by Madelon Smid
“Come on. Let’s get you feeling partly human again and sort this out.” Sam stepped up and wrapped his arms around him. He grabbed for Sam and hung on for a full second, looking over his shoulder into the dresser mirror. He saw himself clearly for the first time in weeks, his face haggard and putty green, his wild hair and whiskers, a man who needed a friend to help him stand up.
He squeezed Sam hard and pushed back. “Why’d she send you?”
“Sharon doesn’t just report to you.” Sam picked up a towel and threw it at him, then slid open the wide doors onto the veranda. A cool breeze fanned through the room, lifting Jake’s hair. He turned to the sound of waves slapping the beach, grabbed his sunglasses from the dresser and followed Sam out.
It felt like he’d walked into a wall of light. The heat slammed into him. The sand burned his feet. He raised his hand just enough to acknowledge Josh’s shout from the surf and loped down to the water beside Sam. Jake dove into the first big wave and swam hard for twenty minutes, letting his blood and sweat drive the alcohol out of his body. His legs felt like noodles when he flopped into a shaded lounge chair and lifted the beaded glass of orange juice his houseboy placed beside him.
The guys gave him another ten minutes alone before they settled into adjacent chairs. In that time he reminded himself they cared about him. More importantly, they were here because they cared about Siree. He needed to address their concerns.
“So why did she send you?” he asked again, when he felt he could handle the answer.
“I just said that to get your attention,” Sam confessed. “We don’t talk to Siree about you, or haven’t talked to you about her because we figure it just makes it worse. But Ty told her he didn’t think you were handling things well.”
“Why the hell would he tell her that?”
“You know Siree. If she wants to know something she can wangle it out of a guy in minutes. I understand from Sharon that Ty is a marshmallow where Siree is concerned.”
“The point isn’t why Siree asked or why Ty told.” Josh leaned forward, his hand swinging his Corona between his legs. “The point is we don’t want her to hear anything about you that would cause her to worry.”
“And it’s up to you to make sure she doesn’t, by making bad news moot,” Sam added. “Siree’s the brightest woman we know. Do you think she isn’t sorting out fact from fiction in this Jake the Philanderer crap you’re selling so hard? Do you think she hasn’t looked at the stock market, seen JDI shares in the toilet and can’t calculate the damage?”
“You might be able to walk away clean”—Josh took up the verbal cudgel they beat him with—“but she didn’t make that choice. She’s still in love with you and it’s her nature to care about those she loves. She’s wasting the energy she needs to heal on stressing over you.”
“Siree needs plastic surgery on her wounds and she’s holding out till all three can be done in one go. The two scars already healed need to be done now for ultimate results.”
“Then tell Sharon to persuade her to go ahead.”
“You need to persuade her,” Sam said.
“No, it nearly killed me to walk away. I’m not going to do it all over again.”
He heard the pain in his own voice as they sat back.
“You can help her without talking to her.” Josh spoke with caution, weighing each word. “It’s time to pull it together, old man. Show her you’re back to normal, save JDI. Then she can at least stop worrying about you and focus on healing. You can’t hide here until the stalker is caught. No matter how hard you, Gribbs and the police are trying, it might never happen.”
“Shit.” Jake hunched over to rest his elbows on his knees. “God damn that stalker and what she’s done to our lives.”
“She certainly messed up Siree’s,” Sam interjected, never one to mince words. “But you’ve made all the choices since the stabbing. She didn’t ask you to abandon her when she needed you most.”
Jake launched himself at his friend, hitting him hard and knocking him to the sand were they wrestled for supremacy, until the blind fury in his brain dissipated enough for him to distinguish Sam’s placidity. Astride his friend’s back, he lifted Sam’s face from the sand with a disgusted sound. Standing, he reached down a hand to help him stand.
Sam spit out sand and wiped his eyes. He glared at Josh. “Thanks for the help, pal. You come up with the idea to get Jake to take action and sit back and let me get the crap pounded out of me. Some action.”
“I held your beer.” Josh handed it to him.
They watched Jake brush himself down then run across the beach and dive into the first wave that hit. He surfaced minutes later, walked over, picked up his beer and dropped onto the lounge chair.
“We can only guess how bad you’re hurting,” Josh stated, pressing his hand on Jake’s shoulder, “but, buddy, five weeks of blitzing your reputation and company is enough. You can’t stay in limbo forever, and keep her hanging there with you. She won’t ever make the choice to walk away from you. If you’re determined to sacrifice being with her to keep her safe, then you have to get back in the game. You have to move on so she gets the message and moves on too.”
A deluge of grief enveloped him. But so did the truth. While he said one thing, he lived in the hope of another. A part of him expected to work his way back to her side. And that’s the same selfish thinking that had gotten her hurt in the first place.
“You’re right.” He pushed himself upright and stood. “All of this is about her, and if that’s what it takes to get her whole, I’ll get on it.”
He noted the relief on his friends’ faces. “Thanks for kicking my ass,” he said, knowing they would understand all the things left unspoken in that message.
****
Siree nestled deeper into the bright-colored cushions Sharon had tucked around her. The couch in her mother’s condo had become her go to place to recuperate. She’d come there straight from the hospital at Sharon’s insistence. Siree didn’t argue. Without Jake, she freely admitted she needed her mother.
His eyes stared back at her from the covers of magazines and the front page of newspapers. He looked thinner and harder. The wicked smile remained elusive. Whatever beautiful woman hung on his arm looked like an afterthought. It fed Siree’s hope enough to keep her going. He was never seen twice with the same woman. She suspected it was a deliberate ploy to keep the stalker from fixating on one. She prayed it was because Jake still wanted her.
Her thoughts circled him in a never-ending rollercoaster ride, racing high with love and dipping low with depression. Elation led her into tight turns that dropped her into frightening darkness. Did he suffer the same sense of loss? Feel the looming emptiness claim more of him each day? A small sob left her throat.
Her mother looked up from the book she’d been reading on the opposite couch. “All right, darling?”
She nodded, sinking back into introspection when her mother’s knowing regard returned to her book. She hungered for Jake. At first she only knew he wasn’t there to hold her when the pain knifed through her like a repeat of the attack. His beloved face didn’t hover above her when she needed courage. Her hand remained empty when she reached for his strength. With longer hours of lucidity came her mother’s explanation of his position. Siree understood his strategy and fought alone to help him make it work. Though she didn’t agree with it, and desperately needed him beside her, she understood his protective instincts allowed him no other choice. She had faith that he’d come back to her. Once the stalker was behind bars, it would happen.
She’d wept when she thought of the damage he’d done to his company and good name to get the stalker’s attention off her. Though she pushed the thoughts away as repellant when they came, she still wondered how often the beautiful women he used as a distraction took advantage of the situation to make a play for such a rich prize. They might even see beyond the money, good looks and fame to the thoughtfulness and goodness she loved.
Her spirit
s had lifted a little when he abruptly changed strategy. He stopped putting himself in the eye of the storm. The island covered with bimbos and booze receded into the past. The man he’d hired again fielded all PR for JDI, and the company stocks began a sluggish climb. From Ty she learned Jake travelled constantly, visiting the powerful men who’d supported him in the past, and convincing them JDI could still deliver. Though she could find the odd article on JDI or Jake in business magazines, the tabloids gush of attention slowed to a trickle. The murder of a fashion designer by his lover and overdose of a film star grabbed headlines. Jake slipped off their radar.
With a deep sigh, she wondered if he meant to disappear from her life, too. Had he left her not as a safeguard but because of a deep-seated belief he must? She shifted to ease the strain on her shoulder and forced herself to focus on her blessings. Josh and Sam had become good friends. Her mother surrounded her with warmth and humor. And too many cushions, she thought, batting a few of them back into position. She spoiled her with her favorite foods and treats, fresh flowers, books, and music. And she doesn’t smother me. She knows when I need to be alone.
Ty had unceremoniously filled his position with an up and coming CEO he believed in, and bought himself a condo just down the street from Sharon’s. They saw him every day. He and Sharon had started running together, and Siree took pleasure in seeing her mother leave the condo to meet Ty and return looking invigorated and happier. Jake’s sacrifice hadn’t been in vain. The press had disappeared from their lives. Only security remained, shadowing her everywhere.
She stroked the layer of gauze on her forearm, felt the pulling of surgical tape across her rib cage and stomach. She’d undergone more surgery, but only one more time in hospital. She’d managed to beat the infection and close the last wound. The plastic surgeon had worked on all three knife wounds in the same session. He’d assured her the once ragged scars would eventually become thin white lines. He couldn’t know they meant little compared to the agony of losing Jake.
Determined to get back to normal, back to him, Siree got on with it, setting herself goals and meeting them each hour, each day, each week. She started physiotherapy to strengthen the muscles that had been damaged around the stab sites. She kept a journal, recording the horrific moments of the attack, the devastation of Jake’s departure, facing every moment full on. She concluded, to prove to her stubborn lover they belonged together, she’d have to show she was stronger and better than before the attack.
Gribbs had called to update her two days earlier. The police continued to work on the case. But ten weeks had passed with no sightings or contact and leads had gone cold. It seemed like they hung in suspended animation. Would this ever end?
The clock on the mantel chimed 9:00 p.m. For weeks, her mother had emailed Jake at this time, reporting on Siree’s condition at the end of each day. The sounds of the chimes made both women look up. But Sharon no longer headed for the computer. She had stopped communications with him when Siree’s wound had finally closed and she’d brought her home from the hospital. Though she never talked to her about him, she knew that her mother, too, missed the dynamic man and worried constantly about Siree’s reaction to his loss. It forced her to put a good face on the situation, a positive thing, she’d decided. Your attitude created your life.
A rustle of fabric drew her attention. Her mother marked her place in the book and crossed over to her. “Time to get you settled in your bed, darling.”
“Yes, the therapist really put me through the wringer today,” she said, remembering the physiotherapist’s insistence. Just one more, over and over again. She inched her way to the edge of the sofa. Muscles pulled and burned, pain shot up and down her arm and torso. Her mother stayed close, aware Siree wanted to do it alone. Siree hadn’t told her mother, Ty or the team, but she’d set herself a goal and a timeframe. She had every intention of doing the Mexican climb with Josh, Sam and Jake. By the time they hit the summit, Jake would be back in her life.
She had over four months to hit peak condition. Surely in that time the police would have her attacker behind bars. Hope motivated her to struggle daily through the pain and emptiness.
****
Siree’s bandages came off late September. A year and forty days since she’d met Jake.
“They’re looking really good, really good.” Pride suffused the plastic surgeon’s voice.
She stared down at the thin red lines marking her arm, chest and torso. What could she say? They were what they were. She would use them to remind her that in accepting what happened and working to recover from it she’d met one of her goals. She was a stronger, better person now. She’d agreed to counseling. Talking out her fears and facing them helped minimalize the damage. She could walk out into a dark street. She no longer saw a threat in every woman who moved near her.
“Keep wearing loose fitting, smooth textured tops for the next few weeks so you don’t agitate the scars,” He reminded. He squeezed her shoulder in silent empathy. “A few months and you’ll barely see them. Hang in there.”
Thanking him for his kindness and skills, she left the downtown clinic and headed back to her client’s office building. She’d hassled Ty until he’d broken under the pressure and agreed to give her something to do. Though he kept a handle on the goings on in his company long distance, he spent more of his time working on Sharon’s nonprofits, bringing with him a whole new approach and network.
Ty had his CEO shuffle personnel around and assign Siree a Vancouver-based client. Though considerably below her level of expertise, the job gave her a focus outside of Jake. For hours each day she lost herself in a world of streaming algorithms.
Work also gave her a reason to be out of her mother’s condo during the day to make room for the blossoming romance between Sharon and Ty. Siree watched him shed years of accumulated weight and worry. He morphed into a much younger man in front of her eyes, a man who very much attracted her mother. He courted Sharon with romantic dinners and daytime outings.
Siree settled in front of her laptop. She smiled at her screensaver, a photo of her mother and Ty jogging together. Temptation hinted, nudged and then pushed at her. Just for a few minutes, she promised herself, tired of acting like a teenager with a crush. Her finger’s keyed in a slideshow of Jake. My guilty pleasure. His face filled the screen, laughing, teasing, serious and unaware. Jake cooking, snuggling next to her on the couch. Jake climbing with Josh and Sam, Jake looking deeply into her eyes during one of their face time talks.
The sigh that quivered up from the depths of her soul caused her whole body to tremble. You’ve indulged yourself enough for today. Now get back to work or you’re going to end up as obsessed as Crazy Lady. Pulling up the spreadsheets from which she would eventually excavate the answer for her client, she dug deeper for the money missing from the company income.
Her phone sounded.
Siree read the caller’s name and decided to answer. “Siree McConnell.”
“Ms. McConnell, Patricia Wallace with CTV. I wonder if you would speak with me a minute.”
She puffed out her lip, took a second to think. A highly respected journalist, Patricia offered the respect so many of her comrades couldn’t seem to find.
“What can I do for you, Patricia?”
“First I’d like you to know how sorry I am that you were attacked and injured so badly. I hope you’re doing well.”
“Thank you. I’m feeling fine.” Her mother’s advice echoed. Stick to the minimal.
“That’s lovely to hear. I wanted to give you plenty of recovery time before asking you to consider doing an interview for my show.”
A lot more than the other hungry hyenas had offered, Siree mused. They’d ripped and torn her peace in a feeding frenzy the minute she’d been wheeled out of the hospital doors to a private limo.
“I respect your journalistic integrity and watch your show whenever possible, Patricia, but can’t see that my story is even current.”
“Any act of coura
ge is current. You fought off your attacker and fought your way back to life. I think you’d inspire a lot of other people who are settling for being the victim instead of choosing to be victorious like yourself.”
“Thanks, Patricia. I’m just not ready for more publicity. It’s over and done with and I want to move on.” Though warmed by the journalist’s admiration, she left no room for debate.
“Well, thank you for speaking with me. If you change your mind, please call me. This is my private line and it’s on 24/7. I wish you a full recovery.”
Patricia rang off, leaving Siree staring at the phone. She took a minute to save the number into her address book. You can never have too many contacts. Yikes, I’m turning into my mother. I’m going to beg Ty for a real job, one that will hold my attention for more than a few minutes. Definitely time to move back to my own place.
Thanksgiving came and went. People Lookout printed a photo of Jake at a charity function to which JDI had donated a large amount. Command performance, Siree guessed. A director, who’d just finished her latest flick filmed in Montreal, featured in the photo with him. Just a coincidence, she soothed her hurting heart.
Though almost fully recovered, she hadn’t been able to return to the Toe Hold. It seemed some trauma still hung on. Instead, she joined a climbing club and every weekend climbed in the Rockies. The temperatures dropped and waterfalls became curtains of ice. She toed her way up the side of them. She tackled another glacier and, using skins skied into pristine back country slopes with the group. She found it great therapy, useful in building her muscles to full strength. Equally valuable were the new friends and long weekend excursions. They filled up the empty hours without Jake.
One weekend Sam drove up from Seattle to make the climb with her. Josh kept in touch by phone. Siree had let them know her intentions of climbing Iztacchuatl and Citlaltepetl with them. When she explained the climb was her Holy Grail, a wonderful surprise for Jake, they reluctantly agreed to keep it from him. From various locations on the continent, they started training in earnest. She spoke with them often, teasing Josh when he got lost in his work and missed yet another training session, arguing with Sam about the best pieces of equipment for a glacier climb. They never spoke of Jake.