by Joan Rylen
“Nah, let’s just drag ’em over.”
They did, then the three walked to the house.
Tracy met them at the front door with a hot toddy. “After seeing your friend slosh upstairs, I thought you might need this.” She passed the drinks out, then smiled at Kate. “Yours is virgin.”
“Thanks,” Vivian said. “Smells good.”
They went inside and hunkered by the fire, showing off the pictures of Lucy flailing in the water to the newlyweds. They all laughed.
Mitzie snuggled close to her groom. “Would you have gone in after me?”
“Of course, my schmoopsy-poo.” Wendell kissed her forehead then whispered in her ear.
Mitzie turned bright red and Vivian thought she heard the word “handcuffs.”
Vivian giggled to herself. Wendell might be wilder than he looks.
Tracy walked in with a tray of deli meats, bread and cheeses and set it on the coffee table. “I thought you might be hungry so I wanted to offer a little something. Sorry it’s not more elaborate.”
Kate started creating a sandwich masterpiece of roast beef, corned beef and Swiss cheese. “Thank you so much, I’m starving.”
Wendy and Vivian let Kate have first dibs, then Vivian piled hers high with ham, turkey and pepper jack cheese. Wendy munched on a couple of slices of cheddar.
Wendell asked, “Do you have plans for later? Mitzie and I went to the corn maze last night. They practically had to send out a search party to find us, but we weren’t lost. We were doing the thing that lovers do.”
The pink in Mitzie’s cheeks spread to her chest, but she slapped at Wendell’s knee playfully. “Oh, Boo-Boo Bear, don’t tell everyone.”
He winked at her. “Let’s go get lost again.”
She giggled and leaned in for a kiss on the cheek.
“I’m getting lost right now,” Vivian said and stood up with her sandwich. “You two lovebirds have fun.”
“I think y’all are adorable,” Kate said between bites.
Vivian ran into a freshly showered Lucy in the hall. Her hair was pulled into a tight ponytail, and she had on several layers.
“I can’t seem to get warm,” Lucy said.
“There’s a lot of body heat in the living area, compliments of the newlyweds. Good news is Tracy put a tray of sandwich stuff out. I’m losing myself at the breakfast table; feel free to join me.”
“Okay, loser, see ya in a sec.”
Vivian sat at the table and got a fresh napkin from the porcelain holder on the table.
Brandon emerged from the kitchen. He smelled like diesel fuel and wiped his hands on a blue shop rag. “Everything okay?”
Vivian gave him a thumbs up. “Yep, thanks. I’m a bit of a klutz and didn’t want to make a mess in there. I require a table.” She drummed her fingernails on the oak.
He tucked the rag into his back pocket. His checkered, flannel shirt was open and untucked, and his undershirt was streaked with grease and sweat. He had a childish look about him, unkempt, and his dark hair had fallen into his eyes. Below his eyes were dark circles, as if he didn’t sleep well or carried the weight of the world on his shoulders.
Vivian wiped her mouth and asked, “What’s this I hear about a corn maze?”
Brandon grinned. “Ah, yes, the Amazing Maize Maze. It’s only around for a few more days. Then they’ll harvest.”
“Is it far?”
“Nah, not at all. I’m happy to drive you girls over if you want to go. I’d like to go visit with the owners, Bill and Jan, anyway.”
“We don’t have anything else planned, might as well. Thanks!” Vivian took the last bite of her sandwich and crumpled her napkin into a ball.
Lucy walked in carrying a four-inch mountain of meat and cheese. No bread. She sat across from Vivian. “I saw the body heat you were talking about,” she said. “I think I’ll pass.”
Vivian smiled at her. “Nice mound of meat you have there.”
“Gotta stay away from the carbs. Buns go straight to my buns.” She wrapped a piece of cheese with a slice of ham and turkey and started munching.
Brandon laughed at their exchange, then looked at Vivian. “Around 9:30 sound good?”
“Perfecto,” Vivian responded.
“What’s the plan?” Lucy asked.
“Get ready to be amazed at the Amazing Maize Maze.”
“Oh no, you mean like in Signs? That movie freaked me out. I’m not good with aliens, and I’ve already had my Area 51 paranoia dismissed today. And it was legit.”
Brandon chuckled. “The most alien thing you’re going to encounter tonight is Mrs. Zimmerman’s square funnel cakes. Who the heck makes square funnel cakes?” He laughed, turned and went upstairs.
“I’ll brave aliens for funnel cake,” Lucy said and stuck a whole piece of ham in her mouth.
“Then it’s settled.” Vivian scooted her chair out. “We’ll eat funnel cake while going alien hunting in crazy, creepy cornstalks.”
6
The girls bundled up and walked downstairs to meet Brandon for their adventure at the Amazing Maize Maze. They had relaxed after canoeing that afternoon and were ready for some post-sunset excitement.
Brandon met them in the living room. “You ready to go? I have Fred pulled around.”
“Fred?” Kate asked.
“My Expedition.”
Tracy, wine glass in hand, opened the front door for them. “Scooter Bill likes to name his vehicles.”
Vivian laughed and said to Brandon on her way out, “Scooter Bill?”
He rolled his eyes. “It’s a long story, and don’t you dare call me that.”
Lucy hopped in the passenger seat while Kate, Vivian and Wendy shared the back bench.
“Don’t you need to sit up front?” Wendy asked Kate.
“It’s a short drive.”
They started down the road and Brandon asked, “So what do you think of Turlington Farms? We’ve put a lot of work into it, but I’m always looking for ways to improve.”
“I love how you’ve restored everything, it’s so bright and airy,” Kate said. “I know that’s tough to accomplish with nineteenth-century farmhouses.”
Lucy chimed in. “And good job on the updated furnishings!”
“You’re last name is Holt, right? So who are the Turlingtons?” Wendy asked.
Brandon glanced at her in the rearview mirror. “This property was in my first wife’s family for generations. They’re great people. I’m still close with her parents, but it was too much land for them to keep up. The house is older, which can be a problem. They moved into a townhouse in Albany several years back and left us the farm.”
“Did the farm actually ever farm anything?” Kate asked.
“Mary Beth’s grandparents, and then her parents, grew all kinds of vegetables and raised dairy cows. Keeping up with everything is tough work, and once Mary Beth and I did a financial analysis, we figured it’d be better to sell the cows, keep a smaller garden and open a bed and breakfast. She died just as we were getting ready to open.” Brandon paused. “I’ve kept it going because it was our dream.”
“Wow, that’s a big commitment,” Vivian said.
They drove along about three miles, talking about the town.
Brandon turned off the county road onto a dirt lane. Leaning against a tree was a hand-painted plywood sign with a big arrow pointing to the right. It was lit by a single spotlight and read “Amazing Maize Maze.”
The SUV bumped along the dark dirt road until it opened to a field. Brandon parked between two other cars in a makeshift lot near the house and turned off the truck. “See you all at the end of the amazing maze.” He got out of Fred and closed the door with a bang.
“That house looks JUST like the one in Signs,” Lucy said and hit her lock. “I’m not getting out.”
“I saw that movie,” Vivian said. “This house looks nothing like the one in the movie.”
“Yes, it does. It looks like it has the creepy window/door fa
ce.” Lucy turned around to look at them. “Don’t you remember when the kids are reading the book about aliens? They had on the pointy aluminum foil hats?”
Kate opened her door. “I remember that the humans won in the end.” With that, she hopped out.
“Guess we’re going,” Vivian said and opened her door. “We can’t let a pregnant lady wander the maze alone.”
Wendy followed Vivian, and Lucy eventually pulled herself away from the safety of the car and joined them.
“I’d like to go on record as saying this is a bad idea,” Lucy said, scanning the night sky as if looking for UFOs.
The moon shone above them, but clouds passed occasionally, making it darker and more difficult to see.
Vivian pulled her sweater tight as they walked along the edge of the cornstalks to the front porch of the house where a few people were sitting, standing and rocking, Brandon among them.
An older man in overalls sat on the steps wearing a booty bag. Vivian smirked at the sight, having not seen a booty bag in a while, and never on someone wearing overalls. He could have walked out of the “American Gothic” painting.
He grinned at them as they walked in his direction, showing a nice set of dentures that flapped a little when he spoke. “Greetings. Welcome to our home and the Lake Placid Amazing Maize Maze.”
Wendy stuck out her hand and made introductions. “We’re glad to be here. This is our first maze!”
Brandon spoke up. “They’re staying with us, Bill, so give them a discount.”
Bill thought about that for a moment. “How about buy three, get one free, just like they do in the five ’n’ dime when you buy tube socks?”
“Sounds good to me.” Wendy said and dug into her jacket pocket. “How much for three?”
“Fifteen smackers,” he smacked.
She handed him a twenty and he counted out five ones.
“You start over by the three jack-o’-lanterns,” he said, pointing to his left. “There are flashlights on that table. One per pair, please, got to have enough for the crowds.”
Vivian didn’t see any new cars pulling in. Maybe eight cars is a crowd?
They walked over to the table and tested the flashlights.
“Let’s have a contest and see who can get to the end first,” Vivian squealed, getting excited at the prospect of going into her first maize maze.
“I think we should stick together,” Lucy said, banging a flashlight on the heel of her hand, which produced a solid beam of light.
“Nah, buddy system, but twosome buddies.” Wendy agreed with Vivian. “Who’s with whom?”
“I’ll take scaredy-cat here,” Vivian said. “You take preggo. Y’all go first. We’ll give you a two-minute head start.”
Wendy and Kate hooked arms. Kate held a large, rectangular, yellow flashlight.
“On your mark, get set, go!” Vivian yelled. She and Lucy watched as Wendy and Kate scurried off into the corn, giggling like schoolgirls. Vivian could hear them debating which way to go.
“I still think this is way too cliché,” Lucy said, picking up a different flashlight and clicking it on and off. Satisfied with one, she shined the light under her chin and changed her voice to sound something like Vincent Price. “But since you’ve chosen the dark side, I’ll be your corn companion. Wahahahaha. Waahaaahaaahaa haa.”
Thriller flashed through Vivian’s thoughts, along with images of zombies crawling their way out of graves. She laughed. “Corny companion is more like it.”
7
Lucy lit the way through the rows of corn with the flashlight as she and Vivian tromped through the maze. The stalks rose above both of their heads and Vivian wished she was holding their single source of illumination rather than Lucy.
“This giant corn makes me feel shorter than I usually do,” Lucy said, shining the light left and right, then up and down the stalks. At 5-foot-3 she was the shortest of the four friends.
“I know. Me, too,” Vivian said. She stood 5-5 and couldn’t see over the corn, either. “Can I be in charge of the flashlight?”
“Negative, no way, un-uh. I’ve got this bad boy,” Lucy replied.
They walked along, making twists and turns, not worrying which way they were going. Occasionally Vivian would see the dim glow of another flashlight through the swaying stalks, but it always disappeared quickly.
Chatter and whispers swept across the corn. Vivian couldn’t tell from which direction the sounds were coming. The wind increased, and she pulled up the neck of her sweater.
“My nose is cold,” Lucy said. “Let’s find our way outta here before we freeze or get beamed up on a spaceship.”
“I agree, but not because I’m worried about beaming,” Vivian said. She looked up to the sky anyway.
They followed the maze going toward what they thought was the direction of the house, but after a few minutes they turned around.
“How long before they send out a search party, I wonder,” Lucy said. “They probably should have given us rescue flares, with our luck.”
“What do you mean by that?” Vivian asked. “ ‘With our luck?’ ”
“Oh, come on! We can’t take a trip that doesn’t tank, at least temporarily.”
“We have fun, though.”
“We do, but someone’s always ending up in the back of a police car or in handcuffs. Even you, Viv.”
“And not the kinky, fun kind!” Vivian said, but Lucy wasn’t joking.
“And now look at Jake. He’s still missing from his last trip.” Just then, the flashlight flickered and went out. Lucy smacked it with the palm of her hand, but nothing changed. “Oh my god!” She jumped up and down. “The aliens are coming! This is what happens, they take all energy from stuff!”
“Let me see it,” Vivian said and took the flashlight from the bouncing Lucy. She whacked it on her leg but still no flicker or flash. “Guess we’ll be mazing by moonlight.”
“I need to pee,” Lucy squealed, still imitating a kangaroo.
“No one will see you now, go for it. Trail pee.” Vivian laughed.
Lucy reached for her pants but paused. “I can’t do it out here.”
“Come on.” Vivian pushed her forward but stayed close, holding onto the back of Lucy’s jacket.
“Why don’t you lead the way?” Lucy asked.
“Nope! You broke the flashlight, you go first.”
They went along the maze for several minutes, Vivian occasionally jumping up and yelling, trying to see lights from the house. “Hello? Anyone? Our flashlight died! Helllooo?”
A big gust of wind rustled the stalks around them and they both stopped.
A crunch behind her about caused Vivian’s heart to jump out of her chest. She turned around in time to see a dark figure rush toward her making a crazy sound.
“Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!” Vivian yelled.
The figure grabbed her, pushing her into the corn stalks. Vivian tripped and fell back, the figure falling on top of her.
“E.T., phone home!” Wendy yelled, laughing. “Poke her! Prod her!”
Vivian kicked and shoved Wendy off of her. “Not funny! Not funny!”
Wendy rolled over, cracking up, holding her stomach. “So funny!”
A flashlight flicked on and Kate appeared from between the stalks. “Y’all are hilarious. We’ve been following you for about five minutes. We were prepared to take pictures of Lucy’s trail pee!”
Wendy rolled around on the ground, snorting with laughter. “Aliens taking the energy out of your flashlight! That was classic.”
Vivian picked straw out of her blonde curls. “You’ll pay for that one, Wendy. Just you wait!”
Wendy rolled over and picked herself up off the ground. “Totally worth it, I just wish I had video so I could put it on ellentube. She’d totally run that on her show.”
Lucy spoke up. “Holy crap, I would never forgive you if Ellen DeGeneres ran a clip of that on her talk show. I almost wet my pants back there.” She looked around and
put her hand on her hips. “How do we get out of here?”
Kate turned around and started marching. “Follow me! I have an excellent sense of direction. Plus, I smell food.”
They followed Kate’s nose through the maze, laughing about aliens and crop circles, poking and prodding the whole way. They emerged at the edge of the field, near the makeshift parking lot.
“Told ya I’d find the way,” Kate said as she clicked off her flashlight. “My nose knows no bounds these days.”
They walked up to the house where Lucy headed in to find a bathroom. A group had gathered on the front porch, the front porch steps and in lawn chairs. A lady was selling food off to the side, and Kate walked straight to her.
“Hi, there! Whatcha got?”
“Corn on the cob hot off the grill, smoked turkey legs and pogos.”
“What’s a pogo?”
The lady held up a corn dog.
“I’ll take a turkey leg, please,” Kate said.
The woman handed her a bigger-than-her-face shank.
Kate greedily took it and sank her teeth in.
Lucy walked up, licking her lips. “I’ll try a pogo-slash-corny dog. Got mustard?”
The woman reached into a vat of heat and pulled out a foil-wrapped foot-long tube, then handed over two mustard packets and looked at Vivian.
“Corn on the cob for me,” Vivian said.
The lady handed her a foil-wrapped, fatter, shorter tube.
Vivian looked at Wendy as she unwrapped her cob and took a big-ass bite. “I can’t spend that much time lost in corn and not make it pay!”
Wendy pulled out some money and paid, then the girls rocked on the porch while they ate. Kate was super-impressed with her turkey leg and only pulled off a few pieces to share.
“I’m feeding two here,” she reminded, patting her belly. “Save the best bites for Little Plum.”
“Is it a girl?” Vivian asked. “Is that why you call the baby ‘Little Plum’?”
Kate licked her fingers. “The baby is the size of a plum. That’s why I call her/him that. We had the opportunity to find out, but we want it to be a surprise.”