by Nikki Duncan
He could help with things he knew about, like the wagon, but not an issue he couldn’t identify. The helplessness restricted his ability to breathe easily.
In her driveway, he turned off the car and turned to her. “Jennalyn. You’re home.”
She simply sat beside him with her eyes closed and her breathing steady. She could be asleep, but he knew better. She wasn’t relaxed enough to rest.
He grabbed her purse and pulled out her key. After pulling her from the car, he carried her toward the front door. The cold air hitting her face brought her to awareness.
“Where am I?”
“Home.” Shifting her in his arms, doubtful that she was strong enough to stand alone just yet, he unlocked the door and carried her to the couch. “You fainted. A couple of times.”
Curling into the corner, she held her head like it throbbed. “I’m sorry I pulled you away from the gift deliveries.”
“Don’t be.” Moving easily into caregiver mode, he stripped her of her coat and shoes. After getting her robe from her bedroom closet, he helped her slip into it, assuming that it would give her a level of comfort.
He turned on the lights to her tree, but she begged him to turn them off. He didn’t like the idea of her sitting in the dark, but she winced every time he turned something on. She refused to eat, but he set a bowl of trail mix at her side.
She’d shrunk back into the grief of losing her family. The wound had been scraped open at the sight of Sabrina’s wagon, and nothing he did tonight would ease her pain. Sitting at her side, bathed again in the feeling of helplessness, Ryland kissed her temple. “I’m sorry you’re hurting again, JJ.”
She swiped at a tear, but said nothing.
“Do you want me to stay?”
Nothing.
He sighed and kissed her again. “Promise you will call if you need me.”
Still nothing. Her silence and blank stare gave him no opening. She’d shut herself off from the world. She needed space to find her way back, to remember all that she’d begun embracing over the last month. This time though he wasn’t giving her a year. And he wasn’t relying on DVDs of her sister to reinforce reality.
“I’ll be back soon.”
Chapter Seventeen
“Yes. Eleven tables. Ten chairs at each.” Jennalyn skimmed her notes, making sure she didn’t miss anything on the closing event for A Month of Miracles. “White tablecloths with a smaller red one over them.”
“Yes, Ms. James.”
“They need to be delivered no later than five.”
“They’ll be there,” the manager assured her.
“Let’s not have a repeat of the last time.” She was taking a chance on the table company she’d used for the zoo’s fundraiser. If they messed up the order this time, she would find a new vendor.
After thanking the manager for the assurances things would run smoothly, she clicked to line two and dialed the number for the florist.
“Andrew’s Florists. Let us freshen your day.”
“This is Jennalyn James. I was calling to confirm the wreaths for the Christmas Eve party at the zoo.”
“Yes, ma’am. We’re putting the final touches on them. The larger wreath for the door is finished.”
“Excellent.” She’d approached them for something custom, but when she’d seen the holiday bridal wreath, she’d chosen it minus the satin sash for carrying. The small wreaths would sit on each table with a bear in the circle. “And the stepping stones?”
“We have received them with the customized messages.”
“You have us down for delivery at five thirty?”
“We do. It’s going to be an amazing evening. People are going to love the stones.”
“Perfect.” She swallowed. Emotion had nearly strangled her while she’d been searching for quotes to put on stepping stones. They’d celebrated ten children through the month. Each child would take home a stepping stone, but the one that had touched her the most had said “The soul is healed by being with children.” It was from a nineteenth-century Russian novelist, but she’d wanted the words to be true.
She’d thought she was healing, that she was doing okay around the kids. The last trip to the hospital had been overwhelming and painful, but it hadn’t been the place or the kids that sent her into a panic. The idea that people saw her and Ryland as a committed couple had been too much.
She’d come to the realization that it wasn’t a relationship she didn’t have time for. A relationship with Ryland was one she didn’t have the heart for. She wasn’t strong enough to be involved with a man who took his work home with him the way Ryland did. Every time he got sad over the loss of a patient she would be reminded of Sabrina. She needed more distance than that if she hoped to heal.
Shaking off the threatening melancholy, knowing that if she allowed it purchase she would be huddled in a corner with her robe again, she made her next call to the DJ.
Thirty minutes later she’d finalized the song list. She’d carefully considered the people she’d met during the outings with Ryland and worked to pick songs that would suit everyone. During dinner, they would play softer music that allowed for conversation. After dinner, the tone would shift to songs with a great beat for dancing.
They would play a range of things from line dances to funny kid songs, like the chicken dance, to oldies and of course Christmas carols. Ryland had asked for an evening that would have people enjoying themselves. She was going to give him an unforgettable party.
She was halfway through dialing the next number when Chrissy walked in and plopped herself in the chair across the desk. “Do you really intend to skip this party?”
“Did Ryland put you up to this?” He’d called a few times. She hadn’t called him back.
“No. Answer my question.”
“Yes. I really plan on skipping the party.”
“But you’ve worked so hard to put it all together. You’ve gotten to know the people who are going to be there.”
“I have to cut things off, Chrissy.” She’d barely pulled herself together that morning to make it to the office. She’d hurt in the depths of every muscle, like she had after losing her family. The loss was different this time. Not grief-worthy but still painful like a part of her had been cut out.
Now, just as then, the only thing that pushed her out the door in the morning was the realization that her staff counted on her. If she crumbled, the business would crumble. If the business crumbled she’d be leaving people without jobs. She’d be disgracing the wishes of her parents.
“Not before you finish the job you started. Jennalyn, these people think of you as much as they do Ryland when they think of A Month of Miracles.”
“I’m not in a mood to party, Chrissy.”
“You’re not even going to the site to help set up.”
“I trust you to oversee the details.” As raw as she was, she couldn’t make another trip to the zoo. She would be drawn to the dome, and the memories would attack.
“What if I refuse?”
“You won’t. You need the bonus you’ll get from the extra work.”
“Money isn’t everything, you know?”
“I know. I also know that you won’t let the kids or their families down.”
“We can’t afford to have two stubborn cowards in this company, Jennalyn.”
“You’re not a coward.”
“Apparently I am because I’m not turning down the money to make you follow through on the party.” Chrissy shook her head slowly. The next time she spoke it was with a quiet resolution. “Your parents and Sabrina would be disappointed in you.”
Jennalyn flinched.
Chrissy plopped a box on her desk and marched out.
Jennalyn eyed the box for several minutes before reaching for it. The shiny red wrapping with the silver bow looked harmless enough. Some instinct told her the gift wasn’t harmless.
Pulling the small card from beneath the crisscrossed ribbon, she unfolded the paper.
> I was going to give this to you after we delivered the last gift yesterday, but…
Crystal geodes are crystal-filled caves of power. It’s said if you whisper your heart’s dream into them that magic will help it come true. I have a matching geode. Let’s see if magic is real.
Ryland
Lifting the lid, she found herself looking at a gorgeous geode. White and bumpy on the outside, its cut side had been polished smooth. The inside had varying shades of white and ivory rings circling it. The inside crystals were mostly white with black flecks sprinkled throughout. More flecks of bright white sparked throughout, winking at her like the clear lights on her tree.
Sabrina would have loved it. She’d have gone on and on about its beauty. Then she’d have made up some crazy and likely hysterical story about how the fairies created it. She’d really loved fairies.
“Talking to a rock isn’t going to solve anything.” Jennalyn covered the geode and slid the box aside. She had phone calls to make, plans to finalize, or there would only be half a Christmas Eve party.
Over the next three hours she finalized details with the caterer, the baker, Mass Ave Toys who was delivering presents for the attending kids, the tree farm that was taking in a decorated tree, and the zoo.
Through it all her gaze drifted back to the gift Ryland had sent. Each time she shook herself off the trail her thoughts wanted to traverse.
She’d put together the components of what promised to be a rocking party. If she was in the mood for holiday festivities, and if she thought she could see Ryland without making unfulfillable wishes, it was the kind of party she would go to.
Chrissy was more than capable of supervising the staff to get the room transformed with the decorations they had. She would take pictures for the website too.
Jennalyn would miss not seeing with her own eyes how it all came together, but it wasn’t a strong enough drive for her to attend. Her eyes shifted again to the wrapped box. He’d now given her a gift for every outing they’d planned.
What would his last gift have been?
Ryland had gone by Jennalyn’s house only to find it dark each time. He’d tried catching her at work, but always missed her. He’d left her voicemails and sent her text messages. She ignored them all. If he claimed to be calling about the party she had Chrissy return his call.
She needed to be at the party for him to deliver his final gift. A more perfect opportunity would never exist.
Damn it, though.
The woman took stubborn, evasive and reclusive to new highs. He didn’t know what else to try. Even Chrissy had failed in her attempts to get Jennalyn to the zoo for set up.
“I’m really sorry she isn’t coming tonight.” Chrissy stepped up, offering him a glass of wine. “She’d have loved it.”
“I was sure she’d want to see everyone together. That they’d come to matter enough that she’d have put them before her own sadness.”
“What happened at the hospital?” Chrissy asked. “I haven’t seen her so guarded since before Sabrina died. Even after Sabrina she was more open than she is right now?”
“She saw the wagon she sponsored. It sent her into a tailspin I’m not sure I can pull her out of.”
“No.” Chrissy took a drink of her wine and looked around the room. “I don’t think that’s it.”
“Why not?”
“That’s too easy. I mean, seeing the wagon would have upset her, but she was doing better with her grief. She could have handled that. She was finding happiness again.”
“Then what is wrong with her?” What had he missed between the elevator and the waiting area? “What would send her back into her cave?”
“If I knew that I would’ve had better luck getting her here.”
“You and me both.” His shoulders dropped with his mood. Then the door opened to the first family. He straightened himself up, put on the mask his sister accused him of wearing so well, and pretended he was ready to party.
Jennalyn poured a glass of wine and headed into the living room where she’d piled the empty decoration boxes by the tree. Turning on the TV, intent on finding a cheesy Christmas movie to watch while stripping the tree, she bumped the input button.
The screen changed and Sabrina’s image was paused from the last time she’d watched a DVD. It had been the one she found the night Ryland had told her about Bria. She’d never finished it because she’d cared more about Ryland.
Sinking onto the couch, she hit play.
“In all seriousness, JJ.” Sabrina sobered from whatever she’d been joking about. Jennalyn couldn’t remember now. It didn’t matter. “What you’re going to do with Ryland, the month you’ll have, is going to change lives. Some days will hurt, but do me a favor. Be brave enough to see it to the end. Don’t run scared if things get hard. Remember what Daddy used to say. Glide. Embrace the moment.”
The screen went black. As a parting shot from her sister it was a good one.
Jennalyn sipped her wine. She wasn’t sure she knew how to be brave.
The Chipmunks sang about all the things they wanted for Christmas. Laughter and smiles filled the room as people milled around the cake table and began moving to the dance floor.
It was a great party, but a shadow seemed to muddle the excitement.
The song wrapped up. Chrissy spoke through the microphone. “Are you having fun?”
“Yes!” The chorus of cheers was expected.
“Good.” Chrissy grinned. “But there’s more fun to be had. Could I get my helper up here?”
Zack moved to where the tree stood by the DJ’s booth. They hadn’t talked him into wearing a complete Santa suit, but he’d gone for the hat and a bright red sweatshirt emblazoned with Call me Santa!
Chrissy smiled at the firefighter she had settled into a steamy romance with. “Rachel, Dawn, Paige, Preston, Holly, Di, Blake, Gavin, Viv and Cooper, will you all come up here?”
The kids made their way to the DJ’s stage. Each one of them wore a curious smile. “You’ve each had a special day where you met my friend Jennalyn,” Chrissy said.
They all nodded.
“Well, she put a little something together for you guys tonight, but before we get to that, I want us to do something for her.”
“Okay.” The agreement was unanimous.
“Ryland and I would like to get a group photo of you guys so we can give it to her as a thank you.”
“Okay.”
“Awesome.”
“It’s not enough.”
Several other statements came from the kids and their families. Seeing everyone together, witnessing how quickly they’d all found friendship, made breathing difficult and it had tears lodging.
Zack wheeled a red wagon out from behind the tree and began situating the kids for the picture. He put the smaller ones in the wagon. When he stepped back Sabrina’s license plate was in the center.
Breathing became impossible.
Then, as quick as a round of flashes, they were finished with the picture.
“Now, to get back to the fun.” Chrissy riled the kids up again. “Back to Jennalyn’s last surprise for you.”
The kids’ grins spread.
“Santa Zack,” Chrissy winked at Zack, “would you do the honors?”
Zack bent down and picked up a long, skinny present from beneath the tree. Opening a card, he read a name. “Preston.”
Preston looked from Chrissy to Ryland to Zack to the crowd in the room. “I don’t need anything else.”
“I believe that’s something you would all say.” Chrissy laughed a little. “It’s also what makes giving you presents fun.”
Zack called the rest of them up one at a time. They all headed back to the line in front of the DJ and waited to open the gifts at once.
Ryland was ready in the front of the group with a camera, not that there would be a shortage of pictures thanks to the families.
The gifts ranged from a massive collection of sandbox tools for Blake to a fairy villa
ge for Viv to a high-powered telescope for Preston. Every one of them, from the youngest to the oldest, squealed their delight. Then they moved into a corner of the room free of tables and began setting things up. The older kids helped the younger ones set stuff up. Dads and moms chipped in with aunts, uncles and grandparents sitting in nearby chairs to watch.
Ten families had been touched by A Month of Miracles.
Ten families shared their Christmas.
Ten families voiced the idea of getting together every Christmas Eve.
Unable to watch from the shadowy corner any longer, Jennalyn stepped into the light with tears streaming down her face. She had to look like a horrible mess with a red nose and runny mascara, but she couldn’t hide from the kids who’d taught her to have fun again.
Holly saw her first. She quietly rose from the floor and walked over. Jennalyn sank into a nearby chair so she was at the same level as the little girl who’d made snow angles in Garfield Park.
“Thank you, Ms. Jennalyn.” She wrapped her little arms around Jennalyn and wrapped her in a strawberry-scented hug. “I really like my Barbies.”
“You’re welcome.”
Her composure was shot, and it wasn’t going to be returning any time soon. She looked up from Holly to see that the other kids had gathered around. Behind them, with a proud smile, stood Ryland.
“Jennalyn.”
“Guess I couldn’t stay away.”
“I’m glad.” Ryland circled the kids and knelt at her side. “I’d have hated for you to miss getting your last present.”
She laughed, feeling more than a little nervous with him on his knee at her side. “I don’t think I can handle any more presents from you for a while.”
“Well, this is my best chance for this one.” He nodded toward the kids. “These guys were right when they said you deserved more than a picture.”
“I don’t. I was just doing a job.”