by Lila Rose
Did I want that with Del?
Groaning, I slapped the phone beside me on the bed and rubbed at my tired eyes. All I knew was that she was on my mind, and I wanted, no needed to protect her. Her sweet-as-fuck body was something I craved each night. Just thinking of it caused my cock to twitch.
When my phone chimed, it was laughable. I jumped, and my little boy emotions rushed through me.
Picking it up, I unlocked the screen.
Del: Waited with Lissa for Dallas to get home.
Me: You in bed now?
Del: Yes.
Me: Good. Get some shut-eye.
When I didn’t get a reply straight away, I realised what I’d sent made it seem like I didn’t want to talk to her. Sighing, I sent off another: Wanted to apologise for before at the bar.
I smiled when she replied, this time in seconds.
Del: You mean bikers know the word sorry?
Snorting, I shook my head. She was messing with me, and I fucking liked it.
Me: Only when we know we’ve been a dick.
Del: Sooo every day you’re sorry?
The cheeky woman.
Me: I’m not that much of a dick.
Del: Hmm…
Me: Whatever, woman. Just know I regret saying shit.
Del: Thank you. I’ve got to get to sleep. Night, Handle.
Me: Finn.
Shit, why did I go ahead and send that?
Del: Sorry?
Me: Name’s Finn.
My heart beat hard in my chest when she didn’t reply right away. It made me wonder what she was thinking. Wished I could see her face when she saw that text.
Del: Okay. Night, Finn.
Me: Night, Del.
The texting was a breakthrough, and I couldn’t wait to do it again. Great, I sounded like a little girl that time. Still, I didn’t give a flying fuck. I’d gone from just thinking of Della every now and then, to thinking of her all the time, and then considering if there’d ever be a chance to have a relationship with her. Would she want one eventually? Would she consider me relationship material?
Rolling to my side, I stared into the dark room. The compound was quiet for once; it felt eerie in a way. It could have just been because my mind wouldn’t shut the fuck up. I was dog-tired, yet wide awake at the same time.
Would Del be asleep already?
Why did she have to get to sleep? What was she doing the next day to warrant sleep? Did she have a date? A job interview?
Lying flat, I slid my hand into my boxers and cupped the base of my cock and balls. I’d already had a semi; Del did that to me. And when a picture of her riding my cock popped into my head, and I remembered the feel of her tight snatch surrounding me, it turned that semi into a full hard-on.
It would have been good if Del appeared, sneaking into my room for some action. I’d take one look at her, tell her to drop her clothes on the floor, and… fuck it… since it was my fantasy, she’d do it without questioning it. Once she was naked, her perfect body coming towards me, swaying her hips along the way, I’d pull down my boxers, like I was doing then, wrap my hand around my cock and stroke it. She’d lick her lips, wanting to take me into her mouth, something I wished we’d done that night because her lips were goddamn dream-worthy.
Del’d climb on the bed, think she’d be taking control, but I wouldn’t let her. I’d haul her over me to lay flat on her back and then, fucking then, I’d go in for a taste of her sweet pussy.
“Fuck,” I groaned, pumping my cock hard and fast. I pictured looking up Del’s body while I was between her legs, lapping at her juices. She’d be playing with her tits, pinching her nipples… and that was enough for me to throw my head back, and with a grunted growl, come hard on my stomach.
Feeling drained and lazy, I quickly grabbed a tee off the floor and used it to clean myself. The best thing about coming so hard was sleep finally took over and my brain shut down.
* * * *
Cursing, I slapped my hand on the bedside clock and sat, sliding my legs to the side until my feet touched the ground. With a stretch, I ran a hand over my face and looked around the room. Crap, I needed to tidy all the shit up. Grabbing out some boxers, I went for a tee and realised I didn’t have a clean one.
“Fuck me,” I snarled. After slipping on some jeans and my cut, I collected all the dirty clothes lying around and made my way down the hall to the laundry room. I’d have to do loads between working in the garage, and if I didn’t get a move on, I was gonna be late.
With the first load started, I ducked into the kitchen for a breakfast bar and coffee, then made my way through the compound and out the connecting door into the workshop. The bay doors were already up since brothers were already working. With a quick gruff greeting, I moved to the car I’d started yesterday.
“Brother, you couldn’t just leave well enough alone, you had to text Della?” Dallas clipped as he came up next to me.
“What’s the problem?”
“Apparently, women get funny when men say shit to another man about them.”
Snorting, I reassured him, “All good, they’ll get over it.”
“Could just be my woman lookin’ for an excuse to rant. Drives me fuckin’ insane.”
“Bet you like it though.”
He grunted, then grinned, which made him look a little crazed.
“You heard anything from last night?”
“Yeah, apparently Fang talked more with Poppy. She admitted it was her ex trying to take her. Didn’t like her waitressin’ there. Dodge is off to talk to Blackie today. The ex is also a Venom member.”
“Christ, so Parker was right. It had nothin’ to do with the dick attacking strippers?”
“Yep. There’s two to nab before the cops do,” Dallas replied.
“What the fuck?” we heard Elvis say near us, and then there was a pop, pop, pop sound.
Shit, shit, shit.
Dallas and I hit the floor, my pulse racing, my heart in my throat while I watched, as if in slow goddamn motion, Elvis’s body shake then slam into the floor, blood squirting out and soaking his chest. Shock had my body locked tight. It was Dallas who crawled over to our brother’s side, feeling his neck for a pulse.
“He’s still alive, just.” Dallas gestured me over. With my ears ringing, I moved my body even when it didn’t want to. Dallas took off his cut then handed me his tee he’d pulled over his head. “Hold this over it.”
Christ. Jesus fuckin’ Christ.
Blood, so much fuckin’ blood.
My brother was bleeding, right there in front of me, and I felt so goddamn helpless by just holding a tee to his chest while his red soaked through to my hands.
Some motherfuckin’ cunt shot at Hawks.
“Up, armed, and hunt,” Dodge bellowed from the office. Thank fuck Low, Dodge’s woman, didn’t start until after their kids were at school.
“Dodge,” Dallas yelled over the commotion. “Elvis needs Nurse or ambo, and now.”
Don’t die, brother. Fuck, please don’t die.
“Fuckin’ Christ. The car park.” Billy shot out of a bay and ran towards the car park. There we saw Lan lying on the ground while Parker was slowly getting to his feet and rushing to his partner. My gut burned right along with my body with an urge to run, to fight, and to find the cunt who made our brothers bleed.
“Fuck!” Dodge bellowed, his eyes flicking to Elvis and Lan.
“He’s breathin’,” Billy called out.
“Handle, Dallas, you two stay here with Parker. Take care of them,” Dodge ordered. I was furious and itching to hunt like they were, rolling out on their rides, but I couldn’t argue with it. Not when there was a brother to help live.
Parker came in with Lan leaning heavily on his shoulder. Blood soaked his right shoulder. “We gotta call this one in,” Parker clipped.
“Shit,” Dallas hissed. He pulled his phone out and shot off a call to the authorities. Glancing down to Elvis, I prayed, fuckin’ prayed, there was someone shining d
own on us.
“Someone get this lard-arse a seat. He’s heavy as fuck,” Parker commented.
“Screw you, dickhead,” Lan panted through the pain. He lifted his chin towards Elvis. “How’s he doin’?”
“Hangin’ in there. Just fuckin’ hope they don’t take forever.”
As if they were in the area and listening, the sound of an ambo got closer. Dallas walked from the office with a chair, and Parker lowered Lan into it.
Maybe I was in shock, but the whole situation didn’t really register in my brain. I wasn’t really kneeling on the floor in the garage holding a tee to a brother’s chest while he bled out. Parker wasn’t standing over Lan as Lan winced when he moved as blood leaked from his wound. And no motherfucker had driven by shooting at us.
Two ambos pulled in. The paramedics jumped out and raced over. I was ushered back and landed on my arse as I watched them work on Elvis. Christ, I’d been so stuck in my own head, I hadn’t ever really gotten close to my brothers, except Vicious, and that was only recently. That had to change. It was a wake-up call of all wake-up calls as I stared down at my blood-soaked hands. The Hawks brothers were my family, even when I’d fucked up by sticking with my flesh brother they still, after a lesson with fists was taught, allowed me to be a member, and what did I do for them? I didn’t get to know them. I existed without truly existing.
Shit had to change.
Chapter Five
Della
“So how did that make you feel?” Dr Robertson asked, and I wanted to punch her in the face. It seemed her favourite question every time I spoke.
Grinding my teeth together, I bit out, “Like I was losing myself. Which was why I went into his room that night to prove I still had control and a part of myself that was me wanting a man just to be close with.”
“And how did that—”
Standing, I glared and snapped, “I swear to God, if you ask me that lame-arse question again, I will scream.”
She smiled. My head reared back with how satisfied she was. Maybe she needed to seek some professional help.
“Finally, you’ve been sitting there like a robot answering. No life showed in you until, well, you yelled at me.”
“What?” I breathed, sitting back down in a slump.
“Della, it’s okay to be attracted to a man after everything that’s happened to you. But it seems you keep trying to tell yourself it’s about you wanting control back when really all it comes down to is how Handle made you feel and want again, and that’s perfectly normal.”
It was normal.
Huh, there you go.
“Every step will be challenging. You’ll second-guess everything because of what you went through, but all in all, it’s a normal process to wonder. You were violated in mind and body, Della. But most men aren’t like them. I think you know this about Handle already, but you’re still scared, and no one would blame you for it. For today at least, I just want you to go from here with the thought that it is okay to be attracted to a man.”
“Okay,” I whispered.
“Good.” She looked down at her clipboard and then up again. “It says here you haven’t had a physical since it all happened.”
“No.” My pulse raced under my skin at just the thought. Even after Elina and Lissa had encouraged me to go, I couldn’t. Whenever I’d tried to think I could, my body would react to a point I’d break out sweating with the shakes.
“Fear can be consuming, but with something important like this, especially for your future, it’s better to get it done. Have you had your monthlies after everything happened?”
My body tensed. I hadn’t.
“From the look on your face, you haven’t, which is fine, Della. You went through trauma. Your body could be stopping you from getting your period for a reason, and that’s more incentive for you to check everything is okay inside of you.”
“But, I was on the pill back then, and they all used protection.” A shudder ran through me.
“It’s not just about being pregnant. There’s a risk of sexually transmitted diseases.”
Nausea hit me. I clutched at my stomach. That thought had been in the back of my mind, but I’d locked it away. The last thing I wanted after everything was to be poked and prodded by doctors. I didn’t want anyone else to touch my body.
“I’m sorry, Della. I know this is hard, and Elina had been concerned when she tried to broach the subject with you, but you shut her down, so she thought with time you could consider it again.”
Needles, stranger’s hands touching me, feeling me, jabbing me.
“Della.” Dr Robertson’s voice came from right beside me. I jumped. “I can come with you if you’d prefer that?”
“I-I don’t think I can.”
She nodded. “At least now it’s in your mind, please consider it and, if you decide yes, I’m only a phone call away. I could meet you at the doctors’.”
“I’ll see.”
“Okay, that’s good. That’s all I’m asking for.”
Nodding, I stood, as did Robertson. She walked me to the door and opened it. “I’ll see you next week,” I said and then quickly got out of there.
As soon as I stepped out into the mid-morning sun, I stopped, tipped my head back and took a deep breath. My nerves were rattled, and my breakfast was thinking of coming up out of my stomach to join with the floor.
Deep down, I knew she was right. For my health, she was right, but my mind wouldn’t commit.
A car squealed. I opened my eyes and saw Lissa’s Toyota abruptly stop right in front of me. The door flung open. “Get in, get in.” My heart stopped at her fearful tone, but I did as she demanded and climbed into the passenger seat. Just as I closed the door, she took off, tyres squealing. “Club’s on lockdown. No one goes anywhere without someone at their side, and we have to keep our eyes open at all times.”
“What happened?” My grip of the dash turned my fingers white, while my pulse skipped higher and higher.
“Someone drove by the garage and shot at—”
“Who was hit?” I demanded, grabbing her arm.
“Relax, Del. Handle’s fine.”
I let my hand fall to my lap and rested back against the seat, breathing deeply to calm myself. Two scares in a matter of twelve hours wasn’t good for me, but it proved what I felt for Handle, no Finn, was stronger than I’d let myself admit.
“Are we going there now?”
“Yes. Dallas called. He can’t get away and didn’t want me home alone. When I said you were out, he ordered me to pick you up on the way. Until it’s resolved, everyone has to have another person with them at all times. They’d also prefer all women and children to stay indoors unless a brother or two is with them when they’re out.”
Oh, God. We moved from one situation to another. We were in trouble again by being associated with the Hawks MC. My breath started to come out in pants. I placed my hand over my chest. I wasn’t getting in enough oxygen.
“Della, do not go there. Calm down,” Lissa ordered.
“H-how?”
She grabbed my hand. “Honey, we’re safe. No one is going to harm us. The men won’t let that happen. I promise we’re safe. We just have to be vigilant. I’m sorry if I’m not relaying it right. I was a little freaked myself. The brother, Elvis, was shot right in front of Dallas. I’m not sure he’s handling it well because of the army situation.” She reached out and gripped my hand with hers. “Relax, we’re good. We’re safe.”
Nodding, I drew in a deep breath. “I-I’m sorry—”
“Don’t ever apologise. I should have thought and not just blurted everything out.”
With my breath under control, I rested back into the seat and closed my eyes for a moment. Glancing sideways, I told Lissa, “No. Please don’t ever hold back from what you’re feeling at the time. I was scared, but I know you’re right. Those men would do anything to protect us.” Finn would. He had, and he would again. I believed that. I just needed to see him. Had he witnessed
the shooting? Had he been there when the drive-by happened? Was he all right?
The rest of the drive was quiet. When we pulled into the car park out the front of the compound, we saw two ambulances leaving. Parking, we both jumped out and made our way into the garage. Dallas stood with his hands clasped behind his head, legs spread. A face full of fury. Not far behind him was Finn. Only he had his arms crossed over his chest and also looked ready to kill someone. My body sagged with relief to see for myself he was whole.
He caught sight of us first. “What the fuck you both doing here?” he stormed over, took my arm in his damp hand, like he’d just washed, and dragged me deep into the garage. I glanced behind me to see Lissa claim Dallas in a hug before he leaned in to kiss her and then took her hand to follow us.
“I called my Tiny, Handle. Cool the fuck down. Didn’t want them alone.”
Finn dropped my arm and nodded to Dallas, but he was still pissed. His nostrils flared, his jaw clenched as he looked at me.
“How’s Elvis?” I asked hesitantly.
He grunted. “Not good.”
“Tiny, we gotta get cleaned up in here and get to the hospital. Take Della into the compound. The front’s locked. Only access is through the garage.”
“Where’s your clothes?” Lissa asked her man.
He blinked slowly and then looked down at himself, realising he was half-naked with no shirt. He sighed. “Had to use my tee to stop the blood.”
She wrapped her man up in her arms. Turning to give them a private moment, I saw Handle was also missing a tee. He only had his biker vest over his top half.
“Didn’t have a clean tee,” he answered my unasked question.
What I wanted to do was put my arms around him in comfort, not only for him, but for me too, but I didn’t. So I said the only thing I could think of. “Do you want me to do some washing while we wait?”
His body locked. “You’d do that for me?”
I shrugged like it was nothing, which really it wasn’t. But it seemed to be something for him. “If you walk around like that all day, you could cause accidents with the female population.”