I was starting to feel light-headed. "And what is that, exactly?" I asked, my voice sounding even fainter than I felt.
"Well, it started out like anything else," he said. "You want a good warrior, you want someone with the sharpest senses, and the quickest reflexes, and all that. But we're talking about berserkers, here. Ordinary warriors won't cut it."
"Berserkers?" I repeated. "Is that what people like Cole are called?"
He snorted. "'People,' she says. Hon, I know they look like men, and talk like them, but trust me. Berserkers aren't people. Not where it counts."
A hot rush of anger flooded my chest. "I don't understand," I said, struggling to keep my voice calm.
"You will," he said. "Trust me."
I cleared my throat. "But we're people?"
"Of course we are!" he exclaimed, half-rising in his chair. "Why would you even ask me that?"
"I don't know, Dad," I said, with the same forced calm. "This is all new to me. Apparently, some people aren't people because they shapeshift. I have no idea what it is that we do."
He shook his head, looking up at the ceiling. "I knew I should've started teaching you this stuff earlier," he said, raking his fingers through his hair. "I wanted to start when you were in grade school, but your mother…" He sighed and looked back down at me. "They don't just shapeshift. You don't understand. Of course you don't understand." He sighed again. "Look - one thing at a time, all right? I'm trying to explain how our bloodline started. People were chosen. They were trained. But it wasn't enough. We were losing too many to the berserkers. We couldn't match them. But eventually, we started to realize something.
"As it turned out, the best way to fight the berserkers was to understand them. At first, they found out by accident. It just so happened that the only people who could stand up to them, the only ones who stood a chance, were the same ones that wild dogs just ran up to. The same people who could tame a bird just by clicking their tongue. Eventually, we saw the connection. Like all animals, the berserkers were reacting to something they weren't even aware of. Something was making them less hostile, and it wasn't anything they could control. At least, not in their animal forms. They fought less effectively. They were distracted.
"The Order started an organized campaign. Children who were found to have this skill were raised as warriors. They were married to each other, and with each generation, their abilities grew stronger. Some of them even seemed to be able to communicate telepathically with animals. There are legends of warriors who used wild animals as their spies."
My mind was somersaulting, trying to take all of this in. "So they're…" I hesitated. "…on our side?"
I didn't know which "side" I was really on, or if I even wanted there to be a side. Or even necessarily if this was really happening. Hopefully, I'd wake up from a fever dream in a few hours and forget all of this insanity.
But in the meantime, it seemed best to play along.
"The animals?" My father shrugged. "Who knows? These are all old stories. I don't believe half of them, myself. But there's always a foundation of truth to them."
I clasped my hands tightly in my lap. So I was the product of thousands of years to selective breeding - children taken from their parents and trained to fight people like Cole. Did they even want that life? Did they ever have a chance to know anything else?
"The point is," my father went on, "eventually things went too far. Some of the warriors got too close. They started to develop compassionate feelings towards the berserkers, and they believed the berserkers felt the same way towards them. Before long, we had our very own Romeo and Juliet." He smirked. I hated how he kept saying we, like he'd even been alive when it happened. He did the same thing when he talked about the Seahawks, but this was a thousand times worse.
"As you might imagine, it was a shit-show." He was still smirking. "Without going into the whole thing, eventually there was a truce. But we kept the bloodline going. We had to. The berserkers sure weren't going to just disappear, so neither were we. Even if the war didn't continue for another hundred years, or another thousand, it didn't matter. We'd be ready."
My knuckles were turning white. "But how did the fighting start?"
"Because they're bloodthirsty." His voice was suddenly cold. "They're vermin. All they do is consume and destroy. Someone had to stop them."
Sickness churned in my stomach. I was trying to reconcile this notion with what I knew of Cole, of all the people in his 'pack' - whoever they might be. Was I the only person in Alki Valley that wasn't a…berserker?
"I still don't understand," I said, fighting to keep my voice calm. "If all this is true, why did you never tell me before? Why are you only coming back now?"
What do you want me to do?
But I was afraid to ask that question. Terrified of what the answer would be.
My father's face grew very serious, all signs of even the bitterest humor gone.
"This is it, Heather," he said. "This is the time. Every year, they get weaker from infighting. Now this whole thing with the fountain - I don't even know if they still remember us, but if they do, they sure aren't thinking about us now. It'll be the last thing they expect. Especially from someone like you."
I couldn't hold the question back any longer.
"The time to do what?"
A hollow smile crept across his face. "Heather," he said, in a tone that was probably meant to be soothing. "Heather, calm down. I'm just asking you to take a stand. It's not going to escalate. If things go well, there won't be any violence at all. I just want you to remind them that we're still here. I want them to remember that they need to uphold their end of the bargain."
"What bargain?" I gnawed on my lower lip, feeling more confused and lightheaded with each passing moment.
My father shook his head. "Right. The treaty. I never explained it. It's simple enough. They have their land, we have ours. It's been in effect for centuries. But over the years, they've pushed the line. Further and further, all over the world, all the clans have started expanding. Every generation cares less about the rules of the one that came before. By now, who knows if they're even teaching their young about it? They've started creeping away from their ancestral lands. Foxwoods, by all rights, is ours. They shouldn't be there. I'm ashamed to say that I ignored it when it happened. I had other things on my mind."
Yes, I remembered. They broke ground on Foxwoods the same day my mother packed her suitcase and threw it in the back of a taxi. I didn't even know taxis came out this far. That was what I remembered thinking, sitting there in my room with my nose pressed up against the glass, afraid to run after her, and not knowing what I'd say if she did. The white triangular sign on the top of the big yellow car glowed absurdly in the middle of the woods, not belonging.
I knew how it felt.
Now, I realized that my parents' escalating fights leading up to that day must have been about Foxwoods. About my father wanting to do something, to fight back, and my mother not wanting to turn her daughter into a warrior. She'd shown me precious little tenderness to my face, but it was strangely comforting, even now, to know that she cared for me in her own way.
"But you said…" I cleared my throat. "You said there's just us left. And the rest of the bloodline is gone. We can't…they're not going to listen to us."
"No," he said, his eyes hard and fixed, unblinking, on mine. "But they'll listen to you."
"They won't," I half-whispered, my voice refusing to cooperate now. "I don't know what kind of influence you think I have, but…"
My father's mouth quirked a little at the corner. "You don't know, do you? They're all berserkers. Every one of them. Steve, Andrea, Joe, your precious boss. All those guys at the shop. That's why they've taken such a liking to you. But that doesn't really matter. None of those people matter. We've got our ace in the hole."
My fists clenched reflexively in my lap.
"That Cole," my father said, still wearing his mask of a smile. "Did you think you could hid
e it from me? I can smell him on you."
Swallowing reflexively, I tried to stop my throat from closing up. "I…he…I don't…"
He put up a hand to stop me. "Don't. Please. I know how it is. It's only natural for someone like you. The instincts are strong, so you connect with these people like no one else can. Especially Cole. That creature's one of the strongest berserkers there is. But mentally, he's weak. He hates himself and he doesn't trust his clan. He senses that something's wrong. He knows how dangerous they are. All you have to do is let him believe that. Encourage him. Be his rock. Be the one person in the world that he can trust."
My father leaned forward in his seat. "He doesn't know what it means to be human. So teach him."
There wasn't enough air left in the room. My heartbeat pounded so hard that it felt like my whole body was shaking, as my head slowly tried to separate and float up to the ceiling.
"I can't," I said, hearing my own voice as a distant echo. "I don't know how."
"Yes you do," my father said. "You already are."
After I'd completely lost all ability to understand what my father was saying, he'd blabbered some nonsense about "giving me time to think," and walked out of my apartment. I sat there for a long while afterwards, not moving from where he'd left me.
It couldn't be real. It had to be some kind of cruel joke. But even my father didn't seem capable of this. Besides, it was too elaborate. He must really believe it.
After what I'd seen with my own eyes, how could I deny my father's story?
The facts, at least, seemed to explain many of the things I'd never been able to understand. About Douglas Mountain, about the people who lived here. No matter how many times he told me not to, I'd keep calling them "people." They simply were. He could choose not to see it, but I didn't have that luxury.
I was up all night, pacing and thinking, my mind running in circles. Before I knew it, the sun had risen high in the sky, and I still didn't have any answers.
When Cole called, I didn't pick up.
I had to gather my thoughts before I talked to him. There'd be no use pretending I was all right; I must look like I'd seen a ghost, and he'd be able to tell. Once he asked me what was wrong, I'd spill everything. I would have to beg off meeting with him today.
Naturally, being Cole, he didn't give me the chance.
He only called a few more times before I heard pounding at my door, and this time I was sure of who it was. I sat there, staring at the slightly vibrating wood, ignoring it for as long as I could force myself.
"Come on, Heather!" Cole's voice boomed. "I know you're in there."
I dragged myself over to the door, my feet as heavy as lead.
"Jesus," he said, when I finally yanked it open. "What happened, Heather?"
There wasn't any point in lying. Then again, there wasn't any point in telling the whole truth, either.
"Dad came over last night," I said. "Haven't seen him in - well, almost as long as I haven't seen you."
Cole reached for my arm, just resting his hand on it lightly. "Is everything okay?"
I nodded. "He just, you know…wanted to catch up, I guess."
Cole tilted his head at me. I was a terrible liar, but he wasn't going to push it.
Flopping down on the sofa, I let my eyes close for a few moments. "It wasn't a coincidence, was it? Adanna coming here right after you left?"
He was silent for a while.
"No," he said, finally. I heard him sit down on the other end of the couch. "I was in the running to lead the clan. Everybody expected it. When I left, they had to scramble. Find somebody new. They're better off this way."
I had so many questions still, and so many that I didn't dare give voice to. I didn't know where to start, and I wasn't sure where I could stop, either.
Cole went on, after a deep sigh. "Now that I'm back, everybody seems to think I want to be the Alpha. They're not saying it, of course. Not in so many words. But it's obviously what they expected. I won't be able to convince them that I just missed…"
I held my breath for a moment.
"…everything," he finished, at last.
I opened my eyes.
"I'm assuming somebody has studied you guys," I said, staring at the ceiling. "Doctors, I mean. Scientists. Genetically speaking."
"Yeah," he said, after a pause. "Where's this coming from?"
"I've just been doing a lot of thinking," I said. "That's all. It's a lot to wrap my head around."
Cole cleared his throat. "I get it," he said. "Sorry. I just…I know it's a lot. I had some of the same questions when I first woke up in the middle of the woods, with a dead rabbit next to me."
The fear was almost palpable. He wasn't showing it on his face, or in his voice, but I felt it all the same.
I'm afraid. I don't know what happens when I'm like that, and I'm terrified I'll hurt somebody.
My subsconscious seemed to have developed a penchant for talking to me in Cole's voice. At least, I had to believe that's what that was.
"Woke up?" I echoed, looking at him. "You mean you don't remember what happens when you're…"
"No," he said. "Not really. Bits and pieces, sometimes. But it's foggy." He looked at me for a moment. "You want me to get out of here for a while? You look like you could use some rest."
I shook my head. There was no way I'd be able to switch off my brain and sleep, no matter how badly I wanted to.
"Can't sleep," I said, finally.
"I'm sorry." He scooted closer, resting his hand on my shoulder. "I know it's been a lot to handle, these past couple days. I wish I knew how to make it easier." He smiled a little. "I could go punch your dad in the face, if that would help."
I laughed. "Please don't. But thank you."
He may have been half-joking, but Cole knew almost every ugly detail of my childhood, and the way my father treated me. Every hurled insult, every broken door frame, every late night he never came home, and never called. Every jagged, fist-sized hole in the wall. Every time he made me feel like less than nothing.
It still made Cole angry, even now. I could feel it.
All I wanted to do was curl up against him and fall asleep, and not wake up for days. But what if my father was somehow right? What if sleeping next to a man who turned into a giant wolf with no consciousness and no memory actually was a bad idea?
This was insane. Every part of it was insane. In my current state, I could almost pretend it was all just a dream. Any minute now, I'd wake up.
Alone.
My defenses were low. Too low to fight the urge anymore. I wrapped my arms around Cole, pulling him close with a sudden movement.
"Ooof," he muttered, returning my embrace. "You sure you're okay, Sunshine?"
I nodded against his chest.
Being this close to him was overwhelming - but in a good way. His warmth, his scent, the feel of his body pushed everything else aside. I stopped worrying about what my father had said, and even my exhaustion started to ebb away slightly.
"Maybe I can help you relax," he murmured, against the side of my head.
I chuckled softly. "Smooth, Jackman. Really smooth."
I felt him smile. "But you didn't say no."
"Course not," I said. "I make it a personal policy to never turn down sexual favors."
He kissed me, slow and sweet, taking his time. I melted into it, letting him lie me down on the sofa and kiss his way down my body, undoing buttons and pushing aside fabric as he went. When he reached my jean shorts, I lifted my hips for him, and he slid them down, leaving my panties behind.
"Think you forgot something," I muttered.
"Did I?" He was probably grinning. I felt a light puff of air on the damp spot at the center of my panties - and shivered all over. A moment later, his lips followed, kissing and nuzzling me through the fabric. A warm tingling travelled straight from my core up to my heart, and I sighed.
His tongue followed, making little circles around my clit. Gasping, I rolled my hips.
The fabric of my panties, wet and getting wetter, was spreading out the intensity of the sensations. I'd never felt anything quite like it.
Delicious tension built and built, and I found myself marveling at how different he could be, how different we could be. From our frantic coupling in the woods, to this - it was night and day, and I loved them both, almost as much as I loved…
Cole yanked my panties aside, and my train of thought derailed at the feeling of his tongue directly on my aching flesh. I groaned, bucking up to his mouth, my heart seizing with the overwhelming pleasure of my climax.
As my pulse slowed, my eyelids grew unbearably heavy. I felt myself grow weightless, and I realized Cole was lifting me, carrying me to my bed. When I tried to mutter something, he just kissed me on the forehead and curled up next to me under the covers.
That was the last thing I remembered, for a while.
Chapter Six
It was still light out when I woke up. Blinking sleepily, I instinctively cuddled up against Cole before I could remember everything that had happened.
Worry and confusion seeped back into my mind. Now that my head was slightly clearer, I realized that I needed to get as much information from Cole as I could. I had to understand what was going on, from his point of view - how much he knew about the clan and its history, and the warriors, too. But he was right - I was a terrible liar.
I'd have to tell him some of what my father told me. But none of that warrior bloodline nonsense about me. If he took it seriously, I had no idea how he'd react.
I laid there for what felt like ages, trying to work it out in my head. There was no way to say it that wouldn't at least pique his curiosity.
Honesty was the best policy. Up to a point.
When he finally woke up, blinking slowly, a smile started creeping across his face almost before he was completely conscious. I smiled back, kissing him on the tip of his nose.
He chuckled.
"Good morning," he murmured, slinging his arm in my general direction. I tucked it under my head, turning to look at him.
Howl & Growl: A Paranormal Romance Boxed Set Page 64