by Lisa Shelby
“Get over here, son,” Mr. F orders. I obey his command and take the two steps it takes to get to him. He pulls me in for one of his epic bear hugs and says for only me to hear. “I am so proud of you, Jonathan. You are a good man, and those two little ladies are lucky to have you in their life. Take good care of them because they seem to love you just as much as you love them. It’s nice to see that they’ve brought that light back to your eyes, son. Don’t let that go.”
I squeeze him a little harder and say, “Thanks, Mr. F for everything. You’re the best dad I could have ever asked for. I’m glad you like the girls because I’m hoping you’ll be seeing a lot more of them, and for a very long time.”
When I pull back I see tears in his big brown eyes. I look at him with confusion not sure what I said wrong.
When he sees the confused look on my face he gives my face a gentle slap and says, “I never wanted to replace your dad, son, but it warms my heart to hear you call me dad. I hope you know I love you like my own.”
Now, my eyes are wet with unshed tears when I reply back to him. “I do, Mr. F. I do.”
“Enough you two! Jonathan come give this old lady a kiss goodbye!” Fiona interjects.
I do as I’m told and give her a big hug and a kiss. She keeps her goodbye short and sweet. “I love you, Jonathan. Thanks for sharing your girls with us.”
“Love you too, Mrs. F.”
“Now get out of here, the three of you, before I get weepy!”
Heading out the door Emily takes my hand and we slowly make our way to a waiting Liam. I’m having a harder time leaving than I expected. We get Ireland in her seat, jump in and get settled while Kate and her parents stand on the porch waving goodbye until they can no longer see us. I miss them already.
It doesn’t take long to arrive at the departures drop off at Hilton Head International Airport. Liam hops out and helps Emily get our bags out of the back while I get Ireland and her seat. When Ireland and I come around the back, I see Liam release Emily and then lift his hand to give her one of her famous high-fives. It means so much to me that they seem to get along. This trip has turned out better than I could have ever hoped.
Emily grabs Ireland’s hand and steps away so I can say good bye to my brother from another mother. He gives me one of those bro handshakes that he pulls into a hug. While he gives my back a couple of slaps he says, “Miss you, man. Take care of yourself and keep going to therapy. Those girls are great. I’m really happy for you, dude.”
“Thanks, Liam. Miss you too. Try to stay out of trouble and fight for that girl if she’s really the one.”
I take a couple steps away and turn to give one last wave. He just gives me a nod, jumps into his truck and drives off. As I turn back to grab the bags Emily is right there waiting for me. She lifts up on her toes and gives me a soft kiss. “Thanks for a great Thanksgiving, Georgia.”
“Thanks for coming, Gracie. You too, Princess,” I say as I look down at Ireland. She currently has a stuffed Frank under one arm and a stuffed Savannah under the other.
“Welcome, Jonafon,” she says with a smile while the breeze blows her little blond curls all over her face.
Could she be any cuter?
Back Together
Emily
“You know, every time I see one of these little boxes of raisins I can’t help but feel a bit sad. Those raisins could have been grapes, and those grapes could have been wine. It’s tragic really,” Cami says as she opens one of the little red boxes that I have out for the kids and tosses a raisin in her mouth.
“Truth,” I say back matter-of-factly as I grab my own little red box of what could have been.
My little girl is five today.
She’s so excited for her birthday party that she’s practically bursting at the seams. It’s not anything fancy, but she couldn’t be happier. In attendance today is Cami, Alex, Devon and Gabby, Mom, Mick, and just a handful of kids from Ireland’s school. Jonathan is on his way and then we can, to quote Pink, “Get this party started!”
I offered to have the party this weekend, but she refused. Her birthday is the 1st of December, and I don’t like to decorate for Christmas until after her birthday. I don’t want her to be one of those kids that gets her birthday over-looked or all her presents wrapped in holiday paper. It’s important to me that her birthday is special, and it’s important to her that she doesn’t miss any days of Elf On a Shelf. So a party on a late Tuesday afternoon is what she’s getting.
The house is decorated with balloons and streamers and there are little gift bags and snacks for the kids. Luckily, I have Alex to take pictures. I’m glad she’s here to capture all of the little moments of the day. Not only is she an amazing photographer, but it’s one less thing for me to worry about.
The front door opens, and I see Jonathan bend down to pick something large and purple up with both hands, then he uses his work boot-clad foot to push the door closed.
“Jonafon!” Ireland yells and leaves her friends to run to him at full speed and hug his leg.
“Hey, Princess. Happy Birthday!”
“Thanks, Jonafon. I’m finally five!”
“No way, really? I thought you were turning thirteen?”
“Don’t be silly, Jonafon. You know I’m five,” she says with a giggle and runs back to her friends.
“What in the world is that? It’s huge!” I ask my hot as hell, even at a five year old’s birthday party, boyfriend.
“That’s what she said!” Mick yells out from behind me.
I can’t help but burst out laughing at the idiot I call my brother, but I quickly put on my mom face.
“Mick, there are little kids here. Watch it.”
“What? They don’t know what that means. Besides, you thought it was funny so don’t even try to pretend to be mad. I see that smile you’re trying to hide.”
I stick my tongue out at him. “You really don’t have a filter do you?”
“Nope.”
“I still love you. Even if you are an idiot.”
Mick walks over to me and puts his big burly arm around my neck and gives me a little noogie on the top of my head and says, “Shut it, woman!”
He loosens his grip around my neck and pulls me into a side hug and says, “You did good sis. She’s a pretty cool kid.”
“Ah, thanks. She gets it from your pretty cool little sister,” I say as I give him a little punch to the shoulder. “Seriously, though. Thanks for letting me throw the party here and thanks for everything else. You’ve been so great.”
“No problem, Emmers, I’m happy to have you guys here, and you know I love a party. So let’s get this one going!”
He shouts that last part to the room and all the kids yell and get up and run over to him, all jumping up and down like wild animals. My big burly brother can’t help but join in the fun as he jumps up and down right along with them.
I can’t help but notice that as soon his jumping ends his gaze goes right back to Alex. I noticed them whispering in the kitchen earlier and his eyes seem to follow her around the room. I’ve always wondered if there’s something between the two of them, but now I think there just might be. I’ve known Alex most of my life and she is stunning, so I understand why he would be interested. Let’s face it. Mickey Jacobs and Alexandra Stotts would be a pretty hot couple, but I’m sure she’s too smart to go there. At least I hope so.
Enough worrying about my brother’s love life though, I have a party to start!
We play a few games and I make sure that somehow each of the four kids wins a prize. I debated whether it was right for the birthday girl to win a prize when she’s already getting presents, but in the end I couldn’t say no to that face. I am such a push over sometimes.
She’s now opening her presents and has been equally excited over each and every gift, no matter how big or how small.
My mom got her a butterfly—she loves her butterflies like I love my dragonflies—Little Live Pets Garden Play-set. I have no idea wha
t that is, but I’m sure I’ll figure it out. Mick went way overboard. He got her an iPad and I think her head nearly exploded when she opened it. I can only assume he’d like his iPad back as well as more time with the family room TV. Cami and Alex got her clothes of course and I got her a bunch of art supplies, while Devon and Gabby gave her a huge stack of books.
There is only one gift left, and it’s the big one that Jonathan brought in. He pushes it towards her, and she looks at me as if asking permission before she rips into it. My little girl is not bashful about opening gifts, and there is nothing dainty about watching her rip open a present. What there is though is the joy that I feel as I watch my little girl’s face light up when she opens her gift from the man who I wish was her father. How the two of us have gotten so lucky, I will never know, but the love and happiness he brings to both of us is something I will never take for granted.
“Dude, did you make that?” I hear Mick ask from behind me.
“Yep. What do you think, Princess?”
“I love it! It has my name on it!”
“It does. Open it up and see what else you might find,” he encourages her while he shows her how to open the buckles on the handmade treasure chest that he’s made for her. It’s painted white, and across the front of it in pink it says,
Princess Ireland
When she opens the box, her mouth drops open and she just stares for a second. Then she squeals and throws her arms around Jonathan, but she quickly lets go. She runs back to her treasure chest only to pull out princess dress after princess dress as well as shoes, tiaras, fake jewels and every accessory you can imagine. He has thought of everything and has made all of her princess dreams come true.
Surrounded by pink, purple, blue and yellow fluff she lifts her eyes to mine with a big smile and starts to say, “Mommy . . .”
But she doesn’t finish and I don’t realize why she doesn’t finish her sentence until she comes up to me and pulls on my hand. I squat in front of her and she asks. “Momma, what’s da matter?” She reaches her little hand up to my face and wipes away the tears I didn’t even realize were falling.
“Baby girl, nothing is wrong. These are happy tears. It makes me so so happy to see you happy.” Knowing I need to gather myself, I find an out and I say, “Now, how about cake?”
“Yes! Cake!” she shouts as she turns back to her friends and her treasure chest.
I stand and see Jonathan leaning against the wall watching us. He’s the reason my little girl and I feel the way we do every day. He put me back together and is filling a hole in Ireland’s life that she didn’t even know needed to be filled.
I pass by him on my way to the kitchen and give him a kiss on the cheek. “Thank you for her present, it’s amazing.” He puts his arm around my waist and places a sweet kiss on the lips. That’s all the gift I need.
I turn to leave him, but then can’t help myself when I turn back. Not caring who hears it say, “I love you, Georgia.”
“Love you too, baby.”
The party is over, and Ireland has spent the last thirty minutes trying on all of her dresses and accessories from her treasure chest. She tries each dress on, accessorizes and then goes out to the family room and shows Uncle Mick and Jonathan. She twirls, looks at herself in the full length mirror on the back of the bathroom door and then we start again. Now that I’m up close to the trunk that Jonathan transformed into a treasure chest fit for a princess, I see all the details on it. He has hand painted little butterflies sporadically on the trunk, and even a dragonfly here or there.
Not only did he make this gift for her, but he took the night off of work so he could spend the evening with us. Now the poor man sits in the living room with my annoying big brother while he endures a five-year old’s fashion show.
It’s really his fault though.
He did all of this.
He had to know what he was getting himself into.
Ireland walks back into her room after showing her last dress off to the boys, and she makes a point of shutting her door.
She climbs up into my lap and says, “Momma, can I tell you what I wished for when I blowed out my candles?”
Baby Baby Baby
Jonathan
Mick goes to grab us each a beer, and I hear a light knocking. Then I hear Ireland say, “Momma?”
My heart instantly starts to pound in my chest because Ireland doesn’t sound happy, and she was just beaming with pride in her last princess dress. What could have happened between now and then?
As I approach her in the hallway I squat down to her level. “What’s goin’ on, Princess?”
“I made momma cry.” She’s calling Emily momma and not mommy. That’s a sign that something’s wrong.
“Why do you think you made her cry?”
“Well, I know I wasn’t supposed to but I told her my birfday wish. I thought it would make her happy, and if she knew I was wishing for it she could wish for it too,” she says so low that I can barely hear her.
She suddenly seems shy. Her tiny hands are clasped in front of her and she’s looking down at them. She doesn’t seem to want to look me in the eye. What in the world did she wish for that would have Emily in tears, and Ireland seem so shy?
“What did you wish for, sweetie?”
She lifts those big warm eyes up to mine. She takes a breath and blows it out so she can get one of her wild curls out of her face. She starts to speak, but stops and looks down again before she softly says, “I wished that you, me, mommy and Frances could all be a family together.”
I can’t breathe.
This little girl has brought me to my knees figuratively and quite literally. I’ve fallen forward out of my squatting position and on to my knees. I instinctively pull Ireland in for a hug, and silently thank her for what she’s just given me.
I feel like Superman right now. I honestly feel like I could stop a speeding train or fly into the night’s sky. It’s as though Ireland’s belief in me is all I need to do any of those things. My moment of elation ebbs as I remember this wish has Emily hiding in her room crying. I’m not sure how I should be taking that, but I suddenly feel a little less like I could fly.
“You aren’t mad?” She asks with sad eyes and I realize I haven’t verbally replied to her statement. I hate to see her looking so sad when she’s made me so happy.
“No, Princess, not at all. In fact, I think that is the best wish I have ever heard. I hope you know how important you are to me Ireland. Thank you for your wish and I hope one day both of our wishes come true. Now let me go check on your momma, and you go show Uncle Mick your dress again. It’s very pretty by the way,” I say as I give her a kiss on the top of her head.
“Em . . .” I say as I gently knock on her bedroom door. “Can I come in?”
“Yes,” I hear her sniff out behind the door.
I cautiously open the door and poke my head in, unsure of what I might find. I’m a combination of nerves right now. I’m still riding high from Ireland’s confession, but I’m afraid my heart is about to be trampled on by the love of my life.
I see her sitting in the middle of her bed with her back against the headboard and her knees pulled up to her chest. There is still a steady stream of tears cascading down her face. I close the door behind me. I take a seat next to her and hand her the box of tissues that I grabbed from the bathroom before I came in. Just like her, I sit against the headboard with my legs pulled into my chest and my eyes straight ahead and give her a minute before I speak.
“You okay, baby?”
“I don’t know,” she sniffs reaching for another tissue.
I inhale and exhale out as calmly as I can so that she can’t see that I am petrified to have this conversation with her. Things have been perfect the last month and a half, but her behavior has me rattled and I’m not sure how to handle the situation. I’m the guy that always wears his heart on his sleeve though, so I can’t let it linger and I just dive right in. Might as well rip off the band-aid.
“Ireland told me what she wished for and . . .” Emily cuts me off before I can continue as she gasps and puts her hand over her mouth.
“I am so sorry,” she sobs out after removing her hand from her mouth and taking both of her hands to cover her face.
“Sorry? Why are you sorry? Because that was one of the best birthday wishes I have ever heard. Are you sorry because you don’t feel the same way that Ireland does?” I don’t mean to sound cold, but I can hear the sharpness to my tone as I ask the question.
Emily turns her body towards me and tucks her legs underneath herself and kneels on her knees and waits for me to turn and meet her eyes with mine.
“No, it’s not that Georgia. I swear! Hearing her wish made me feel so sorry for her. I feel horrible that my little girl has grown up without a father and has to wish for a family. That nearly did me in. It reminded me that no matter how hard I try, my daughter still feels like she’s missing something, and she’s only five. A five-year-old shouldn’t have to make those wishes, Jonathan.”
This I get. But why do I feel like there’s more to it?
“I also don’t want you to feel any pressure from either one of us. I especially don’t want you to want to take that next step because my daughter has you wrapped around her little finger. If we take that next step, I want it to be for the right reasons. I also don’t want to get her hopes up for something that may not be in her future,” I start to protest but Emily lifts her finger to my lips and continues to explain.
“I don’t mean that because I have doubts about you, Jonathan. It’s myself I worry about. I have never even been in a long term relationship let alone talked about the ‘M’ word. What if I mess this up? What if I am just no good at this and it doesn’t work out? I have no idea what I’m doing, Jonathan. I know I love you and I don’t want to be with anybody else. I also know that I am in this for as long as you’ll have me.” She takes a breath and says, “When I look at my future, it’s you I see. I’m just so scared that I am going to mess us up.”