This morning, I went to dance practice. It was our last Saturday practice before the fall show, which is on Wednesday. It should be such an exciting night, and I don’t want the other girls on the team to still be ignoring me. I don’t want Billy and Brynn to still be mad at me either. We’ve hardly spoken for a month, and I miss my friends.
So when I finished dance practice, I went to the diner to talk to Dad. He’s always been the person I talk to when I have a problem. Before he opened the diner last year, he wrote an advice column in the Faraway paper, so I have to believe he knows what he’s doing when it comes to helping people with their problems.
When I got to the diner, Dad was busy with the lunch crowd, but when he saw me, I know he could tell it was important because he asked his assistant manager, Hal, to keep an eye on things. He took me back to his office and closed the door.
Dad sat down behind his desk. “What can I do for you, April?” he asked.
I looked around Dad’s office. It’s crammed with papers and boxes, which give it a very homey, lived-in feel that I like. There are quotes and recipes and pictures of pies taped to the walls. Dad keeps a bowl of Tootsie Rolls on his desk. I unwrapped one and started sucking on it. I wasn’t sure what to say.
Sometimes Dad is like a mind reader. He smiled at me in an understanding way. “Why don’t you start at the beginning,” he said softly.
So I did. I took a deep breath and told Dad everything that happened with Matt and Billy and Brynn and Emily and Chloe, and how everyone on the dance team is mad at me and that it feels like my whole life was going so well and then it fell apart and that even though I know it sounds dramatic, I don’t feel like I’ll ever be happy again, at least not in Faraway. Then I told Dad I don’t want things to be the way they are. “I just don’t know what to do to change them,” I said.
Dad made a little tent with his fingers and put them over his lips like he was thinking. He was quiet for a long time. Even though he hadn’t said anything yet, it felt good just getting everything off my chest.
Finally, he started talking. “April, you made a mistake. Your actions hurt other people.”
I didn’t need Dad to remind me of that. I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. But he kept talking. “Part of life is making mistakes. How you handle your mistakes makes the difference.”
“I tried to apologize to Billy and to Brynn and to Chloe, but no one wanted to accept my apology,” I explained to Dad.
He nodded like he got what I was saying. “Sometimes people just need a little time before they’re ready to hear what you have to say. It sounds like it has been a while now, and I think if you talk to your friends again, tell them how badly you feel, and sincerely apologize, they’ll be open to listening.”
I shook my head. “I don’t see how time changes things,” I said to Dad.
When I said that, Dad pointed to a piece of paper tacked up to the wall behind him. I read the piece of paper he was pointing to. Let time be your best friend.
It’s one of Dad’s favorite quotes. I’d read it dozens of times before, but it never meant anything to me. Hopefully, I can make time my best friend . . . or it will be the only friend I have.
4:48 P.M.
Just home from getting ice cream with
Brynn
When I left the diner, I went to Brynn’s house. I could tell she was surprised to see me. “Do you want to go for ice cream?” I asked.
It’s what we’ve always done when we need to talk, so I was happy Brynn agreed to go. On the way to the Cold Shack, neither one of us said much. When we got our hot fudge sundaes and sat down, I started talking first. “I’ve had a lot of time to think about what happened, and I know I really hurt you.”
Brynn winced like she’d actually been in pain.
“Brynn, I’m really sorry,” I said. “About everything.”
“I just don’t understand why you’d kiss Matt after everything that happened last summer. I don’t see how you could have done that to Billy,” she said. “And I really don’t get why you would have talked to Emily about it and not me.”
“I don’t know why I kissed Matt,” I told Brynn. “The truth is that it just happened.” It was hard to find the words to explain. “I get confused whenever I’m around Matt,” I told Brynn.
She looked at me in kind of a blank way when I said that, like she didn’t really get my confusion. I wasn’t sure I could say anything that would get Brynn to understand, but I tried. “The reason I didn’t tell you is because I knew how you would react.”
That definitely wasn’t the right thing to say.
Brynn shook her head in a sad way. “April, you practically dumped me when you made the dance team. You hurt me, and you hurt Billy too.”
I didn’t see what Billy had to do with this. Just hearing her say his name made me mad. Even though I had gone to apologize to Brynn, right then I knew I had to say the things I’d kept in the last time we talked.
“Brynn, I was upset too. I was hurt that you didn’t even congratulate me when I made the team. As my best friend, you could have at least been a little bit happy for me.”
I hadn’t planned to say what I did next, but it just came out. “I’ve also been upset because part of me feels like you have a thing for Billy. A more-than-a-friend thing.”
Brynn’s eyes looked like they were about to pop out of her head. She’d never admit it, but I knew she knew I’d nailed it. I kept going. “It bothered me when you called him to watch us dance, and then you went and talked to him about me behind my back. Do you know how I feel every time I see the two of you together in school, laughing and talking?”
I could tell Brynn didn’t like hearing that. She sat in her chair, unmoving, quiet for a long time. She looked down at her melting ice cream. “April, I’m sorry I wasn’t happier for you when you made the team, but it was hard for me.” She paused and then she said, “Billy and I have been friends for a long time.”
I waited for her to say she only likes Billy as a friend, but she didn’t. She just looked at me like it was my turn. I knew that was as much as I would get from Brynn.
“You’re my best friend,” I said. “I’m so sorry about everything I did that hurt you. I just hope things can go back to how they were.”
“It might take some time,” said Brynn. But she didn’t look as mad as she had before.
I told her I understood, and we promised to be straight with each other. Then we hugged and ate our ice cream.
It was a start.
Sunday, November 24, 5:59 P.M.
Just home from Billy’s
After lunch, I went over to Billy’s house to talk to him.
Billy answered the door, and we both just stood there looking at each other and not saying anything. It was totally awkward. He’s always so straightforward and honest with people, so I knew that’s what I needed to be with him. “Billy, I’m really sorry about everything that happened,” I said. My heart still hurt when I talked to him. We sat down on his front porch. “Not a day goes by that I don’t think about it,” I said. “If I could go back in time and do things differently, I would.”
It was the truth.
“I appreciate that,” said Billy. He bumped my shoulder with his, which I knew meant he really did accept my apology.
“You’re not mad anymore?” I asked softly.
He shook his head and smiled at me for the first time in a long time. It felt good.
I took a deep breath. “I want to go back to how we were. I want to be April and Billy again,” I said. I’d been thinking it all morning, but I hadn’t been sure if I should say it. The moment just seemed right, so I did.
Billy sat there for a minute. Then he looked at me in a sad kind of way and shook his head. “We can’t go back to how things were,” he said softly. I could tell that part of him wanted that too, but most of him didn’t.
It might not have been what I hoped for, but I guess I wasn’t surprised. It was what I expected. “Friends?” I asked.
&n
bsp; Billy nodded like he could agree to that.
I always try to balance the light with the heavy—a few tears of human spirit in with the sequins and fringes.
—Bette Midler
Monday, November 25, 7:10 P.M.
Today was the dress rehearsal for the dance team fall show. I had to talk to Chloe and try to straighten things out. I was going to do it when I got to the high school auditorium, where we were rehearsing for the show, but the minute I showed up, Ms. Baumann sent me to the dressing room and told me to get in costume for my first dance.
Everyone on the team was getting ready. Chloe was there, but she was surrounded by a bunch of other ninth graders who were all in the same dance. It wasn’t the right time to talk to her. She was with all her friends. Plus, Ms. Baumann came in while we were getting dressed and told us it was time to start.
We went through all the dances in the first half of the show. There were twelve of them including solos, ensembles, and the group dances. Anyone who wasn’t dancing was sitting in an area backstage, and Ms. Baumann said there was to be absolutely no talking backstage when other girls were performing, so I couldn’t talk to Chloe then.
When we went back to the dressing room to get ready for our second round of dances, Ms. Baumann came back with us and said that on show night, we would have exactly ten minutes to change during intermission, which meant there would be no time for fooling around. She timed us while we changed, and no one said a word. There was no way I could have talked to Chloe.
Then we went back onstage and went through the second round of dances. No breaks. No talking. Still no chance to talk to Chloe. When we finished, Ms. Baumann brought everyone onstage for the finale.
When we had gone through the whole show to Ms. Baumann’s satisfaction, she sent us all to get out of our costumes and put them in the labeled bags she had provided so nothing got lost. Then she gave us a final talk about Wednesday night and putting our hearts and souls into the show. Finally, she said we could go.
It was late, and everyone started leaving the auditorium. It was my only chance. Chloe was walking out of the auditorium with three of her friends. I would have preferred to talk to her alone, but there was no way that was happening. I ran up to the group. “Chloe, can I talk to you?” I asked.
The girls stopped and looked at me. My stomach was in knots. All I could do was sincerely apologize, like Dad said, and hope for the best. “Chloe, I’m really sorry about what happened.” I looked down at my shoes. “I know I hurt you. You told me you liked Matt. But honestly, things really didn’t happen the way you heard it.”
My chest felt tight. It was scary explaining it in front of her friends. “I wasn’t secretly going out with Matt. I kissed him once. I hadn’t planned to kiss him at all, and right away, I wished it hadn’t happened.” I clasped my hands together in front of me. It kind of made me look like I was praying. I guess I kind of was. “I feel terrible about the whole thing. I’m really sorry. I just want to be friends with everyone on the team again.”
When I finished talking, Chloe’s friends looked at her like they were waiting to see what she would say. I waited too. Her response surprised me. “It’s OK,” she said. “I’ve gotten to know Matt better. I’m not really into him anymore anyway.”
I don’t know why, maybe it was not having talked to her for so long or just knowing she understood, but I could tell I was about to cry. I tried to blink back my tears.
Chloe was sweet. “I get it,” she said. “Thanks for apologizing.” Then she gave me a hug. It made me cry more. The other girls looked at each other like they weren’t sure what to say.
Chloe’s friend Samantha wrapped an arm around me. “It’s OK,” she said, but I couldn’t stop crying. Tears were rolling down my cheeks.
Chloe’s friend Alex shook her head. “You have to stop crying,” she said. “The last thing you want on performance night is puffy eyes.” Mya, this other girl, was nodding like she had the same thought.
That made me laugh. I probably looked like a crazy person, crying one minute and laughing the next. But I didn’t care. It was the first time I’ve laughed in a long time, and it felt good.
Tuesday, November 26, 1:44 P.M.
Study hall
Today during lunch, I went up to Emily and asked her if we could talk. There were some things I had to say to her. I told her that I didn’t understand how she could tell everyone my secret and that I thought we were friends. Then I told her that I talked to Chloe yesterday and that she forgave me for what happened.
But Emily just shrugged her shoulders and said she really didn’t know what I was talking about, that she never told anybody anything. Then she said she had to go.
It’s fine. If she wants to pretend like it never happened, that’s her business.
Brynn was definitely right on this one.
Wednesday, November 27, 4:40 P.M.
In my bathroom
About to leave for the dance show
My hair is in a bun. My makeup bag is packed. My fingers are crossed.
I hope tonight goes well.
11:45 P.M.
In bed
I should be tired
But I’m not
Tonight was amazing in so many ways. I’m not even sure where to start. When I arrived in the dressing room, everyone was excited. All the older girls were helping the younger girls put the finishing touches on their makeup. One of the straps on my costume was crooked, so Mady adjusted it and safety-pinned it to the inside of my costume to make sure it didn’t move during the show. “You doing OK?” she asked. I nodded and she smiled in a big-sisterly way.
Chloe helped me finish my makeup. While she was putting on my lipstick, she told me she never even really liked Emily. “From day one,” she said in a low voice, “she thought she was better than anyone on the team, and we’ve all been here a lot longer than she has.” Surprisingly, I didn’t care so much how Chloe felt about Emily, I was just happy to feel like part of the team again.
Once we were all dressed, Ms. Baumann gave us what she called our final dancing orders. She said they’re like marching orders if you’re in the army and that we should perform tonight as seriously as if we were but also have fun.
Then she sent us to the area on the side of the stage where we would be waiting before our opening number. I peeked through the curtains. The auditorium was packed. It was standing room only. Then I heard the music start and saw the stage lights go on. It was showtime.
The opening dance was the scariest. It was a group dance, and as everyone on the team crossed the stage and took our places, I was conscious of every part of my body. All of Ms. Baumann’s orders played like a loop in my head. Shoulders back. Toes pointed. Arms extended.There was so much to remember, but once the music started, I relaxed into it.
At intermission, we changed costumes backstage. “No talking!” Ms. Baumann barked at us. “And hurry!” Even though Ms. Baumann had everything organized, the area backstage was tiny. There were costumes and dancers everywhere. I don’t know how we all managed to find what we needed and get changed, but we did.
The second half of the show flew by. The second dance I was in included the leaps I worked so hard on. I don’t know if it was the energy of performing onstage or the happiness I was feeling about being on good terms with the team again, but when I leapt, I felt like I was soaring.
Then, before I knew it, it was time for the finale.
When we finished our last dance, the auditorium was thundering with applause. The show was such a success! The audience cheered and clapped for a long time when we went back onstage for our final bows.
When the curtain finally closed, everyone on the team was hugging and high-fiving. Ms. Baumann told us what a great job we had done and how proud she was. The team captains gave her a huge bouquet of flowers. I’ve never seen her so happy or excited. Everyone was that excited. It felt great to be part of something so impressive, especially after putting in so much hard work.
; Then, suddenly, the night was over. Sort of. One more thing happened that made my night. As I was packing up to go home, Billy and Brynn came backstage.
“Congratulations!” Brynn said. She hugged me. “You did an amazing job.”
I hugged her back. I know it wasn’t easy for her to say that. It was really sweet.
And Billy gave me flowers. Pink roses. “For you,” he said as he handed them to me.
I must have looked a little too excited because he added, “They’re friendship roses.” I knew he didn’t want me to misinterpret their meaning. I wanted to cry. Not because he gave me flowers or because they were pink, but because the two of them had both come to see me dance.
As great as everything that happened tonight felt—the show, the applause, the praise from Ms. Baumann, being a real part of the team—none of it could come close to the feeling of knowing that Billy and Brynn and I are all friends again.
If you want to be happy, be.
—Leo Tolstoy
Thanksgiving, 6:17 P.M.
In Dad’s office at the Diner
We always have Thanksgiving at Gaga’s house, but this year, Dad said he wanted to start a new tradition and have it at the diner. Gaga agreed, but only because Dad said he would use all of her favorite recipes. As it turned out, Gaga was waiting outside the diner early this morning when Dad, May, and I showed up to start cooking. She told Dad she wanted to be his “sous-chef,” which I know meant she wanted to keep an eye on how he was doing things. But Dad was a good sport and said he was happy to have the extra help in the kitchen.
So today, my entire extended family, the ladies from Gaga’s Happiness Movement, and Mr. Sherman all packed around a long table in the diner for Thanksgiving lunch. Dad cooked all of Gaga’s traditional recipes, with her help, plus a few things he added to the menu, including crawfish beignets and lobster pie.
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