’t know what I expected from my visit, but I just needed to come here to talk to him myself and try to get a vibe on things. I can’t help but wonder if I should have mentioned the threats to Emily, but I didn’t want to add to his worries. I saw the look on his face when he talked about her. It’s the same look most people get when they talk about her; a look of fondness and thankfulness to have her in their life. I know the feeling. I suspect that if he did know something he would have told me, but I could be wrong.
Back to the drawing board I guess. It doesn’t sound like he has any family that he’s that close with or else they would be stepping in, and clearly if they aren’t stepping in they wouldn’t be issuing threats would they? Who is doing this?
All I know is that I am itching with frustration not having Emily and Ireland in my presence. I have never felt the fierce need to protect anybody like I do these two.
Georgia: Hey, you cool with me picking Ireland up a little early?
Gracie: Uh . . . sure is everything okay?
How do I tell her that I just need to have one of them with me so that I don’t lose my fucking mind? I don’t.
Georgia: Everything is good. Just thought I could take her for a snack and then come pick you up. It really will only be 30 mins early.
Gracie: Sure. She will love it.
Oh, thank Christ. I drive as fast as I can to Ireland’s school that we just left a few hours ago. It feels like forever after seeing the picture and knowing that whoever this is knows her name. I should probably look into the fact that it could be somebody at the school. Not sure how Emily could have hurt anybody’s family, but right now I will search any avenue that I can to figure this out.
I arrive at the school within minutes and as soon as I walk in, I see Ireland sitting and listening to story time with all the other kids. I sign her out and head to where the kids are gathered. As soon as she sees me her mouth drops open, her eyes go wide and she gasps! I put my finger up to my mouth to remind her to stay quiet and she instantly pops her cute little hand over her mouth. She gets up from her spot on the floor and runs over to me and jumps in my arms.
The fact that she is so comfortable with me—and has been since the first time I met her—is something that I can’t wrap my brain around. I feel like I’ve known her for her entire life . . . if only that were true. I cannot even imagine how adorable she was as a baby because she is the cutest kid I’ve ever seen. Her big brown eyes do me in every time she looks at me and it’s like she knows I’ll do whatever she asks.
“Why you pick me up, Jonafon?” Ireland asks as I strap her into her little booster seat in the back seat of my truck. I never thought I would see one of those in the back of my truck, but it’s a nice accessory if you ask me.
“I just wanted to see you and I thought we could go get a snack and pick your momma up together. Sound like a plan?”
“Sounds like a great plan!”
“I was thinking we could run up to Elka’s and grab a scone?”
“Yuck, I don’t like scones, Jonafon. What else?”
“Well, they have lots of different treats there so we’ll find you something, I promise.”
“Okay, deal.”
After getting our treats at Elka’s, we head to the high school to pick Emily up. I put the tailgate down and Ireland and I sit with our legs swinging, eating our treats and waiting for Em.
Not too long after, she walks out of the building and my heart soars when I see her face light up when she sees us waiting for her. These two have turned me into a damn ball of mush and there is no denying it.
Shit J, these two own you already.
I hand Emily her scone and Ireland shows her what’s left of her flower shaped cookie. I pick Ireland up off the tailgate and get her settled into her booster seat. On the drive home, she tells her mom all about me coming to get her and our trip to Elka’s. You would have thought I had taken her to Disneyland she is so excited.
Shit, Disneyland with Ireland. That is something that needs to happen.
“Wow, sounds like you two have had some fun. Don’t get used to it, baby girl. We won’t have Jonathan around forever to come pick you up for trips to Elka’s. Don’t get too spoiled.”
Are you fucking kidding me right now?
I really cannot believe after all the feelings I have conveyed to her over the last few days that she would have the balls to say something like that to Ireland, of all people, and with me sitting right here in the truck next to her! You have got to be fucking kidding me. The moment the words came out of her mouth, it felt like she had taken a knife and shoved it right through my heart.
“Where is Jonafon going?”
“I’m not going anywhere, Princess.” I grunt out with a clear edge to my voice. If Ireland weren’t in the truck with us I would pull this mother fucker over and deal with this, but she is in the truck and so I just keep on driving.
“Jonathan?” Emily quietly asks for my attention from the passenger seat.
I can’t even look at her as I grip the steering wheel so hard my knuckles are turning white. I can feel a twitching in my jaw.
“Jonathan, what’s wrong? What did I say?”
“You said we wouldn’t have Jonafon forever, mommy. I think that made him mad.”
Gotta love four year olds keepin’ it real. How is it that Ireland knows exactly what’s going on and Emily doesn’t? I mean, what the fuck?
“Oh my God! Jonathan! No, I didn’t mean that how it sounded at all!”
I’m still pissed, but I can feel the ticking in my jaw ease as she looks over her shoulder to explain what she meant to Ireland.
“Baby girl, I just meant that Jonathan won’t always be on vacation and be able to just come and get you whenever he wants. He has a job and usually sleeps during the day. He just happens to have time off this week to spend with us. It doesn’t mean that Jonathan isn’t going to stay our friend for a long time or that you won’t see him. This week is just special. Do you understand?”
“Yes, mommy,” Ireland replies but sounds a bit sad at the realization that this isn’t her new norm.
I know that she asked Ireland if she was the one that understood her explanation, but I can feel her stare at me as I look straight ahead out the windshield of the truck. I know that she’s really asking me the question. Do I understand? I do, but I also caught the fact that she called me their friend. I don’t know what I expect her to call me, especially to a four-year-old, but it stung a little. She knows I want more, so yeah, it stings. I get it though. I really do. We’re just getting to know each other again and we haven’t defined anything at all . . . yet . . . so I guess friends is what we are at the moment.
“Jonathan?�
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Yep, just like I thought, she was really asking me for confirmation that I understood what she meant. And if I pull my head out of my ass I would realize that I do get it. I’ve just spent the last five years pissed at her. It’s really easy to fall back into that feeling and stay there if I’m not careful. I realize in this moment that the constant feeling of anger has dissipated a little bit every day that I’ve had Emily back in my life. Who am I kidding? I can’t stay pissed at her. She’s my Gracie.
“I get it, Em. Thanks for the explanation. I needed that after today. It’s not even noon yet and it’s been a pretty emotional day. I overreacted. Sorry.”
“You don’t need to be sorry for your reaction. I’m sorry for not thinking about the way it sounded when I said it. You’ve made it more than clear that you don’t want to walk away. I didn’t mean for what I said to sound like it did.”
She reaches across the cab of the truck and takes my hand in hers and gives it a squeeze. She doesn’t let go until we pull into Mick’s driveway. As always, her touch is what I need. By the time we walk through the front door I feel like I’m back to myself again.
The girls set upon their after school routine while I walk the dogs. Frannie and Frank seem to have found a groove already and there might even be a little bit of puppy love going on here. Frank better keep his paws off my girl though. No dog of Mick’s will be getting his groove on with my sweet little Frannie.
Once lunch is out of the way and Ireland is settled, Emily finds me in the kitchen filling a glass with ice from the fridge and then pouring diet coke over it. It’s an addiction and I know it’s not good for me, but after the lack of sleep last night I need all the caffeine help I can get.
“Want some?”
She shakes her head and I see a tear fall down her face. It’s then that I realize that she’s been holding herself together for Ireland, and that she needs this moment to break down for a beat.
I put my glass down and walk towards her. “Come here, Gracie.”
I pull her into me and I wrap my arms around her. Her arms come around my waist and I can feel her balling my shirt up in her hands as she holds on for dear life. I can’t believe on a day like today I was so sensitive to what she said in the truck. I am such a dick.
She isn’t sobbing out loud, but the tears don’t stop, and I can feel my shirt dampening with each tear that falls. It’s seems as though she has perfected how to cry in silence over the years, trying to hide her pain and worry from her precious little girl because she’s a great mom and that’s what moms do. I don’t say a word and I don’t let go. I need to let her take whatever time she needs, and we’ll talk once she’s ready.
After several minutes of holding her and letting her get it all out she steps back, but stays in my arms. “Thank you, I needed that. I’m good now in fact . . . I think I’m better than your shirt. Sorry,” she says as she tries to wipe the dampness off with her hands just to give herself something to do.
“No need to be sorry. It’s been a crazy day and you’re allowed to get some of that crazy out. You ready talk about it?”
She takes my drink off the counter where I left it, takes a sip, nods her answer, hands me my drink and heads to the family room where she flops down on the couch. She sits with her back against the arm of the chair, and I tap her legs as a signal for her to lift her legs. I sit next to her and she puts her legs over my lap.
“So, I heard back from Blackburn. He said that there aren’t any cameras in your hallway, but they checked all the camera angles in the main hall that leads to your room and there weren’t any adults that didn’t belong. It was just the appropriate students and maybe their friends. He didn’t see anything odd, but I’m still gonna take a look myself tomorrow.”
“Okay.”
“Okay?” I ask to make sure she’s good to go on.
“Yep, so where did you go after you left the school?”
“Well . . . I um . . . shit. Listen, I know it wasn’t policy and I shouldn’t have gone, but I went to Jesse Miller’s apartment to talk to him.”
“You what?” She says as her bloodshot eyes open wide.
“Let me explain. I know it sounds bad, and I swear I didn’t even tell him about what was going on with you. I just wanted to go to his place to see what family might be with him. I don’t know why, but I had this need to go there myself. I identified myself as an officer, told him I was a friend of yours and was checking on him for you. I don’t know what I thought would come of my visit, but I needed to do it for me since he’s the only link we can come up with in this whole mess.”
“Okay and what did you find out? How is he?”
“Poor kid is all on his own and trying to get a job so he can support himself and his younger brother. As soon as he turned eighteen last week, his grandma left them on their own. He has an aunt and some cousins that don’t have room for him, so he’s on his own with his brother for now. I left him my card and let him know that if he needed anything he could call.”
“Shit! We have to find a place for him. This is all my fault Jonathan.” Her voice trails off as she speaks the end of her statement.
“Sweetheart, this is not your fault. Not only are you required to report abuse in your line of work, but you got him out of a violent situation and maybe even saved his life. You have enough of your own shit going on to worry about him too. I gave him my info and I promise I will keep checking on them. I told him you wanted to see him back at school if possible. It was clear you mean a lot to him.”
“There has to be something we can do for him. I could move into Ireland’s room and Jesse and his brother could have my room. Wait . . . I could probably lose my job if I did that! Shit! This is a kid’s life we’re talking about though. Shit! Shit! Shit!”
Now, she’s up and off the couch, pacing the room. She’s fidgeting with restless energy. She pulls her hair up and into a messy bun then she pulls that out and lets it fall. Two-seconds later it’s in a ponytail high up on her head and then it’s back down again. Where do these hair bands even come from? Watching her is amazing and exhausting all at once. She cares so much about this kid that she isn’t even thinking about her own situation.
“Emily, come here,” I say using my forefinger to summon her to me.
She comes back to the couch and sits next to me, facing me with her knees pulled up to her chest while she worries her necklace.
“Sweetheart, do you have class today or any homework you need to get done? I can take care of Ireland if she needs anything.”
“No class today. I have a paper I should be working on but there’s no way I can focus on that right now. My brain hurts trying to figure out who’s doing this to me, how to protect my baby girl and how to help Jesse.”
“Why don’t you take some time off work until we figure this out? Just focus on school and Ireland.”
“I can’t take care of Ireland if I don’t have a job. You have no idea how lucky I am to have a part-time job that includes benefits. I have to have benefits, Jonathan. You just never know what could happen, and I can’t lose this job. Besides, I won’t let these bastards win. Fuck them if they think they’ll scare me away from my job.”
That’s my girl.
Break In
Emily
It’s Tuesday morning and I’m sitting at my desk staring blankly at my computer as I wait for the students to start arriving. I should be getting my day organized and checking my emails, but I can’t stop daydreaming about yesterday and how great Jonathan was. He took care of me all night. He slept next to me and just held me. He didn’t make any moves, and I didn’t feel any pressure from him. He simply held me and took care of me all night long.
The more time I spend with him the more I realize that he isn’t just this hot guy that I had a whirlwind romance with. He is an amazing man. Genuine. Thoughtful. Kind. Last night he cooked dinner, took care of the dogs, read Ireland her bedtime story and then took care of me the rest of the night. He could have taken ad
vantage of my emotional day, and tried to push things further in my vulnerable state, but he didn’t. Instead, he rubbed my shoulders and then slept on the top of the bed covers with my head on his chest. He rubbed my head and stroked my hair until I fell asleep, just like he did every night that we shared a bed in California.
The last thing I recall before falling asleep was him kissing the top of my head and saying, “Goodnight, Gracie.” The next thing I know, my phone is buzzing with the sound of my alarm and I’m still in his arms. I reach over and slap the alarm off, but he quickly pulls me back into our spooning position and puts his nose in my hair and takes a long sniff.
“God, I love the way you smell.”
I love his morning voice. His voice is already deep and sexy as hell, but add the rasp that comes with him just waking up and my panties practically fall right off.
Before I’ve had a chance to respond back to him, he pulls my hair to the side exposing my neck and kisses me gently.
“I’ll go get the coffee started and you hop in the shower. Want me to make you anything for breakfast?” He says as he gets out of bed still fully clothed from the night before. It looks like he slept with just the throw blanket I keep on the edge of my bed. He stayed on top of those covers all night. Damn.
“I’ll just have some cereal when Ireland has hers. Thanks for getting the coffee started and thanks for last night . . . for everything really. Not sure how I would have gotten through yesterday without you.”
“I’m glad I could be there when you needed me, but there really isn’t a thank you needed. I would have been losing my mind if I wasn’t able to help, so it was really more for me than for you,” he says with a wink. “Now get up, beautiful, and get in the shower.”
I never knew that little things like eating breakfast together or talking over a cup of coffee each morning could mean so much, but they do. Who knew there were really good men like him out there? I guess I did, but I never thought I would find him again. Now, it looks like it’s up to me to decide if I am going to walk away again, or take the risk of a broken heart and being let down.