“I just want to know how long I have left with him. It’s not fair, we’re so happy, and now…” Her voice trailed off and she looked down at the table, her hands gripping the coffee cup.
“Cassie, if you need anything you only have to ask. I’m a doctor, and if I can’t help I can try to get answers.”
“I would have thought you would have gone overseas, I’m surprised to see you here.”
“As if I could go away. I always hoped I’d run into you again.”
“I don’t know why, I seem to be cursed.” The depth of her pain was clear in her eyes.
Patrick could see how hard she tried to bury it. “That’s crazy, Cassie.”
“Is it? The love of my life is dying.” Her voice was hoarse from crying now, and he pulled her to him, hugging her tight as she buried her face in his chest and let the tears flow.
“Do you want to go somewhere private so you can get this out of your system?”
She shook her head. “Mark will be back soon, and he knows I’m here.”
“Is everything all right, Cassie?” came another voice. Mark stood over Patrick’s shoulder and was staring at him with one eyebrow raised.
“Yes,” she said with a squeak, struggling to get out the words she wanted.
“I found Cassie here, and she was upset, we’ve been sitting here quietly.”
Mark nodded in agreement. “Mark Burrows. Cassie’s partner.”
“Pleased to meet you, though not under these circumstances. I’m Patrick Cross, an old friend of Cassie.” He noticed a change in Mark’s stance, almost as if he had puffed up his chest.
“Patrick Cross as in Cassie’s former boyfriend?”
“A long time ago, I’m surprised you’ve heard of me.”
“Cassie and I share everything. How did you come to be here?”
“I’m a surgeon. Cassie told me what you were going through. I’m going to give you my number, and if there’s anything I can help with, please don’t hesitate to call.”
At that Mark’s shoulders dropped and he seemed to relax. “Thanks, I’d really appreciate it.”
“How long?” asked Cassie, “How long did the doctor say?”
Mark pulled a face. “Let’s not talk about it here.”
He held out his hand for Cassie and she stood up from the table, moving to his arms. Patrick grabbed a napkin. “Here are my contact details, call me day or night if you need anything. I might not be able to help, but I should be able to point you in the right direction.”
“Thank you,” said Mark, taking the napkin, “I really appreciate it, Cassie needs all the support she can get.”
“Anything for Cassie.”
He didn’t expect the first phone call to come later that night. “Cassie?”
“Mark. Cassie’s asleep.”
“Are you all right?”
“Can we talk?”
“Sure, do you want to make a time to meet?”
“We stayed at a motel rather than go home tonight. Cassie was distraught after the hospital appointment, so we booked in somewhere. She’s sleeping now but can you come here, or I can come to you.”
“I’ll come to you, now tell me where you’re staying, and I’ll jump in the car.”
It was a short drive at that time of night, it was after eleven and the streets were quiet. Patrick didn’t need to go looking for Mark, he was sitting outside the motel room on a bench. “Hey.”
“Thanks for coming mate.”
“No problem. Like I said, anything for Cassie. What’s up?”
“I can’t tell her how bad it is, but it’s worse than she thinks.”
Patrick sank onto the bench beside Mark. “Oh crap. I hoped it wasn’t that bad.”
Mark eyed him. “Yeah well I’ve told her the specialist agreed with my doctor and said I had six months. Truth is it’ll be half that if I’m lucky.”
“Shit. Are you going to tell her?”
“Hell no. She’s freaking out enough as it is. The other thing is that they said there are treatments I can try, but it’ll cut the quality of life, and I want to live every second I have left to the fullest with my girl.”
“Mark, it could extend your life. Give you longer with her.”
“What’s the point if I can’t enjoy it? You know what an amazing woman she is. I’ve watched her mature even while we’ve been together. She’s an incredible partner and a fantastic mother, and the thought of what this is doing to her is wrecking me.”
“Tell me what I can do to help.” Today was a day for discovery, seeing Cassie again after all these years and finding out she was happily settled down with Mark and that they had at least one child. He felt sorry for Mark, Cassie was something special that was for sure, and it wasn’t fair for her to lose him in this way.
“Be there for her. Help us understand the medical stuff. She’s going to need it more than me. All I know is that I want every available minute I have left with her.”
“Of course. I’m not too far away when you need anything. Call me anytime day or night.”
“Thank you. I really appreciate it. Cassie loved you for a very long time, she still holds the memory of you pretty close to her heart, not that she realises I know that. If I wasn’t ill, I might consider you a threat to my relationship Doctor Cross.”
Patrick stared at him and Mark chuckled. “Cassie is a one man woman, I’m just kidding. I own that girl. You don’t know what you missed out on.”
At that, Patrick laughed and shook his head. Even with what he was coping with Mark was twisting the knife and teasing him about what he’d lost all that time ago. “I’m sure I don’t. I promise you though that whatever she needs I’m here and the same for you. I’d pick you’re a good man knowing Cassie, she wouldn’t have been tied up with anyone who would treat her bad.”
“Hmmm,” Mark made a noise as if he didn’t quite agree but left it at that.
“Call me if you need anything.”
He dreamed of her again that night, their perfect life they never had and in the morning he woke alone, realising that memories of what they had so briefly still had so much control over him.
The first call came a few days later. “Hey mate, it’s Mark. I’m just wondering if you are available for a visit. This whole thing is going to hit Cassie hard and despite your history, I think having a doctor around would bring her some comfort. Even for a short visit.”
Patrick had agreed. Mark seemed like a good man, and Cassie obviously adored him. He liked the idea of spending time with her again but felt guilty as the only reason he was able to was because Mark was dying. It wasn’t fair on Cassie, and Patrick hurt for her. She was trying to keep cheerful, but all she wanted to do was to curl up in a fetal position and pretend nothing bad was happening.
Now the man who broke her heart had been invited to come and see them by the man who had loved only her these past five years. Cassie opened the door when he knocked. She looked tired as if she hadn’t slept in the week since he’d seen her, and he guessed she hadn’t.
“Patrick,” Mark called out behind her and welcomed him warmly. Cassie offered a small, thin smile and went to the kitchen to make coffee.
“How are you bearing up?” he asked Mark.
“It’s hard. Cassie is quiet, and I’m worried about her. She’s keeping her emotions bottled in which isn’t like her but I can’t blame her. These past five years have been fantastic, this is cruel.”
Sophie wandered into the living room, smiling at Patrick as she moved towards the kitchen. “Mum, can I have a drink?”
“There’s some juice there. Soph, I’ll grab you one.”
“Sounds great.”
“Sophie, this is Patrick. He’s your mother’s old friend and a doctor.”
The girl was clearly older than five so Cassie had her before she’d gotten together with Mark.
“Hi.” Patrick found himself looking into blue eyes that seemed strangely familiar.
“Hey,” he replied. She clos
ely resembled Cassie, he thought.
Sophie sat beside Mark. “Is he going to make you better?”
“No love. No doctor is going to do that. We just thought that Patrick could come and see us, and if we have any questions he can get us some answers.”
“Oh.” Her face fell.
“Sorry, Sophie. I wish I could help Mark. He’s very ill, but if you need anything you only have to ask. You and your mum.”
“Thank you. Can you give my mum something to make her happy? She’s pretty sad at the moment.” Cassie came back with coffee and juice for Sophie.
“I’m fine, Sophie. I just have a lot to think about right now.”
She nestled on the couch next to Mark. He didn’t look completely comfortable to Patrick, and he wondered if he should try to get some time with the other man to make sure he wasn’t in pain. Mark put his arm around Cassie. “I’m sure your mum will ask for help if she needs it love.”
“Thank you for coming, Patrick. I appreciate the support.”
“Any time you three need anything just call me.” He wanted to take her in his arms and tell her everything would be all right. Not even as a lover but as a friend, as he could see just how much she was hurting.
Sophie finished her drink and stood up. “Can I use the computer, Mum?”
“Sure thing, you can use it until dinner if you want.”
Patrick watched as she left the room, trying to work out how old she was. Somewhere inside, a glimmer of hope existed that she was his. He was sure Cassie would have told him if that had been the case. He didn’t know what she’d done after he had left town. There was a good chance she’d found someone else afterwards. “She seems like a good kid.”
“Sophie is amazing. Just like her mother. I love both of them to bits.”
“I don’t blame you. Patrick noted the uncomfortable look on Cassie’s face, continuing. “If Sophie is anything like her mother they’re both smart, capable women. What’s not to love?” It must have been the right answer as Cassie seemed to relax at that.
He answered a few general medical questions and took some notes to check into later. “Do you want to stay for dinner?” Mark asked.
“That would be great.”
After dinner, he volunteered to help Cassie with the dishes. When he got close enough to her, he realised she still wore the same scent she did all those years ago when they were dating. The familiar smell permeated his senses, and it was all he could do to fight his arousal. “So how old is Sophie?” he asked.
She chewed her bottom lip briefly. “She’s ten.”
“Oh. I just wondered. Because you and Mark have been together for five years, right?” Cassie nodded.
“So do I know Sophie’s father? Was it someone from back home?”
“No. I don’t want to talk about it, Patrick. Let’s just get this done, and you can get home.”
“I’m not in any rush. I just want to catch up, Cassie.”
“I get that, but it’s late, so I’m sure you don’t want to be travelling too late.”
He nodded. “There’s plenty of time to catch up.”
“Do you think I have much more with Mark?”
It was so hard not to tell the absolute truth to those green eyes he’d once loved so much. Hell, still loved. “I don’t know, Cass, not specifics anyway. You need to make the most of the time you do have left I can tell you that much. He loves you so much, Cassie, that much is obvious, and you’re crazy about him so just be together and love each other for however long you have.”
At that, she burst into tears, and before he knew it, she was in his arms. “Hey, it’s okay to cry and yell and scream and whatever else you need to do to let it out. And I’ll be here for you all the way in whatever capacity you need me. If you want to do something constructive, keep a journal. Record everything in it, what’s happening with Mark, how you’re feeling, anything, Cassie just get it out.”
“Everything all right love?” Mark called.
“Everything’s fine,” Patrick called back, “Cassie is just a bit emotional, but I’ve just told her that’s to be expected.”
He appeared in the doorway. “Of course it is. Come here love.” She went straight to his arms and he wrapped them around her, enfolding her in his embrace. “Thanks for everything, Patrick, we both appreciate it.”
“It’s no problem, and if you’ll excuse me I’ll get going and let you get on with your evening. Thanks for dinner, Cassie.”
“You’re welcome,” she murmured.
Patrick drove home torn. If he was any type of real friend, he would cut ties and not go back. He couldn’t act on his feelings, not now. Mark was dying, and Cassie needed a friend not someone who lusted after her. He had to be there for her, and he had to ignore the feelings that seeing her again had stirred up. It was going to be difficult.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Soon Patrick was travelling to see them every weekend, often staying the night. The more time he spent with Sophie, the more he thought she could be his daughter. There were a lot of similarities, but he wasn’t sure if it was because he was looking for them.
Cassie was warming to him; at least that’s how it seemed. She was grateful for any information that he shared with them, but Mark was slowing down and in a significant amount of pain at times, so what was happening was obvious.
Mark as usual was defiant, refusing to give in to the pain, and though he was no longer working he refused to allow it to incapacitate him.
He would see Cassie franticly writing in the journal she had brought and he wondered what she was writing though it was private.
Mark’s business was for sale, he had regular clients to work for, and it would be worth some money for Cassie. She was all that mattered to him now, and he was trying his best to ensure her and Sophie’s future. It was heartbreaking watching them.
Cassie was strangely calm about the whole thing now, but Patrick recognised that was how she was coping. She was almost on autopilot with the only time she showed emotion when she was in Mark’s arms, or when Sophie was around. The love she had for both of them was so intense that Patrick envied both Mark and Sophie for it. He remembered a time when he had that love.
Patrick tried to help Mark with his pain management. He hid it well, but Patrick saw his discomfort better than Cassie, which was a blessing. While he wasn’t acting in any capacity as a doctor for Mark, he kept Mark’s doctor up to date with what he was observing. Mark was going downhill, and things were speeding up. He refused to spend any time in hospital.
“It’s time we talked,” Mark said. He was confined to the house now and getting weaker all the time.
Cassie had left Patrick to take care of him while she got a break and went to get groceries. “I agree. It’s time you got more help to manage your illness.”
“That’s not what I want to talk about.”
“I know you won’t talk about it in front of Cassie and things are much worse than you are letting on.”
Mark shook his head. “There’s nothing to talk about. Things will happen as they’re supposed to.”
“For heavens sake, Mark, your illness will continue to progress, but you need to take better care of yourself. I know you don’t want to admit how bad it is for Cassie but do it for yourself.”
“Patrick, I appreciate you being here. It’s been reassuring to have a doctor around. I don’t have much longer but I need to know you’ll take care of her when I’m gone.”
“What are you asking me?”
“I’m not stupid. You look at her the same way I do. As if she’s the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen in your life. Because she is. That gorgeous young woman is the love of my life, and it rips me apart to be leaving her, but I’ll be leaving her in good hands. If you stick around for her.”
“Mark, Cassie and I have history. I can’t even think about her in that way with you around. Besides, when this is all over who knows what she’ll want. She could throw me out on my ear.”
“She’s far too good for that, Patrick and you know it. Whatever happened between you two is in the past, but you’re a good man. I can see that. And from where I’m sitting you love her as much as I do, I can see that too.”
“I can’t deny that seeing her again has stirred up emotions. There was a time I thought we were in love.”
“Then be there for her when I’m gone. Be what she needs you to be, whether a friend…” Mark swallowed hard as if the words about to come out of his mouth were a struggle to get out. “Or a lover.”
“Mark, that’s not even on the radar. What I want to do is be here to support all of you, help you get through this as much as Cassie and Sophie.”
“Sophie. She’s a good girl. Take care of her too.”
“If that’s what Cassie wants I promise I will do everything in my power to take care of them.”
“I said it before, and I’ll say it again. You’re a good man, Patrick Cross.”
“Let’s hope you have much more time to come, Mark.”
“There’s one more thing you could do for me.”
“What’s that?”
“Get me a beer, I’m parched.”
Patrick laughed. There was still life in Mark yet.
On arriving home, Cassie found them drunk and roaring with laughter over anything and everything. “What the hell is going on here?”
“Love, come and have a drink with us.”
“You’ve had enough and Patrick should have known better than to let you get like this.”
“It’s not going to kill me love, too late for that.”
She chewed her lower lip as tears welled up in her eyes. Patrick stopped laughing and put his drink down. “Cassie, I’m sorry. Mark wanted a drink, and it led to another one. Then we found some rugby on TV and got to chatting, and it got a little out of hand.” He felt guilty now, she was visibly upset, and that was the last thing he wanted.
“Are you going to stand there all day, Cassandra? Come and sit with me.” The look on Cassie’s face was hard to judge now. It was as if she wanted to be angry, but struggled with the urge to yell at her terminally ill partner. She sighed and sat on the couch beside him. Mark leaned towards her and kissed her, laughing as she pulled a face at the smell of the beer. “Sorry love.”
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