“Lauren, I have so many emotions to work through.”
“I know that, but I also know you miss him, Cassie and Mark wanted you to be happy.”
She frowned. “I don’t know if I can give myself to him fully, Lauren and that’s as unfair to Patrick as it is to me.”
“Spend some time with him this evening then, I’ve told him he can crash here so there’s no pressure on you to put him up. If you’re not going to do it for yourself, then do it for me?”
Cassie laughed at that. “Do it for you?”
“I used to live vicariously through you and Mark. How else do I get my happy ever after.”
“Oh, Lauren.” Cassie hugged her. “You’ll find your own, I swear. It’s just a matter of finding the right man.”
“So how unfair is it that you found two?” Lauren poked her tongue at Cassie and that made Cassie laugh louder.
Patrick listened to the sound of her laughter and wished he could make her laugh like that.
“I have nagged Mum to call you. How else is she going to get laid?”
“Sophie Warren.” Patrick laughed. “You are not supposed to know about that stuff young lady.”
“Mum says the same thing.”
“You shouldn’t be talking about your mother like that.”
“I just want her to be happy.”
“So do I. So let’s see how we go tonight.”
She beamed. “You should come and stay at our place.”
“I’m staying here. If your mother offers, then she offers. Otherwise, I am fine for the night.”
Patrick sat next to Cassie at the table as they ate. “This was such a great idea,” Cassie said, “thank you to the chefs.”
“You are very welcome,” Patrick said.
For a moment, they locked eyes. He saw it then, the smile in her eyes was there but very faint as if she held something back. Cassie looked away, it was too much.
As much as she cared, she still remembered how it had felt walking in on him with Vicki. Her reluctance to be with him wasn’t just about still mourning Mark.
After dinner, Sophie showed Patrick all the new things she’d got on her iPad and Cassie grumbled about how much it was costing her.
“Let’s log in and put my credit card on the account,” said Patrick.
“I won’t have you paying for anything more.”
“Cassie, I like doing it. If it helps Sophie’s education then I’m happy to support it.”
He tapped Sophie on the nose. “Just no going crazy young lady.”
“I wouldn’t do that.”
He nodded. “Just putting it out there.”
“You’re not doing it Patrick,” Cassie said.
“Cassie, it’s fine. I really don’t mind.”
“Well I do. It’s not your place to do it, and I really wish you would back off.”
He looked hurt, and she regretted her words. “I’m just trying to help, Cassie. I didn’t mean anything by it.”
“I know you didn’t. Sophie, we should get going.”
She wanted to remove herself from the situation now. Talking to him was only confusing her more, even if they were arguing over something trivial. Sophie looked disappointed, but Cassie stood her ground.
“Get your stuff together sweetheart and we’ll get going.”
“But it’s early Mum.”
“And the night chill is setting in. I want to go home and warm up the house before it gets too cold.”
“Yes Mum,” she said glumly.
Sophie hugged Patrick. “I have to go.”
Patrick kissed her on the cheek. “We’ll see each other again soon, I promise.”
“Go out to the car, Sophie, I’ll be out in a minute.”
She waited until Sophie was gone before looking at Patrick.
“It was good to see you, thanks for being here. Sophie, was really pleased to see you.”
“She’s a good kid. I’d like to see more of both of you, but you already know that.” Lauren excused herself, leaving them alone to say goodbye.
“Patrick, I know what you say you want…”
“What I want, Cassie. I want to be with you and Sophie. We could be a family.”
“I need everything to be clear in my head, and right now it’s not.”
“So I go back and wait?”
“If you really want to be with me then yes.”
Cassie hugged him goodbye before turning away.
The drive home was short, but Cassie resisted the temptation the whole way to turn around and go back. Sophie wasn’t happy about leaving, and Cassie tried to patch things up when they got home.
“It’s not fair. Patrick is my friend too.”
“I know, Sophie, and I’m sorry, but I just wanted to come home.”
“It’s always about you.” Sophie yelled.
“Sophie, please. I love you more than anything else in this whole world, but tonight I wanted to come home.”
“Why don’t you just tell him you love him, and we can live with him. Get over yourself, Mum.”
“Don’t speak to me that way, Sophie. You know how hard it’s been since I lost Mark.”
“He would want you to be happy Mum,” Sophie was crying too now.
She wrapped her arms around Sophie. “I know, Soph. It’s hard to move on, that’s all. Please be patient with me.”
Cassie couldn’t sleep with Patrick on her mind, and it didn’t help that the rain fell outside and had increased in intensity in the last hour. Sick of tossing and turning she tried to sit up to sleep in an armchair before returning to bed at midnight.
“You’re supposed to be an adult,” she thought to herself, “not a silly little girl. You fell for it once, why would you be falling for it again. Especially after Mark.”
She was drifting off when her mobile phone buzzed on the cabinet beside the bed. Sighing, she picked it up to see if it was important.
Are you awake? Came the text from Patrick.
Cassie chewed her bottom lip. Should she reply or ignore it? What could he possibly want? She’d made her feelings clear to him that she wasn’t prepared to make a decision. Fear gripped her stomach, and a wave of nausea washed over her. What if Lauren had made her move after Cassie had left and Patrick was no longer waiting for her? She swallowed hard, curiosity beating out nerves as she tapped her reply.
I’m awake, what do you want?
You came the response
She frowned, now he was going to play games with her emotions. All these years she’d never gotten over her first love. Mark had been the love of her life, she’d been sure of that, but with Patrick around again suddenly she wasn’t sure.
Don’t play with me she sent back
If we played you’d never want to leave my bed came the reply
Cassie snorted, Patrick was gorgeous as he always had been and knew it. Now he seemed to be somehow convinced that bragging about his sexual prowess would impress her. Oh who was she kidding? Of course it did.
She’d only ever slept with two men in her life. Patrick and their fumbled first and only coupling, neither of them experienced enough to know any better. Mark had more knowledge in that area and made her purr with the pleasurable sensations he’d provided. He’d known exactly how to touch her, something she struggled with herself.
The thought of Patrick wanting her made her tingle. Everything about him said sexy, and she was sure he could make her scream now. It scared her to think that way.
No games, you know my rules
Rules are made to be broken Cassie he replied
She swore. There was no winning with him. He’d have a comeback whichever way she turned.
I’d rather be in your bed than Lauren’s. I’m sure it’s more comfortable came a further text.
She froze. Had he slept with Lauren? Was this his way of saying he’d had her and wanted Cassie too? Tears rolled down her cheeks. She felt as she had all those years ago seeing him in bed with Vicki. When she sent no reply, her phone
rang. She closed her eyes before pressing the button to reject the call, but it started ringing again. This time she pressed the accept button.
“What do you want?”
“I thought I’d made that clear,” came Patrick’s deep voice. The one that stirred her desire from deep down where she’d suppressed it.
“And I told you my terms, which you’ve completely disregarded.” She paused, not even knowing where the tone had come from, she must have sounded like a school teacher telling off a naughty boy.
“I don’t want to wait, and I don’t think you want to either.”
“What I don’t want is to be screwed around on again and if you’ve slept with Lauren then you can go away.”
“Cassie, I haven’t slept with Lauren. She’s trying to get us together as much as I am. That’s why she organised the barbecue tonight and invited me. Who screwed around on you, Cassie, who hurt you?”
“You did.”
“I never went near anyone else when we were together, not that we were together for very long before you shut me out. Even now I have no idea what I did for you to stop talking to me. I was crazy about you, Cass, and you broke my heart.”
The pain in her stomach was searing, thinking about what had happened all those years ago. “Screw you, Patrick. You slept with Vicki, that’s why I stopped talking to you. Don’t play the innocent party in all of this.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about. Is this something Vicki told you? If it was, then it’s not true.”
“Patrick, I saw you. I came to your party just like you wanted me to and when I got there you were in bed with Vicki.”
“But you didn’t come to the party, I waited for hours and drank so much I went to sleep and left the others to party. When I came looking for you the next day you didn’t want to have anything to do with me. I had hoped that when you came up to Auckland to go to University that I’d have a chance to sort things out but then you never came.”
“I saw you,” she screamed down the phone, “I was so hurt there was no way I was going to track you down to tell you I was pregnant.” At that, she stopped, and there was silence. She had confirmed what he had suspected.
"Cassie," he said before she hung up the phone.
She threw the phone across the room, curling herself into a fetal position and rocked. She hadn’t meant for it to slip out, but there was no going back now, and Patrick knew the secret she’d only ever shared with Mark. The tears were in free fall now as Cassie thought of what Patrick could do. He was a successful surgeon. What if he tried to get custody of Sophie?
“Mark would have known what to do,” she thought, and her heart pounded in her chest as she thought of him not being here to guide her. The loneliness was overwhelming She jumped when the thumping on the front door started, and all she could think about was stopping whatever it was, so Sophie wasn’t woken.
Patrick stood on the doorstep, drenched by the torrential rain that now pounded the roof. “Let me in, Cassie, this weather has turned to crap, and I don’t want to stand out here all night,”
“What do you want?”
“To sort this out with you, I’ll stay here if I have to, but I’d rather come in where it’s warm.”
She moved aside to let him through and plucked a dry towel from the basket of dry washing yet to be folded. As she handed it to him he took her hand in his, and she could feel his eyes on her. “Look at me, Cassie.”
When she looked up all she could see was the pain he felt. “Get out of those clothes before you catch pneumonia,” she said, forcing the words out. She left the room, before returning with a bathrobe and handed it to him. “I can put your clothes in the dryer, won’t take too long to dry.”
“We need to talk, that’s why I’m here.”
She looked at him, her green eyes brimming with tears. “Let’s get you dry, you can go home in the morning.” Frustrated, he pulled off his shirt, and she lowered her eyes at the sight of his sculpted chest. She turned her back while he removed his pants and he put the robe on.
“It’s safe for you to look now,” he said. She disappeared with his clothes, and he could hear the rumble of the dryer starting and the sound of boiling water coming from the kitchen. She emerged with a coffee in each hand and placed them on the coffee table, sitting on the couch beside.
“Is this your way of saying you’re ready to talk?” he asked.
“I’m making sure you’re warm enough before you go to bed in the spare room,” she replied.
He sat beside her. “Cassie, there’s a lot we need to talk about. A lot you need to tell me.”
“You’re talking about me not telling you I was pregnant.”
“To tell you the truth, Cass, I’d already worked that out. Well I suspected, you confirmed it. The timing was too close, and you did try to lie to me about how old Sophie was.”
“I didn’t want to complicate things further, and I don’t want to end up fighting for my daughter. You didn’t have a choice to be involved because I kept you out of it, but she’s my life, Patrick, I couldn’t bear to lose her.”
He took her hand in his. She tried to pull away, but he wouldn’t let go. “Cassie, I would never try to take Sophie from you. I want to be a part of both your lives, and if you really don’t want me around then I will go, but I want to fight for us, Cassie.”
“I’m so confused. I told you that I would give you a chance when I was ready, and now you’re pushing. You send me confusing text messages, and it’s messing with my head, and now I have to confront the fact that I’ve told you the biggest secret I’ve ever had, and it involves you.”
Patrick let go of her hand, reaching for the lock of her hair that had fallen over her face while she talked. He played with it in his fingers before pushing it off her face. “Then I’m telling you straight up that I want you. I want to be with you, Cassie, have the life with you that we should have had and be the man you need. I’m not telling you to let go of Mark, I’m asking you to hold on to me.”
Before she could protest he kissed her, his tongue finding hers as he pulled her closer and she sighed at the sensation of being held, of being loved. “Let’s go to bed, Cass. I want to show you how much I love you.”
He stood and held out his hand to her. At first she hesitated, scared this was moving too fast, but it felt more right than anything had for so long so she took it and he led her to the bedroom.
When they got there, he grinned and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her into a bear hug. “We can go as slow as you like, Cassie, I just want to be near you. Even if you let me hold you.”
She held onto him tightly. “I do want this,” she whispered, “I’m terrified of getting in over my head and it being too soon and too much.”
“Then let’s get into bed, and I will hold you in my arms, and we’ll go to sleep. I’ll do whatever it takes to prove myself to you.”
She nodded and he tugged at the ties on her bathrobe, revealing her nightshirt. “It’s not my best look.”
The nightshirt was ragged, she’d clearly worn it to death, but it was comfortable. “You’d look beautiful dressed in a sack,” he said, “I thought you slept naked anyway.”
For the first time in what felt like forever, Cassie smiled, and that twist of fear in her stomach faded. She shook her head. “Not lately, it didn’t seem right, besides you just never know when a doctor might want to check out your scars. This is old, but it’s comfortable. You are gorgeous, Patrick Cross, you always have been. Why on earth would you be interested in a dumpy, pathetic woman like me?”
He frowned. “You are neither dumpy nor pathetic, Cassandra Warren. I have been in love with you since primary school. Now are you getting in this bed with me or not?” Pulling back the covers, she climbed into bed and watched him as he went to the other side and followed suit. He’d removed his bathrobe and she had an urge to touch his beautiful tanned skin, aching to stroke his chest. He opened his arms to her, and her heart was pounding as she w
as enveloped by him, his gentle touch lighting a fire in her that hadn’t burned for so long.
“Cassie,” he murmured, “we don’t need to do anything more, this will do fine for now. Thank you for letting me get so close to you.”
“Thank you for being here, maybe I don’t sound appreciative, but the fact you came here shows me how much you do care.”
“I told you, Cass, I love you. And I will wait for as long as I have to for you to love me in return.”
“That’s the problem,” she said, “I already do.”
CHAPTER TWENTY THREE
That eerie feeling that someone was looking at her hung over Cassie as she woke the next morning. Patrick lay beside her, still sleeping peacefully, his arm still draped over her as it had been all night.
Realising the feeling had not gone away she looked to the other side and found Sophie, standing by the bed with her arms crossed watching over her mother. Her daughter had a smirk on her face, and Cassie blushed at the intense look the young woman was giving her.
As she pried herself free of Patrick’s arms, she slid out of bed, following her daughter out to the kitchen.
“Sorry for interrupting you mum, I didn’t realise you had company,” Sophie said.
“It’s all right love, Patrick came over late last night. I’m just glad he didn’t wake you up when he arrived.”
“I didn’t think you would be in bed with him though. What’s wrong with the spare bed?”
Cassie laughed. “Nothing is wrong with the spare bed, Miss Nosey, he just slept in my bed.”
“So are you two together now?”
She shrugged. “I guess. I’m really sorry about last night, Sophie.”
Sophie grinned. “Mum, if he makes you happy then I’m happy. He is a nice guy and don’t worry about last night.” She leaned over the kissed her mother on the cheek. “I love you, Mum, it is nice to see you smile again.”
“I hope I’m the cause of that smile,” came a voice behind them. Patrick stood in the doorway. Cassie’s heart skipped a beat.
Another Chance Page 18