by Nikki Duncan
Jennalyn’s gaze dropped to the coffee table where the same book, Soul Bound by Mari Mancusi, sat. Sabrina had always had a book with her. Soul Bound had been her latest choice with her saying it was more fun to think about a vampire’s dramatic life than her own.
“Personally,” Sabrina continued, “I’d like to see you do a book event.”
“Of course you would,” Jennalyn slipped in. Meeting her favorite authors had been a dream of Sabrina’s. They had talked with the Make-A-Wish Foundation, but before it had been pulled together Sabrina had been gone. With one dream unrealized, now she was asking for a new one.
“JJ, you probably haven’t been back to the hospital since I died. I understand that, but you can’t hide forever.” Sabrina broke for a moment to take a few breaths. When she began again she sounded a little quieter. Sadder. “Promise me… Promise me that you’ll go back. Help the kids and their families have a happy holiday.”
“I don’t know if I can.” If I’m strong enough.
“Christmas was your favorite. Remember the fun we had. Share it with someone else.”
“I don’t exactly love Christmas anymore.” Jennalyn talked to the screen as if her sister would answer.
It had been just before the holidays when she’d lost Sabrina. With the last of her family gone, she had no reason to celebrate. Decorating, shopping and baking no longer held the same pleasures. In fact, the only thing she’d pulled out last Christmas had been her robe. The only thing she’d wished for was a miracle Santa hadn’t been able to grant.
“Don’t live in your grief, JJ.” Sabrina’s plea lingered in her eyes until the screen went black. A moment later Ryland’s face filled the screen, but he was no longer in Sabrina’s room.
“I know hearing this from Sabrina this way isn’t going to be easy for you. I tried to talk her out of it, but she’s a determined little girl.” He shook his head and released a soft laugh. It was nothing more than a single puff of air escaping through his nose, but it said so much about how quickly Sabrina had gotten under his skin. “I barely know her, but already I love her as if she were my own sister. I don’t have it in me to deny her wishes, so if you’re interested, I have a list of events I’d like to have you plan. Sabrina says you’re amazing. I suspect she’s right.
“I’m sorry for the hurt this causes you. I hope you’ll call me.”
With nothing more from Sabrina or Ryland, the screen went blank. Staring into the blackness of the television, Jennalyn wondered how Sabrina had come up with this plan. How had the sweet girl who’d never been able to keep a secret kept this one, especially near the end when she hadn’t always had control over her thoughts and words? More importantly, Jennalyn wondered how she could think for even a moment about denying Sabrina’s wish. Even Ryland had been unable to.
It would cut her heart to shreds to go back to the hospital, but Ryland’s last statement had said it all. Because of the love Sabrina inspired, her wishes were impossible to deny.
Chapter Three
Ryland sweated beneath the heavy makeup, pokey wig, oversized shirt and pants held up by suspenders. The short time of discomfort was worth the smiles on the faces of the kids gathered around him in the main entry of the hospital as they watched him balance on a therapy ball while juggling stuffed bears. Occasionally he would toss a toy high into the air, so high it flew up to the height of the second floor balcony. The kids would all look up, watching and wondering when and where it would fall. If he threw it just right he could have it land in the lap of a child he knew would love it. Then a nurse would toss him another and he would keep the act going.
“Rylie!” a little boy in the front of the crowd cried out. “Show us a magic trick.”
With a little flair, Ryland tossed the remaining toys he was juggling to the kids and jumped off the ball. Squatting, he did a duck walk toward the little boy. It wasn’t easy in the giant shoes, but he was getting better at it. “What kind of magic trick would you like to see, Nicholas?”
“You know my name?”
“I do.” Ryland smiled behind the mask of his makeup at the little boy who had recently been admitted for a defect in his heart.
As a hospital administrator, he still walked the halls. The immersion into the hospital kept him aware of how policies were working, it helped the staff relate to him, and it aided him in carrying the needs of the staff, patients and their families into policies and procedures.
Since Sabrina, though, he no longer stopped by patient rooms for visits, and he didn’t engage in conversations with them if he saw them in the public places. But neither could he make himself stay completely away from the kids, so he instead hid behind his alter ego, Rylie the Rowdy Clown. Through watching kids during his shows, and stories from the nurses, he learned about the patients.
“So, do you have a favorite magic trick?”
Nicholas thought for a moment before his smile bloomed. “Can you pull a rabbit from your hat?”
Ryland nodded. Pulling a hat from his trunk, he squeezed it in his hands to show the kids that he couldn’t possibly hide a rabbit inside the soft hat. Then, wiggling the fingers of his glove-covered hand, he slid them inside the bottom of the hat and pushed a soft bunny out. The children laughed as he made the hand puppet dance. Then they gasped when Nicholas looked down to notice a stuffed white bunny sitting in his lap.
Bowing, Ryland swept his gaze over the crowd as he planned for one last trick. When his eyes landed on the latest newcomer to his show, a new excitement charged his plan. He immediately shifted gears.
“Kids, I have one last trick to show you. It’s one I need some help with.”
A chorus of “pick me” filled the lobby and floated up the open ceiling. Ryland shook his head and waved a hand dramatically.
“For this trick, I need a special volunteer.” Sweeping his hand back and forth over the crowd a few times, studying the play of emotions on Jennalyn’s face as he did, he stopped and pointed to her. “You. Sweet lady in the back.”
The kids moaned their disappointment. Jennalyn shook her head and backed away two steps.
“Come now, sweet lady. Help me make these kids smile.”
She shook her head again, but her gaze swept the faces that had turned to watch her. Come on, Jennalyn. You can do it. Don’t let us down. She must have heard his silent plea, because she finally nodded and walked his way.
As she passed a little girl sitting in a wagon with red, wooden slats for sides her step faltered. Her gaze went to the license plate on the back with hope lighting her eyes. It was a look he saw often on the faces of families who’d lost loved ones. It was a look that told him she’d sponsored one of the child-centric transports in Sabrina’s name. She was looking for the license plate that claimed it as Sabrina’s wagon.
The light died. It wasn’t Sabrina’s wagon.
Widening his smile, even more determined to see Jennalyn happy, Ryland pitched his voice a little higher than when he’d last spoken. “As my lovely assistant makes her way up here, I want you all to be prepared to laugh. Are you ready?”
Cheers and applause erupted.
Jennalyn smiled at the kids as she wound her way through them. It was the same gentle smile she’d flashed the night before at the function. And like last night it didn’t quite manage to extinguish the sadness touching her eyes. He would see her smile for real before A Month of Miracles was finished.
“What are you going to do with me, Rylie?” she asked as she set her bag, scarf and coat aside.
“I need you to help me with a few chores.”
“Okay.” She drew out the O as if she didn’t trust where he was going with the act. He knew she’d seen it before though. It had been one that always made her laugh.
“First—” he picked up a watering can and pointed to a large planter he’d set up before the kids came out, “I need you to water that plant.”
Jennalyn shrugged and headed to the plant. Watching the kids sitting right in front of it, she tipped the
can and poured the water over the artificial soil. The water flowed through the hidden tubes and poured onto the floor just in front of the kids Jennalyn watched. As it always happened, the kids shrieked and scooted back, laughing.
Jennalyn chuckled. Her smile broadened.
Rylie marched over to her and snatched the can away. “It wasn’t nice of you to try to get those kids wet, lady.”
Playing along, she shrugged dramatically, cocking her head to one side. “I wanted to see if they were really paying attention.”
“Tsk-tsk.” Rylie scolded her, shaking his finger back and forth in front of her face. “I think you should apologize to them.”
Jennalyn bowed her head and knelt before the kids. “I’m sorry you almost got wet. Though I have to say I think it’s his fault.” She pointed over her shoulder at Rylie and pitched her voice in a loud whisper. “He likes to play pranks.”
“Lady!” he exclaimed. “I thought you were sweet.”
“A clown’s first mistake,” she taunted as she stood and turned back to face him. “Asking for a random volunteer.”
“We shall see about that. Before we do, why don’t you wipe up your mess?”
“Fine. Do you have a rag I could use?”
She remembered this act well. She embellished it better than he’d hoped, adding an excitement to it no other volunteer ever had.
“I do.” Reaching into an oversized pocket, he pulled out a rag.
Jennalyn took it and began to walk toward the wet spot on the floor. The towel that had cleared his pocket had a piece of fish line hooked to it. As she moved a few feet away more rags began coming out of his pocket. Each rag was separated by another length of clear wire, sort of like fishing line but thinner and less shiny, so the effect was a row of rags floating in the air between him and Jennalyn. He gestured wildly for the kids to look at what she was doing. Pointing to the rags, tossing his hands up as if he had no idea how she was doing it and then crossing his arms as if resigned to wait until she got a clue. When she didn’t turn around, but instead made a show about blotting up the wet spot on the carpet, the line began pulling at his pants.
Ryland danced in his spot, making the rags wave more wildly. The kids howled with laughter until finally Jennalyn turned to look at him. He stopped dancing immediately and flattened his hands on his chest, shaking his head. Clearly the floating rags were all her doing.
“Naughty clown.” Jennalyn wasn’t buying it though. Carefully working the twine attaching the rags so it stayed taut until she had plucked each rag from the air, she moved back to him. Stopping right in front of him, she turned to face the kids.
She didn’t want to be in the hospital. He had seen that truth on her face when she had walked in, but she was putting her brave face on for the kids. The seriousness that had ruled her at the fundraiser was making way for the sense of humor he had seen her share with Sabrina. Rather than finding pleasure for herself though, she was doing it for the sake of the kids. It told him she was the kind of woman who would bend to the point of breaking if it meant making someone else happy.
“Sweetheart,” she said to a little girl watching shyly from the edge of the group. “What's your name?”
“Bria.” Shyness filled the little girl’s smile.
“Can you please come help me?”
Bria hesitated before finally moving forward. When she was standing at Jennalyn’s side, looking up with a shy twinkle in her smile, she asked “What do you want me to do?”
Jennalyn dropped all but the dripping towel at his feet and pulled his oversized pants farther away from his waist. “Hold these out please.”
“Oh, sweet lady. Please don’t do that,” he pleaded. The kids cheered her on.
The smile he’d hoped to see twinkled in her eyes as she looked up at him and proceeded to wring the towel out.
The water, more than he’d imagined the one rag could soak up, dripped down the front of his slacks.
The children laughed and applauded.
Jennalyn let the wet towel fall into his clown pants and stooped low to address Bria. Again she spoke in the loud whisper that included everyone. “There was a lot of water on the floor over there.”
Bria nodded. Ryland didn’t like where this could be headed, but he stood still and watched.
“Do you think Rylie is wet enough?”
Bria shrugged.
Jennalyn turned to the other kids. “Do you think he is wet enough?”
“No!” came the chorus of adolescent yells.
“Wait!” Ryland protested. “No one really got wet.”
“But they could have,” Bria whispered.
Jennalyn grinned as if the girl had made her tremendously proud. “You are absolutely correct. They could have gotten very wet indeed.”
“Sweet lady, I implore you to be kind.”
Jennalyn ignored him, instead talking only to her partner in watery crime. “Why don’t I hold this?” She took hold of the waist of his clown pants. “You go get that watering can.”
“No, sweet ladies. Please don’t do that.” He danced around, but Jennalyn’s hold on his pants hindered escape.
Bria smiled a little more boldly as she went for the watering can. Returning, her smile grew bolder with each marching step. She offered the can to Jennalyn, but instead of accepting it Jennalyn bent to Bria and whispered in her ear.
Ryland took the moment to beg a little more. “Please don’t wet my pants.”
The children laughed harder.
Bria’s smile became a grin. She looked up at Ryland and brazenly lifted the can. With a side tilt of her sweet little head, the shy child tipped the can and poured the rest of the water down Ryland’s pants.
“Oh no!” He danced in place as the water seeped through his trousers, making them stick to his legs. “My pants are wet.”
Bria’s hand shook as she began laughing. When she dropped the can and bent over clutching her stomach, Jennalyn knelt at her side. Bria’s joy swept over the room until almost everyone was clutching their sides. Even Jennalyn shook with her laughter. A moment later she sank onto the floor and pulled Bria into her lap. Both laughed until tears spilled from their eyes.
Feeding the fun, Ryland danced and exclaimed more loudly about his wet pants. He lamented that they stuck to him. That people would think he messed himself. His audience laughed until they cried and moaned that their sides hurt. And though he was aware of everyone, his focus was on the woman holding a patient at his feet.
She had drawn the girl from her shyness for the moment and in return, the girl had led her into some fun.
Being wet, having his tricks turned on him, needing to rethink how he dressed beneath his clown suit… None of it mattered. All that mattered was Jennalyn’s presence and her smile. He had pulled off the first promise to Sabrina.
Male pride had him promising himself he’d do it again, because when Jennalyn James smiled she went from pretty to sexy.
Jennalyn watched the kids head back toward their rooms and though she tried to stop herself from looking at the wagons that passed she was helpless against the compulsion. Too big to use the fun alternative to wheelchairs, Sabrina had always walked around the hospital. She had loved the wagons though.
One night, a few weeks before she passed away, when the halls had gone quiet, Jennalyn had hunted down a wagon and pulled it into Sabrina’s room.
“Hey, Sab, I brought you a surprise.”
Sabrina rolled over in the bed. Her glazed eyes shifted between Jennalyn and the wagon for an instant before clearing. When the healthy part of her brain clicked on the who and what of the situation her lips curled up into the increasingly crooked smile.
“You’re taking me for a ride?”
“Yes.” Jennalyn grabbed the Christmas robe that matched her own and helped Sabrina into it. After settling her sister into the wagon and putting pillows beneath her legs where they hung over the rails, she pulled Sab into the hall.
When they found a hall long enoug
h, Jennalyn moved into a jog and then slid to a stop at the end. Back and forth they ran. Playing. Laughing. Sabrina delighted in every moment. Jennalyn wished the moment could have lasted forever.
“Bye, sweet lady.” Bria’s soft voice pulled Jennalyn from the past.
She knelt and accepted a hug from the little girl. The smell of strawberry shampoo and powder wrapped around her. Sweet. Comforting.
Jennalyn had struggled to maintain her composure from the moment she spotted the hospital entrance. The chilled, fall air had been powerless against the heat of emotions that had flushed her face. The struggle had eased minimally while she played with Bria as the girl’s generous spirit slipped inside between the beats of her heart.
The heat of emotions she’d dodged began to rise again with Bria’s soft arms hugging her. It was the first embrace she’d accepted since Ryland had held her. Pain, like she’d stayed too long in the cold, and now the bone-deep freeze was beginning to thaw filled her. So did relief. She felt more than grief.
“Bria. Thank you for helping me.”
As Bria walked away the light from the bright and airy entrance struck her hair, affecting a sort of halo. Like so many times before, Jennalyn was amazed by how little the entrance, even filled with patients, felt like a hospital. The air was clean, but not in an overly disinfected way. Fresh, it made her feel hopeful that other kids and families would be luckier than her.
Large and small, farm animals and wild beasts mixed in with characters from popular kid shows to line the support beams near the ceiling. Glass, bullet-shaped elevators overlooked the lobby as they whisked patrons to their destinations. Bronze statues and benches placed among the cheery foliage lining a small pond gave the place the feel of an indoor park. The clown, currently watching her with his painted smile, lent the place a feeling of fun and vibrancy.
“You were a lovely assistant,” he said as the last children moved away.
His voice, unlike during the show, was no longer disguised with fun and excitement. Now it carried the warm and gentle tones she recognized as Ryland’s. Tilting her head, she studied him a moment. With closer study she began to see beneath the makeup, wig and funny clothes. Rylie the Rowdy Clown was Ryland the hospital CMO.