When we got to the park, we rode our bikes around the lake until we got to this hidden-away area with a bunch of huge rocks. We left our bikes against some trees, and Billy adjusted his backpack, which was pretty full, on his back.
“What’s in there?” I asked him in a teasing way. But all Billy would say was that I would find out soon enough.
Billy took my hand, and we walked across the rocks. It was cool because the rocks were big enough that they actually stuck out above the water and formed a line that led out into the lake. It was kind of like walking on water. We walked out to the farthest rock, which was mostly flat, and sat down on top of it. It was just Billy and me, surrounded by the waters of Oak Lake, a few stray ducks, and some chirping birds. (That sounds kind of weirdly poetic, but it was actually nice.)
“Picnic time!” Billy said when we sat down. He brought out cheese and crackers, grapes and strawberries, turkey sandwiches, and two bottles of lemonade. It was so cute. We ate our lunch sitting next to each other on the rocks. When we were done, we threw the leftover bits of our sandwiches to the ducks on the lake. Then Billy brought out a piece of cake on a plate and two forks. “It’s a little smushed from being in my backpack,” he said.
I didn’t care. It still tasted good.
After we ate the cake, Billy said he had a real surprise for me. He took a little box out of his backpack. It was wrapped in the comics section from the Sunday paper, and it had a pink bow around it. It looked so cute. “I like your wrap job,” I told Billy.
He smiled. “I hope you like what’s inside too.” He handed me the box.
I opened it slowly. Inside was a black cord bracelet with a little pink glass heart on it. My heart started beating faster when I saw it. The bracelet was just the right mix of sweet and tough. “I love it,” I said the moment I saw it.
Billy slid the bracelet out of the box and tied it around my wrist. I held my wrist up so we could both see it. Then something happened that I hadn’t expected.
Billy picked up my hand and kissed my wrist right where the heart fell.
We were on a date, so I thought he would kiss me, just not on my wrist. He’s kissed me lots of times before, but always on my cheek or my lips. It felt kind of weird to be kissed on my wrist. I guess I made a face like I didn’t like it.
Billy was quiet for a minute. It was kind of awkward. “What are you thinking?” he asked.
I didn’t want to say what I was really thinking, which was that it seemed weird to kiss my wrist or that I hoped it didn’t taste salty from riding my bike so far and sweating like a pig. Instead, what I said was that I thought it was really sweet that he gave me such a nice gift.
The bracelet felt all right, but to be honest, something about the kiss on the wrist felt wrong.
There’s no place like home.
—Dorothy, The Wizard of Oz
Monday, September 30, 6:02 P.M.
At the kitchen table
Ms. Baumann might have been happy when we won the competition on Saturday, but today she was all business when she went through the homecoming schedule.
“Homecoming is October 18—that gives us less than three weeks to prepare!” She said it like three weeks was the same thing as three days. Then she talked about the dance we’ll be doing at the pep rally that Friday and the routine we’ll be performing during halftime of the game on Saturday.
When she was done, some of the girls started cheering like they were showing their school spirit a little early, but Ms. Baumann stopped them and said there would be time to cheer later. She called out Emily, Vanessa, Kate, and me. “Girls, you will be given permission to leave the middle school for the pep rally. As we get closer, we’ll coordinate your schedules.” Emily and I high-fived. Then Ms. Baumann told us to get ready to work on our dances for both performances, and that’s what we did.
When I got home, I called Billy. I was excited to tell him about performing at the homecoming game and the pep rally. “You can come to the game and see us dance!” I said.
“That’s cool,” Billy said, but I kind of got the feeling he didn’t really share my enthusiasm.
Saturday, October 5, 12:32 P.M.
On my bed, too tired to move
I haven’t written anything all week because I haven’t had time. All I’ve done is wake up, go to school, go to dance practice, come home, do my homework, and go to bed. Ms. Baumann has made our practices even longer than usual so that we’re ready in time for homecoming. All we do is go over and over and over our dances.
If someone gave Ms. Baumann a page in the yearbook, her quote would read: “Take it from the top.”
Sunday, October 6, 4:45 P.M.
In my bathroom
Trying to wash makeup off my face
Not sure it’s washable
I called Brynn, Billy, and Emily today to see if they wanted to do something, but they were all busy so I let May and June play beauty shop on me.
BIG MISTAKE.
Tuesday, October 8, 1:47 P.M.
My body, in study hall
My brain, somewhere else
Before study hall, Brynn invited me over after dance practice. “I want you to see my Halloween costume before I order it,” she said.
“Sounds like fun,” I told her, and it does. I have a test next period in social studies that I should be studying for, but who can think about the three branches of the American government with Halloween around the corner?
8:17 P.M.
Going to Brynn’s house to help her order her costume was a lot less fun than I thought it would be. In fact, it was pretty annoying. When I got there, Brynn said, “I’m going to be Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz.” Then she showed me the costume and all the accessories down to the ruby slippers she was planning to order.
“Wow! That’s a supercute costume,” I said. Then I told Brynn that I’m coming as a flapper girl. “Mom is making a really cute minidress with fringe on it for me. She said I can order some gloves and a headpiece and some fake pearls to go with it.”
Brynn frowned. “Actually, I was thinking that we could both go as characters from The Wizard of Oz. You can either be the Scarecrow or the Tin Man. I’m going to talk to Heather and see if she wants to be whichever one you don’t want to be, and Billy can be the Lion.”
I didn’t want to dress up as a scarecrow or a tin man. “Mom has already started on my costume,” I told Brynn. But that didn’t seem to make any difference to her.
“You can save it for another time.” She shrugged like it was really no big deal. Then, when I didn’t say anything for a few seconds, she crossed her arms across her chest and looked at me. “April, I think it would be really fun to all wear costumes from The Wizard of Oz.” She bent down and scooped up her dog, Riley, and held him up in front of me. “Riley can be Toto,” she said like it was all decided.
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Just because it’s Brynn’s party doesn’t mean she can decide what people are wearing. It’s really babyish, in my opinion, to all wear Wizard of Oz costumes. Plus, I already have a cute flapper costume.
Brynn tapped her foot like she was waiting for my answer, so I just said, “Whatever.”
Wednesday, October 9, 8:45 P.M.
After practice today, Emily and I walked home together. She said there was a cute store just off our route that she went to with her mom and her little sister yesterday, and there was something in the store she wanted to show me. When we got there, she had two matching Dance On graphic tees on hold behind the counter. “One is for you, and one is for me!” she said.
We tried them on, and they were supercute. “When I saw these, I knew we had to have them, so I got my mom to buy them yesterday!” she said.
“I love it!” I said.
“I’m so glad!” said Emily. Then she hugged me and said, “April, you’re like my new best friend.”
For some reason, it made me really happy when she said that.
Friday, October 11, 10:15 P.M.
Just home from the diner
Tonight was one of the most annoying nights ever.
I went to the diner with my family to celebrate my parent’s fifteenth anniversary. (I personally find it hard to imagine how they’ve put up with each other for fifteen years. I’ve only been putting up with them for thirteen, and it has definitely been a challenge.)
Dad closed early and planned a surprise celebration for Mom. He invited everyone we know and love (his words, not mine)—Gaga; all of my aunts, uncles, and cousins on my mom’s side; my dad’s brother, Uncle Martin; his son Sam; some of our neighbors; and Billy and Brynn and their families.
Dad went all out. He blew up giant pictures of himself and mom from their wedding and hung them up everywhere. The pictures were old and grainy, and their clothes and hair looked so ridiculous.
Dad cooked all the same foods he and Mom served at their wedding, and he even made a special vanilla cream pie that he said resembled their wedding cake. I didn’t think so from the pictures, but Mom seemed touched by his gesture.
After Dad served dinner, he made a toast to Mom, and then he sang a song he wrote for her. He has a horrible voice. Mom actually cried. I don’t know why. Maybe her ears hurt.
I honestly thought the whole thing was ridiculous and embarrassing.
When Dad was done singing, Gaga walked over to me and said, “April, why the sour look?”
I thought the answer to that question was pretty obvious.
Saturday, October 12, 12:45 P.M.
This morning at dance, after we finished practicing our dances for the pep rally and the halftime show, Ms. Baumann gave out the T-shirts we’re going to be wearing for homecoming. They’re supercute red fitted shirts with the school logo on them, and she said we should all wear them with denim shorts.
“You can wear a padded bra with this one,” Mady whispered in my ear.
I smiled at her. I’m definitely going to.
5:44 P.M.
Sitting on my bed
Billy just left
When I got home from dance, I invited Billy over. I haven’t seen him for a while because I’ve been so busy with dance, but Mom was making homemade pizzas for lunch, and I know he loves pizza. When he walked into the kitchen, May and June were putting toppings on their pizzas. When they saw Billy, they got super excited.
“You can be my pizza decorator,” said May.
“Yeah, you can be mine too,” said June.
My sisters love Billy. Anyway, there were three small pizzas, and Billy spelled out May with pepperoni on one and June with black olives on another. Then he looked at me. “Can I be your pizza decorator too?” he asked.
“Sure,” I said. I would’ve rather just put toppings on like a normal pizza, but Billy seemed like he was enjoying playing it up for May and June.
He spelled out my name in mushrooms and basil, and then he made me hold it up while he took a picture of me with his phone. He actually made it his new phone wallpaper, which kind of annoyed me. It wasn’t even a good picture of me.
After we all ate our pizzas, Mom and Dad went outside to work in the yard and May and June went with them. Billy and I sat down on the couch to watch TV. I turned it on and sat there without saying anything. I don’t even know what we were watching.
“You’re really quiet,” Billy said after a few minutes.
I knew I was being grumpy, but I couldn’t help it. Decorating pizzas with Billy seemed so childish and stupid. I felt the same way about it that I did about Brynn wanting to wear matching Halloween costumes or my dad singing an off-key love song to my mom in front of everyone we know. I feel so different when I’m around the girls on the dance team and Emily than when I’m around Billy or Brynn or my family.
I was thinking about that when Billy poked me in the ribs. “Earth to April,” he said like he was waiting for an answer.
I don’t know why I said what I did next, but I told Billy about thigh gaps and that I don’t have one.
He started laughing. “I like you the way you are,” he said.
For some reason, that annoyed me even more.
So many roads. So many detours. So many choices. So many mistakes.
—Carrie Bradshaw
Still Saturday, October 12, now 10:49 P.M.
Freaking out
How can life be just fine one minute and a disaster the next? I don’t know if anyone else’s life is like that, but mine is. I can’t believe what happened tonight. I almost don’t want to write about it.
After dinner, I took Gilligan on a walk and I saw Matt. He wasn’t walking his dog. He was just outside. When he saw me, he started walking with me.
“How’s dance team going?” he asked. He was being really friendly, asking me about the team and what we’re doing.
I wasn’t feeling weird around him like I usually do. I was just in a good mood. I was actually feeling kind of cute and chatty. “I think there’s a girl on the team who likes you,” I said.
Matt smiled. “Really? Who?”
But I wouldn’t tell him. He kept asking, but I just kept shaking my head like I wasn’t going to say anything. “C’mon, April,” he said like he really wanted to coax it out of me.
I ran my fingers across my lips like they were zipped shut.
Matt laughed. “Well, it just so happens that there’s a girl on the team that I like. Can you guess who it is?” he asked.
I kind of had a feeling we were talking about the same person. “Chloe?” I said.
Matt frowned. “Why would you think I like Chloe?” he asked.
I wasn’t completely sure what to say at that point, but I told him what Chloe said about how he flirts with her in bio and how he made her laugh so hard she got sent to the office.
Matt shook his head. “I don’t like Chloe,” he said.
“It seems like you do,” I said back.
Matt looked at me in a weird way, like he thought I was challenging him. “I don’t like Chloe.” His voice was lower this time. He stopped walking, so I stopped too. We were standing next to a tree in Dr. Black’s yard. It was dark outside, but I could feel Matt looking down at me. Then he whispered in my ear, “I like you, California.”
He stood there for what felt like a long time, his eyes looking into mine. I tried to look away, but I couldn’t. Then Matt pulled me in next to him and kissed me.
I wasn’t expecting him to do that. Everything in my brain started to swirl together. It wasn’t just that he kissed me. It was the way he kissed me.
Matt’s fingers dug into my waist. His mouth was pressed hard against mine. Then I could feel his hands moving down my back. His fingers were grazing the top of my butt, pulling me in even closer to him. I arched my back and pulled in my stomach.
He pulled his lips away from mine. “You have an amazing body,” he whispered.
I couldn’t believe he’d said that. I’m not sure I believed it, but I wanted to. I silently thanked Emily for all her diet advice.
Matt’s lips were back on mine. I leaned into him. It was like my body was my body, but my brain belonged to someone else. No one had ever taught me to do what I was doing, but somehow instinctively, I seemed to know.
I felt the tip of Matt’s tongue against my lips, daring me to open them. Gilligan pulled on his leash. Part of me knew I should break away, but I didn’t. It was like my brain was telling me to stop, but the rest of me wanted to know what his tongue would feel like.
I parted my lips, just a little. When I did, Matt’s tongue slipped into my mouth. The warmth and the pressure of it against mine scared me and I pulled back.
The magical spell was broken. What was I doing? I ran the back of my hand along my mouth. I wanted to wipe away what just happened. “You shouldn’t have done that,” I said.
Matt looked at me. “Really? Why?”
My good mood from earlier evaporated. I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t want to be standing next to a tree in Dr. Black’s yard with Matt Parker looking down at me waiting for a response
. Thoughts of Billy flooded my brain. “I have a boyfriend,” I whispered.
Matt looked at me in his confident I-have-an-answer-for-everything way. “Then this will be our secret,” was the last thing he said before I turned and walked home with Gilligan.
11:53 P.M.
I’ll never be able to fall asleep. I feel so awful. I can’t believe what happened tonight. How could I kiss Matt?
I keep thinking about Billy. So what that I was annoyed with him this afternoon or that I thought the wrist kiss on our date was a little weird. Billy is sweet and smart and adorable. Why in the world would I kiss Matt when I have such an amazing boyfriend? And why would I let him kiss me the way I did? I feel sick.
Matt’s words keep rattling around inside my head. “This will be our secret.”
I don’t want to have a secret with Matt Parker.
I know Matt said he likes me, but . . . does he really like me? And do I like Matt? I hardly know him, but I like the way he kisses me. Is that terrible to say? I like Billy, but it doesn’t feel the same when he kisses me.
My mind keeps going back over every millisecond of my kiss with Matt.
How can I wish I hadn’t kissed Matt when I can’t stop thinking about it? What’s wrong with me? I’m so confused. How could I do this to Billy? Why am I even still thinking about Matt? I don’t want to be thinking about him. Does it make me a bad person that I am?
All I know for sure is that Matt messes up my life. That’s the problem with him. It’s what happened when he kissed me at the end of seventh grade, and now, it’s happening all over again. He’s like a curse. I just want to go to sleep and stop thinking about any of this. Hopefully, when I wake up, I’ll find out this whole thing was just a bad dream.
Too Good to Be True Page 5