“I don’t think that’s the case with Journey.” After all, my wanting something to be so didn’t make it reality. “He’s pretty straightforward. His name is how he operates. He prefers to have what he wants for a moment and then to journey on.”
On the sidewalk, I stopped underneath the shadowy gray-brown-streaked boughs of a jacaranda tree.
“I know you like him,” I said. “I like him too. We’re friends. But friends is all we’ll ever be.” Again, I registered that hot stabbing burn of disappointment.
“Okay, Lotus,” Cork said softly. “But I want you to consider that you can’t have something unless you reach for it.”
But I had reached. In LA, I’d gone out on a limb, let loose, and everything had come crashing down because of it. I didn’t know yet if I was brave enough to take a chance, another chance, like I had before with Journey.
“What about you?” I asked Cork. It was time to turn the conversation around to him. “You reached and got for what you reached for.”
“Yeah.” Giving me a sheepish look, he rubbed the back of his neck.
“You’re in a band.” My brows rose. “Your favorite band. Not as a fan, but as a member. Was that something you’d thought about doing before today?”
“I’d considered it,” he said. “Only I never talked about it because I didn’t think it was remotely possible. Not ever on drums, of course. Shield is awesome. But I’d wondered about the bassist position, hoped maybe if it ever opened up that I would get an opportunity to show what I can do.”
“You were incredible on bass, standing up on that stage in front of all of those people,” I said sincerely. Swallowing, I gulped down the acrid wave of fear that rose to coat the back of my throat. “I was so proud of you.”
“Thank you, but it’s not so difficult to be good with the caliber of talent in OB Hardy.” Within the arc of light from a nearby streetlight, Cork gave me a searching look. “So, you’re not going to argue with me about signing the contract?”
“No.” I shook my head. “If this is what you want, I support you.”
His brows rose. “You’ll have to cosign as my guardian.”
“I know.”
“You’re worried.” He tilted his head. “I can hear it in your voice, see it in your eyes.”
“I have concerns.” Losing him permanently if something went wrong was my biggest one. “But I’m not concerned because I don’t believe in you. I want you to have the life you want. The best life you can have. So, we’ll figure out a way—a safe way—for you to be the new bassist for OB Hardy, if that’s your dream.”
He gave me a somber nod. “It is.”
“Then that’s what you’ll be,” I said determinedly.
I couldn’t tell my brother no. I didn’t want him resenting me if I opposed him, like what had happened to Storm and apparently Journey too. There was a real chance I would lose Cork if I stood in his way.
“I love you, sis.” His eyes glistened.
Mine did too, but not all was happiness.
“I love you, Cork. So much,” I said fiercely.
My little brother was my everything, all the family I had left. I didn’t want things to change. But if this change made him happy, then I wanted it for him. I would adapt. I’d done it before, and I could do it again.
Cork threw his arms around me and hugged me. I returned his hug, only tighter. Then we resumed walking.
“Surfing would be my first choice,” he said, and I noted his brow creasing.
“Koa told me he thinks you’re good.” I swallowed hard. “Good enough to compete, even after all this time.”
“He told me the same thing. I might have gone for it if he’d approached me a few years ago. I still love the idea of competitive surfing. But I’m older now, and I realize that making a living out of surfing would take most of the joy out of it for me.”
“And playing music full time won’t do that?” I asked, puzzled.
He gave me a curious look. “Does writing poems or potting plants to sell them take the joy out of doing those things for you?”
“No, I guess not,” I said. “Though when I sit on the wall with the finished products and no one buys them, it kinda does.”
“Yeah. If no one buys OB Hardy’s lead single or the follow-up album we’ll eventually need to write, I can see that being a huge bummer.”
“There’s a lot of pressure to succeed when you’re in a group. Plus, Saber’s pretty intense about the band,” I said carefully.
Cork frowned. “I know how he is, how important the band is to him, and the role I’ll be expected to play as a member. I won’t get preferential treatment. I heard what he told you.”
“Saber has a good heart underneath it all,” I said with a sigh, “but he can be an ass when it comes to the band.”
Or with me and others when he doesn’t get his way.
“I see that now.” Cork gave me a narrow-eyed glance. “I’m glad you can see it too.”
I didn’t feel glad. The calm I felt while with Journey, the hope that seemed close enough to touch when he was around, seemed too far away to access in his absence.
Storm
I FUCKING HATED leaving the Deck Bar. I wanted to stay, to watch Lotus and wait for her to finish her shift, then walk her home. But I didn’t have that right, or any other rights when it came to her. For all she knew, we were only a one-time hookup and recent friends. All my interactions with her as Journey were based on a lie, a deception . . . a risky one.
Lying in my bed, I punched my pillow and tucked one arm behind my head. I stared up at the popcorn-textured ceiling, wondering what she was doing upstairs in her apartment. I’d heard moving around, so I knew she was home.
Hopeful, I’d left my front door unlocked. But was there even a chance she would take me up on my invitation to come down?
I didn’t think it was likely. She knew the type of guy I was now, and wasn’t likely to go there a second time. That was good, of course—for her. She deserved better than a casual hookup. She deserved better than this version of me.
But on the off chance that she might come, I’d made arrangements. My apartment was now more like an actual home. I had a bed, a dresser, a nightstand, and a lamp in my bedroom, thanks to Tess. I also had a couch, a couple of easy chairs, and a breakfast table. It was used furniture from the house she’d lived in before her recent divorce. Her ex got to stay in the house. All she’d gotten was the furniture, but she had nowhere to put it since she was only renting a small furnished place, and she said she wanted to start over with new things when the time came.
A knock sounded, light but firm. I heard it, though it came from the other side of the apartment. I went completely still, my ears and eyes straining, my heart thumping with something it hadn’t had in a long time. Hope.
I heard a long creak. The hinge on that door needed oiling. Could it be her? I stared at the doorway to my bedroom, hearing hesitant soft footsteps. Then she appeared.
Lotus. She’d come.
My eyes burned. Just looking at her, I groaned. In a white halter nightgown that skimmed her shapely upper thighs, she shifted on her bare feet. An arrow of light from my lone lamp pointed directly at her. She seemed almost mystical, standing there like my desire had conjured her.
“Journey,” she said softly, her eyes wide and shining, and I found I didn’t hate that name so much anymore. Not when she said it like that. “I . . . do you . . . I mean, is it okay?”
She licked her lips, and my gaze dipped to them. So full. So lush. As I recalled how her mouth felt connected to mine, my cock hardened within the confines of my boxer briefs.
“I know you invited me here to hook up again. But could you . . . I just feel, with all the stuff going on with Cork, I’m scared, and I’d like you to, I need you to hold me.”
Her eyes filled, and I shot off the bed to fulfill that need.
“Babe, it’s okay.” I wrapped my arms around her and kissed the top of her head. “It’ll be
okay.”
Her hair was silky, a richer, higher-gloss mahogany than my new coffee table. And her body was sexy, the perfect combo of curves and slender elegance. My cock pounded to the beat of my pulse as her citrus and salt scent filled my lungs.
“I don’t know for sure. You don’t either. I just know like we discussed that I have to support him.” She snuggled closer, her arms sliding around my waist as her cheek pressed against my chest. “It’s the right thing to do. But doing the right thing frightens me.”
Holding her, I felt a little frightened too. My heart beat rapidly as her humid breaths puffed one after another over my bare skin. She was so incredible, and I was . . . not. But I cared for her. I had to.
I stroked the long length of her hair with one hand and clasped her firmly to me with the other. Comforting her soothed me too. Nothing I’d done since I’d left her all those years ago felt as right.
“Do you want to talk about it some more?” I asked softly, running my fingers through the silken waterfall of her hair.
“No. We talked about it already. I felt better then. But then I came home, and my mind started racing.” An approving hum spilling from her sexy lips, she sighed with contentment. “Now I just need this.”
“Then this you’ll have.” Anything she needed, I wanted to give her. Me. I wanted to give it to her, no one else. Desire pounded hard in my veins, but something more, something even stronger, pounded inside my heart.
“Thank you.” Lotus nestled closer, smoothing her palms along the hard contours of my back.
Longing made my body hot and my blood thick. I knew she could feel my cock. It was a hard presence with her sexy body plastered to mine, impossible to ignore.
Her tits were hard to ignore too, soft and round, her nipples tight. She shifted on her feet, the movement subtle but effective. I felt it and knew she did too, the dynamic changing between us. Comfort was stripped away, revealing a mutual underlying and undeniable need.
“I came because I wanted you to hold me, but now I want more.” Tilting her head back, she peered up at me. The fire in her darkened eyes was unmistakable. Appealing, irresistibly so, like she was.
“I want more too. Every time I look at you, I want more.” I moved my hands to her face, framing it. “You’re irresistible.”
Gently, I swept my thumbs over her skin as I stared deeply into her eyes, mesmerized by the desire for me within them. Lowering my head, I placed the pad of my thumb on her lush lower lip and tugged. I needed to taste her.
But her pretty pink tongue darted out and she tasted me first. The wet swipe on my skin unleashed a primal hunger.
“So be it.” I growled out the words, both to her and to myself. “I was going to go slow and gentle, but I can’t. Not this time.”
I got one hand in her hair and wrapped it around my fist, cupping her ass with the other and hauling her into me. Then I kissed her. Hard.
Lotus gasped, and I plunged my tongue into the opening she gave me, dueling with hers. She seemed to like that just fine. Pressing her sexy body deeper into me, she rocked her heated center over my rock-hard need. I tugged on her hair to pull her head back. Ripping my lips from the lushness of hers, I ran the edge of my teeth and then the tip of my tongue over the taut tendon of her neck.
“Journey,” she said breathlessly. “Oh, Journey.”
Her hands active, she ran them over my skin. First my shoulders, then down my arms before she grabbed my ass. Squeezing it hard, she dug in with her blunt nails.
I loved that she was wild for me too. Licking my way across her citrusy and slightly salty skin back up her neck, I sucked one of her delicate earlobes into my mouth and then nibbled on it with my teeth.
“Yes.” She moaned. “That feels so good. You’re making me so wet.”
When she gripped my ass harder, that was all the permission I needed to take this all the way.
“I want you in my bed naked,” I said, unwinding her hair from my hand. “Now.”
“Okay.”
Squeezing my ass one more time as if reluctant to let go of it, she took a step back, her eyes locked on mine. She didn’t hide her desire for me. It shone like a beacon in her gaze. A bonfire. A fucking blaze.
Lotus wasn’t just irresistible. She was necessary. I could no more turn away from her now than I could before.
Reaching up, she untied the strings that held the nightgown at her neck. Released, the fabric flowed down her body. Tits appeared and then her waist, and with a little wiggle of her hips, her gown puddled into a circle of white, a pedestal on my carpet for the delicate feet of a goddess.
My goddess.
But I was an irreverent worshiper.
I grasped and lifted her by her slender waist, turning to toss her into my bed, then peeled away my briefs and my cock sprang free. Fully engorged, it bounced once before pointing right at her like a divining rod.
Up on her elbows, she swept her gaze over me and licked her lips.
“Not this time,” I said gruffly. Stalking her, I planted a knee on the mattress and placed my hands on her smooth thighs.
“But I—”
“I’m going to fuck you.” I spread her legs apart. “Fast and hard.”
“Hurry then.” She placed her palm on my chest, gliding it down the center of my body over the open mouth of the tiger inked on my skin and then straight to my cock. Gripping the width of it at the base, she milked it, releasing a pearl of precum.
“Babe . . .” I groaned. “Fuck.”
Lotus lifted her head, her long hair sliding back from her beautiful face. Her eyes dazed with passion, it took her a moment to focus on me.
“Not been with many men, huh?” I gave her a dark look.
“You liked that?” she asked huskily.
“I loved it.”
“So did I.” Her lips slowly curved. “I like touching you. Touching you makes me hot.” She peered up at me through her lashes. “And it makes me wet. Really, really wet.”
Fucking hell.
I slapped a hand over the condom packet I’d thrown on the bed earlier. Hoping, I’d hoped so hard for her to come. And here she was, exceeding my expectations and all my wildest dreams.
“Let me.” She took the packet and ripped it open with her teeth.
More precum welled as she aligned it. Her delicate fingers on my cock was elemental magic.
“Put me where you want me, babe,” I rumbled, and she did.
I lowered myself, planting my hands on the mattress by her head and drove into her, sliding my cock all the way inside her to the hilt. Her cunt tightened, accommodating me.
She moaned. “So good.”
She placed her hands on my shoulders, gliding her spread fingers down my back. I withdrew my cock slowly. Inch by inch, I surrendered territory I’d gained, only to reclaim it swiftly.
She moaned again, grinding down on me when I drove inside her. Her lids fluttered.
Grunting, I pulled almost all the way out and pumped into her again. Only harder. Her tits bounced, the nipples drawing tighter. Her eyes drifted closed, and her lips parted.
“So beautiful,” I rasped, looking at her, but I was done with talking.
Done with restraint or finesse, I was inside her. She was mine to take, mine to possess. And possess her I did. Stroke by hard stroke. Hotter and harder. Again and again.
“Journey!” She lifted her hips, giving as much as she took. “Oh, Journey. Yes!”
Lotus gripped my ass hard, squeezing it in her hands on each downward stroke while her cunt clamped like a fist around my cock. She built the need in me to a fever pitch, making me crazy, driving me insane, to the brink.
Hammering into her, I fucked her hard, so hard. I gave her all of me, everything—the wildness, the untamable passion, the ravenous need. Her breaths were my breaths. Her body was mine, her soul even.
“Oh, Journey. Journey. Journey.”
She spasmed around my cock as she came. My balls drew up high, and heat burned in the base of
my spine. Stiffening, I drove into her so deeply, I touched it, the sweetness, the essence of her, the unbreakable beauty. I wanted to immerse myself in all that she was.
“Lotus.” I growled out her name as ecstasy washed over me, but also a closeness. One I’d never felt before, a merging of her spirit and body with mine. “My Lotus.”
Lotus
AS SOON AS I woke up, I knew I needed to get out of bed and leave before Journey woke up and kicked me out. This was a hookup, no feelings allowed.
Well, I knew that was what he wanted it to be, but it wasn’t that for me.
Last night, no words were spoken after he pulled out. I’d showered first, like I did the time before. Only afterward, it had been dramatically different.
When he came out after his shower, Journey put his boxers back on and climbed into bed. Drawing back the sheet, he’d glanced up at me expectantly. Fearing he’d change his mind, I’d been silent too, but accepted his invitation and got into bed with him.
My heart read a lot in him wanting me with him afterward. Hope had sprouted wings and nearly flew out of my chest, but it stayed put, like I did, basking like a developing butterfly in a warm cocoon when he wrapped his strong arm around me.
I’d fallen asleep almost immediately. I didn’t intend to, but I felt so safe with him, and I’d been so tired until now when a dream had woken me.
Rising carefully, I propped myself up on one elbow. The approaching dawn providing light, I looked at him. Journey was on his back. His eyes were closed, and more than one light brown sun-streaked curl shadowed his brow.
I wanted to brush the curls away from his forehead. Stroke his thick mustache. Run my fingers through his beard. Explore all his warm skin, chiseled muscles, and colorful ink.
All of him tempted me. I wanted to touch and taste every single inch of him. I wanted to know, learn everything about him.
But for now, I settled for the opportunity to gaze at him without him knowing. It was best this way. If he were awake, he would know my feelings, see the burning intensity of my emotions in my eyes.
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