“I don’t like him.” My boyfriend was in dude apparel too, a black Reef tank with blue tropical leaves, and knee-length board shorts that matched.
Saber’s tension was obvious. His PRS hung low from a shoulder strap, his arms were crossed, and his expression was dark. His gaze flicked to me, but he didn’t acknowledge me.
Ouch.
“He’s the best bassist around here,” Ash said.
Saber’s head tilted to a stubborn angle. “Maybe we need to cast the net wider, beyond just local candidates.”
“Or we could go back to who we had before,” Shield said from his position behind his drums.
“Not going backward with you guys.” Ash planted his feet and folded his arms, giving both brothers a firm look. “Figure out a way to get along with Ted. Bring Journey in to record as soon as he’s settled. You owe me a single, and you’re behind schedule already.”
“You can’t rush the muse,” Shield said. “She comes and goes as she wills.”
Ash frowned. “I don’t want bullshit excuses. Not when your entire album is months overdue.”
Eeep. Ash sounded pissed.
“Get the song done,” he said firmly. “Or I’m shelving the plans I have to debut you until next year.”
“What plans?” I asked, and Ash turned to look at me, his expression softening.
“Ah.” He put a finger in the air. “That’s for me to know for now. An incentive, since everything else I’ve tried with these guys hasn’t worked. Good to see you, by the way.” He grinned at me.
“You too.” I returned his smile.
Oddly, he smirked. “You have a big streak of sand . . .” He gestured with his thumb to his own cheek.
“Oops.” I reached up and released a shower of sand as I dusted it away.
“Where’ve you been all day?” Ash asked, tilting his head. “I thought Sunday was plant day for you.”
“I sold my inventory and went to LA with Journey and my brother,” I said, feeling Saber and Shield watching me. “We helped him get his stuff, and he took Cork and me surfing on the way back. It was nice.”
Ash’s blue eyes glinted with interest. “Good swells today?”
I nodded. “Really good.”
“Awesome. I’ll get Fanny and take her out before the sun’s gone. One week, gentlemen.” He shifted his gaze to the guys before exiting the room.
“We need to talk,” Saber said to me. His jaw was tight, his displeasure obvious.
“We do. I agree,” I said, though thinking about how that would probably go down made my stomach jiggly. “But where’s Cork?”
“I sent him to the snack room with a friend of Diesel’s.”
“What friend?” I asked.
“Koa Rossman.”
“Pro surfer Koa Rossman?” My eyes widened.
“Yup.” Shield guffawed. “Cork’s eyes were as wide as yours when he saw him. Knew who he was right away. Started spouting off ranking and stats at him.”
“I’m not surprised. He still likes to watch competitions. Rossman’s making a comeback. Cork identifies with that,” I said, wondering if he wished he could make a comeback attempt of his own.
“I heard Diesel is giving Koa some bass lessons. He’s also the one who gave Koa the pointers that vaulted him up in the rankings.” Shield set down his sticks. “I think I’ll head back and see what they’re all up to. Give you lovebirds some privacy.”
His expression was mocking, his tone thick with sarcasm. I gave him the squint-eye as he scooted past me, but he only grinned. I knew he enjoyed annoying me.
“You wanna tell me now what the hell’s going on with you and Journey?” Saber asked as soon as Shield was gone.
“He’s the guy I was with in LA,” I said, blurting out the truth. “It was only the one night, and you and I were broken up. You know we were.”
“Fuck me.” Saber’s eyes flared.
“I know you said you didn’t want to know who it was.” Dropping my gaze, I twisted my hands together. “But with him here, I had to say something. I tried to tell you last night.”
“So you did.” His brow furrowed, and my stomach sank. “I remember.”
“If we’re over now, I understand. But I had to tell you. It didn’t feel right keeping a secret that big from you, even though I feel like I wanna throw up right now. I know any relationship, even a newly rebooted one, can’t succeed if someone is holding back something big like that.”
“Stop, Lotus.” Saber unclipped his guitar, set it in a stand, and gathered my fluttering hands in his, stilling them. “You didn’t lie to me. It’s my bad that I gave that son of a bitch an opening. Not surprised he took it. Any guy offered a chance with you would take it. I don’t want to break up, but it’s starting to worry me that every time something goes wrong with us, you assume breaking up is our only option.”
“Maybe because I expect you to break up with me.” My brow creased. “I messed up, isn’t that a reasonable expectation?” My mom left, and Storm, and my dad. Everyone left me eventually.
“If we have problems, we’ll work on them.” Saber stared down the length of his nose at me. “We’re in a relationship. I have expectations, sure, and right now I’m disappointed and upset that one of my expectations wasn’t met, but I’m not perfect and I don’t expect you to be either.”
“Okay,” I said softly. I liked his words, but I felt bad being on the receiving end of his disappointment.
“You’re the best thing that’s happened to me next to this record deal. This new development is going to take some time and effort to get past, knowing it’s Journey. But if you say it’s truly over . . .” Saber’s brown eyes narrowed as they searched mine.
“It’s over.” I swallowed hard, thinking about Journey and knowing I’d sent him straight to Tess. “Definitely over.”
“Okay.” Saber gave me a curt nod. “No more surfing or hanging out with him like you did today.”
“I told him the same thing.”
“It’s for the best.”
“I told him that too.” It took effort, but I managed to keep disappointment from my tone.
“I appreciate your honesty. It’s one of the many things I like about you.”
“Thank you, Saber.”
Like, he’d said, not love. And he’d said I was the next best thing, after the record deal. Had anything changed between us?
“You and I work, Lotus.” He pulled me into him, and I placed my hands on his hard chest. “We’ll get through this.”
Saber and I worked being together, just not spectacularly. But spectacular wasn’t obtainable. Not beyond a transcendent moment during a one-night stand, or wonderful beyond a day-long break from my reality.
I needed to settle for sustainable. For someone who stayed.
And that was Saber, not a man named Journey.
Storm
A TEXT MESSAGE hit my phone.
Saber: At the Deck Bar with Lotus. Come by. I need to talk to you.
I headed there rather than the studio, knowing he wanted to make a point about me publicly in front of her and whoever else. Understanding that, I dialed Tess’s number to change our previous plans.
“Hello,” Tess said, answering after one ring.
“Hey, darlin’. Change of plans. Can you meet me for dinner a little earlier?”
“Sure. Where?”
“The Deck Bar.”
“Oh, okay. I was just getting off my shift.” She sounded disappointed.
Working there, she was probably sick of the place. I felt bad about not treating her to dinner someplace different, but not that bad. Saber was putting me on the spot. It couldn’t be helped.
“I’m heading there now on foot,” I said. “It’s probably a ten- or fifteen-minute walk for me. Can you hang back? Wait for me?”
“Yeah,” she said. “I’ll freshen up in the employee lounge, then meet you downstairs.”
“Sounds good,” I said and ended the call.
It was better
than good. Saber would dial back his public message when he saw me with Tess, but I had a strong feeling my arrival with her would have a different effect on Lotus. In fact, I was counting on it.
I didn’t like her blowing me off.
I quickened my pace, though I didn’t fail to note the spectacular orange, pink, and gold of the sunset. The colors intensified during my walk and were even prettier over the blue water.
Following the sidewalk around the OB Hotel, I saw Tess standing in front of the Deck Bar. Her blond hair was loose, and the offshore breeze blew it back over her slender shoulders. She was prettier with I remembered with her hair down.
But she wasn’t the right kind of pretty for me.
“Hey,” I said, taking her hands and drawing her close. “You look great. Your hair looks nice like that.”
“Thank you.” She blushed. “Saber, Lotus, and Cork are inside. Might be easier to go somewhere else.”
“No, that’s fine.” But I was curious. “Why’d you think them being here would bother me?”
“First dates are always kind of awkward.” She shrugged. “Easier without having people who know you around, watching and making you feel more awkward.”
That was sweet and true. Not that I’d ever really dated.
“I don’t feel awkward. What I feel is hungry.” I released her hands and gestured to the stairs. “Shall we?”
“Yes.” She turned and started climbing, and I followed.
At the top, I threw my arm around her shoulders before we went in. I searched the interior as the hostess greeted us, immediately finding who I’d been looking for.
“Two for dinner?” the helpful young employee asked.
“Yeah,” I said. “Somewhere away from the windows.”
“Okay.” The hostess withdrew two long laminated menus and led us toward the booth I’d been in before.
Saber and Lotus were there now. She looked beautiful, as always, still in the same white overalls and green tube top she’d worn earlier, but her hair was unbraided, wavy and loose.
Before I could indulge in a fantasy of what her hair would feel like against my chest, Saber noticed me and his eyes narrowed. Lotus was beside him, but she didn’t see me since she was turned toward Cork. Her brother was talking, his hands moving animatedly, but when he saw me, he went silent and still. Lotus shifted, following the direction of her brother’s gaze.
“Hey,” I said, lifting my chin to my brother while noting the sudden tension that seized Lotus. “You wanted to see me?”
“Yeah, have a seat.” Saber gestured to a spot on his left, the opposite side of the booth from Lotus and her brother.
“Maybe for a minute.” I slid in and drew Tess with me. “We’re on a date.”
“I can see that.” Saber nodded approvingly as I expected he would, but Lotus frowned.
“So, what’s up?” I asked, continuing to play this bullshit game.
“Band business, mainly,” he said. “Ash doesn’t like our single. He wants us to work on it and make it something he can get behind. You have any ideas on how we can do that?”
I nodded. “Actually, I do.”
“Good. He wants something yesterday.”
“We can fix it in a couple of hours.”
Saber shook his head. “Unlikely.”
“Not unlikely,” I said, disagreeing. “I’ve done stuff before in that amount of time.”
“You really want me to believe you cranked out a decent tune that quickly?” Saber asked, and my brows crashed together.
“Don’t care if you believe it or not.” Actually, I did care. He was my brother, and he was disrespecting me. “The bones of the song are good. We just need to reassemble some things.”
“You think so?” He tilted his head.
“I have songwriting credit on ‘Genesis’ with Rogers Band, and ‘Archipelago’ with Sky’s the Limit.”
“Great songs,” Cork said, and Saber gave him a dark look.
He obviously didn’t appreciate the kid’s input. I did, though. Meeting Cork’s eyes across the table, I gave him a chin lift in thanks.
“Decent shit,” Saber said grudgingly, and I returned my attention to him.
“Doable is what I’m saying. You and I sat here the other night talking about priorities and shit. We work hard so we can play hard. Get done what needs doing, so we have the freedom to do what we really want to. Right?”
Or to do who we want to do.
My gaze hit Lotus. She shifted uncomfortably in her seat and glanced away.
“Yeah, that’s right.” Saber nodded reflectively. “Okay. We go to the studio tomorrow. I’ll have a listen to your ideas, and then we’ll see what happens.”
“Not too early. There are other priorities besides making music.” I tipped my head toward Tess.
She met my gaze and smiled. She was sweet and accommodating, but again, it wasn’t from her that I wanted those things.
“Certainly, there are. Lotus is one of mine.” Saber gave me a pointed glare before turning to her. “But I believe I already mentioned that.”
Taking her hand, he lowered his head and brought her hand to his mouth. Over his bowed head, her eyes met mine, which were probably burning red-hot on jealous fumes. If she was mine, she wouldn’t be a priority. She would be the priority.
But she isn’t yours. She’s his.
“Gonna take off with my girl,” Saber said, refocusing on me. “Take her home. Make love to her.”
His gaze was sharper than before, and it sliced like a blade through my heart as I imagined her in bed with him. Yet even as I bled out from that fatal wound, I noted the animosity glimmering within my brother’s gaze.
Instantly, I knew that Lotus had told him about her and me. Her attempt to smooth things over with him had been to tell him I was the guy who had fucked her.
Wrong play. A play that didn’t just trump mine, it annihilated it.
Silently, I watched her slip out of the booth with Saber and Cork as my gut churned. Saber might have loosened the tight hold he had on her if he thought my interest lay elsewhere, giving me an opportunity to reel her back into my bed.
But not now. Not knowing I’d been there with her.
Lotus
ON THE WALK to my apartment, Saber had my fingers clasped so tightly, he was practically cutting off my circulation. Cork was quiet on the other side of me, maintaining the same frown since we left the Deck Bar.
I was mad and frustrated. Trying to do the right thing wasn’t easy. I’d wanted some time to get my thoughts straight, but Saber wasn’t giving me time. He’d put me on the spot in front of Journey and everyone else.
Being put in that situation, I knew one thing for sure. I couldn’t have sex with Saber.
“Cork,” I said, stopping on the sidewalk in front of the cute bungalow that I remembered used to be Storm’s favorite house. My dad had certainly done an amazing job on the landscaping. It was gorgeous, tropical and inviting. He might be gone, but parts of him remained, beautiful and lasting tributes to his memory.
“Yeah?” My brother glanced up from his phone, pausing his video game. How he could walk in the dark and play without stumbling, I didn’t know.
“Can you go up ahead just to that corner and wait for me?” I pointed with my chin. “I need to talk to Saber privately.”
“Sure.” Nodding once, Cork loped away.
“Saber.” I turned to face him, placing my hands on his solid forearms, and he put his low on my back.
He didn’t hold me tight. I couldn’t feel the heat of his palms through my overalls, but I still felt trapped.
Pulling in a breath, I focused on the familiar. The glow from a nearby streetlight revealed his handsome face, his warm brown eyes, and his thoughtful expression. But it irritated me that he made me feel like his possession, not an equal partner in a loving relationship.
“Listen . . .” I drew in a shuddering breath. “I know what you want from me tonight. And I think I know why, so I’m tryi
ng not to hold it against you. But I’m not ready to be intimate with you.”
“Because of him?” Saber asked, his brows dipped. “Journey?”
“Sure, that’s part of it,” I said, answering his question honestly.
How could we have any realistic chance of us working long term if there was dishonesty between us?
I remembered the arguments between my mom and dad. She’d been unhappy here, missing her family in Thailand, but she’d kept her true feelings hidden from my dad too long. She’d let them fester, and it had pushed them apart. When she finally admitted how she felt, the gap created by her animosity and resentment had been too wide for my dad to breach. Then she’d left him, abandoning all of us.
Maybe I didn’t have the whole story. After all, I’d been a child. I might be mistaken, but that’s the way I remembered it, and that was why I tried to be as honest as I could with my own feelings.
“You’re freezing me out because you want him.” Saber’s tone was sharp, not lead-singer smooth.
I scoffed. “He doesn’t want me. He’s moved on. You saw him with Tess.”
God, he might even be having sex with her right now.
Work hard. Play hard.
Yeah, Journey. I got the message then, and the reminder tonight.
It was playtime with Tess. After her, he’d go to the next. And since he was in the band and lived downstairs from me, I’d have a front-row seat to see them all.
“I can’t give you what you want tonight, Saber.” Thinking about Journey with Tess made my chest hurt, but I powered through the pain. “Not like this. Not when you’re jealous and just trying to prove something.”
“I am trying to prove something. That I love you. That you don’t want to let me concerns me. Plus, the fact that you keep trying to break up with me. Maybe that’s what you really want.” Saber frowned. “Is it?
“No.” I shook my head, but deep down I wondered if maybe he was right. Tears of frustration sprang to my eyes.
“Prove it then.” He took my hands, opening my fingers and tracing my lifeline with his thumbs before he looked up at me. “Let me make love to you.”
“I don’t think that’s how making love should work. That’s not how we used to work.” I searched his eyes. They were hard, and his expression was too. This was going all wrong.
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